Post by Trollman on Jun 26, 2012 2:38:12 GMT -5
RICK ROLL'D!!!
Previously, on The Adventures of Trollman. We were introduced to our hero, who was given the powers of the internet from a magic USB and to the villains who wants him dead.
After a mysterious man told his two best minions to capture Trollman for him, they set up a video of themselves together on YouTube. Trollman went to investigate, only for it to be a trap. How will our masked crusader troll his way out of this one?
Da Bad Man:
So Trollman is in my world?
Looks out kids, it's Da Bad Man inside his Asylum of Annoying Assholes. He's still sitting on his throne, with his white kitty cat sitting on his lap.
Lame Dawson:
Yes, master. Trollman is somewhere inside your own world that you made from the ground up.
The super-villain slams his fist down on the stone arm rest.
Da Bad Man:
Then why are you still here!? Stop being so useless and find him! Otherwise, I'll have to bring out my weapon of mass destruction.
Lame Dawson and Gay William Bonson nod at their leader and leave the asylum.
Da Bad Man:
Your time is up, Trollman. Soon the internet will belong to me! Muhahahaha!
Somewhere inside the virtual world, Trollman is wandering around like a retard at a gun range.
Trollman:
Oh boy, I don't think I'm in Kansas anymore.
Out of no where, a man with a seedy mustache and sweat pants sprints up to Trollman and gets right in his face! It's Don Jeremy! The Godfather of pornography!
Don Jeremy:
Hi there! Would you like to know the secret I used to increase the size of your dick by 7 inches!? Even you can have an elephant dick that is guaranteed to make women wet in just 3 easy steps!
Trollman:
Uhhh, no thanks.
Trollman tries to sidestep Don, but Don blocks Trollman from going anywhere and pulls out a box with himself on the front of it.
Don Jeremy:
This can all be yours, if you click right here.
Trollman:
What? Click where? What the fuck are you on about? Now move, I need to get out of here.
Don now pulls out a piece of paper that looks like a contract.
Don Jeremy:
All you have to do is enter your details and your credit card details. We promise your information will not be sent to anyone else!
Trollman's eyes begin to go red after Don mentions credit card details. This takes him back to when he got ripped off by that Nigerian Prince. Which ultimately turned him into Trollman.
Trollman:
Credit.. card.. details? TROLLMAN SMASH!!
Trollman grabs Don's head and twists it 180 degrees, breaking his neck!
CRACK!
Then he rips off his head and kicks it as far as he could! As Don's still alive head goes sailing off into the distance, he's able to say one last thing before he disappears.
Don Jeremy:
I'll be baaaaaaaack!
Trollman's eyes go back to normal as he snaps out of his ragequit trance. He turns to carry on his quest, but bumps into another Don Jeremy!
Don Jeremy:
Hi there!
Trollman:
Oh fuck sake!!
Meanwhile, Lame Dawson and GWB are out looking for Trollman. GWB has to use stilts because he's a short fuckwit and wants to be the same height as Dawson. Lame Dawson is dressed as Lady GaGa, yet again. That cross dressing fudge packer.
Lame Dawson:
Trollman has to be around here somewhere, my penis loving senses are tingling.
GWB:
Fake and gay!
Lame Dawson:
Is that all you can say?
GWB:
Fake and gay!
Lame Dawson:
I don't know why people subscribed to you. You have to be creative like me and dress in woman's clothing. It's made me FABULOUS!
The two morons keep walking around to find our hero. If they don't, Da Bad Man said he'll unleash his W.M.D. Whatever that is...
We come back to Trollman, who now has a dozen headless Don Jeremy's on the floor around him.
Trollman:
That's it!
Trollman grabs a disc from his utility belt.
Trollman:
Time to use Norton the Cleanser!
He throws this disc up in the air where it explodes and rains down lightning bolts, hitting all the living and dead Don Jeremy's in the area.
Trollman: That should give me enough time to get out of the pr0n district.
He runs away and turns into an alleyway which takes him into a new area of this world. It's an empty street, full of tall buildings which shows that this place use to be busy and popular. But now, now it's a ghost town.
Trollman:
Whoa. I've entered Myspace.
From the distance, he hears someone yell at him.
GWB:
FAKE AND GAY!
Run Trollman! It's GWB and Lame Dawson!
Lame Dawson:
I knew we'd find you here, sweety.
They approach Trollman, who's ready for a battle of epic proportions.
Trollman:
Still gayer than ever I see, Lame.
GWB:
Fake and gay!
Trollman:
Shut up Bonson! You're not funny!
Dawson walks up to Trollman and strokes his chin, but Trollman pulls away since he likes boobs and vagina's, not overrated, male internet celebrities.
Lame Dawson:
Why you gotta be like that, babe? What did Bonson do to you? But let's quit this chit-chat and just come with us. Our master wants you.
Trollman:
I''l never go with you! You'll have to drag me there if he wants me.
Lame Dawson:
Sigh. Fine, I didn't want to have to do this.
Dawson snaps his fingers, which causes a song to start playing.
♪Narwhals Narwhals swimming in the ocean, causing a commotion, coz they are so awesome!♪
Trollman drops down to one knee and grabs his head.
Trollman:
What's.. happening to me?
Lame Dawson:
The song is lowering your I.Q. and making you weaker. Bonson, get the sack.
GWB takes a potato sack and puts it over Trollman's head, who then faints from the song. They both grab a leg each and drag Trollman to his doom.
TURN TAPE OVER TO SIDE TWO!
Click.
Back at the AAA, Lame Dawson and GWB have dragged Trollman through the virtual world and have dumped him before the throne. He awakens, but can't escape as his hands are tied behind his back and is forced down on his knees.
Da Bad Man:
Trollman, you have arrived.
Trollman:
I know that annoying voice.
Trollman looks up at the throne. The caped bad guy stands up off his throne and begins to walk down the stairs.
Da Bad Man:
And I yours... Cousin.
DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNN
Da Bad Man reaches the bottom of his steps. He pulls back his hood, revealing his identity. It can't be! The Dark Ruler of the virtual world is.. is...
...
...
.
MARK FUCKERBERG!!!
Mark Fuckerberg:
Welcome to my lair, Trollman! Now it's time you die!
Mark pulls out a dagger with the word POKE carved down the blade.
Geewizz. How will Trollman get out of his predicament? Will he even make it out alive or will Mark Fuckerberg finally be able to rule the entire universe?
Join us next time on...
THE ADVENTURES OF TROLLMAN!!!
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Jack Frost? OH BOY! I've always wanted a snow man for a best friend! Will you be my best friend, Jack? Pwwwease? We can stay up late, trying out different carrots for your nose and go shopping for top hats. That sounds so swell.
Just don't bring your loser brother, Paul. Nobody likes that bearded bastard.
Then again, no one likes anyone from Canada. The best and only good thing to come from Canada is my homeboy, Justin Bieber.
Baby, baby, baby, OOHHH!
That's right, I went there.
The only good thing about Canada is that you have to go through it to get to Alaska where the next President of the United States is from....
Sarah Palin!
She has my vote. Trollman for Vice President.
You got lucky last week, plain and simple. If the referee wasn't crooked, me and Captain Commercial would have won our match and would be on our way to become the new tag team champions.
But we lost and now I'm forced to go up against you instead. Yuk.
Jack, you best be careful. Rumors have it that a super team could be in the works, BROTHER!
If the three best wrestlers on this company would get together, pandemonium would be in store.
Then not any amount of Canadians could stop us. Not even a God among men.
If you truly are a God among men, then I'll bring a jug or two of water to the ring for you to turn into wine. Then we can get drunk and wrestler
Woohoo!
You may be a legend in some other no name company, but here I'm the top dog. Woof. Watch out, this dog bites!
Whether it be a fist drop, a kick to the balls or your own finisher, I swear upon my Richard Simmons bible that I will win.
Now excuse me, I'm going to go listen to the Vengaboys to get in the right mindset for Monday.
Because I'm the Trollman! And I'm... AAAAMMAAAAAAZIIINNNGGGG!