Post by abc on Sept 1, 2011 11:35:43 GMT -5
(OOC: I wrote this and I figured that I might as well post it since I have some good one-liners in it. It's not a full trash talk session or anything but, since I wrote it, I might as well share it )
Let it be known that the rumors of Cyren having problems backstage are completely true. Fact of the matter is that he's an insufferable jackoff. He's burnt more bridges than a rational person ever builds and I can say with utmost confidence that he's truly the most hated person I've ever come into contact with backstage. It's gotten to a point where it would be a total mystery why he's still employed, if the reason wasn't so easy to see.
To be blunt, I think it's blatantly obvious why Cyren has continued to be allowed to wrestle inside an XWF ring. It's the fact that he makes repeated attempts to fellate Jon Brown's ego. It's fucking hilarious that he's welcomed back with open arms and unzipped flies while truly respected athletes such as myself get pushed aside. On one level, I'm sure it makes sense as a cost-cutting measure. Jon doesn't have to worry about paying a colonoscopy bill because Mr. McGrier's head is so far up Jon Brown's brown that he has a first-class view of our owner's shitmaker. Jonathyn gets a three-inch stiffy every time he hears his name dropped in a positive manner, no matter how obviously blatant the name-dropper's motives are. Cyren knows that he'll continually be handed shots that he doesn't deserve as long as he greases up Jon's pecker long enough to have another paycheck sent in the mail.
I'll never do that shit because I have enough self-respect to never bring myself to that level. I shouldn't have to, I made this company what it is today and kept it alive along with my business partner and total broski, James Raven. I guess I'll just have to settle on being respected by the wrestling industry at large while Cyren continues to be an unlikable dickface.
In all honesty, I'm surprised that Jonathyn allows it to happen. Sure, our owner is vein and self-congratulatory but he's not stupid. Cyren would ditch Jon in a split second if it elevated himself even the most trivial amount. Jon is playing with fire in order to light his own shitclouds but one of these days his ass is going to end up burnt (Cyren is the aforementioned fart cloud in this metaphor). In the end, I'll be the one there with the camera to say โI told you so, dumb assโ.
...
Word on the street is that Cyren has epilepsy. He probably got it from attending too many glory holes illuminated by disco balls and strobe lights. I even heard that he almost burnt down his trailer when he seizured while smoking a cigarette. Moving beyond how hilarious of an image that is, I think the entire thing just serves as proof that Darwin's law is a real thing. I just hope that his next seizure happens while he's driving on the side of the mountain so we can be spared from seeing his stupid face ever again. I'd tell him to go towards the light when he has the fatal car crash but logistically that might cause him to double-seizure and send him back into his body. We'll all just have to hope that he's decapitated by some tree branch instead.
...
Does anyone else remember when this retard popped his eye out of his face with a spoon? He was so obsessed with Steve Jason that he pulled an act that made him seem like John Hinckley, Jr.'s mentally challenged stepchild. And yeah, that's totally a reference worth looking on wikipedia. Cyren's inferiority complex is truly outstanding and it's certainly one of the many reasons why no one likes or respects him outside of Krazzy's Kidd's simple-minded ass. All he does is rehash the overplayed Black Hurrdurr, write love poems about Steve Jason, and implant his mouth on Jonathyn's rectal cavity. He's an embarrassment to this industry and a stain on what would otherwise be an excellent wrestling federation. In a literal sense, he's a one-eyed monster which is doubly true on a figurative sense when you consider the fact that he's a total dick.
Let it be known that the rumors of Cyren having problems backstage are completely true. Fact of the matter is that he's an insufferable jackoff. He's burnt more bridges than a rational person ever builds and I can say with utmost confidence that he's truly the most hated person I've ever come into contact with backstage. It's gotten to a point where it would be a total mystery why he's still employed, if the reason wasn't so easy to see.
To be blunt, I think it's blatantly obvious why Cyren has continued to be allowed to wrestle inside an XWF ring. It's the fact that he makes repeated attempts to fellate Jon Brown's ego. It's fucking hilarious that he's welcomed back with open arms and unzipped flies while truly respected athletes such as myself get pushed aside. On one level, I'm sure it makes sense as a cost-cutting measure. Jon doesn't have to worry about paying a colonoscopy bill because Mr. McGrier's head is so far up Jon Brown's brown that he has a first-class view of our owner's shitmaker. Jonathyn gets a three-inch stiffy every time he hears his name dropped in a positive manner, no matter how obviously blatant the name-dropper's motives are. Cyren knows that he'll continually be handed shots that he doesn't deserve as long as he greases up Jon's pecker long enough to have another paycheck sent in the mail.
I'll never do that shit because I have enough self-respect to never bring myself to that level. I shouldn't have to, I made this company what it is today and kept it alive along with my business partner and total broski, James Raven. I guess I'll just have to settle on being respected by the wrestling industry at large while Cyren continues to be an unlikable dickface.
In all honesty, I'm surprised that Jonathyn allows it to happen. Sure, our owner is vein and self-congratulatory but he's not stupid. Cyren would ditch Jon in a split second if it elevated himself even the most trivial amount. Jon is playing with fire in order to light his own shitclouds but one of these days his ass is going to end up burnt (Cyren is the aforementioned fart cloud in this metaphor). In the end, I'll be the one there with the camera to say โI told you so, dumb assโ.
...
Word on the street is that Cyren has epilepsy. He probably got it from attending too many glory holes illuminated by disco balls and strobe lights. I even heard that he almost burnt down his trailer when he seizured while smoking a cigarette. Moving beyond how hilarious of an image that is, I think the entire thing just serves as proof that Darwin's law is a real thing. I just hope that his next seizure happens while he's driving on the side of the mountain so we can be spared from seeing his stupid face ever again. I'd tell him to go towards the light when he has the fatal car crash but logistically that might cause him to double-seizure and send him back into his body. We'll all just have to hope that he's decapitated by some tree branch instead.
...
Does anyone else remember when this retard popped his eye out of his face with a spoon? He was so obsessed with Steve Jason that he pulled an act that made him seem like John Hinckley, Jr.'s mentally challenged stepchild. And yeah, that's totally a reference worth looking on wikipedia. Cyren's inferiority complex is truly outstanding and it's certainly one of the many reasons why no one likes or respects him outside of Krazzy's Kidd's simple-minded ass. All he does is rehash the overplayed Black Hurrdurr, write love poems about Steve Jason, and implant his mouth on Jonathyn's rectal cavity. He's an embarrassment to this industry and a stain on what would otherwise be an excellent wrestling federation. In a literal sense, he's a one-eyed monster which is doubly true on a figurative sense when you consider the fact that he's a total dick.