Post by d25 on Feb 1, 2010 15:00:50 GMT -5
Scene: Backstage, the Georgia Dome, Atlanta, GA
An hour before Brawl airs
The Georgia Dome is full of important people doing important things. Producers, directors, members of the lighting crew, assistants – they all rush around with an important role to play. Some wrestlers are warming up for their matches, or getting in some last minute training. However, there is always one – or maybe two – who has nothing important to do.
Kyle Kross: I just don’t get why they’re so cheesy.
Mick Harrolds and Kyle Kross are sitting on a bench backstage, in a rather sorry way. Mick has his head in his hands, so bored he is barely able to stay away. Kyle is munching out of Cheesy Doritos. He’s on his second bag, but Kyle has an extraordinarily high lactose tolerance, so he could sit here all day eating Cheesy Doritos (and he probably gladly would if it wasn’t for his pesky job as a professional wrestler).
Mick Harrolds: It’s because they’re cheesy Doritos, Kyle. Their flavour is cheesy.
Kyle Kross: But honestly, why so thick? Walker’s cheese and onion crisps are flavoured of cheese, and they don’t have, like, an inch long layer of cheese around them. Honestly, this is a bit too much, and I think this high amount of cheese is ruining my Doritos experience.
Mick Harrolds: Then why don’t you stop eating?
Kyle Kross: The cheese isn’t ruining it that much.
Harrolds sighs. Kyle can be very peculiar at times. He insisted on them coming to Atlanta for the WGWF show, even though Kross is not wrestling. Kyle insisted that the possibility of a backstage interview getting aired on TV would be huge for them. Why did Mick have to come too? Usually, when left alone, bad things happen to Kyle (see: Thorpe Park).
Kyle was playing up a bit more than usual on the flight, too, now that Mick thinks of it. He kept trying to see his house out of the plane window, refusing to believe Mick saying it was impossible.
‘Mick, we’re like, as high as we’re ever gonna get. If we can’t see it from here, where will we be able to see it from?’
Things were alright in the end though. Mick had managed to get his hands on a portable DVD player so that Kyle could watch his Peep Show box set. Where logic fails, David Mitchell and Robert Webb succeed in making Kyle shut up and calm down.
Mick Harrolds: Kyle, is anything wrong?
Kyle Kross: The government. The immigration laws. The rise in the price of a Freddo. Having to occasionally pay for pornography. Global warming. The whole Emmett Till—
Mick Harrolds: I meant, now. Specifically for you.
Kyle Kross: Specifically for me? Um...Having to occasionally pay for pornography.
Mick Harrolds: Never mind.
Silence falls. Harrolds expects to hear the munch, munch of Kyle eating his Doritos, but no. Nothing. And no dumb questions either.
Kyle Kross: Mick...
Scratch that last one.
Mick Harrolds: Yes?
Kyle Kross: I’m just...a bit...nervous. Everyone here is a pro. Paul Frost, Heat and Fire, all of these guys have been in the WGWF for ages and they’re basically legends. I haven’t wrestled any of them before, but I get the feeling they’ve wrestled tons of people just like me. What if they all have my number? What if I can never win a single match here? Even Dean James. He kept getting in my way back in the UWF, and he’ll probably try to humiliate me here too.
Harrolds is actually relieved, even though Kyle is clearly worried. At last, a normal question. Kyle can be a good person to talk to when he’s not being a complete tosser. Mick tries to comfort his friend.
Mick Harrolds: Hey, don’t worry mate. I’m sure that—
Kyle Kross: Hey look, it’s that interviewer that looks like a prostitute!
Kross jumps up and runs across the hallway. Mick Harrolds sighs, gets up and follows him. Kyle has the attention span of a fish. A fish with Alzheimer’s. Harrolds follows Kyle and they reach Denise Essex, WGWF backstage interviewer.
Kyle Kross: Denise, I was looking for you!
Essex turns around, puzzled, not recognising the voice, and then seemingly not the face, either.
Denise Essex: Do you want an autograph?
Kyle Kross: What? Are you going crazy? I’m Kyle Kross! You know, new WGWF superstar. This is Mick Harrolds. You’ve heard of us, right?
Denise Essex: Don’t think so. Even if you weirdo’s are new wrestlers—
Mick Harrolds: I don’t wrestle. I stop Kyle from getting arrested...Most of the time...
Denise Essex: Whatever. As I was saying, Kyle, even if you’re a new wrestler, you haven’t even wrestled here yet. So maybe I’ll interview you when you actually win a few matches, but until then, see you later.
Denise starts to walk away, leaving Kross looking sad and dejected.
Kyle Kross: B-But, I come from Essex! We must have some kind of connection!...Hooker!
Kross turns and mopes back over to the bench. Mick catches up with him. Harrolds realises that the last twenty four hours of his life have now been officially more or less wasted, but nothing will change that, so he might as well cheer Kyle up.
Mick Harrolds: Kyle, don’t be sad. She’s just some slag. It doesn’t matter if she completely rejected you...Tell you what. We’ll try to sneak into the crowd and watch the show, eh? And maybe later we can go into Denise’s room and you can piss in his drawers.
That last big works.
Kyle Kross: Like on Peep Show?
Mick Harrolds: Yeah, just like on Peep Show!
Kyle Kross: Thanks.
And so the two friends walked away, following in the direction that Denise Essex went – Kyle unbuttoning his flies in preparation for pissing on her stuff, Mick happy that Kross left the Doritos back at the bench, both of them discussing how the heck the Essex connection didn’t work.
[/i]An hour before Brawl airs
The Georgia Dome is full of important people doing important things. Producers, directors, members of the lighting crew, assistants – they all rush around with an important role to play. Some wrestlers are warming up for their matches, or getting in some last minute training. However, there is always one – or maybe two – who has nothing important to do.
Kyle Kross: I just don’t get why they’re so cheesy.
Mick Harrolds and Kyle Kross are sitting on a bench backstage, in a rather sorry way. Mick has his head in his hands, so bored he is barely able to stay away. Kyle is munching out of Cheesy Doritos. He’s on his second bag, but Kyle has an extraordinarily high lactose tolerance, so he could sit here all day eating Cheesy Doritos (and he probably gladly would if it wasn’t for his pesky job as a professional wrestler).
Mick Harrolds: It’s because they’re cheesy Doritos, Kyle. Their flavour is cheesy.
Kyle Kross: But honestly, why so thick? Walker’s cheese and onion crisps are flavoured of cheese, and they don’t have, like, an inch long layer of cheese around them. Honestly, this is a bit too much, and I think this high amount of cheese is ruining my Doritos experience.
Mick Harrolds: Then why don’t you stop eating?
Kyle Kross: The cheese isn’t ruining it that much.
Harrolds sighs. Kyle can be very peculiar at times. He insisted on them coming to Atlanta for the WGWF show, even though Kross is not wrestling. Kyle insisted that the possibility of a backstage interview getting aired on TV would be huge for them. Why did Mick have to come too? Usually, when left alone, bad things happen to Kyle (see: Thorpe Park).
Kyle was playing up a bit more than usual on the flight, too, now that Mick thinks of it. He kept trying to see his house out of the plane window, refusing to believe Mick saying it was impossible.
‘Mick, we’re like, as high as we’re ever gonna get. If we can’t see it from here, where will we be able to see it from?’
Things were alright in the end though. Mick had managed to get his hands on a portable DVD player so that Kyle could watch his Peep Show box set. Where logic fails, David Mitchell and Robert Webb succeed in making Kyle shut up and calm down.
Mick Harrolds: Kyle, is anything wrong?
Kyle Kross: The government. The immigration laws. The rise in the price of a Freddo. Having to occasionally pay for pornography. Global warming. The whole Emmett Till—
Mick Harrolds: I meant, now. Specifically for you.
Kyle Kross: Specifically for me? Um...Having to occasionally pay for pornography.
Mick Harrolds: Never mind.
Silence falls. Harrolds expects to hear the munch, munch of Kyle eating his Doritos, but no. Nothing. And no dumb questions either.
Kyle Kross: Mick...
Scratch that last one.
Mick Harrolds: Yes?
Kyle Kross: I’m just...a bit...nervous. Everyone here is a pro. Paul Frost, Heat and Fire, all of these guys have been in the WGWF for ages and they’re basically legends. I haven’t wrestled any of them before, but I get the feeling they’ve wrestled tons of people just like me. What if they all have my number? What if I can never win a single match here? Even Dean James. He kept getting in my way back in the UWF, and he’ll probably try to humiliate me here too.
Harrolds is actually relieved, even though Kyle is clearly worried. At last, a normal question. Kyle can be a good person to talk to when he’s not being a complete tosser. Mick tries to comfort his friend.
Mick Harrolds: Hey, don’t worry mate. I’m sure that—
Kyle Kross: Hey look, it’s that interviewer that looks like a prostitute!
Kross jumps up and runs across the hallway. Mick Harrolds sighs, gets up and follows him. Kyle has the attention span of a fish. A fish with Alzheimer’s. Harrolds follows Kyle and they reach Denise Essex, WGWF backstage interviewer.
Kyle Kross: Denise, I was looking for you!
Essex turns around, puzzled, not recognising the voice, and then seemingly not the face, either.
Denise Essex: Do you want an autograph?
Kyle Kross: What? Are you going crazy? I’m Kyle Kross! You know, new WGWF superstar. This is Mick Harrolds. You’ve heard of us, right?
Denise Essex: Don’t think so. Even if you weirdo’s are new wrestlers—
Mick Harrolds: I don’t wrestle. I stop Kyle from getting arrested...Most of the time...
Denise Essex: Whatever. As I was saying, Kyle, even if you’re a new wrestler, you haven’t even wrestled here yet. So maybe I’ll interview you when you actually win a few matches, but until then, see you later.
Denise starts to walk away, leaving Kross looking sad and dejected.
Kyle Kross: B-But, I come from Essex! We must have some kind of connection!...Hooker!
Kross turns and mopes back over to the bench. Mick catches up with him. Harrolds realises that the last twenty four hours of his life have now been officially more or less wasted, but nothing will change that, so he might as well cheer Kyle up.
Mick Harrolds: Kyle, don’t be sad. She’s just some slag. It doesn’t matter if she completely rejected you...Tell you what. We’ll try to sneak into the crowd and watch the show, eh? And maybe later we can go into Denise’s room and you can piss in his drawers.
That last big works.
Kyle Kross: Like on Peep Show?
Mick Harrolds: Yeah, just like on Peep Show!
Kyle Kross: Thanks.
And so the two friends walked away, following in the direction that Denise Essex went – Kyle unbuttoning his flies in preparation for pissing on her stuff, Mick happy that Kross left the Doritos back at the bench, both of them discussing how the heck the Essex connection didn’t work.