Post by Chris Page on Jul 19, 2024 17:28:51 GMT -5
The shine of black combat boots walking across a marble tile floor can be seen while whistling “Don’t Worry Be Happy”. The camera begins to pan up revealing the frame of one Chris Page who stops whistling and addresses the camera.
CHRIS PAGE: I know some of you might be a little upset with me, but I don’t care. The truth hurts, and I might be many things but a LIAR I am not.
Chris stops.
CHRIS PAGE: Everything that has unfolded has been because complacency, and I find it pretty interesting that NOW, all of a sudden, SOME of you give a shit. Most of you have sat on the sidelines allowing one of the biggest opportunities to pass you. Tisk, tisk, tisk.
Chris looks past the camera as a smile graces his face.
CHRIS PAGE: What’s done is done, I suppose. On to the next piece of the equation, right Pogo?
Chris chuckles under his breath.
CHRIS PAGE: I can’t believe I’m wasting my time with this but here we are. I wish that I could take you or this seriously but the truth of the matter is I have to point out the obvious. You don’t reach my kneecap.
Chris then states.
CHRIS PAGE: I mean, I’d have to stack up like ten or twelve phone books and add a step ladder just so you MIGHT be able to look me in the eye. Not to mention that I eat meals bigger than you. Now I know that on any given night that any one person can beat another, but on this night there isn’t going to be a fairytale ending in your future. For over thirty years I have dominated this profession and everyone in it. There isn’t a guy on the planet that I haven’t laid out without batting an eyelash; some of the most talented performers who have ever passed through our industry. I have acquired twenty Heavyweight Championships, I’ve been inducted into four different Hall of Fames, and I’m the ONE guy that ruffle the feathers of the tribalist who try to dictate the business by just telling them to shut the fuck up.
Chris nods his head in approval as he continues.
CHRIS PAGE: I say all this not to boost my ego because I’m content with everything that I’ve accomplished inside the squared circle… I say this because I’m not so confident that you understand the world that you’ve elected to step into. Over the last several years I’ve had no problems in taking things to extreme. People run around calling Corey Black one of the best extremeist in the business- but he didn’t survive me, and he’s my size, not the kids meal that is so struck for attention that he’s now written a check his ass can’t cash. You clearly have been going to the John Cable school of Wrestling because this is some bullshit he’d try to convince himself was a good idea. What can you do to me? Hmmm? You can’t manhandle me, you can’t outsmart me, and you can’t beat me. Is it sympathy that aiming for? Because you’ve been running your mouth for what seems like months trying to get my attention to try and impress Jenny, or are you bitter because you can’t ride all the rides at any amusement park? I understand that you’ve probably had a hard life being vertically challenged, that you’ve been looked at like a sideshow or maybe in some cases people have avoided you like a the plague… well, whatever the circumstances might be I don’t have to dig down into a deeper place to figure out how to pull this victory out.
Chris reaches out toward the camera. The angle switches to see Chris pull open a storefront door of something unknown. Chris steps through the door and into a showroom floor.
CHRIS PAGE: I know how I’m going to handle you…
Chris glances toward the camera and sarcastically states.
CHRIS PAGE: With ease.
Chris winks at the camera.
CHRIS PAGE: It doesn’t involve me bringing out some barbed wire, it doesn’t involve putting you through tables, or even shedding your blood because ultimately within the confines of our situation that would just be to easy. I allowed you to pick your poison and you selected a Last Clown Standing Match. I wish I could say that I am impressed with your creativity but that would be a lie. The implication that I’m a clown is just blah at best, you’re the one that’s so ugly he wears makeup twenty-four-seven and I’m just going to be the guy that ends you in front of the world. Originally I wanted this on Dark so that I could save you from the embarrassment that will overtake you when this party comes to an end.
“Excuse me sir, can I help you?”
The voice takes Chris by surprise as he spins around to find a female sales associate.
CHRIS PAGE: Ah yes, I believe you guys have something for me.
SALES ASSOCIATE: Your name?
CHRIS PAGE: Are you serious? I’ll forgo your ignorance just this one time. The name is Chris Page, and I’ve pre-ordered something special for someone special.
The sale associate nods her head and motions for Chris to follow her.
SALES ASSOCIATE: Come with me.
She leads Chris over to a counter where she walks behind it. She punches several things in on a keyboard.
SALES ASSOCIATE: Ah yes, I see we have it slated for delivery on July 29th and to be picked up on Tuesday the 30th. Does that sound right?
Chris nods.
CHRIS PAGE: Is it possible to see what it’s going to look like? I rented it site unseen online. I just want to make sure that it’s big enough to do what I need for it to do.
The sales associate seems confused by the statement.
SALES ASSOCIATE: Ummm. Sure. Let me see what I can do.
CHRIS PAGE: That’d be great.
The sales associate walks off and disappears behind a set of double doors leaving Chris at the counter. Chris turns and faces the camera and states.
CHRIS PAGE: I guess you’re probably wondering what I’m doing? Seeing as Pogo sealed his fate by even calling my name and even did himself less favors by naming a Last Man Standing Match it means my only job in this joke is to make sure that Pogo can’t reach his feet. If anyone knows Pogo or has seen him try and hold a conversation you’d already know where this is going. See, we all know that I’m going to slaughter him but the question becomes… how? Like I said it’d be easy to whack him over the head with a chair and make him lose another two inches of height, it’d be easy to do just about anything… so I had to figure out how to make this entertaining for me. What could I do to make this something worth showing up for.
Chris pauses for a brief second.
CHRIS PAGE: And then it came to me. An idea so grand that it gave me goosebumps. I had to make it happen for no other reason to entertain myself. Now, I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve never really done anything like this before and I’m all for trying.
The sales associate emerges back through the double doors and motions for Chris while she states.
SALES ASSOCIATE: Right this way, Mr. Page.
CHRIS PAGE: Ah.
Chris says under his breath.
CHRIS PAGE: Shall we?
Chris gives a head motion toward the camera as he starts to walk toward the associate who leads him through the double doors and into a large warehouse.
SALES ASSOCIATE: I don’t have your exact model in stock but just to give you some sort of frame of reference; your rental looks similar to this.
Chris and the associate stop as we see a smirk grace the face of Chris Page as he admires the object.
CHRIS PAGE: It’s… It’s… It’s glorious. Words can’t describe.
Chris turns and grabs the lens of the camera before slowly turning it to reveal…
![](https://files.sysers.com/cp/upload/carolinafunfactoryrentals/editor/images/EconoDunker_With_Window_standard_1618.jpeg)
CHRIS PAGE: What’s the one thing that Pogo fears more than anything else? What’s the one thing that Pogo can’t do that he’s made public on more than one occasion? He fears water and he can’t fucking swim! What do I have to do? I simply must keep him off his feet for ten seconds. So yes, I’ve gone ahead and rented a dunk tank just for you, Pogo. I want you to understand that I’ve incurred this expense because you aren’t the challenge. The challenge is going to be getting you outside to where this dunk tank is setup and dumping you inside. Watching you’re little limbs kicking back and forth as you try to tread water and listening to the referee count you out is going to be the punchline of this joke. You’re lucky I don’t tie a weight to your foot before any of this happens, but now that I think about it that could make this a little more interesting.
Chris walks up to the empty tank and pears over into the tank.
CHRIS PAGE: Once inside your life is going to flash before your eyes, and in that moment I want you to remember that all of this is happening because you tried to box with God. I’m the guy that doesn’t have to lace his boots on a weekly basis, I don’t have to prove my merrit time after time because I’ve done everything I’ve wanted to do in this industry with ease and precision. I could go on tour tomorrow and leave today’s “best” in my wake without breaking a damn sweat, and YOU seriously think that drawing up sympathy is going to save your little ass from the reality check that’s coming your way? Nah bruh, that’s not how this works. You’re going to understand beyond any shadow of a doubt why I am one of the best to ever lace a pair of boots and why I can punch my ticket anywhere I choose to compete. I will not hold back, I will not take it easy on you, and I’m probably going to punt you into the crowd just to see if I can get them to crowd surf you; even I’ll admit that it WOULD be a cool visual.
Chris glances off toward the sales associate.
CHRIS PAGE: Oh I’m sorry, I’m shooting a promo as well. One second.
Chris redirects to the camera and as he does he reaches into the pocket of his leather coat pulling out a small two inch by two inch square.
CHRIS PAGE: And just to make sure that this works I’ve got you something else.
Chris shows the camera.
CHRIS PAGE: It’s a scratch and sniff.
Chris turns around the tosses it into the empty dunk tank before spinning back around.
CHRIS PAGE: I’ll make sure there’s one at the bottom of the tank that’s being delivered to Monday Night Smash. Scratch and sniff buddy, scratch and sniff.
Chris winks at the camera as it fades out.
I hope that Ragnarok is paying attention to how I handle charity cases because it’s something he has in common with you, Pogo. Wasting time is not something I’m keen on nor am I really good with taking the ring time away from current roster members. I’m not the driving force behind the WGWF, the talent are. You’re looking at this as a cheap way to get your name in some headlines but your vanity project is about to come to a crashing halt. I don’t care about you, your well being, or your career. When I’m done with you, your mother is going to wish she swallowed.