Post by colossus on Jun 14, 2024 16:41:06 GMT -5
The comic book store was a disaster zone. Debris scattered like confetti, pages from once-prized comics once neatly organized now in disarray, their colorful covers torn and pages fluttering like wounded birds. Merchandise lay scattered across the floor. The store had been turned inside out; shelves lay in splinters.
“Colossus, I swear, if this Captain Righteous comic isn’t here, someone’s gonna pay!” Dick’s voice was a mixture of Midwest twang and pent-up irritation, his words punctuated by the occasional shake of his racket for emphasis. Colossus responded with a low, menacing grunt, his fists clenching and unclenching in barely restrained rage.
Dick kicked at a pile of scattered comics, sending them skittering across the floor. “The guy at the last shop said this was the place. The ultra-rare, almost mythical issue of Captain Righteous. But after all this,” he gestured broadly to the destruction, “I’m starting to think we’ve been led on a wild goose chase.”
Colossus grunted again, a deeper, more resonant sound that conveyed agreement. They had been told by a greasy-haired informant, a man lurking in the shadows of a back-alley comic shop, that the elusive comic held secrets crucial to their mission. Secrets that could potentially thwart an impending catastrophe. Or so they had been led to believe.
“Hey, maybe this Captain Righteous guy just sucks,” Dick muttered, annoyance creeping into his usually confident tone. “Maybe he’s so unpopular because he’s just not that good. I mean, I’ve never even heard of him until all this started.”
Colossus responded with a guttural noise that sounded like a mixture of agreement and skepticism. His massive shoulders shrugged, causing the remnants of a shattered shelf to creak beneath the strain.
“Right, we didn’t think to ask more about him,” Dick continued, interpreting the grunt. “For all we know, he’s some low-rent hero nobody cares about. Not every hero’s a winner.”
Colossus grunted in agreement. His stomach rumbling.
“Maybe we missed somethin’,” he muttered, more to himself than to Colossus. He started rifling through the remains of a broken shelf, tossing aside torn covers and crumpled pages. “Gotta be some clue here. If Captain Righteous exists, there’s gotta be a record of him somewhere.”
Colossus moved to help, his heavy steps causing the floorboards to creak ominously. Together, they sifted through the wreckage, searching for any hint of the elusive hero. After what felt like hours, Dick let out a triumphant shout.
“Here! Look at this!” He held up a tattered comic book, its cover barely legible. “Captain Righteous: The Rise of Righteousness. And—get this—he’s got a sidekick. Lefty. Who names these guys?”
Colossus grunted, a sound that conveyed both amusement and disbelief.
“Right? I mean, who wants to read about a hero named Captain Righteous and his sidekick Lefty? No wonder they’re so obscure.” Dick flipped through the comic, his eyes scanning the pages quickly. “Looks like they’re as lame as they sound. No wonder we couldn’t find ‘em. Nobody cares about these guys.”
Colossus let out a low rumble.
“Yeah, I get it,” Dick said, interpreting the look. “Even the worst heroes got a story to tell. Maybe there’s somethin’ here we can use. Some clue or hint we missed.”
They settled down amidst the ruins, carefully examining the comic. It was a typical tale of good versus evil, filled with clichéd dialogue and predictable plot twists. But as they read, a pattern began to emerge.
“Look at this,” Dick said, pointing to a panel. “This symbol. It keeps showing up. And here,” he flipped a few pages, “it’s on this bad guy’s lair. And again on this artifact they’re after. Maybe it’s a clue?”
Colossus grunted in agreement, his eyes narrowing as he studied the symbol. It was a stylized sunburst, simple yet distinct.
“Worth lookin’ into, at least,” Dick said. “Maybe Captain Righteous ain’t so useless after all. If this symbol means somethin’, it could lead us to what we need.”
They rose to their feet, newfound determination in their eyes. The comic, once dismissed as worthless, now held potential. It was a slim lead, but in their line of work, any lead was better than none.
“We gotta find out more about this symbol,” Dick declared. “Maybe there’s a connection we missed. Some old villain or hidden treasure tied to it. Who knows?”
Colossus grunted, a sound that conveyed both agreement and readiness. They had a new direction, a new goal. The comic store, once a site of frustration and failure, now felt like the starting point of a new adventure.
As they left the store, stepping into the fading light of day, Dick glanced over at his silent partner. “You know, Colossus, we make a pretty good team. Even if this whole Captain Righteous thing turns out to be a dead end, at least we’re in it together.”
Colossus grunted, a sound filled with camaraderie and agreement.
They headed towards their makeshift headquarters, a rundown gym on the outskirts of the city where Colossus trained. It was a place filled with weights, wrestling mats, and old posters of Colossus’s past glories. Dick had set up an office in the corner, cluttered with papers, maps, and various wrestling memorabilia.
“Alright, big guy,” Dick said as they entered, tossing his windbreaker onto a nearby chair. “Let’s see what we can dig up about this symbol. I’ll start making calls, and you... well, you do what you do best.” Colossus grunted affirmatively and began clearing space on a table, preparing to lay out the clues.
Dick grabbed a phone and started dialing numbers from his Rolodex. He called old contacts, comic book experts, and anyone who might have a lead on the mysterious sunburst symbol. Meanwhile, Colossus carefully paged through the Captain Righteous comic, his eyes scrutinizing every detail, searching for patterns or hidden messages.
“Hey, remember that guy who used to work at Marvel?” Dick said, snapping his fingers. “Might be a long shot, but he owes me a favor. He might know something.” He quickly dialed another number, waiting impatiently as the phone rang.
After several calls and a lot of dead ends, Dick finally got a lead. “Yeah, thanks, pal,” he said, hanging up. He turned to Colossus, his face lit up with excitement. “Alright, here’s what we got. That sunburst symbol? It’s tied to an old comic book lore about a secret society of heroes. They were called the Radiant Order. Not exactly household names, but they supposedly held ancient artifacts of great power. That’s what Captain Righteous was after.”
Colossus grunted, intrigued.
“Exactly!” Dick exclaimed. “That’s our next stop. According to my source, there’s a place upstate that matches the description in the comic. An old, abandoned temple. If there’s anything to be found about this Radiant Order, it’ll be there.”
They packed their gear, readying themselves for the journey. Dick grabbed a flashlight, some maps, and his trusty windbreaker. Colossus simply prepared by tightening his gloves and adjusting his mask.
The drive upstate was long and winding, the landscape changing from urban sprawl to dense forests and rolling hills. The temple, according to the comic and Dick’s source, was hidden deep in the woods, far from prying eyes.
They arrived as the sun began to set, the forest bathed in a twilight glow. The temple ruins loomed ahead, ancient stones covered in moss and vines. The air was thick with the scent of earth and the sound of rustling leaves.
“Alright, big guy,” Dick said, stepping out of the car and stretching. “Let’s see what we can find.”
They approached the temple cautiously, flashlights cutting through the gathering darkness. The entrance was marked with the same sunburst symbol, now faded and worn but unmistakable.
They searched each room meticulously, looking for any clues or artifacts that might connect to the Radiant Order. After hours of searching, they came upon a hidden chamber, its entrance concealed by a heavy stone door.
“Give me a hand with this, Colossus,” Dick said, straining against the door. Colossus grunted and easily pushed the door open, revealing a small, dimly lit room.
In the center of the room stood a pedestal, upon which rested an old, ornate book. The cover bore the sunburst symbol, and the air around it seemed to hum with energy.
“Jackpot,” Dick whispered, approaching the book carefully. He opened it, revealing pages filled with intricate drawings and text in an ancient language.
“This must be it,” Dick said, his voice filled with awe. “The secrets of the Radiant Order. This could be the key to everything.”
Colossus grunted in agreement, his eyes fixed on the book. It was a small victory, but it felt monumental. They had found something worth all the chaos and destruction, something that might actually make a difference.
Inside, it held the identity of the REAL Captain Righteous!
Turns out the guy we'd all been subjected to is a LIE!
THIS IS THE REAL CAPTAIN RIGHTEOUS
.........The Radiant Order had been Powederpuff Girls all along. Who'd have thunk it?
"Monday Night Brawl's newest victim, Captain Righteous. The guy who makes cardboard cutouts look dynamic. You know, the supposed 'hero' everyone's talking about. Or rather, nobody's talking about, because, let's face it, this guy sucks. And when I say 'sucks,' I don't mean he's just bad at his job. No, I mean he redefines the very concept of suckage. Captain Righteous? Really? What is this, the 1950s? Did you get that name from a box of Cracker Jacks? I mean, come on! The only thing righteous about Captain Righteous is how righteously lame he is.
First off, let’s talk about his wrestling skills—or lack thereof. Captain Righteous couldn’t wrestle his way out of a wet paper bag. I've seen more charisma in a soggy piece of toast. You ever watch him try to pull off a suplex? It’s like watching a baby giraffe take its first steps—awkward, painful, and kind of sad. His moves are so predictable, I almost fell asleep during his last match. Thank god for Zyppah.
But wait, it gets better. Captain Righteous actually thinks he stands a chance against Colossus. Colossus! The mountain of muscle, the powerhouse of pain, the guy who could bend steel beams with his pinky! Captain Righteous, you couldn’t break a sweat, let alone break Colossus. Face it, you’re about as threatening as a puppy with a chew toy."
"LAME!" Colossus grunts, cutting Dick off mid sentence......he is stacking plates at the Pakistani Buffet.
"Colossus is gonna break you in half, Cap. He’s gonna fold you up like a cheap lawn chair. You’re stepping into the ring with a man who’s a living tank, and you’re bringing a butter knife to a bazooka fight. You think you’ve got moves? Colossus has moves that make your entire repertoire look like interpretive dance at a community center."
"SUCKS!" Grunts Colossus from behind a buffet cart.
"You’ve got that whole ‘holier-than-thou’ vibe going on, but guess what? This isn’t Sunday school, it’s the squared circle. And in this ring, your righteousness is gonna get a righteous beatdown. Colossus is gonna snap you like a twig, and I’ll be there, front row, with popcorn in hand, enjoying every second of it.
You’re going up against a guy who doesn’t just rely on brute strength. Colossus has brains, too. He’s got strategy. You? You’re too busy patting yourself on the back to realize you’re walking into a massacre. In this ring, it’s survival of the fittest, and you, my friend, are way out of your league.
Colossus is gonna do what he does best—destroy anything and anyone in his path. And you? You’re just another speed bump on his road to dominance.
You suck as a wrestler, you suck as a hero, and you’re about to find out just how much you suck when Colossus gets his hands on you. remember this moment, remember my words, because I’ll be the guy laughing his ass off while you’re scraped off the mat.
Game.
Set.
Fuck you."
“Colossus, I swear, if this Captain Righteous comic isn’t here, someone’s gonna pay!” Dick’s voice was a mixture of Midwest twang and pent-up irritation, his words punctuated by the occasional shake of his racket for emphasis. Colossus responded with a low, menacing grunt, his fists clenching and unclenching in barely restrained rage.
Dick kicked at a pile of scattered comics, sending them skittering across the floor. “The guy at the last shop said this was the place. The ultra-rare, almost mythical issue of Captain Righteous. But after all this,” he gestured broadly to the destruction, “I’m starting to think we’ve been led on a wild goose chase.”
Colossus grunted again, a deeper, more resonant sound that conveyed agreement. They had been told by a greasy-haired informant, a man lurking in the shadows of a back-alley comic shop, that the elusive comic held secrets crucial to their mission. Secrets that could potentially thwart an impending catastrophe. Or so they had been led to believe.
“Hey, maybe this Captain Righteous guy just sucks,” Dick muttered, annoyance creeping into his usually confident tone. “Maybe he’s so unpopular because he’s just not that good. I mean, I’ve never even heard of him until all this started.”
Colossus responded with a guttural noise that sounded like a mixture of agreement and skepticism. His massive shoulders shrugged, causing the remnants of a shattered shelf to creak beneath the strain.
“Right, we didn’t think to ask more about him,” Dick continued, interpreting the grunt. “For all we know, he’s some low-rent hero nobody cares about. Not every hero’s a winner.”
Colossus grunted in agreement. His stomach rumbling.
“Maybe we missed somethin’,” he muttered, more to himself than to Colossus. He started rifling through the remains of a broken shelf, tossing aside torn covers and crumpled pages. “Gotta be some clue here. If Captain Righteous exists, there’s gotta be a record of him somewhere.”
Colossus moved to help, his heavy steps causing the floorboards to creak ominously. Together, they sifted through the wreckage, searching for any hint of the elusive hero. After what felt like hours, Dick let out a triumphant shout.
“Here! Look at this!” He held up a tattered comic book, its cover barely legible. “Captain Righteous: The Rise of Righteousness. And—get this—he’s got a sidekick. Lefty. Who names these guys?”
Colossus grunted, a sound that conveyed both amusement and disbelief.
“Right? I mean, who wants to read about a hero named Captain Righteous and his sidekick Lefty? No wonder they’re so obscure.” Dick flipped through the comic, his eyes scanning the pages quickly. “Looks like they’re as lame as they sound. No wonder we couldn’t find ‘em. Nobody cares about these guys.”
Colossus let out a low rumble.
“Yeah, I get it,” Dick said, interpreting the look. “Even the worst heroes got a story to tell. Maybe there’s somethin’ here we can use. Some clue or hint we missed.”
They settled down amidst the ruins, carefully examining the comic. It was a typical tale of good versus evil, filled with clichéd dialogue and predictable plot twists. But as they read, a pattern began to emerge.
“Look at this,” Dick said, pointing to a panel. “This symbol. It keeps showing up. And here,” he flipped a few pages, “it’s on this bad guy’s lair. And again on this artifact they’re after. Maybe it’s a clue?”
Colossus grunted in agreement, his eyes narrowing as he studied the symbol. It was a stylized sunburst, simple yet distinct.
“Worth lookin’ into, at least,” Dick said. “Maybe Captain Righteous ain’t so useless after all. If this symbol means somethin’, it could lead us to what we need.”
They rose to their feet, newfound determination in their eyes. The comic, once dismissed as worthless, now held potential. It was a slim lead, but in their line of work, any lead was better than none.
“We gotta find out more about this symbol,” Dick declared. “Maybe there’s a connection we missed. Some old villain or hidden treasure tied to it. Who knows?”
Colossus grunted, a sound that conveyed both agreement and readiness. They had a new direction, a new goal. The comic store, once a site of frustration and failure, now felt like the starting point of a new adventure.
As they left the store, stepping into the fading light of day, Dick glanced over at his silent partner. “You know, Colossus, we make a pretty good team. Even if this whole Captain Righteous thing turns out to be a dead end, at least we’re in it together.”
Colossus grunted, a sound filled with camaraderie and agreement.
They headed towards their makeshift headquarters, a rundown gym on the outskirts of the city where Colossus trained. It was a place filled with weights, wrestling mats, and old posters of Colossus’s past glories. Dick had set up an office in the corner, cluttered with papers, maps, and various wrestling memorabilia.
“Alright, big guy,” Dick said as they entered, tossing his windbreaker onto a nearby chair. “Let’s see what we can dig up about this symbol. I’ll start making calls, and you... well, you do what you do best.” Colossus grunted affirmatively and began clearing space on a table, preparing to lay out the clues.
Dick grabbed a phone and started dialing numbers from his Rolodex. He called old contacts, comic book experts, and anyone who might have a lead on the mysterious sunburst symbol. Meanwhile, Colossus carefully paged through the Captain Righteous comic, his eyes scrutinizing every detail, searching for patterns or hidden messages.
“Hey, remember that guy who used to work at Marvel?” Dick said, snapping his fingers. “Might be a long shot, but he owes me a favor. He might know something.” He quickly dialed another number, waiting impatiently as the phone rang.
After several calls and a lot of dead ends, Dick finally got a lead. “Yeah, thanks, pal,” he said, hanging up. He turned to Colossus, his face lit up with excitement. “Alright, here’s what we got. That sunburst symbol? It’s tied to an old comic book lore about a secret society of heroes. They were called the Radiant Order. Not exactly household names, but they supposedly held ancient artifacts of great power. That’s what Captain Righteous was after.”
Colossus grunted, intrigued.
“Exactly!” Dick exclaimed. “That’s our next stop. According to my source, there’s a place upstate that matches the description in the comic. An old, abandoned temple. If there’s anything to be found about this Radiant Order, it’ll be there.”
They packed their gear, readying themselves for the journey. Dick grabbed a flashlight, some maps, and his trusty windbreaker. Colossus simply prepared by tightening his gloves and adjusting his mask.
The drive upstate was long and winding, the landscape changing from urban sprawl to dense forests and rolling hills. The temple, according to the comic and Dick’s source, was hidden deep in the woods, far from prying eyes.
They arrived as the sun began to set, the forest bathed in a twilight glow. The temple ruins loomed ahead, ancient stones covered in moss and vines. The air was thick with the scent of earth and the sound of rustling leaves.
“Alright, big guy,” Dick said, stepping out of the car and stretching. “Let’s see what we can find.”
They approached the temple cautiously, flashlights cutting through the gathering darkness. The entrance was marked with the same sunburst symbol, now faded and worn but unmistakable.
They searched each room meticulously, looking for any clues or artifacts that might connect to the Radiant Order. After hours of searching, they came upon a hidden chamber, its entrance concealed by a heavy stone door.
“Give me a hand with this, Colossus,” Dick said, straining against the door. Colossus grunted and easily pushed the door open, revealing a small, dimly lit room.
In the center of the room stood a pedestal, upon which rested an old, ornate book. The cover bore the sunburst symbol, and the air around it seemed to hum with energy.
“Jackpot,” Dick whispered, approaching the book carefully. He opened it, revealing pages filled with intricate drawings and text in an ancient language.
“This must be it,” Dick said, his voice filled with awe. “The secrets of the Radiant Order. This could be the key to everything.”
Colossus grunted in agreement, his eyes fixed on the book. It was a small victory, but it felt monumental. They had found something worth all the chaos and destruction, something that might actually make a difference.
Inside, it held the identity of the REAL Captain Righteous!
Turns out the guy we'd all been subjected to is a LIE!
THIS IS THE REAL CAPTAIN RIGHTEOUS
.........The Radiant Order had been Powederpuff Girls all along. Who'd have thunk it?
"Monday Night Brawl's newest victim, Captain Righteous. The guy who makes cardboard cutouts look dynamic. You know, the supposed 'hero' everyone's talking about. Or rather, nobody's talking about, because, let's face it, this guy sucks. And when I say 'sucks,' I don't mean he's just bad at his job. No, I mean he redefines the very concept of suckage. Captain Righteous? Really? What is this, the 1950s? Did you get that name from a box of Cracker Jacks? I mean, come on! The only thing righteous about Captain Righteous is how righteously lame he is.
First off, let’s talk about his wrestling skills—or lack thereof. Captain Righteous couldn’t wrestle his way out of a wet paper bag. I've seen more charisma in a soggy piece of toast. You ever watch him try to pull off a suplex? It’s like watching a baby giraffe take its first steps—awkward, painful, and kind of sad. His moves are so predictable, I almost fell asleep during his last match. Thank god for Zyppah.
But wait, it gets better. Captain Righteous actually thinks he stands a chance against Colossus. Colossus! The mountain of muscle, the powerhouse of pain, the guy who could bend steel beams with his pinky! Captain Righteous, you couldn’t break a sweat, let alone break Colossus. Face it, you’re about as threatening as a puppy with a chew toy."
"LAME!" Colossus grunts, cutting Dick off mid sentence......he is stacking plates at the Pakistani Buffet.
"Colossus is gonna break you in half, Cap. He’s gonna fold you up like a cheap lawn chair. You’re stepping into the ring with a man who’s a living tank, and you’re bringing a butter knife to a bazooka fight. You think you’ve got moves? Colossus has moves that make your entire repertoire look like interpretive dance at a community center."
"SUCKS!" Grunts Colossus from behind a buffet cart.
"You’ve got that whole ‘holier-than-thou’ vibe going on, but guess what? This isn’t Sunday school, it’s the squared circle. And in this ring, your righteousness is gonna get a righteous beatdown. Colossus is gonna snap you like a twig, and I’ll be there, front row, with popcorn in hand, enjoying every second of it.
You’re going up against a guy who doesn’t just rely on brute strength. Colossus has brains, too. He’s got strategy. You? You’re too busy patting yourself on the back to realize you’re walking into a massacre. In this ring, it’s survival of the fittest, and you, my friend, are way out of your league.
Colossus is gonna do what he does best—destroy anything and anyone in his path. And you? You’re just another speed bump on his road to dominance.
You suck as a wrestler, you suck as a hero, and you’re about to find out just how much you suck when Colossus gets his hands on you. remember this moment, remember my words, because I’ll be the guy laughing his ass off while you’re scraped off the mat.
Game.
Set.
Fuck you."