Post by Bobby Ray Willis on Mar 22, 2024 21:54:28 GMT -5
Like from another world out of time the picture kicks in.
Holy shit, Linda brought the fucking guacamole tonight.
Everyone has gathered around the table to see this amazing dish that has been made to go with the store bought tortilla chips that Sandra and Dave picked up on the way over tonight. But nobody is going to call Sandra and Dave out for being cheap bastards, they’re too busy trying to have fun tonight to focus on the shit that those two pulled. Because it’s game night!! There’s Linda, Jeff, Sandra, Dave and Lou and Tucker and they’re all about to sit down at the table and bust out some classics. How about some One Night Werewolf to start things off?
They all settle in and begin the game, and just as Lou is about to dig out some of that good guacamole on a cheap ass chip the doorbell rings.
And rings.
Everyone at the table gives each other a confused look as wonder who could be ringing the doorbell and interrupting game night. Tucker gives everyone a shrug as the doorbell rings for a third time and heads on over to answer it.
And there stands Kraken Kazmerick, complete in a leather jacket with a high collar, black t-shirt and a pair of sunglasses -- even at this hour of night. After a couple of odd ticks he goes to press the doorbell a fourth time, but then notices that someone has answered the door.
TUCK: “Can I help you?”
KAZ: “Yeah… I’m here for the bloodbath match.”
Tucker has absolutely no idea what this strange individual standing at his door is talking about.
TUCK: “The… the what?”
KAZ: “The bloodbath match. WrestleWars, the Bloodbath Championship Match, you know the thing that stirred me up from the deep. Just some over the top violence good for the entire family. There’s me, there’s some other people, there’s probably you if you want in on this whole thing.”
Tucker still has no idea what is going on, but at this point more of his guests have abandoned the table, the guacamole and the shitty chips to join Tucker at the front door. They’re all standing there gawking when suddenly Linda snaps her fingers as she has an eureka moment.
LINDA: “Oh, I get it. This is one of those cosplayers that go around and put on shows for people. Which of you hired him? Was it you Dave? This totally has something you’d do written all over it.”
TUCK: “I don’t know, he’s talking about a bloodbath.”
LOU: “Bloodbath? He’s probably talking about those tortilla chips.”
Everyone looks at Lou, but nobody is ready to say anything. Kraken stops moving around a bit and long enough to look into the house.
KAZ: “Wait a minute. This isn’t WrestleWars, is it? Is it even April 20th yet?”
Everyone in the house shakes their head no collectively.
KAZ: “Riiiight. Well, enjoy the evening.”
And with that, the door is shut.
The scene awkwardly glitches like an old VHS tape gone bad from that scene at the house to just Kraken talking as he sways to the moonlight on this black night.
“Knock, knock… how does the rest of this joke go? I forget, but there’s a banana involved a bunch of times and then something else, don’t you worry it’ll come back to me eventually. I had an English teacher once tell me it was important to start off with a joke in order to break the ice. Now that the ice has been officially broken, it is time to reintroduce myself to WGWF. No, no… it is time to reintroduce myself to the world and remind every single person within this world that the deep is dark and full of things that want to drag you to the bottom of the ocean!
That includes me, Gideon King. I’m one of those things that are just waiting to drag you to the bottom of the world. You thought you were already at the bottom of the barrel on Smash, but man you’re going to learn there is so much more down here. And there is so much deeper you can be pulled down. I mean even lower than your attempt to rap at levels of the Surgeon of Thuganomics, John Blade.
Why even try that? Shame. And you pull from Hamilton from all things? Yikes.
You know how that story ends, right Gideon? Right?”
Kraken pauses in his rant and points a finger gun towards the camera.
“But we don’t have to get violent with each other, Gideon. You’re not in the bloodbath match, so I’m not going to give you the Aaron Burr treatment or nothing. But… I’m not going to let you off the hook that easily. When I said that I needed to reintroduce myself to WGWF and the world, I’m going to need to do that at the expense of you Gideon. I’m sure your mom will understand, just make sure she doesn’t watch Smash.
And anoth--.”
But before Kraken can finish that thought, the screen goes VHS weird again and we’re back to some other place and some other time, perhaps even in some other dimension. This time it’s a pair of boots walking up the sidewalk leading to another doorway, but before those boots make it to the front door they step in something causing the person to stop but not before they are able to ring the doorbell.
And ring the doorbell.
The door swings open as Kraken Kazmerick checks the bottom of his boot.
KAZ: “Shit, I think I stepped in John Blade’s rap career.”
The person who answered the door just sort of stands there in confusion as Kraken looks at the bottom of his shoe closely on the person’s porch. Kraken eventually looks up from his exploration at the person and finally acknowledges their existence.
KAZ: "Yeah, I’m here for the bloodbath.”
The man standing at the door has no idea what is going on right now as he just watches as Kraken scrapes the remaining of whatever he stepped in right there on the porch.
KAZ: “Oh come on, doesn’t anyone around here know about the bloodbath? WrestleWars, like the biggest show in the history of all of professional wrestling. And I am here to replace Bobby Ray Willis in the bloodbath match. Does this make sense to you?”
MAN: “Not in the least, could you leave my property now?”
KAZ: “Is this even Dallas, Texas?”
MAN: “No, this is Hartford, Connecticut.”
KAZ: “Are you sure this isn't the stadium in Dallas, Texas? Seems like it should be. Are you sure you're in the right place?”
The man in the house just sort of looks around the front part of his house for a moment as Kazmerick does the same.
MAN: “Is this like a prank or are you on something buddy?”
KAZ: “On something? Oh… let’s talk about what I’m on right now. Let’s tal--"
But before he can finish that thought the screen does the same VHS frame skip thing that is has been doing here. Kraken is already in mid-thought as he continues to sway in the moonlight as he had before.
“...and the question I keep on getting over and over is where have you been, Kraken? You were on such an upswing heading to the top of the mountain, where did you go? That’s the point. While the rest of the world wants to be standing on top of the world, someone like me finds that about the worst place you could ever want to be. I only ever want to be at the bottom of the world… down there in the depths just waiting and lurking for as long as it takes.
Because…
Let me let you all in on a little secret about the world. This is for everyone, even you Gideon and Gideon’s mom. The truth of the world is that eventually it is all going to be pulled down to the bottom. That’s what the undertow does, it pulls. Down, down, down goes everything that you have all raced to build to new heights. Down goes everything that makes you feel important, special and unique. And down goes even the mountains that you set to stand upon with your own two feet. Everything drowns given enough time.
And when this world is pulled down, that’s where you’ll find me waiting with a smile on this face of mine.
So, don’t worry about when and where I go and how long I’m gone, I’m there, I’m waiting. In my house I’ll be waiting… dreaming. You’ll spend your time scurrying around the world trying to build your things, gain your glory and just like the itsy bitsy spider you’ll climb your water spouts.
But the rain is coming once again to wash the spi--”
The screen once again jumps like a warped tape, an unknown amount of time passes as now we are gathered around a sacred dinner table. There are a good number of fresh new faces sitting here, there’s Judy, Sam, Steve, Geoff and Tate and they’re all looking towards the large dungeon master’s screen that sits at the head of the table and the man with their head ducked down behind it.
After a moment or two the dungeon master picks his head up for everyone else to see and if you hadn’t guessed it by the wild hair before, this is Kraken Kazmerick. Kraken is tonight’s dungeon master, and he’s got a crazed look in his eyes and wild smile on his face.
KAZ: “Everyone roll their initiative! Because this is going to be one hell of a bloodbath!”
Kaz scoops up his dice as do all the other players, but before they start throwing the rocks around the place the shot again goes wild and skips about, this time there is a couple seconds of a delay before finally there is Kaz once again standing out there in the moonlight.
“Where was I?
What exactly am I trying to accomplish in my time now here in the WGWF? What do I want being on the Smash brand? Well, you probably guessed it… I am here for the bloodbath, I want in on the Bloodbath Championship match at WrestleWars. Oh, I have made my deal with the she-devil Doll E. Pardon and in exchange for the role I played in her getting what she wanted, I am getting Bobby Ray Willis’ spot in that match. Now comes the hardest part, the wait. But I am a patient person… from time to time that is.
Dallas seems so far away. Now, don’t get me wrong about this bloodbath match. I don’t want to go there to die, I want to go there to feel alive. I plan on making sure everyone feels as free as I do once I get there.
As far as the Smash brand goes? I have little interest in such things as brand loyalty. I can take my toys with me just about anywhere and bash them together how I please, but I figure a place with a name like Smash is as good as any. Right? But don’t you worry… I’m not alone anymore, there are more on their way. The Undertow Society grows by the day and soon we will emerge from the deep to begin pulling everything down.
Hold on.”
And at this point, Kraken pulls up a chip loaded with guacamole and as he goes to take a bite the chip just crumbles. Definitely not a high quality chip. Kraken lets it fall to the ground and stomps on a few times with the moves of a madman.
“Yeah, these chips absolutely suck!
Oh, I remember how the joke goes now. You say banana three or four times and then just when the person is about to walk away you say orange you glad you answered the door?”
With that the screen once again does that warp, but instead of jumping to another screen it just sort of breaks its hold with this reality.
Transmission ends.
Holy shit, Linda brought the fucking guacamole tonight.
Everyone has gathered around the table to see this amazing dish that has been made to go with the store bought tortilla chips that Sandra and Dave picked up on the way over tonight. But nobody is going to call Sandra and Dave out for being cheap bastards, they’re too busy trying to have fun tonight to focus on the shit that those two pulled. Because it’s game night!! There’s Linda, Jeff, Sandra, Dave and Lou and Tucker and they’re all about to sit down at the table and bust out some classics. How about some One Night Werewolf to start things off?
They all settle in and begin the game, and just as Lou is about to dig out some of that good guacamole on a cheap ass chip the doorbell rings.
And rings.
Everyone at the table gives each other a confused look as wonder who could be ringing the doorbell and interrupting game night. Tucker gives everyone a shrug as the doorbell rings for a third time and heads on over to answer it.
And there stands Kraken Kazmerick, complete in a leather jacket with a high collar, black t-shirt and a pair of sunglasses -- even at this hour of night. After a couple of odd ticks he goes to press the doorbell a fourth time, but then notices that someone has answered the door.
TUCK: “Can I help you?”
KAZ: “Yeah… I’m here for the bloodbath match.”
Tucker has absolutely no idea what this strange individual standing at his door is talking about.
TUCK: “The… the what?”
KAZ: “The bloodbath match. WrestleWars, the Bloodbath Championship Match, you know the thing that stirred me up from the deep. Just some over the top violence good for the entire family. There’s me, there’s some other people, there’s probably you if you want in on this whole thing.”
Tucker still has no idea what is going on, but at this point more of his guests have abandoned the table, the guacamole and the shitty chips to join Tucker at the front door. They’re all standing there gawking when suddenly Linda snaps her fingers as she has an eureka moment.
LINDA: “Oh, I get it. This is one of those cosplayers that go around and put on shows for people. Which of you hired him? Was it you Dave? This totally has something you’d do written all over it.”
TUCK: “I don’t know, he’s talking about a bloodbath.”
LOU: “Bloodbath? He’s probably talking about those tortilla chips.”
Everyone looks at Lou, but nobody is ready to say anything. Kraken stops moving around a bit and long enough to look into the house.
KAZ: “Wait a minute. This isn’t WrestleWars, is it? Is it even April 20th yet?”
Everyone in the house shakes their head no collectively.
KAZ: “Riiiight. Well, enjoy the evening.”
And with that, the door is shut.
The scene awkwardly glitches like an old VHS tape gone bad from that scene at the house to just Kraken talking as he sways to the moonlight on this black night.
“Knock, knock… how does the rest of this joke go? I forget, but there’s a banana involved a bunch of times and then something else, don’t you worry it’ll come back to me eventually. I had an English teacher once tell me it was important to start off with a joke in order to break the ice. Now that the ice has been officially broken, it is time to reintroduce myself to WGWF. No, no… it is time to reintroduce myself to the world and remind every single person within this world that the deep is dark and full of things that want to drag you to the bottom of the ocean!
That includes me, Gideon King. I’m one of those things that are just waiting to drag you to the bottom of the world. You thought you were already at the bottom of the barrel on Smash, but man you’re going to learn there is so much more down here. And there is so much deeper you can be pulled down. I mean even lower than your attempt to rap at levels of the Surgeon of Thuganomics, John Blade.
Why even try that? Shame. And you pull from Hamilton from all things? Yikes.
You know how that story ends, right Gideon? Right?”
Kraken pauses in his rant and points a finger gun towards the camera.
“But we don’t have to get violent with each other, Gideon. You’re not in the bloodbath match, so I’m not going to give you the Aaron Burr treatment or nothing. But… I’m not going to let you off the hook that easily. When I said that I needed to reintroduce myself to WGWF and the world, I’m going to need to do that at the expense of you Gideon. I’m sure your mom will understand, just make sure she doesn’t watch Smash.
And anoth--.”
But before Kraken can finish that thought, the screen goes VHS weird again and we’re back to some other place and some other time, perhaps even in some other dimension. This time it’s a pair of boots walking up the sidewalk leading to another doorway, but before those boots make it to the front door they step in something causing the person to stop but not before they are able to ring the doorbell.
And ring the doorbell.
The door swings open as Kraken Kazmerick checks the bottom of his boot.
KAZ: “Shit, I think I stepped in John Blade’s rap career.”
The person who answered the door just sort of stands there in confusion as Kraken looks at the bottom of his shoe closely on the person’s porch. Kraken eventually looks up from his exploration at the person and finally acknowledges their existence.
KAZ: "Yeah, I’m here for the bloodbath.”
The man standing at the door has no idea what is going on right now as he just watches as Kraken scrapes the remaining of whatever he stepped in right there on the porch.
KAZ: “Oh come on, doesn’t anyone around here know about the bloodbath? WrestleWars, like the biggest show in the history of all of professional wrestling. And I am here to replace Bobby Ray Willis in the bloodbath match. Does this make sense to you?”
MAN: “Not in the least, could you leave my property now?”
KAZ: “Is this even Dallas, Texas?”
MAN: “No, this is Hartford, Connecticut.”
KAZ: “Are you sure this isn't the stadium in Dallas, Texas? Seems like it should be. Are you sure you're in the right place?”
The man in the house just sort of looks around the front part of his house for a moment as Kazmerick does the same.
MAN: “Is this like a prank or are you on something buddy?”
KAZ: “On something? Oh… let’s talk about what I’m on right now. Let’s tal--"
But before he can finish that thought the screen does the same VHS frame skip thing that is has been doing here. Kraken is already in mid-thought as he continues to sway in the moonlight as he had before.
“...and the question I keep on getting over and over is where have you been, Kraken? You were on such an upswing heading to the top of the mountain, where did you go? That’s the point. While the rest of the world wants to be standing on top of the world, someone like me finds that about the worst place you could ever want to be. I only ever want to be at the bottom of the world… down there in the depths just waiting and lurking for as long as it takes.
Because…
Let me let you all in on a little secret about the world. This is for everyone, even you Gideon and Gideon’s mom. The truth of the world is that eventually it is all going to be pulled down to the bottom. That’s what the undertow does, it pulls. Down, down, down goes everything that you have all raced to build to new heights. Down goes everything that makes you feel important, special and unique. And down goes even the mountains that you set to stand upon with your own two feet. Everything drowns given enough time.
And when this world is pulled down, that’s where you’ll find me waiting with a smile on this face of mine.
So, don’t worry about when and where I go and how long I’m gone, I’m there, I’m waiting. In my house I’ll be waiting… dreaming. You’ll spend your time scurrying around the world trying to build your things, gain your glory and just like the itsy bitsy spider you’ll climb your water spouts.
But the rain is coming once again to wash the spi--”
The screen once again jumps like a warped tape, an unknown amount of time passes as now we are gathered around a sacred dinner table. There are a good number of fresh new faces sitting here, there’s Judy, Sam, Steve, Geoff and Tate and they’re all looking towards the large dungeon master’s screen that sits at the head of the table and the man with their head ducked down behind it.
After a moment or two the dungeon master picks his head up for everyone else to see and if you hadn’t guessed it by the wild hair before, this is Kraken Kazmerick. Kraken is tonight’s dungeon master, and he’s got a crazed look in his eyes and wild smile on his face.
KAZ: “Everyone roll their initiative! Because this is going to be one hell of a bloodbath!”
Kaz scoops up his dice as do all the other players, but before they start throwing the rocks around the place the shot again goes wild and skips about, this time there is a couple seconds of a delay before finally there is Kaz once again standing out there in the moonlight.
“Where was I?
What exactly am I trying to accomplish in my time now here in the WGWF? What do I want being on the Smash brand? Well, you probably guessed it… I am here for the bloodbath, I want in on the Bloodbath Championship match at WrestleWars. Oh, I have made my deal with the she-devil Doll E. Pardon and in exchange for the role I played in her getting what she wanted, I am getting Bobby Ray Willis’ spot in that match. Now comes the hardest part, the wait. But I am a patient person… from time to time that is.
Dallas seems so far away. Now, don’t get me wrong about this bloodbath match. I don’t want to go there to die, I want to go there to feel alive. I plan on making sure everyone feels as free as I do once I get there.
As far as the Smash brand goes? I have little interest in such things as brand loyalty. I can take my toys with me just about anywhere and bash them together how I please, but I figure a place with a name like Smash is as good as any. Right? But don’t you worry… I’m not alone anymore, there are more on their way. The Undertow Society grows by the day and soon we will emerge from the deep to begin pulling everything down.
Hold on.”
And at this point, Kraken pulls up a chip loaded with guacamole and as he goes to take a bite the chip just crumbles. Definitely not a high quality chip. Kraken lets it fall to the ground and stomps on a few times with the moves of a madman.
“Yeah, these chips absolutely suck!
Oh, I remember how the joke goes now. You say banana three or four times and then just when the person is about to walk away you say orange you glad you answered the door?”
With that the screen once again does that warp, but instead of jumping to another screen it just sort of breaks its hold with this reality.
Transmission ends.