Post by jmonttwizted on Feb 10, 2024 14:52:19 GMT -5
“THEY CAN TRIGGER ME, BUT THEY WILL NEVER FIGURE ME OUT.”
Rap music is a bold and energetic form of expression. It feels modern. It fits into today’s generation. There will always be a place for it. The quick rhythm and beats. The messages being delivered to motivate, inspire or to even address a social issue through lyrics. If you claim to be a rapper then you will know the following characteristics of rap music.
METAPHOR
REPETITION
DOUBLE ENTENDRE
MIMICRY
RHYME
FORMULAIC EXPRESSIONS
I can guarantee you and bet all the money in my 7 bank accounts in the United States and my 7 accounts offshore that John Blade has no idea what any of those words mean, let alone even spell them. John Blade is a poser who has a word limit and Rap IQ that is worse than Billy Madison.
“Touch her boobs? That’s assault brotha! You double dare me?”
“Oh Veronica Vaughn! So Hot! Want to touch the hiney!”
The only place John Blade will ever be able to touch boobs is at Centerfolds in Boston. And if he thinks he has a chance with anyone as hot as Vaughn’s wife, i mean Veronica, then he needs to check himself into rehab because that is some of the best drugs in America.
And speaking of Boston, I am pretty sure that they do not want to have themselves and John Blade in the same sentence. Think about it for a minute. Boston is known for its New England Clam Chowder and Baked Beans. They have a rich history in sports with the Celtics, Bruins, Patriots and Red Sox. They are nicknamed The Beantown. You even have the old Cheers bar that has been around since 1969.
But what has John Blade done for the city of Boston?
With that, you can see a sign of a place called Olde Magoun’s Saloon. Located on Medford Street in Boston, this Saloon is known for its food menu, craft beers and large amounts of TV’s plastered all over to make sure you don't miss a minute of the action. There is a lot of chatter going on. You can hear the people talking about what the Patriots should do with the 3rd overall pick in the upcoming NFL Draft. You hear other pedestrians talking about how the Knicks could be a big threat to the Celtics. You have a few ladies in the corner talking about how the Mayor, Michelle Wu has done a great job and that more women are needed at higher places in the political field. You even hear a few people say down with Biden, and up with Trump. So many conversations about so many different things, but that is about to change.
The Saloon’s door swings open and as it hits the wall, it makes a loud sound as you see a hand hold the door open. Everyone in the saloon turns around and looks to see what is going on. Hard to miss a man standing 6 foot 5 and weighing about 275 pounds. And let’s not forget about how good he is looking. Not even James Parr, the 2023 Model of the Year at the GQ Mens Award stands a chance against this man. Of course, you have to know by now that this man is J Mont. So many titles to his name. Former WGWF World Champion. IIW Hall of Famer. Twizted Thoughtz. Father of the Year. Should be Model of the Year, but did not push the subject enough. But, J Mont is standing there as everyone looks on.
Rap music is a bold and energetic form of expression. It feels modern. It fits into today’s generation. There will always be a place for it. The quick rhythm and beats. The messages being delivered to motivate, inspire or to even address a social issue through lyrics. If you claim to be a rapper then you will know the following characteristics of rap music.
METAPHOR
REPETITION
DOUBLE ENTENDRE
MIMICRY
RHYME
FORMULAIC EXPRESSIONS
I can guarantee you and bet all the money in my 7 bank accounts in the United States and my 7 accounts offshore that John Blade has no idea what any of those words mean, let alone even spell them. John Blade is a poser who has a word limit and Rap IQ that is worse than Billy Madison.
“Touch her boobs? That’s assault brotha! You double dare me?”
“Oh Veronica Vaughn! So Hot! Want to touch the hiney!”
The only place John Blade will ever be able to touch boobs is at Centerfolds in Boston. And if he thinks he has a chance with anyone as hot as Vaughn’s wife, i mean Veronica, then he needs to check himself into rehab because that is some of the best drugs in America.
And speaking of Boston, I am pretty sure that they do not want to have themselves and John Blade in the same sentence. Think about it for a minute. Boston is known for its New England Clam Chowder and Baked Beans. They have a rich history in sports with the Celtics, Bruins, Patriots and Red Sox. They are nicknamed The Beantown. You even have the old Cheers bar that has been around since 1969.
But what has John Blade done for the city of Boston?
With that, you can see a sign of a place called Olde Magoun’s Saloon. Located on Medford Street in Boston, this Saloon is known for its food menu, craft beers and large amounts of TV’s plastered all over to make sure you don't miss a minute of the action. There is a lot of chatter going on. You can hear the people talking about what the Patriots should do with the 3rd overall pick in the upcoming NFL Draft. You hear other pedestrians talking about how the Knicks could be a big threat to the Celtics. You have a few ladies in the corner talking about how the Mayor, Michelle Wu has done a great job and that more women are needed at higher places in the political field. You even hear a few people say down with Biden, and up with Trump. So many conversations about so many different things, but that is about to change.
The Saloon’s door swings open and as it hits the wall, it makes a loud sound as you see a hand hold the door open. Everyone in the saloon turns around and looks to see what is going on. Hard to miss a man standing 6 foot 5 and weighing about 275 pounds. And let’s not forget about how good he is looking. Not even James Parr, the 2023 Model of the Year at the GQ Mens Award stands a chance against this man. Of course, you have to know by now that this man is J Mont. So many titles to his name. Former WGWF World Champion. IIW Hall of Famer. Twizted Thoughtz. Father of the Year. Should be Model of the Year, but did not push the subject enough. But, J Mont is standing there as everyone looks on.
J MONT: Anyone here seen John Blade?
The people at the saloon all look at another and look around. Their faces seem to be confused as to who J Mont is asking for or about. Then you start to hear people fire back at J Mont.
Fat Guy: John Hancock?
Pregnant Lady: John Amaechi?
John Cable lookalike: John Augustus?
Skinny Dude: Johnny Damon?
Bald, Fat Guy: John Cazale?
The Lady with 3 Chins: John F Kennedy?
Guy Cheating on his Wife: John Cena?
J Mont just shakes his head because while all those names are people from Boston, no one is filling him in on if they have seen John Blade.
J MONT: I know of all the names you have screamed at me, but I am looking for JOHN BLADE! The guy that proclaims he is the city of Boston. You can’t miss him. 6 foot 3, 260 pounds that never gives up, even though he should.
Still no response or validation of John Blade to anyone in the Saloon.
J MONT: Just like I figured. John Blade is a pathological liar. You might be from Boston, but no one has any idea who you are. No one remembers a loser. A Jackass. A man that hasn't done a damn thing. All you are good for Blade is a laugh, but Dane Cook who is from Boston is funnier than you. You see Blade, we have been down this road once before in IIW and I smacked the taste out of your mouth. Then you had the balls to cry to management about getting a World Title shot in WGWF when i was champion, so they booked the match in the Main Event of Dark. Which I may add, I was pissed about because why is J Mont on Dark? Oh yeah, because I'm facing John Blade who is not worthy of a real Main Event. Once again, I smashed you worse than Grandma mashing up her famous mashed potatoes. And here we are again John.
ROUND 3!
J MONT: There won't be any brotherly love upsets here Blade. You will not pull the Clubber Lang and knock me off. I am more focused and pissed off than ever right now. I am the hottest thing in the industry today along with The Fortunate Ones, but yet I am opening Monday Night Smash and not Main Eventing. And why is that Blade? Because I am facing your stupid ass AGAIN! I am tired of making you relevant. I am tired of you getting your name in the spotlight because of me. You are worse than a Stage 5 Clinger. And just for Lexi Gold, I will make sure that the JKO I give to you, takes you out of the WGWF once and for all. No one wants you around Blade, and I guess I am going to have to be the guy that takes you out.
After a small rant from J Mont, everyone went back to what they were doing. That is what everyone in Boston thinks about John Blade. They dont give a shit, let alone even know who this fraud is. J Mont finally walks inside the saloon and sees an empty seat at the bar. Of course the seat is between the Lady with 3 Chins and the John Cable lookalike guy. But J Mont, being the man he is, doesn't give a shit and walks over to the empty seat.
J MONT: Is this seat taken?
John Cable lookalike: Not Yet!
J MONT: It is NOW!
The Lady with 3 Chins: Make sure you leave me enough elbow room too!
John Cable lookalike: Nice Suit! Does that come in a shmedium?
J Mont looks over to the right at the John Cable lookalike, then over to his left with the Lady with 3 chins.
J MONT: I see why you both are so upset and rude now. You are the mother and father of John Blade. Now it all makes sense now.
They both look over at J Mont.
J MONT: I knew John Cable would find some kind of woman in his life one day because Lexi Gold is way out of his league and Sonya Benson on her worst day would never give Cable a chance.
J Mont starts to crack up at the expense of these 2 poor people who are just trying to enjoy their time at the saloon. But, if you look back, they started it with J Mont and he just did what he had to do at the time.
J MONT: Hey bartender, get me a Vhodka and Redbull. And get these 2 morons a shot as well, on me of course since i don't want them to come up short when they are shopping at Walmart for their clothes and shoes.
The Bartender throws a thumbs up at J Mont, who is now waiting patiently for his drink, but is stuck between 2 people that want to rip his head off and eat it.
J MONT: You want to know something about your son John? He doesn't scare me for one minute. Not even one second. I am one of the greatest to ever do it in this industry. I am on the Mount Rushmore of wrestling for being one of the best all around. From Wrestling to promos to politics to making money, there is no one on my level. Chris Page found that out at LAST CHANCE and now Blade will find it out AGAIN and for the LAST TIME!
The Bartender places the drink in front of J Mont, while handing a shot over to The Lady and John Cable Lookalike. J Mont holds his glass up for a Cheers, but neither of them do the same.
J MONT: You try to do something nice for someone and this is the respect I get in return. No problem. I will make sure that your son learns a lesson in that ring. I am going to make sure that I get the job done quickly because I don't get paid by the hour. I get paid for Ratings. And speaking of Blade again, he is about as scary as
SCREECH POWERS
STEVEN Q URKEL
ROSS GELLER
DIZZY HARRISON
COREY MATTHEWS
CHRIS PAGE
STEVEN Q URKEL
ROSS GELLER
DIZZY HARRISON
COREY MATTHEWS
CHRIS PAGE
J MONT: What all those people have in common with John Blade is that they are losers and dont scare a single person. I came here today to prove a point and I did just that. I showed the world that John Blade is full of shit as always. Anything that he spits out of his mouth is worse than B-Rad from Malibu. The city of Boston has no idea who this fraud is. And his parents right here think so highly of him that they drink the whole day away and can't even sit next to one another because they are ashamed they brought the world, JOHN BLADE! And while Maxwell Stone may say he softened Blade up for me, I will do what he could not do. Get the job DONE and rid the WGWF of this piece of shit as I embark on the more important task at hand. Ending the career of Chris Page like I am going to do to John Blade this Monday Night.
J Mont gets up off the stool and reaches into his suit pants pocket and throws a couple hundred bucks on the bar for the 3 drinks. A nice tip for the bartender and a reminder to John Blade that J Mont is at the top, while he is at the bottom. As J Mont makes his way over to the Saloon door, he turns around and looks at everyone who is minding their business. To get their attention again, J Mont slams on the door.
J MONT: MY TIME IS NOW! WORD LIFE!
If there was a mic, it would have dropped as J Mont exits the Saloon and is on his way to his next adventure. One can wonder what that could be, but you can bet it has to do with the end of Chris Page and the success of The Fortunate Ones!