Post by lajohnnystylez on Dec 25, 2023 2:53:37 GMT -5
…Yall may be shocked to learn this about me, but I
I mean sure the music is terrible, you got your molester uncle coming over, and there is tonz of phuckin food that you and these mongoloids otherwise known as your family gathered around a table and drunkenly argued over an actual got damn month ago!
…But ya know other than that, it truly is
Plus FPV is apparently comin to the got damn party so we don’t have to worry because now we know for sure that the YuLETiDe will indeed fact be what it is supposed to this time of year which is of course
But all joking aside how could any of you be a Scrooge or a GRINCH when you find out the only remaining path to becoming the first SMASH Champion of X is to bash the brains in of some broken dildos inside of a place like this…
This place looks like every terrible Christmas movie on every Lifetime Christmas Movie Marathon going on RIGHT NOW!...Only MUCH MUCH
I mean there are rows of fuggin Christmas Trees…which is a very PAGAN TRADITION MIND YOU!!! There are lights and candy cane striped polls and it even comes equipped with their very own patronized little people whom you are to “BELIEVE” are the Elves in Santa’s workshop, even though the entire Santa Clause populace is allegedly aware of the little fact that Santa’s WORKSHOP IS LOCATED IN THE MOTHER
…Kinda sound like a GRINCH HUH?...Sorry, I got talking about these wonderful HOLIDAYS and I lost myself. Because believe it or not you bunch of BROKEN DILDOS, I came this year to do the CHRISTMAS THING! SPREADING CHEER AND WISDOM and all that other HORSESHIT!!! You see in just a few moment I am going to…Well yall just watch K!
We see the tiny man dressed like an UPJUMPED Lawn GNOME(Imagine CLYDE NEWTON only shorter and MUCH MORE CHARISMATIC!!!) Anyway we see this man heading for the sign that lets people know that this here particular WINTER WONDERLAND is closed for the evening! But just before he is able to do that his eyes widen in almost disbelief as he finds himself basking in the glorious presence of the one and only JESTyR SeRyOu$, wearing a fuggin SANTA HAT AND EVERYTHING!, as well as a red sweater with Christmas lights on it around a GRINCH, and the question…IS IT TOO LATE TO BE GOOD??? Written in the center of it.
He strolls up with an actual Walmart Buggie completely filled with presents that look like they were wrapped by the ELVES THEMSELVES…But ya know not these asshats working here they aren’t the real deal and EVERYONE KNOWS IT!!!...But anyway this IMPOSTER MIDGET steps inbetween Mr. SeRyOU$ and the entrance giving him the old tough guy routine…
ChristmasVille Midget: Um sorry sir, but even if we weren’t closing now I can’t let you into the Christmas land with…whatever the hell all of this is?
Je$TyR SeRyOU$: Um, pardon me Good SIR, but you see I’m scheduled to take part in a wrestling match here in a few days and well, I just kinda want to get a “lay of the land” ya know?
Christmasland Midget: Sir, are you asking if you can walk around the Christmas land and hide weapons?
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: Something like that yeah! I mean they are presents for my fellow match participants…
Christmasland Midget: Sir, I can’t let you hide harmful objects inside of a place CALLED CHRISTMASLAND! So unless some of those presents are for me and my co-workers, AND THEY HAD BETTER BE PRETTY GOOD…I can’t let you sorry. Ohh and if I must say Mr. Stylez the make up is a weird touch, I kinda liked you better without all the…
Je$TyR SeRyOu$: SILENCE little TOAD! If it’s compensation you are after,, I kinda figured it may come to this…ANd well let’s just say I start off this season of giving…REALLLY GIVING!!!
Jester hands the tiny man a small tiny box that the tiny man quickly unwraps. He opens it up and looks up at Jestyr with confusion as he reaches his hands in and pulls out two keycards…Ya know hotel room keys….His face says all WHATTHEFUCK it needs to so JesTyR bends over and motions towards off to the side that we are unable to see presently…
Je$TyR SeRyOu$: Hmmm room keys…I know what you are thinking?...Johnny, what in the hell do I need two room keys for? I mean there is you and three others right?...Well I couldn’t get the group rate at the Holiday Inn, so I could really only spring for two rooms…But then again yall don’t need much room do ya?
Christmasland Midget: Room for what? CRAZY MAN I DON’T SEE…OHHHHHHHH
Je$TyR SeRyOU$: TO TAKE THEM TO!!!...ANd if I were you FoRTUNe CooKIe I’D GET GOIN IT’S REALLY COLD OUT HERE, and in my experience porn stars don’t do well in the cold!
The camera then pans around and we see some familiar faces…Ava Adams, Mason Moore, Oliva Austen, and Peyton Preselee, standing off to the side wearing elf costumes of their own…Only a lot less than the little fake elf trying not to have a heart attack at Jestyr’s feet. THeir suspenders are the only things covering there breasts as the other two elfs come over and watch as the ladies drink their hot chocolate and waving at their tiny gentlemen callers.
Christmasland Midget: Uhh…THAN…THANK YOU MR. STY…I MEAN MISTER SERYOUS!!! Just uhhh turn the lights off when you are done…YOu go over to that big orange lever over there and well you know…
Je$TyR SeRyOU$: Indeed I do….Yall have fun GENTZ! Don’t wear them out too bad…Somes of them gotta work tomorrow!
The other three run up and immediately shake the hands of the man who brought them the literal night of their lives. I dunno how yall’d rank that shit, but I think that puts this season of giving off to ONE HELL OF A START…SO why stop there?...Let’s go take a walk around this bitch!~
So Jestyr pushes his cart and rounds the first corner. He takes out the first present and unwraps it like it was his…But it’s not instead he informs us that this…Uhhh staple gun, is Jestyr’s gift for Mr. Corey BULL!
Je$TyR SeRyOu$: OK so…Guys I took it upon myself to be the MOST SERYOUS SECRET SANTA in all of CHRISTMAS this year…ANd I got you all a little something whether you deserved it or not…But after making my list and checking it THRICE…I have determined and can officially say that each of you deserves these presents more than you have deserved anything else
So first up…Mr. COREY BULL!!! HoW YA DOIN TONZ OF FUN? I know what you are thinking asshat, why would the guy you used to know as Johnny buy you a staple gun of all things?...And well if you want honesty, which is all you are going to get then I have to tell you the reason I got you a phucking staplegun ya GIANT MAN BABY is because it is a PHUCKING MIRACLE to ME THAT someone hasn’t stapled your GOT DAMN
..And all it will probably cost you is a trip to the hospital which is more than I can say is coming for these other PHUCKIN NERDS IN THIS CONTEST!!! But see before we move on I feel as though I should at least try and say something nice about you, which would make me the only one, but no one is keeping score!...So well I guess uhhhhh…
And if you keep phuckin around with me, not only will I staple your lil baby nuts to your leg but I’ll do the rest of the world a favor and staple your got damn lips shut! Because really Cor…talkin shit about you has wayyy too much low hanging fruit for my taste, but that don’t make any of it less true now does it DICKMOUTH???...MOVIN ON To MiSS…SKYLAR CARSONS!! Uhhh I know…
Well hmm let’s see here…
Jestyr unwraps the rather large rectangular present that took up a good amount of space on the buggie and after all the paper is thrown everywhere we see it is a cheap CURTAIN from that’s right WALLYWORLD YAY!!! A curtain…but why?
Je$TyR SeRyOU$: Well this my lovely lady as my faceless narrator just informed you is a CURTAIN…So what I need you to do now is…When you see this tomorrow night, I need you take a big chunk of it in your hand and then as firmly as you can give it a quick
Seriously MAMA, your every performance is more forgettable than the one that proceed it, and well this way we can all save some time and energy and just call a spade a spade. Now this CURTAIN will be hidden for you somewhere in this CHRISTMASVILLE where we are about to wage war…Now what you do when you find it, other than JERKING it of course, you may as well just go ahead and throw it over your head covering your face from the rest of the world completely it will be easier to hide your actual face from all the cheering and jeering…But also it will make it that much easier for me to use these…
Jestyr reaches in his pocket and removes a small package that he quickly unwraps and reveals to be brass knuckles with metal spikes on the tip of each knuckle for a lil extra UMMPPHHH
…There just do that and I’ll be able to put you out of our collective misery NO PROBLEM, and you can go back to jerking that brand new curtain your SeRyOu$ SaNTA so generously bestowed upon you…You can thank me later…Anyway, who is next?...Wait what’s this pubic hair’s name again?
OK so GIdeon my boy! I see you…For real, even if the vast majority of the Smash and collective WGWF rosters don’t, and well the fans because during your matches is usually when they decide to stand in line to buy way over priced John Blade COLORFUL URBAN HOPEFUL SUGGESTIVE MERCH!!! I mean if you be wonderin why when you walk out to these arenas and it’s always
But don’t worry, because they do that shit everytime Clyde Newton picks up a live mic, so at least you aint alone…ANd even if you read between the lines here and realize that yeah alone is exactly what you are, your favorite (and ONLY) SeRyOu$ SaNTA has you covered! I actually saved you for one of the last ones on purpose, because your lil Christmas miracle here took a bit more MIRACLE than CHRISTMAS ya feel me?...But either way the point is, I went out and got you the one thing you couldn’t get for yourself!
Jestyr stops and grabs two large square packages, he rips one open and the the other and once all the paper and ribbon is trashed we see two identical box fans. Jestyr pauses allowing Gideon n the res of yall to soak that one in before just coming out and sayin…
Now Mr. King even you can say you now have
Now they may not be the type you were and probably are still very much hoping for, but at the end of the day wrestling fans are fickle fools, and they definitely can’t assist in reviving you after I ground and pound your stupid ass into
But other than that Gidz, you are just some irrelevant tallywhacker who will be treated as such when its all said and done and I’ve turned ChristmasViLLe upside F-U-C-K-I-N-G DoWN putting you and the other phucksox
I’m talkin about the kind of down that is a whole lot more permanent! Don’t worry if you still confused I’ll clear it up for you personally tomorrow on live TELEVISION!!! So really if you like actually have people that care enough to watch you I may suggest they watch literally ANYTHING ELSE, The CHRISTMAS STORY, The Spanish Version of Jim Carrey’s version of The GRINCH, that weird BRAWL produced CLOWN PORN ON ONLYFANS,
Which brings us to the very last and the absolutely very PHUCKIN Lea$T! The SMASH BRAND’S MOST
…What did SeRyoU$ SaNTa get for you Frankie? I mean given the way our relationship has really blossomed over these past few weeks I couldn’t get you one of the rinky dink gifts I got the other phuck mooks now could I?...No I had to get something super special for my fellow COUYON! And well Frankie as you can personally attest to yourself the moment you show your stupid face in South Carolina for your flogging and or funeral is that I actually did grant you something of actual value. The one thing more valuable than anything else if the founding fathers of these here United States are to be believed. Of course I am talking about your
But don’t go getting it all twisted thinking I did that out of the kindness of my own heart, as I can assure you FrankiePHUCKboy it is anything but! THe reason I aint pressing charges because the damage has already been done, I don’t have to tell you all over every TV from sea to shining phucking sea has been the headline of New Orleans man of the year arrested for assault and battery! Sure your DA friend went to bat for you and maybe has mopped up more of the mess than I anticipated, but the seed is planted! This isn’t about the award anymore asshole! This is about exposing you for the fraud and liar I had you pegged for the moment I laid eyes on ya! But the funnest part about all of this for me is Frankie I can see it just as much as I can literally smell it on you and I have to say for someone who doesn’t have the taste for it you really are a gaping, dripping,
HAHA…HEY ASSHOLE JOKES ARE SUPPOSED TO BE MY SHIT!!! In order to stop this war you forced us into it is going to require you to sink down to my level for you to have a hope of a prayer of anything resembling a got damn miracle to win (HA me with the jokes again, sorry) survive this ordeal…You know it and I know it, and that is where I am going to truly defeat and in all probability eventually destroy you Frankie! And then they will see you for what you are and always have been…SO whats it all worth to ya Frankie POO? Because here is where I’m at with shit, some are hoping Ill zone in on you and allow one of these unworthy wankerz to sneak into lucrative and then even bigger clusterphuck matches to be crowned the newest CHAMPION on the most intoxicating brand of pro wrasslin in the world today. Yes the stakes have never been higher for any of us, but even if this second chance slips beyond my grasp in all honesty I’ll be ok with it, because one other promise I can make you FRANKIE one of the biggest promises I’ve made all phuckin year amigo! And that promise my friend is that quite
I may not emerge victorious, which is fine because eventually that title will one day in the near and clear find its way around my waist! By hook or phucking crook makes no nevermind to me, but I just got a feelin that me and that belt will find our way to each other eventually! SO if it happens for me here YAY, if not that’s fine too because Frankie my boy you and I got business, as I’m sure you are aware…And the reason I granted you your freedom mother phucker was to demonstrate to you and any other perspective clients that the way I do business is by taking overhyped fisher price jag offs just like you and as loudly and proudly as I can give you and these other three MO-MO’s the GOT DAMN B.U.S.I.N.E.S.S. and that is what SeRyoU$ SaNTa MEANS when he says this time tomorrow night all yall WHO’S FROM WHOGIVESAPHUCKVILLE will be forced against your will to
SeRyOu$ flashes that arrogant black and white painted smirk as we see him hide the presents in the buggie all over the scheduled battlefield for the final stage in a quest to crown the first WGWF X-Division Champion. As there was much more in the buggie then the gifts he gave out to his opponents there are bags of thumbtacks, and broken glass, kendo sticks, brooms, he even hides his recently monster mutated karaoke mallet wrapped in razorwire, he even goes for a retro weapon as he hangs a snow shovel on the back of one of the Christmas trees. He stops after perfectly placing each instrument of destruction, then he walks up to the giant orange lever he was instructed to turn off when he was finished. Jestyr rips off the Santa hat and spits on it, as he lays a finger on the side of his nose and shoots out one nasty snot rocket as his hand pulls the lever sending you all to anxiously await the next episode of Monday Night SMASH! Leaving behind the same notion he always does that just as sure as Santa’s cookies come with Milk, this time just like all the udder times
!!!!F’N LoVe CHRi$TMaS!!!!
…WHAT’S NOT TO LOVE RIGHT???...RIGHT!!!!
I mean sure the music is terrible, you got your molester uncle coming over, and there is tonz of phuckin food that you and these mongoloids otherwise known as your family gathered around a table and drunkenly argued over an actual got damn month ago!
…But ya know other than that, it truly is
~$~ THe Mo$T WONDeRFuL TiMe oF THe YeaR ~$~
…THIS YEAR THERE WILL BE HAPPY BEATINGS FULL OF LOTS OF GOOD CHEER!!!
Plus FPV is apparently comin to the got damn party so we don’t have to worry because now we know for sure that the YuLETiDe will indeed fact be what it is supposed to this time of year which is of course
!!!!!!G.A.Y.!!!!!!
…ANd VeRy MeRRy AND BRiGHT…OR WHATEVER!!!!
But all joking aside how could any of you be a Scrooge or a GRINCH when you find out the only remaining path to becoming the first SMASH Champion of X is to bash the brains in of some broken dildos inside of a place like this…
…Enter CHRISTMASVILLE South Carolina~!
This place looks like every terrible Christmas movie on every Lifetime Christmas Movie Marathon going on RIGHT NOW!...Only MUCH MUCH
!!!!!F’N W.O.R.S.E.!!!!!
…Makes You KiNDa VoMIT YoUR JiNGLE BeLLZ OUT YA KNOW???
I mean there are rows of fuggin Christmas Trees…which is a very PAGAN TRADITION MIND YOU!!! There are lights and candy cane striped polls and it even comes equipped with their very own patronized little people whom you are to “BELIEVE” are the Elves in Santa’s workshop, even though the entire Santa Clause populace is allegedly aware of the little fact that Santa’s WORKSHOP IS LOCATED IN THE MOTHER
!!!!!F’N NORTH POLE!!!!!
…WHICH GOOGLE MAPS WILL GLADLY SHOW YOU AINT ANYWHERE NEAR SOUTH CAROLINA!!!
…Kinda sound like a GRINCH HUH?...Sorry, I got talking about these wonderful HOLIDAYS and I lost myself. Because believe it or not you bunch of BROKEN DILDOS, I came this year to do the CHRISTMAS THING! SPREADING CHEER AND WISDOM and all that other HORSESHIT!!! You see in just a few moment I am going to…Well yall just watch K!
Christmas Eve’s EVE
12/23/23
10:59 p.m.
We see the tiny man dressed like an UPJUMPED Lawn GNOME(Imagine CLYDE NEWTON only shorter and MUCH MORE CHARISMATIC!!!) Anyway we see this man heading for the sign that lets people know that this here particular WINTER WONDERLAND is closed for the evening! But just before he is able to do that his eyes widen in almost disbelief as he finds himself basking in the glorious presence of the one and only JESTyR SeRyOu$, wearing a fuggin SANTA HAT AND EVERYTHING!, as well as a red sweater with Christmas lights on it around a GRINCH, and the question…IS IT TOO LATE TO BE GOOD??? Written in the center of it.
He strolls up with an actual Walmart Buggie completely filled with presents that look like they were wrapped by the ELVES THEMSELVES…But ya know not these asshats working here they aren’t the real deal and EVERYONE KNOWS IT!!!...But anyway this IMPOSTER MIDGET steps inbetween Mr. SeRyOU$ and the entrance giving him the old tough guy routine…
ChristmasVille Midget: Um sorry sir, but even if we weren’t closing now I can’t let you into the Christmas land with…whatever the hell all of this is?
Je$TyR SeRyOU$: Um, pardon me Good SIR, but you see I’m scheduled to take part in a wrestling match here in a few days and well, I just kinda want to get a “lay of the land” ya know?
Christmasland Midget: Sir, are you asking if you can walk around the Christmas land and hide weapons?
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: Something like that yeah! I mean they are presents for my fellow match participants…
Christmasland Midget: Sir, I can’t let you hide harmful objects inside of a place CALLED CHRISTMASLAND! So unless some of those presents are for me and my co-workers, AND THEY HAD BETTER BE PRETTY GOOD…I can’t let you sorry. Ohh and if I must say Mr. Stylez the make up is a weird touch, I kinda liked you better without all the…
Je$TyR SeRyOu$: SILENCE little TOAD! If it’s compensation you are after,, I kinda figured it may come to this…ANd well let’s just say I start off this season of giving…REALLLY GIVING!!!
Jester hands the tiny man a small tiny box that the tiny man quickly unwraps. He opens it up and looks up at Jestyr with confusion as he reaches his hands in and pulls out two keycards…Ya know hotel room keys….His face says all WHATTHEFUCK it needs to so JesTyR bends over and motions towards off to the side that we are unable to see presently…
Je$TyR SeRyOu$: Hmmm room keys…I know what you are thinking?...Johnny, what in the hell do I need two room keys for? I mean there is you and three others right?...Well I couldn’t get the group rate at the Holiday Inn, so I could really only spring for two rooms…But then again yall don’t need much room do ya?
Christmasland Midget: Room for what? CRAZY MAN I DON’T SEE…OHHHHHHHH
Je$TyR SeRyOU$: TO TAKE THEM TO!!!...ANd if I were you FoRTUNe CooKIe I’D GET GOIN IT’S REALLY COLD OUT HERE, and in my experience porn stars don’t do well in the cold!
The camera then pans around and we see some familiar faces…Ava Adams, Mason Moore, Oliva Austen, and Peyton Preselee, standing off to the side wearing elf costumes of their own…Only a lot less than the little fake elf trying not to have a heart attack at Jestyr’s feet. THeir suspenders are the only things covering there breasts as the other two elfs come over and watch as the ladies drink their hot chocolate and waving at their tiny gentlemen callers.
Christmasland Midget: Uhh…THAN…THANK YOU MR. STY…I MEAN MISTER SERYOUS!!! Just uhhh turn the lights off when you are done…YOu go over to that big orange lever over there and well you know…
Je$TyR SeRyOU$: Indeed I do….Yall have fun GENTZ! Don’t wear them out too bad…Somes of them gotta work tomorrow!
The other three run up and immediately shake the hands of the man who brought them the literal night of their lives. I dunno how yall’d rank that shit, but I think that puts this season of giving off to ONE HELL OF A START…SO why stop there?...Let’s go take a walk around this bitch!~
So Jestyr pushes his cart and rounds the first corner. He takes out the first present and unwraps it like it was his…But it’s not instead he informs us that this…Uhhh staple gun, is Jestyr’s gift for Mr. Corey BULL!
Je$TyR SeRyOu$: OK so…Guys I took it upon myself to be the MOST SERYOUS SECRET SANTA in all of CHRISTMAS this year…ANd I got you all a little something whether you deserved it or not…But after making my list and checking it THRICE…I have determined and can officially say that each of you deserves these presents more than you have deserved anything else
!!!!!ALL F’N YEAR!!!!!
…SO Ya KNOW YOU’RE WELCOME AND SHIT!!!
So first up…Mr. COREY BULL!!! HoW YA DOIN TONZ OF FUN? I know what you are thinking asshat, why would the guy you used to know as Johnny buy you a staple gun of all things?...And well if you want honesty, which is all you are going to get then I have to tell you the reason I got you a phucking staplegun ya GIANT MAN BABY is because it is a PHUCKING MIRACLE to ME THAT someone hasn’t stapled your GOT DAMN
!!!!!NuTZ 2 YOuR LEG ALReaDy!!!!
BUT DON’T WORRY ILL FIX THAT SHIT FOR YA PRONTO AMIGO!!!
..And all it will probably cost you is a trip to the hospital which is more than I can say is coming for these other PHUCKIN NERDS IN THIS CONTEST!!! But see before we move on I feel as though I should at least try and say something nice about you, which would make me the only one, but no one is keeping score!...So well I guess uhhhhh…
!!!!!YOU HAVE THE MOST FITTING LAST NAME!!!!
…Cause EVERYTHING THAT FALLS OUT OF THAT DICK GARAGE OF A MOUTH IS NOTHING BUT THICKLY COATED BULL(SHIT)!!!
And if you keep phuckin around with me, not only will I staple your lil baby nuts to your leg but I’ll do the rest of the world a favor and staple your got damn lips shut! Because really Cor…talkin shit about you has wayyy too much low hanging fruit for my taste, but that don’t make any of it less true now does it DICKMOUTH???...MOVIN ON To MiSS…SKYLAR CARSONS!! Uhhh I know…
???ANyOnE EL$E underWHELMED???
…BUT WHAT DID SANTA SERyOU$ GeT FoR YOU?
Well hmm let’s see here…
Jestyr unwraps the rather large rectangular present that took up a good amount of space on the buggie and after all the paper is thrown everywhere we see it is a cheap CURTAIN from that’s right WALLYWORLD YAY!!! A curtain…but why?
Je$TyR SeRyOU$: Well this my lovely lady as my faceless narrator just informed you is a CURTAIN…So what I need you to do now is…When you see this tomorrow night, I need you take a big chunk of it in your hand and then as firmly as you can give it a quick
!!!!!J.E.R.K.!!!!!!
…AND THEN TELL ME THAT SHIT DON’T FEEL EL NATURELLE!!!!
Seriously MAMA, your every performance is more forgettable than the one that proceed it, and well this way we can all save some time and energy and just call a spade a spade. Now this CURTAIN will be hidden for you somewhere in this CHRISTMASVILLE where we are about to wage war…Now what you do when you find it, other than JERKING it of course, you may as well just go ahead and throw it over your head covering your face from the rest of the world completely it will be easier to hide your actual face from all the cheering and jeering…But also it will make it that much easier for me to use these…
Jestyr reaches in his pocket and removes a small package that he quickly unwraps and reveals to be brass knuckles with metal spikes on the tip of each knuckle for a lil extra UMMPPHHH
…There just do that and I’ll be able to put you out of our collective misery NO PROBLEM, and you can go back to jerking that brand new curtain your SeRyOu$ SaNTA so generously bestowed upon you…You can thank me later…Anyway, who is next?...Wait what’s this pubic hair’s name again?
!!!!!!OHHH I ReMeMBeR!!!!!!
GiDeON KING…Yes I KNoW AGaIN w/ THE underWHELMING , BUT HeaR ME OUT K???
OK so GIdeon my boy! I see you…For real, even if the vast majority of the Smash and collective WGWF rosters don’t, and well the fans because during your matches is usually when they decide to stand in line to buy way over priced John Blade COLORFUL URBAN HOPEFUL SUGGESTIVE MERCH!!! I mean if you be wonderin why when you walk out to these arenas and it’s always
?F’N QUIET?
I’m TaLKIn THE AwKWaRD KiNDa QuIET…LiKe HaNNaKuH at THe HiTLeR’Z AwKWaRD YA KNOW??
But don’t worry, because they do that shit everytime Clyde Newton picks up a live mic, so at least you aint alone…ANd even if you read between the lines here and realize that yeah alone is exactly what you are, your favorite (and ONLY) SeRyOu$ SaNTA has you covered! I actually saved you for one of the last ones on purpose, because your lil Christmas miracle here took a bit more MIRACLE than CHRISTMAS ya feel me?...But either way the point is, I went out and got you the one thing you couldn’t get for yourself!
Jestyr stops and grabs two large square packages, he rips one open and the the other and once all the paper and ribbon is trashed we see two identical box fans. Jestyr pauses allowing Gideon n the res of yall to soak that one in before just coming out and sayin…
Now Mr. King even you can say you now have
!!!!!F.A.N.S.!!!!!!
…NOT JUST ONE EITHER…I WENT THE EXTRA AND MADE SURE MY BOY GOT TWO OF THEM BITCHES!!!
Now they may not be the type you were and probably are still very much hoping for, but at the end of the day wrestling fans are fickle fools, and they definitely can’t assist in reviving you after I ground and pound your stupid ass into
!!!!!F’N OBLiVioN!!!!
…You Can THANK ME WHEN YOU WAKE YOUR SILLY ASS UP NEXT YEAR!!!
But other than that Gidz, you are just some irrelevant tallywhacker who will be treated as such when its all said and done and I’ve turned ChristmasViLLe upside F-U-C-K-I-N-G DoWN putting you and the other phucksox
!!!!THe F DoWN!!!!
Not JuST oN THa SeRyoU$ NaUGHTy Li$T EITHER PHuCKMooK!!!!
I’m talkin about the kind of down that is a whole lot more permanent! Don’t worry if you still confused I’ll clear it up for you personally tomorrow on live TELEVISION!!! So really if you like actually have people that care enough to watch you I may suggest they watch literally ANYTHING ELSE, The CHRISTMAS STORY, The Spanish Version of Jim Carrey’s version of The GRINCH, that weird BRAWL produced CLOWN PORN ON ONLYFANS,
!!!!!LiTeRaLLY F’N ANYTHING!!!!!
CAUSE IT’S AB TO GeT BoWLInG SHoE UGLY FOR YOU MY BOY!!!
Which brings us to the very last and the absolutely very PHUCKIN Lea$T! The SMASH BRAND’S MOST
~!!$!!~ LoVeABLe F’N Lo$eR ~!!$!!~
FRANK PATRICK VENABLE…FIGHTING RIGHT OUTTA CELL BLOCK E!!!
…What did SeRyoU$ SaNTa get for you Frankie? I mean given the way our relationship has really blossomed over these past few weeks I couldn’t get you one of the rinky dink gifts I got the other phuck mooks now could I?...No I had to get something super special for my fellow COUYON! And well Frankie as you can personally attest to yourself the moment you show your stupid face in South Carolina for your flogging and or funeral is that I actually did grant you something of actual value. The one thing more valuable than anything else if the founding fathers of these here United States are to be believed. Of course I am talking about your
!!!!!FReeDOM, BITCH!!!!!
…IN OTHER WORDZ I AM REFUSING TO PRESS CHARGES FOR YOUR PERSONAL ASSAULT ON ME ON NATIONAL TELEVISION!!!
But don’t go getting it all twisted thinking I did that out of the kindness of my own heart, as I can assure you FrankiePHUCKboy it is anything but! THe reason I aint pressing charges because the damage has already been done, I don’t have to tell you all over every TV from sea to shining phucking sea has been the headline of New Orleans man of the year arrested for assault and battery! Sure your DA friend went to bat for you and maybe has mopped up more of the mess than I anticipated, but the seed is planted! This isn’t about the award anymore asshole! This is about exposing you for the fraud and liar I had you pegged for the moment I laid eyes on ya! But the funnest part about all of this for me is Frankie I can see it just as much as I can literally smell it on you and I have to say for someone who doesn’t have the taste for it you really are a gaping, dripping,
!!!!!SWEaTy F’N CUNT!!!!!
BUT IT’S LIKE YOU REALLY THINK YOURSELF A HERO!!!!
HAHA…HEY ASSHOLE JOKES ARE SUPPOSED TO BE MY SHIT!!! In order to stop this war you forced us into it is going to require you to sink down to my level for you to have a hope of a prayer of anything resembling a got damn miracle to win (HA me with the jokes again, sorry) survive this ordeal…You know it and I know it, and that is where I am going to truly defeat and in all probability eventually destroy you Frankie! And then they will see you for what you are and always have been…SO whats it all worth to ya Frankie POO? Because here is where I’m at with shit, some are hoping Ill zone in on you and allow one of these unworthy wankerz to sneak into lucrative and then even bigger clusterphuck matches to be crowned the newest CHAMPION on the most intoxicating brand of pro wrasslin in the world today. Yes the stakes have never been higher for any of us, but even if this second chance slips beyond my grasp in all honesty I’ll be ok with it, because one other promise I can make you FRANKIE one of the biggest promises I’ve made all phuckin year amigo! And that promise my friend is that quite
!!!!!FRAnKLy YoU CaN FLuSH ANY AND F’N EVERY!!!!
PRECONCEIVED NOTION YOU EVER HAD MAKING IT TO THAT MATCH!!!
I may not emerge victorious, which is fine because eventually that title will one day in the near and clear find its way around my waist! By hook or phucking crook makes no nevermind to me, but I just got a feelin that me and that belt will find our way to each other eventually! SO if it happens for me here YAY, if not that’s fine too because Frankie my boy you and I got business, as I’m sure you are aware…And the reason I granted you your freedom mother phucker was to demonstrate to you and any other perspective clients that the way I do business is by taking overhyped fisher price jag offs just like you and as loudly and proudly as I can give you and these other three MO-MO’s the GOT DAMN B.U.S.I.N.E.S.S. and that is what SeRyoU$ SaNTa MEANS when he says this time tomorrow night all yall WHO’S FROM WHOGIVESAPHUCKVILLE will be forced against your will to
!!!!SoaK!!!!
!!!!SoMe!!!!
!!!!UP!!!!
…So Ya KNOW MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL CaUSe TOM’s GuNNA BE A LONNGGGG NIGHT!!!
SeRyOu$ flashes that arrogant black and white painted smirk as we see him hide the presents in the buggie all over the scheduled battlefield for the final stage in a quest to crown the first WGWF X-Division Champion. As there was much more in the buggie then the gifts he gave out to his opponents there are bags of thumbtacks, and broken glass, kendo sticks, brooms, he even hides his recently monster mutated karaoke mallet wrapped in razorwire, he even goes for a retro weapon as he hangs a snow shovel on the back of one of the Christmas trees. He stops after perfectly placing each instrument of destruction, then he walks up to the giant orange lever he was instructed to turn off when he was finished. Jestyr rips off the Santa hat and spits on it, as he lays a finger on the side of his nose and shoots out one nasty snot rocket as his hand pulls the lever sending you all to anxiously await the next episode of Monday Night SMASH! Leaving behind the same notion he always does that just as sure as Santa’s cookies come with Milk, this time just like all the udder times
…HaS BeeN YoUR PLea$uRE!!!!
4:21
…BeTTeR LaTe
THAN
NeVeR