Post by sportsentertainmentx on Dec 4, 2023 12:22:58 GMT -5
Stardate 20231203
Brother… WHAT DID I JUST STEP IN!?!
Terry Marshall posed this question to Space Lord as he followed his partner through the sewers of Los Angeles. “It’s best you don’t know, or look to see, or smell to check. Just ignore it and move on”, Space Lord replied as he shined his flashlight saber ahead of himself and Terry.
The duo were no longer in Miami, well, technically Terry was never in Miami, but I didn’t want you to get confused and think that Space Lord was still
in the sewers of Miami with the Morlocks. Now they were in the sewers beneath the City of Angels. Space Lord had been granted honorary Morlock status, and as such was given permission to use the sewers of any city he ventured to for convenience and speed. But, why are they in Los Angeles when their next match takes place in WGWF you ask? Well, hold your horses and enjoy the ride and the wonderful story of how S.E.X saved KLOS 95.5.
A few stardates earlier on 20231201 a band called “The Lone Wolves” had infiltrated KLOS 95.5, the largest, and one of the oldest rock stations in the world. The Lone Wolves were what you might call “loveable losers”. They were a decent band, though the lead singer carried most of the weight, and there was considerable weight to carry if you were judging just off the size of the other band members.
They had talent, but not enough talent to break through as one of the best bands in the world. I mean they are better than Fozzy, but that isn’t saying much. In their last performance, The Lone Wolves had butchered a cover of “Fortunate Son”, and with that, it seemed that their chances of making it big had slipped through their fingers.
Out of frustration, The Lone Wolves devised a plan where they would take over KLOS and force them to play their songs until everyone fell in love with their music. The Los Angeles police department was unable to reclaim the station, and the people of LA were beginning to bleed from their ears at the constant sound of The Lone Wolves' voices. So, the mayor of Los Angeles called the closest thing he could find to the real-life Avengers, he called for S.EX.
No, not one of those old 900 numbers that was like five dollars a minute. I’m talking about the Sports Entertainment Xpress, “Thundering” Terry Marshall, and Space Lord. That is why the WGWF Tag Team champions are traveling through the sewers of Los Angeles, for a surprise attack from below on The Lone Wolves to recapture KLOS 95.5.
You know brother, it’s kind of odd the band that took this radio station in a siege has the same name as the team we are facing at Smash.
Yes, it is odd. Shows a lack of originality in the naming process.
Not everyone can have a name as cool as S.E.X dude.
Terry, are you trying to transition into a monologue?
Honestly brother… yes. Anything to take my mind off of the smell of this sewer.
I know the smell is horrendous, it reminds me of Grado’s odorous body. Has he not yet discovered the odor deterrent?
Sounds like you are ready to monologue too brother.
Space Lord stops walking and turns his head to look over his shoulder at Terry Marshall. Illuminated by the forward-facing flashlight saber, Space Lord gives a grin and says, “Always”.
Monologue:
The Lone Wolves, uh brothers, there are two of you, you’re not exactly lone.
YES! THEY ARE OXYGEN MORONS!
Brother, I think you mean that is an oxymoron.
Do I? Or, do I mean they are morons who breathe oxygen. They will be breathing that oxygen deeply when we push them to their limits at Smash. Space Lord only knows one direction, and that is forward. I only know one style of combat, to attack and keep on attacking. I push mortals to their limits, and if you are not ready for that pushing, you will get run over and trampled underfoot
S.E.X bangs hard, S.E.X bangs all night long, and S.E.X BANG DIG!!!! The bigger the bang, the more easily it is to you put to sleep for the night. Wolves who are not alone, I will bang you both so hard you’ll sleep for two weeks only to wake up and lose at Smash again.
This time there will no Cable Guys, and there will be no Chris “Turn The” Page, to interfere. No, it will be duo a duo, banging it out for those WGWF tag team titles. The best team that WGWF can offer, also known as the Oxygen Moron Wolves, versus the best team this third rock from the sun has ever seen, the Sports Entertainment Xpress.
S.E.X has proven to be the best, we have beaten every team WGWF has to offer, and some of them we have beaten twice, but we have not beaten the Never Alone Wolves, but only because we have never faced them. Wolves, you were fortunate and got past the son, but now you face the daddies of the tag team world. After Smash you will call us big poppas. And you know what? I love it when you call me big poppa.
I love it when you call me Big Poppa. Throw your hands in the ring if you're a true fighter. I love it when you call me Big Poppa. To the Cables gettin' money, playin' wrestlers like dummies, fooling them with the cheap mask. I love it when you call me Big Poppa. You got a vacant space on your waist, please don't sneak attack us in the place.'Cause I see some challengers tonight that should be getting banged, big banged baby uh, baby uh.
Straight up, Cables, really I'm asking. Most of these wrestlers think it ain’t you that be attacken, but they be actin'. Who they attractin' with that lie?, What's your names? What's your size? As soon as they ask those lies, I just creep up from behind, that's right, big banging from the big papa. And ask you what your interests are, and who you are. Things that make you grimace, what limbs to twist. You gon' be here for a while? I'm going tp' go beat the rest of the Not Alone Wolf crew, you go call your Cable network, and we can rendezvous in the ring for round two.
Ya know something brother, I believed John Cable and Chris Page when they told me that John wasn’t behind these masked morons sneak-attacking us. But after my brother turned on me, and everything that has happened with The Cabal in TPW it’s really hard for me to trust anyone. How do I know that it isn’t Sam Chapman and Grado under those Cable masks attacking us? They play the nice guy role, but so did my brother, so did El Diablo Blanco, and so has so many other people who just turned their back on me. Truth is dude, jealousy and envy make people go wild.
Sam, Grado, I don’t know for sure if you are the masked dudes who have been attacking us, but I do know that we are going to be the ones on the attack at Smash. Space Lord and I might be fighting while looking over our shoulders, but that might just be enough to put you guys on a level playing field with us. What I mean by that, is that as good as you guys are, I don’t think you got what it takes to hang with us.
I’m not saying you dudes are talented because you are. You wouldn’t have made it past JMont and Amber Mansley. People can say it was Page that won the match for you dudes all they want, but at the end of the day, it was Grado who pinned JMont, and earned TheWolves a shot at S.E.X. So, if Grado, Sam, or anyone else thinks for one minute that the Sports Entertainment Xpress think we already got this in the bag than you’re wrong Jack.
Space Lord and I know that every team that comes for us is going to be shooting their best shot and giving it all they got. We know we’re the Pat Benatars of WGWF and that people are going to try and hit us with their best shot. And ya know what dudes? We wouldn’t have it any other way.
We want the best Grado and Sam have to offer, just like we want the best anyone who comes for us has to offer. Because that is exactly what you are getting from us, the best. Grado, Sam, at Smash you are going to get the best S.E.X of your life. And it’s going to end, with S.E.X just like the Win, O’MATIC!
We’ve run this division in a way that only happens ever so often. We’re like the New England Patriots of the two-thousands, the Chicago Bulls of the nineties, or the New York Yankees of the Eighties. We are a once-in-a-decade, NO, once-in-a-lifetime level team. If we’ve said it once, we’ve said it a hundred times, but that doesn’t change the fact that it is true and continues to be true. We’ve run through everyone the WGWF has to offer, and like the N.W.A, we’re a hundred miles and running.
You get in the way of the Sports Entertainment Xpress and you are gonna get run over dude. I’m not trying to sound cocky, but brother I’m definitely confident. Now, I know that every dog has his day. And, I know that the talent here in WGWF is so good that on any given day, any wrestler can beat another, but brother there is no team, and no force in the WGWF, or in the whole world that can stop Sexamania.
So, that just leaves one question for you Sam and Grado. Whatcha gonna do? WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN YO GET THE BEST S.E.X OF YOUR LIFE!?! I’ll tell ya exactly what you are gonna do dudes. You’re gonna lay flat on your backs and take it. You boys will be counting the lights, the ref will be counting the pin, and Sports Entertainment Xpress will be counting the days on what will be our record-breaking reign as the WGWF tag team champions.
Good time to wrap that monologue up Terry, because we are here.
Back To The Story:
Brother, we aren’t teenagers, mutants, ninjas, or turtles, are you sure this is how we get into the building?
This manhole leads us into the parking garage, which is connected to the station via a breezeway. Or, we can go through the spillage tunnel and come out in the basement of the building.
Well, brother, it sounds a lot better to go through the tunnel.
“Ok”, Space Lord says as he turns the flashlight saber to the tunnel entrance. The light reveals dark brown water dropping off strands of toilet paper that hang from the edge of the tunnel opening.
Uh, on second thought brother, cowabunga it is.
Marshall and Space Lord climb through the manhole and find no resistance in the parking garage. They make it through the breeze without any resistance either, and this makes Terry Marshall start to think that things are going way too easily as they slip into the actual building itself. As they make it to an elevator Space Lord presses the button, and Marshall is on high alert until the door opens revealing it is empty.
“This is the fastest way to the upstairs lobby where the hostages are being held”, Space Lord says as he steps onto the elevator.
As the duo listens to the quiet sounds of John Tesh over the elevator speaker, Terry Marshall speaks his mind, saying “Brother, doesn't it seem odd to you that there are no signs of anyone even in this radio station.”.
Space Lord shrugs and nonchalantly answers “Maybe they really are lone Wolves”.
Just as Space Lord finishes speaking the elevator stops and the door opens with a chime. The doors open revealing a large open lobby that appears to be vacant. As the Sports Entertainment Xpress steps into the middle of the lobby a high-pitched voice rings out.
STOP RIGHT THERE!!!
Space Lord and Terry Marshall look up to see a short and stout man and another man who can best be described as a poor man's Shamar Moore. Behind them are some generic-looking band members holding the radio staff Hostage. Marshall flexes and begins to move forward when Space Lord holds his arm out to stop him.
Under his breath in a hushed tone Space Lord says, “do you see that belt around the Great Value Shamar Moore-looking guys waist?”.
How could I miss it? It looks like a bootleg WGWF replica belt.
Well, it's not. It's the Steppenwolf belt, it gives the holder the power of all Steppenwolf songs.
“He's right”, the belt wearer says as he steps in front of everyone looking down at the duo.
Look dude, just let the hostages go and no one has to get hurt.
Oh, well, I don't want anyone to get hurt. Okay, let them go.
The Jabroni extras nod their heads and untie the hostages. Marshall looks at Space Lord confused, knowing this has all been too easy. As the hostages get to the bottom of the stairs and the lobby Marshall and Space Lord begin to direct them to the emergency exit while looking back cautiously, and as Wish Shamar Moore begins to speak, we see they were cautious for a reason.
Oh yes, one more thing about those hostages. They…
And explode into space.
Like a true nature's child.
We were born, born to be wild.
We can climb so high.
I never wanna die.
As TEMU Shmar Moore begins to sign the hostages begin to foam at the mouth as their pupils turn pitch black. Their teeth turn to fangs, and their nails become claws.
Brother, what is going on?
They are compelled by the power of Steppenwolf and are becoming wild.
Don’t worry, it’s set to stun.
Good dude, because these are still innocent people, we just have to figure out how to stop the power of the Steppenwolf belt.
The only way to stop it is to take it.
Marshall nods his head and the two men go in opposite directions. As a wild hostage charges at Marshall, Marshall twists sideways and takes the hostage over with a hip toss. Marshall then spins with the footwork of an NFL Offensive Guard and slams his massive arms across the chest of the largest hostage with his trademark Thunderstruck, which is a discus Polish hammer for those who don’t know.
Meanwhile, Space Lord is racking up a higher body count than an early 2000s Jasmin St. Claire as he continues stunning hostages with his flashlight saber. Space Lord heads up the stairs on the other side of the balcony when the last two remaining hostages step in front of him. Space Lord holds his hands up as if surrendering, dropping the flashlight saber as he does. The wild hostages move closer, and as they get in arms reach Space Lord grabs them by the head and slams their heads together knocking them out.
Space Lord charges up the stars as the Shamar Moore-looking front man stands at the top waiting on him.
Oh Space Lord, I think you need a break… a foggy mental breakdown that is.
Let the loneliness roll in.
Like the foggy mountain dew.
Wipe the madness from my eye.'Till my anger slowly dies.
When the shadow play begins.
The singing may have been bad, but the power of the Steppenwolf belt was mighty. Space Lord tried covering his ears but staggered backward, fell down the steps, and rolled to the bottom. At the bottom of the steps, Space Lord rolled into a ball and began rocking back and forth.
Marshall sees his partner in danger, and this kicks his adrenaline up a notch. The backup guitarist swings his guitar like a Wild Slap Nuts, but Marshall catches the Gibson ax, spins, and uses the momentum to throw the rhythm guitarist over the edge of the steps to the floor below. The bassist tried to grab Marshall, but Marshall slapped him like Paul Rudd slappa da bass in “I Love You Man”.
All that stands between Marshall and The Wolves is the drummer. The drummer throws the drumstick at Marshall, and Marshall catches it in his hand. Marshall snarls at the drummer and snaps the stick like a twig. The little drummer boy gulps, and then turns and runs away.
Marshall charges up the stairs when the human teapot-looking member of the Wolves meets him at the top.
Brother, I'm about to grab your handle and your spout, tip you over, and pour you out.
Don’t worry about him, he’s just trying to be a ball crusher.
Don't ya squeeze me Baby, or you will earn your stripes.
And you better not be a ball crusher.
If you don't know how to pay the price.
Marshall’s eyes grow large, and his hands cover his privates as he falls to the ground in pain. Marshall feels as if his manhood has crawled up is stomach and is about to spill out his mouth as he lays on the ground in excruciating pain.
The Wolves stand over the fallen Marshall, licking their lips like predators over prey. Suddenly, that is the sound of buttons quickly unsnapping is heard, as the pain in Marshall’s lightning bolt ceases. The Wolves turn around to see Space Lord holding the Steppenwolf belt he had removed from behind
BUT…BUT, HOW!?!
HAHA! You fools, I do not have a mental to break down foggy. You fail for my ploy, you re as foolish as the fools who think John Cable has fooled me.
“Brother, IT WASN’T JOHN CABLE!” Marshall says as he gets up slowly.
The Wolves look nervous as Marshall grabs them by their shirt collars and lifts them off the ground. “What you two are in some big trouble dudes”, Marshall says with gritted teeth.
“Put them down Terry”, Space Lord says as he straps on the Steppenwolf belt.
Marshall begrudgingly throws The Wolves down to the ground. Space Lord steps back and motions for Marshall to do the same. Marshall steps back and begins to wonder what kind of idea his insane partner could have come up with.
I think they need to take a ride, Terry. A magic carpet ride.
On a cloud of sound I drift in the night
Any place it goes is right
Goes far, flies near
To the stars away from here
Well, you don't know what we can find
Why don't you come with me, little girl
On a magic carpet ride
The carpet under The Wolves rips itself from the ground and floats into the air. The Wolves look terrified and try to jump off, but as they do the edge of the carpet rises to roll them back onto it. The Carpet keeps fighting them to keep them on as it rises higher into the air. Once at elevation, the magic carpet takes off like a rocket and bursts through a giant window in the studio, and speeds off into the great blue sky.
Brother, that belt could be a seriously dangerous weapon.
If you think this one is dangerous you should see the KISS Love Gun or the Metallica Mallet, it puts Rocket Racoon’s Hadron Enforcer, and Thor’s Mjollnir to shame.
That thing should be locked away, dude.
We will lock it away. The Steppenwolf belt shall be as secure as our WGWF World Tag Team titles.
The hostages begin to slowly wake up, no longer affected by the power of the Steppenwolf belt, but still feeling the effects of the rough S.E.X beating they took as wild things. A beating that the Wolves who clearly aren't Lone will soon experience. Just like the hostages they will leave the match alive, but sore from some rough S.E.X.
~Fin