Taking Down The Cable Network
Nov 17, 2023 16:56:34 GMT -5
TheNewBreed and Jonathan Barrows like this
Post by sportsentertainmentx on Nov 17, 2023 16:56:34 GMT -5
Stardate 1123023
Brother, I’m telling you, I don’t think it was John Cable.
*Space Lord pays no mind to Terry Marshall as he prepares for battle. His usual neon facepaint is gone, he still has the same design, but now it is camouflage. He looks like Arnold Schwarzenegger preparing like in that scene from Commando.
Which honestly, wasn’t as cool as Issac Hayes's preparation and the vastly underrated “I’m Gonna Get You Sucka”, and this is coming from a huge Arnold Marl.
Back to the story though, this isn’t movie review/recap time. Space Lord prepares in the Armory of the Starship Desolator which hoovers above the atmosphere in Miami, out of the public eye to avoid being used in another CIA UFO video. Space Lord packed a utility vest, and a pair of tactical pants, which is how you can tell he expected serious trouble, wearing pants.
Terry had to return to home, or that was the excuse he was giving Space Lord as not to go on this hair-brained mission. Space Lord finished shoving his crystal knife into its sheath and then ran the last streak of paint across his face as he turned to Terry Marshall. *
Terry, it was John Cable and his twin.
Brother, it was two guys in masks trying to make us think it was John Cable. I’m telling you dude John is a good brother.
John may be the good brother but he has a Culkin out there to his Elijah Wood, a MacCaualy, and a Rory. I will find John or his evil twins, and I will make them confess their evil deeds.
Dude, why don’t you just wait until you get him in the ring at Smash?
Because Terry, getting there is half the fun.
But we are already in Miami.
I don’t mean to the arena, I mean getting to the fact of the matter. I’m going to hit him at home. Surprise attack on his own turf, that way I can catch him in the act, catch him red-handed with his two twin brothers.
Brother Cable lives in Pennsylvania, his bio says so.
Terry, do you really believe everything you read on the internet?
No dude, but…
*Space Lord holds his hand up. *
Terry, Cable runs under the streets. I extracted that information from one of his “Cable Technicians”, yesterday.
What?
Yes, his name is Xfinity. I saw his van sitting outside of a store, blatantly advertising his name and the fact that he is one of CVanble’s technicians right on the side of his van. I grabbed him, threw him in the S.E.X van, brought him back to the Desolator Dungeon, and extracted the information from him myself. He told me that Cable runs all around the city, state, and country underground. His vicious network is much deeper and wider spread than we ever could have imagined Terry.
The Desolator has a dungeon… Wait, brother, that isn’t John Cable, it’s cable, like cable television.
*Space Lord shakes his head in disappointment as he places his hand on his partner's shoulder. *
Did you read that on the internet too?
*Terry Marshall shakes his head, after all this time he has learned to let Space Lord be Space Lord and have his crazy adventures. *
Brother, good luck, and Godspeed.
*Space Lord's eyes narrow, as a confident smirk comes across his face. *
The best part is… I’m striking on Thanksgiving, I’ll hit the Cable Network while they are high on turkey and tryptophan.
*Space Lord begins to laugh manically as the scene fades to black. *
Stardate 1124023
*The scene returns to Space Lord stepping from the loading door of the cargo bay and dives out into the night sky. Space Lord was hurtling toward Earth in a free fall and could feel the G’s upon him as he headed for the ground. Space Lord was planning a night mission to take the Cable network by surprise, and it began with a stealth dive to the Earth’s surface, where he would remove the cover from a mans hole and enter into the underworld run by Cable.
As Space Lord glided through the sky he got a little board. I know, hard to imagine being board skydiving, but when you’ve seen and done the things Space Lord has, skydiving is nothing. As the old saying goes, “How can you keep them down on the farm once they’ve seen the bright lights of the city?”. To kill time as he flew through the sky, Space Lord decided to do what Terry Marshall does best, no not pose, even though Terry Marshall must pose. In this case, I’m referring to monologuing. *
Johnathan Cable, you may have Terry Marshall fooled, but you don't fool me. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, HA! Fool me, don't fool me again. You can't fool a fooler, you fool. How foolish of a fool do you take me for Johnathan?
Who won't be fooled again, but I won't be fooled at all. At Smash we'll be fighting in the streets. With the Sexamaniac at my back, and the mortals that worship you will be gone, as they turn from mere mortals into Sexamaniacs. And the men who spurred us on, sit in judgment of your wrong. You decided to crowbar S.E.X, and now you must face the consequences. While the Who may tip their hat to the new Constitution and take a bow for the new revolution. I will bang, and bang big on you Johnathan.
I will smile and grin at the sight of you falling. I will pick up beaten and battered bodies, and I will extract the truth from you. As sure as I won’t be fooled. As sure as I will big bang you. As sure as I will defeat you, surely you will confess with your tongue who your twin brothers are, so that we may have our revenge. And know Johnathan, there is no revenge, like S.E.X revenge.
You have occupied my mind, and while the kids may say you live in my head “rent-free”, they would be wrong for saying that. The rent that will be charged is a pound of flesh, information on who the other Cable, or Cables are, and… about three fitty. The three fitty is for the expenses I have incurred for this mission. But, that is of no concern at this moment, what is of concern is that it appears S.E.X is no concern of yours.
Since being assaulted by the Cabel Network, I have been thinking about who could have perpetrated this assault. Terry has TPW stuff to deal with, but I have been focused solely on you and your secret partner Jonathan. You however failed even to acknowledge the assault. You were focused on Clyde Newton and Damage—no mention of the assault, and no denial of it either. Silence speaks volumes, Johnathan, you said plenty when you said nothing at all.
*Suddenly, Space Lord smacks face-first into a bird as he is flying through the sky. Space Lord prys the smashed avian off of his face, and spits out a few feathers. *
I hate pigeons, the dirty rats of the sky. Or, should I say, the Johnathan Cables of the sky? Jonathan, you are a fraud, a phony, a fake, a pansy, a Stan, and somehow the number one contender to the Smash championship. Hmm… now that I think about it, keep the three-fitty Johnathan, I’ll take your number on contendership instead.
That number one contendership means so much to you because you covet relevancy. Outside of some controversial comments you made in the past, the only thing that even makes you relevant in this sport is that number one contendership. So, I will take it from you. After all, when I beat you, why wouldn’t I become the number one contender? It only makes logical sense after all. Although we may not always apply logic to the sport of professional wrestling, when I beat you so convincingly and dominantly at Smash, they will have no choice.
You wanted the attention of the top talents in the sport, well, you got them, Johnathan. But, as I was once told by some wise old Earthling who widdles a block of wood on his front porch, be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it. You got your wish, Johnathan. This dream of yours, the dream of being at the top of the sport, it has come true, but you are going to find your wildest dream is actually your worst nightmare.
At Smash, I will pry the information I seek from your lips, and by doing so, I’ll pry that number one contendership from your hands as well. Jonathan, you attacked my partner and I while we were drinking fizzy lifting drinks! You acted like it never even happened, not one mention of it, no one peep. You thought you could ignore the problem and it would go away. Well, you will find that after you commit assault on S.E.X, you get something that never goes away. So while you may think you are on top of the world, and that you have secured your number one contendership, in reality, you get nothing! You lose! TERRIBLE DAY TO YOU SIR!
Monday at Smash, I deliver that terrible day. I deliver it in the form of the BIG BANG!!!
*Space Lord deploys his parachute, slowing his descent. Space Lord drifts down like an angel from Heaven as the scene fades into the darkness of the night. As the scene returns Space Lord is traveling through the sewers of Miami. Space Lord’s flashlight saber provides the only source of light as he moves through the dark caverns under Vice City.
Space Lord felt like he was walking in circles for what felt like miles. Every so often he would shine the light on the wall and see multiple large, black-covered ropes (those are actually cables, but he doesn’t know that) that read “Xfinity”, “AT&T”, and “Frontier”, all major Cable Networks that led Space Lord to believe he is following the right path. As Space Lord holds up the light to check again he sees the ropes again, but this time a sign that reads “main junction ←”.
Space Lord heads in the direction of the arrow, and it isn’t long before he sees a light at the end of the tunnel. At first, it is dim and flickering, but the closer he gets, the brighter the light gets. Space Lord turns his flashlight saber off, moving as quietly and stealthily as he can. As Space Lord gets closer he begins to hear voices, many voices.
“I have found the entire Cable Network”, Space Lord thinks to himself as he moves to the edge of the shadows. Space Lord grips the handles of his phasers tightly, ready to draw down on the Cable Network as he steps into the light to get a full view, but what he finds stops him. Space Lord’s hands lose from the handles of his phasers as he lays eyes on the Morlocks having their Thanksgiving Dinner.
At first, none of them notice Space Lord and he begins to step back into the shadows. Just before his face is covered in the darkness the voice of a teenage Morlock rings out. *
INTRUDER!!!
*An alarm rings out in the main junction of the sewer as all heads turn toward Space Lord. “GET HIM!” the blonde at the center of the table screams.
Space Lord pulls his phaser and charges headfirst into the action like the "LEROY JENKINS" fighter he is. Space Lord blasts the first three Morlocks, stunning them with his phaser that is set to stun. As the fourth Morlock, a large hair beast charged at him, Space Lord took aim, but as he did a metal pipe smacked across his wrist causing him to drop the phaser.
Space Lord looked to the left where the pipe came from and saw an even bigger and even hairy woman ready to smash the pipe into his head. With cat-like reflexes, Space Lord drew his flashlight saber, and the pipe melted like butter as it hit the lightblade. Space Lord then performed an evasive roll, which landed him in something very gross, I mean, after all, this is the sewer.
Space Lord comes up to his feet, pulling his flashlight saber up, and turning it to stun. Why stun? Because it conserves battery life, plus Space Lord is nothing if not a humanitarian. Space Lord takes a battle stance as the hoard of Morlocks begins to close in around him. As they do, there is one with an oversized nose that stops and begins sniffing. *
*The Morlocks all begin to point and laugh at Space Lord. Space Lord looks down to see his right thigh is covered in a brown substance that most definitely isn’t mud. Space Lord begins to gag and dry heave.
“ENOUGH!”, a female voice shouts over the laughter and gagging.
The crowd parts as the blonde woman from the center of the table walks through them toward Space Lord. Space Lord stops gagging and takes a battle stance. *
I know this man
Of course you know me, I’m very famous. But, who are you?
My name is Callisto, I am the leader of these people, we are the Morlocks. We have been driven from society because, like you, we are too different. We have been shunned and cast out of society. But, we know our value, and we know our worth and do not want to be part of a society that doesn’t see in us, what we see in us.
That is why we have come down here to build our own world, out of the public eye, and live in peace. So, I must ask Space Lord, have you come to join the Morlocks?
*Space Lord powers off his flashlight saber, and eases his stance. *
I came in search of the Cable Network. I was told they inhibit the underground.
I can assure you there is no one down here who isn’t a Morlock. If there were some network trying to take our tunnels, they would be eradicated.
*Space Lord looks into the icy blue eyes of Callisto, and smiles. She smiles back at the supreme intergalactic champion, and you can feel the sexual tension feel the sewers, and now I don’t mean the sports entertainment xpress-ual tension. *
I love the sound of that.
Come, join us for dinner. Well, after we get you a fresh pair of paints.
It would be my pleasure to remove my pants and dine with you.
*Space Lord grabs his pants, rips them off of them, tosses them aside and they land on the head of the Big Nose guy. Callisto took Space Lord by the hand, and as they walked towards the dining table, Big Nise pulled the pants off of his head, leaving a large brown streak down his cheek. He began sniffing again. *
DOOOOOKKKKKIIIIEEEE!!!
Brother, I’m telling you, I don’t think it was John Cable.
*Space Lord pays no mind to Terry Marshall as he prepares for battle. His usual neon facepaint is gone, he still has the same design, but now it is camouflage. He looks like Arnold Schwarzenegger preparing like in that scene from Commando.
Which honestly, wasn’t as cool as Issac Hayes's preparation and the vastly underrated “I’m Gonna Get You Sucka”, and this is coming from a huge Arnold Marl.
Back to the story though, this isn’t movie review/recap time. Space Lord prepares in the Armory of the Starship Desolator which hoovers above the atmosphere in Miami, out of the public eye to avoid being used in another CIA UFO video. Space Lord packed a utility vest, and a pair of tactical pants, which is how you can tell he expected serious trouble, wearing pants.
Terry had to return to home, or that was the excuse he was giving Space Lord as not to go on this hair-brained mission. Space Lord finished shoving his crystal knife into its sheath and then ran the last streak of paint across his face as he turned to Terry Marshall. *
Terry, it was John Cable and his twin.
Brother, it was two guys in masks trying to make us think it was John Cable. I’m telling you dude John is a good brother.
John may be the good brother but he has a Culkin out there to his Elijah Wood, a MacCaualy, and a Rory. I will find John or his evil twins, and I will make them confess their evil deeds.
Dude, why don’t you just wait until you get him in the ring at Smash?
Because Terry, getting there is half the fun.
But we are already in Miami.
I don’t mean to the arena, I mean getting to the fact of the matter. I’m going to hit him at home. Surprise attack on his own turf, that way I can catch him in the act, catch him red-handed with his two twin brothers.
Brother Cable lives in Pennsylvania, his bio says so.
Terry, do you really believe everything you read on the internet?
No dude, but…
*Space Lord holds his hand up. *
Terry, Cable runs under the streets. I extracted that information from one of his “Cable Technicians”, yesterday.
What?
Yes, his name is Xfinity. I saw his van sitting outside of a store, blatantly advertising his name and the fact that he is one of CVanble’s technicians right on the side of his van. I grabbed him, threw him in the S.E.X van, brought him back to the Desolator Dungeon, and extracted the information from him myself. He told me that Cable runs all around the city, state, and country underground. His vicious network is much deeper and wider spread than we ever could have imagined Terry.
The Desolator has a dungeon… Wait, brother, that isn’t John Cable, it’s cable, like cable television.
*Space Lord shakes his head in disappointment as he places his hand on his partner's shoulder. *
Did you read that on the internet too?
*Terry Marshall shakes his head, after all this time he has learned to let Space Lord be Space Lord and have his crazy adventures. *
Brother, good luck, and Godspeed.
*Space Lord's eyes narrow, as a confident smirk comes across his face. *
The best part is… I’m striking on Thanksgiving, I’ll hit the Cable Network while they are high on turkey and tryptophan.
*Space Lord begins to laugh manically as the scene fades to black. *
Stardate 1124023
*The scene returns to Space Lord stepping from the loading door of the cargo bay and dives out into the night sky. Space Lord was hurtling toward Earth in a free fall and could feel the G’s upon him as he headed for the ground. Space Lord was planning a night mission to take the Cable network by surprise, and it began with a stealth dive to the Earth’s surface, where he would remove the cover from a mans hole and enter into the underworld run by Cable.
As Space Lord glided through the sky he got a little board. I know, hard to imagine being board skydiving, but when you’ve seen and done the things Space Lord has, skydiving is nothing. As the old saying goes, “How can you keep them down on the farm once they’ve seen the bright lights of the city?”. To kill time as he flew through the sky, Space Lord decided to do what Terry Marshall does best, no not pose, even though Terry Marshall must pose. In this case, I’m referring to monologuing. *
Monologue:
Johnathan Cable, you may have Terry Marshall fooled, but you don't fool me. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, HA! Fool me, don't fool me again. You can't fool a fooler, you fool. How foolish of a fool do you take me for Johnathan?
Who won't be fooled again, but I won't be fooled at all. At Smash we'll be fighting in the streets. With the Sexamaniac at my back, and the mortals that worship you will be gone, as they turn from mere mortals into Sexamaniacs. And the men who spurred us on, sit in judgment of your wrong. You decided to crowbar S.E.X, and now you must face the consequences. While the Who may tip their hat to the new Constitution and take a bow for the new revolution. I will bang, and bang big on you Johnathan.
I will smile and grin at the sight of you falling. I will pick up beaten and battered bodies, and I will extract the truth from you. As sure as I won’t be fooled. As sure as I will big bang you. As sure as I will defeat you, surely you will confess with your tongue who your twin brothers are, so that we may have our revenge. And know Johnathan, there is no revenge, like S.E.X revenge.
You have occupied my mind, and while the kids may say you live in my head “rent-free”, they would be wrong for saying that. The rent that will be charged is a pound of flesh, information on who the other Cable, or Cables are, and… about three fitty. The three fitty is for the expenses I have incurred for this mission. But, that is of no concern at this moment, what is of concern is that it appears S.E.X is no concern of yours.
Since being assaulted by the Cabel Network, I have been thinking about who could have perpetrated this assault. Terry has TPW stuff to deal with, but I have been focused solely on you and your secret partner Jonathan. You however failed even to acknowledge the assault. You were focused on Clyde Newton and Damage—no mention of the assault, and no denial of it either. Silence speaks volumes, Johnathan, you said plenty when you said nothing at all.
*Suddenly, Space Lord smacks face-first into a bird as he is flying through the sky. Space Lord prys the smashed avian off of his face, and spits out a few feathers. *
I hate pigeons, the dirty rats of the sky. Or, should I say, the Johnathan Cables of the sky? Jonathan, you are a fraud, a phony, a fake, a pansy, a Stan, and somehow the number one contender to the Smash championship. Hmm… now that I think about it, keep the three-fitty Johnathan, I’ll take your number on contendership instead.
That number one contendership means so much to you because you covet relevancy. Outside of some controversial comments you made in the past, the only thing that even makes you relevant in this sport is that number one contendership. So, I will take it from you. After all, when I beat you, why wouldn’t I become the number one contender? It only makes logical sense after all. Although we may not always apply logic to the sport of professional wrestling, when I beat you so convincingly and dominantly at Smash, they will have no choice.
You wanted the attention of the top talents in the sport, well, you got them, Johnathan. But, as I was once told by some wise old Earthling who widdles a block of wood on his front porch, be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it. You got your wish, Johnathan. This dream of yours, the dream of being at the top of the sport, it has come true, but you are going to find your wildest dream is actually your worst nightmare.
At Smash, I will pry the information I seek from your lips, and by doing so, I’ll pry that number one contendership from your hands as well. Jonathan, you attacked my partner and I while we were drinking fizzy lifting drinks! You acted like it never even happened, not one mention of it, no one peep. You thought you could ignore the problem and it would go away. Well, you will find that after you commit assault on S.E.X, you get something that never goes away. So while you may think you are on top of the world, and that you have secured your number one contendership, in reality, you get nothing! You lose! TERRIBLE DAY TO YOU SIR!
Monday at Smash, I deliver that terrible day. I deliver it in the form of the BIG BANG!!!
*Space Lord deploys his parachute, slowing his descent. Space Lord drifts down like an angel from Heaven as the scene fades into the darkness of the night. As the scene returns Space Lord is traveling through the sewers of Miami. Space Lord’s flashlight saber provides the only source of light as he moves through the dark caverns under Vice City.
Space Lord felt like he was walking in circles for what felt like miles. Every so often he would shine the light on the wall and see multiple large, black-covered ropes (those are actually cables, but he doesn’t know that) that read “Xfinity”, “AT&T”, and “Frontier”, all major Cable Networks that led Space Lord to believe he is following the right path. As Space Lord holds up the light to check again he sees the ropes again, but this time a sign that reads “main junction ←”.
Space Lord heads in the direction of the arrow, and it isn’t long before he sees a light at the end of the tunnel. At first, it is dim and flickering, but the closer he gets, the brighter the light gets. Space Lord turns his flashlight saber off, moving as quietly and stealthily as he can. As Space Lord gets closer he begins to hear voices, many voices.
“I have found the entire Cable Network”, Space Lord thinks to himself as he moves to the edge of the shadows. Space Lord grips the handles of his phasers tightly, ready to draw down on the Cable Network as he steps into the light to get a full view, but what he finds stops him. Space Lord’s hands lose from the handles of his phasers as he lays eyes on the Morlocks having their Thanksgiving Dinner.
INTRUDER!!!
*An alarm rings out in the main junction of the sewer as all heads turn toward Space Lord. “GET HIM!” the blonde at the center of the table screams.
Space Lord pulls his phaser and charges headfirst into the action like the "LEROY JENKINS" fighter he is. Space Lord blasts the first three Morlocks, stunning them with his phaser that is set to stun. As the fourth Morlock, a large hair beast charged at him, Space Lord took aim, but as he did a metal pipe smacked across his wrist causing him to drop the phaser.
Space Lord looked to the left where the pipe came from and saw an even bigger and even hairy woman ready to smash the pipe into his head. With cat-like reflexes, Space Lord drew his flashlight saber, and the pipe melted like butter as it hit the lightblade. Space Lord then performed an evasive roll, which landed him in something very gross, I mean, after all, this is the sewer.
Space Lord comes up to his feet, pulling his flashlight saber up, and turning it to stun. Why stun? Because it conserves battery life, plus Space Lord is nothing if not a humanitarian. Space Lord takes a battle stance as the hoard of Morlocks begins to close in around him. As they do, there is one with an oversized nose that stops and begins sniffing. *
What is that smell? *SNIFF, SNIFF* IT’S DOOOOOKKKKKIIIIIEEEEE!!!
*The Morlocks all begin to point and laugh at Space Lord. Space Lord looks down to see his right thigh is covered in a brown substance that most definitely isn’t mud. Space Lord begins to gag and dry heave.
“ENOUGH!”, a female voice shouts over the laughter and gagging.
The crowd parts as the blonde woman from the center of the table walks through them toward Space Lord. Space Lord stops gagging and takes a battle stance. *
I know this man
Of course you know me, I’m very famous. But, who are you?
My name is Callisto, I am the leader of these people, we are the Morlocks. We have been driven from society because, like you, we are too different. We have been shunned and cast out of society. But, we know our value, and we know our worth and do not want to be part of a society that doesn’t see in us, what we see in us.
That is why we have come down here to build our own world, out of the public eye, and live in peace. So, I must ask Space Lord, have you come to join the Morlocks?
*Space Lord powers off his flashlight saber, and eases his stance. *
I came in search of the Cable Network. I was told they inhibit the underground.
I can assure you there is no one down here who isn’t a Morlock. If there were some network trying to take our tunnels, they would be eradicated.
*Space Lord looks into the icy blue eyes of Callisto, and smiles. She smiles back at the supreme intergalactic champion, and you can feel the sexual tension feel the sewers, and now I don’t mean the sports entertainment xpress-ual tension. *
I love the sound of that.
Come, join us for dinner. Well, after we get you a fresh pair of paints.
It would be my pleasure to remove my pants and dine with you.
*Space Lord grabs his pants, rips them off of them, tosses them aside and they land on the head of the Big Nose guy. Callisto took Space Lord by the hand, and as they walked towards the dining table, Big Nise pulled the pants off of his head, leaving a large brown streak down his cheek. He began sniffing again. *
DOOOOOKKKKKIIIIEEEE!!!