Post by Everybody Hates Jenny Myst on Sept 23, 2023 16:39:58 GMT -5
It was officially the first day of Fall.
Football season, pumpkin spice everything, corny family photos posing next to apple trees in matching outfits, ugly sweaters that are worn as normal sweaters because for some reason maroon and orange are ‘fashionable’, wind. Kim Pain’s title reign. There are a lot of shitty things about fall.
One thing that wasn’t shitty about it, SHOPPING.
Jenny and Amber had won their first match as a tag team in dominating fashion and were looking to celebrate. Amber had suggested lunch, but quickly shot that idea down when Jenny suggested McDonalds. She had had more than her share of McDonalds the last time these two linked up….and she’d never be able to look at a ball pit again.
Plus, that food is so greasy and filled with GMO’s. YUCK!
So Amber had suggested shopping. You couldn’t go wrong with shopping, right? And lord knows Jenny needs a new wardrobe. There was no reason to be a mid twenties female dressing like the first day of middle school. So Amber offered to take Jenny shopping, and maybe show her what true fashion looks like.
Amber looked over at her partner, who was looking out the window. Her head was bouncing one way and then another like a metronome, as if she was jamming out to a beat in her head, and she hadn’t said anything since Amber had told her no to McDonalds.
She can’t be THAT upset about it, could she?!
Amber decided not to push the issue. She knew that the girl was unstable, and could snap at the smallest thing, and she wasn’t going to let her partner's lack of mental faculties result in an accident. She’d bring it up once they were good and parked. She turned on the tunes.
Jenny had brought up a particular mall she liked when Amber had brought up shopping. Amber took her suggestion openly as this was Jen’s hometown after all,
They pulled into the mall parking lot and Amber put the sports car in park, her nails clicking as grabbed her bag and pressed the button to turn it off. Grabbing her phone she decided now to finally break the silence and was about to saying something……..
“You ready?!"
Jenny was staring at her, a big smile on her face. It gave Amber goosebumps, but it was better than a snarl, right?
“Yeah, ready as I’m gonna be. Let's go.”
Jenny could hardly contain her excitement, skipping into the mall, much to Amber’s embarrassment. It was even worse when Jenny tried to hold her hand once they got inside. Amber had to bat it away a few times with a hushed “stop it!”
When they got to the store map, Jenny stopped. Her eyes frantically scanned the small names and numbers.
“YOU ARE HERE” she said as Amber watched her eyes trace the walking path like a cat watching a squirrel out the window. When she apparently found what she was looking for, she squeaked an excited “yay!” and began to walk. Amber had to briskly walk to keep up, and was thankful she sacrificed style for comfortable sneakers.
“Where are we in such a rush to go to?!” Amber asked. “Louis is the other way, we passed Tiffany’s, and I didn’t get to see the new Michael Kors you ran by it so fast….” Jenny kept walking, focused, and determined. Amber’s eyes lit up when they approached Balenciaga. Maybe this girl did have style after all………
Passed right by it.
Designer store after designer store passed them like billboards on the freeway. There had better be a direction to all of this!
God this mall was huge.
As they approached the food court, Amber thought to herself how she could go for some Cinnabon, though she'd never say that outloud.
The thought of anyone seeing her eat Cinnabon horrified her.
When she finally caught up to her tag partner, she found herself breathing a little heavier than she’d have liked. She looked up. “This better be good” she said to herself as she turned the corner.
Jenny was standing outside a big store, her eyes wide. Amber's gaze followed hers up.
BUILD-A-BEAR.
FUCKING BUILD-A-BEAR!
But something was different about this one. Something felt…..off.
All of the displayed ‘bears’ in the window were dolls, and they were all in terrifying states of existence.
Amber looked back up at the nameplate on the store again.
Jenny had a big smile on her face before ushering Amber to follow her.
“COME ON!”
Amber knew there was a point to this. As batshit crazy as she was, there was always a meaning, a message she tries to portray in her own askew little way.
“Jen…..did you…….set this up?”
She planned this, she had to have planned this, this can’t be a real store.
“It’s my favoritest store of all time!” she said. “It’s so much fun!”
That wasn’t the answer she sought but it did answer her question.
Jenny ran right to a machine, as if she knew which one to choose, and began to press buttons. Amber, understanding that this was happening whether she wanted it to or not, walked up behind Jen.
“Okay, so……then……how does it work?”
“It’s simple!” Jen was ecstatic.
“You just input all of the settings you want for the bitch you want to build, and voila……”
Jenny does some Jazz Hands.
“So what are you inputting?”
“Trailer Park. Bowling Alley Cougar. Possible/Probable Smoker. Inflated Ego. Saggy Tits. Let Me Speak to Your Manager. Wal-Mart Clearance Aisle. Sickening Sense of Self Worth When In Actuality Accomplished Nothing, Unwashed Thongs, Waste of Oxygen.”
Amber couldn’t help but grin, hands on her hips.
“That all?”
“VOILA!”
There was some smoke and inner workings from the machine, but the sliding door opened and out popped a life sized, EXACT CARBON COPY doll that matched KIM PAIN to a T.
"Wow."
“Yeah, isn’t it terrible?!”
“I mean, it’s fitting but……..why?”
Amber looked around at the otherwise quiet store, and realized there were no employees. One of the busiest malls in America…….make it make sense…….
“Last time we hung out, I tried to teach you patience. I tried to teach you to look for things in your opponent you otherwise wouldn’t have seen. I tried to teach—-”
“This isn’t my first rodeo, you know.”
“It worked, didn’t it?”
Amber huffed and cross her arms with an eye roll so big you could hear it.
“Okay then, oh majestic one, what are you teaching me today that I don’t already know?”
Jenny put a tie around the neck of her Kim-doll and dragged it towards the registers at the front of the store. Amber followed, getting annoyed now.
Jenny stopped at the registers, as if she was waiting for a cashier to come and ring them out. The store was eerily quiet, like it had been abandoned, but everything in it looked new. All of the machines looked as though they could have been put in yesterday. Where were all the people?!
She didn’t like this.
Jenny waited for a few more minutes, and Amber grew increasingly more impatient. Her huffs were audible as she stood behind Jen. Jenny then reached behind the counter, and pulled out a nametag and a hat and vest. She turned towards Amber with a big smile.
“No. No way.”
“Commmmeeeee onnnnnnnn,” Jenny stomped her feet.
“Who knows where that thing has been…..ew…….”
“But it's part of the lessssssoooonnnn………”
Amber, knowing it was better to go along with it than waste even more time arguing, pulled sanitizer out of her bag. She glopped it on her hand, rubbed her hands together, and went all up and down her arms. She had a disgusted look on her face as she grabbed the vest and the name tag.
“I’m not putting the hat on.”
“But its part of the cossstummmme”
“I’m not putting the hat on.”
The name tag said “Richard.”
“Ugh, couldn’t even get me a female nametag?”
“It was all they had. Okay okay now…..go behind the counter…."
Amber did as Jenny asked, though hating every minute of it.
“There is a big button there underneath the register….you see it?”
Amber nodded.
“Push it.”
“Can I like, have gloves or something, first?”
“Sorry, no gloves. Just pushing buttons.”
“You really are….” she grumbled, and pushed the button.
Suddenly, all of the machine’s sprung into action, with steam and gears turning. Confetti dropped from the ceiling with balloons, for added effect.
When everything calmed down, there were 11 more of the exact same KIM broken down former-stripper clone.
“Yay!”
“So………now we just have more trash. What was the purpose of this?”
Jenny pulled a dime out of the pocket of her smock.
“I’ll give you this for all of them. Take it or leave it!”
“I don't want them anyway……….”
“Take it……or leave…….it.”
“Jesus give it to me.” She snatched the dime.
“And the purpose of this, besides once again showing that you’re a nutcase?”
Jenny smiled at her Kim before karate chopping its head clean off. “HI YA”.
She walked over and grabbed another Kim, and did the same thing.
She didn’t stop until there was 1 left. 11 KIM PAIN heads on the floor.
“All this value, such a low price. Amber, it doesn’t matter the image, the appearance, what people say………Kim Pain is a dime a dozen, and quite frankly thats a rip off.”
“So I knew this. The lesson is?”
Jenny burps.
“I’m hungry, you think Auntie Anne’s is still open?”
“I hate you.”
“You love it.”
As they walked out of the store with their Kim Pain heads, Jenny asked. "You think the Dollar General on Clark is still open?"
"Not a clue, why."
"We have to visit Cyrus, too. It's only fair."
Amber didn't respond.
"Pain.
It's what we feel whenever we see you with the WGWF Television Championship.
I've never in my life heard of a champion so futile with gold and glory but considering who you're married too, I guess age has taken its toll on you both. You've beaten Sonya Benson for the sixth time which means that championship you have is now yours but fate knew it all along.
Kim. I want you to understand just how dire the situation is; You haven't been tested recently and your world is crashing. Your husband, Cyrus, he's in a lot of confusion whether wondering if he's the next parademon in some scandalous underworld story or thinking about departing from you as he bears the shame of your family name.
All I wanted was to win. That's all I wanted.
But he ruined that. He ruined me and made a living mockery of me in front of the entire world. Do you know the pain he caused me Kim? No, you wouldn't care. You're the champion so why pay attention to little ol' me?
Because I can drag you down as I did before. Jenny Myst was right about you and she made you look like a fool. Your husband stood by your side as we embarrassed both of you but I saw that look of hatred in your eyes at Summer Madness when I put your little dog down. It was hatred but it was fear; The fear that everything you said about me was wrong. You took me as a pathetic influencer girl but I outsmarted and outwrestled your husband who is considered one of the very best in this industry.
You saw what I'm capable of and it bothers you. Deep down inside, I think you know your championship reign is coming to an abrupt end so don't project your insecurity as this tough girl who doesn't care about championships. Your ego is as big as your husband's embarrassment but it's a defense mechanism to hide the fact that although you've beaten Sonya again and again and again, you'll never live up to see her success with the television championship.
But enough of that as myself and Jenny Myst has the opportunity to beat down the Riddle family at the WGWF One Year Anniversary Show.
Come to think of it, Jenny Myst and I are actually doing pretty well as a tag team despite her unusual methods of getting the job done but you've already had a taste of that. Your first championship defense ending in disqualification wasn't exactly what you were hoping for but you couldn't take your eyes off of me not one bit. I'm in your head Kim and even though you don't want to admit that, it's the truth.
We're in your head. Jenny has proven you're fallible and I've proven you're gullible. You have a chip on your shoulder to carry your family's last name but it hurts to know your strength is fading.
How bad was it to come home that night after your husband failed? Did he lay beside you and pushed you away or were you too busy being happy about your championship win?
I'm sorry Cyrus. I should be asking you these questions. I know you're not too happy about what happened between us but I did warn you to leave it alone. You pushed it and you suffered the consequences but you couldn't let go of the humiliation. I couldn't either. You made me go viral and I returned the favor but what really dug in was what you said; I'm just a prissy girl with no experience and lack of shame but it was I who was standing.
You've had so much success whether from your time in 4CW until now. You've held world championships, tag team championships and even amassed a hall of fame. I know your record and I'll never disrespect what you've accomplished, I'll disrespect you as I've proven you're nothing.
It's your fault.
That darkness you hold? It's child's play. The goo? It was all jokes but when I sprayed that hairspray into your eyes, it was to open you to the real world. The world where the elite such as myself always gets the final word and you stay silent. I silenced you and as a tag team, we'll silence you both together.
Kim Pain and Cyrus Riddle are simply relics of the past with no business in the ring with two talented women who can do what you both can do on a higher level. This tag team match is a pathetic attempt to clear your names when you both have proven your futile attempts to even show what your worth is combined. It's bad enough your marriage is at stake but to put your careers at stake with all you've done to earn the status you are now?
Blame yourselves for this.
You wanted revenge and now you're going to eat it. This is just two individuals who can't hold onto their loss. You spewed all your words, all your insults and it backfired on you. You need this more than we need it to save face. However, don't think we'll take you both for granted because we don't want to waste any time on ensuring you will both be destroyed after this.
Cryus, kiss your wife and hold her close. Kim, hug your husband and love him. This is a test of your strength as unionized couple. We're going to test how strong that chain is and I promise Jenny if we get even one chance to break it, we will and strangle you both with it. Kim, Cyrus, we love that you're both happy and for each other, until death do you part right?
Well, consider this a marriage gift from us both. We're going to ensure you ride off into the sunset as we send both your unworthy lives straight down to the bowels of hell! See you later and toodles!
“Last week Amber and I showed you what we can do when we put our differences aside and come together. Last week we proved to be a formidable force, and we took apart a tag team that some could say is established around here. I mean, they have their own team name! Team Pride (shame) stood no chance, so what makes anything team Trailer Park will? Yeah yeah, your husband and wife, well consider us the homewreckers.
Oh my….I like that…….AMBER! The Homewreckers?!”
“No.”
“Okay…..maybe not ‘the Homewreckers’, but you get the point! We don’t fear you, because we don’t have to. You’ve already had your chance to prove yourself against me, Kim, and all you did was prove that you can’t beat me. Not only does the win go in my column, but the momentum. I have your number, and you know it. Amber may have gotten a bit overzealous last time, but she didn’t do anything I wouldn’t have done. We’re all in the mix for this title Kim, nobody is safe. You’re a basic bitch, Kim, face it. I’ve figured you out like white girls figured out yoga pants. The problem with you is that you haven’t figured out yourself. You don’t know this new Kim, this champion Kim, this Kim with an identity and a 20 pound trophy for beating an above-average mid-carder. You claim you’re a big shot, but this attention is new to you. Feels good when people give a shit, doesn’t it? One of the perks of being a champion.
Trust me, I’d know.
I held the XWF Television Title a record three times. I struggled with the popularity change at first, too. I get it, Kim, I do. The difference is I made the most of it. You’re hiding in the shadows, holding that title close to your wrinkled chest and rocking back and forth.
“MY PRECIOUS”.
It’s fitting, too. You look like someone stretched a silly putty over their knee. You’re about as fit to be the face of this place as Snookie is to be the governor of New Jersey. Just because the people pay attention, doesn’t mean they like what they see. Kim I am a tornado and I am coming for your town. You got a small taste of what I can do in that ring last time, and next time, you better be damn sure I am going to finish the job.
But that is then and this is now. You have hubba wubba in your corner. Mr. Dreamy of the entire shelter, voted best eyes in the entire homeless camp! Let me ask you Kim, with all of the back-patting you like doing, how’s it feel to be a skidmark on the tightey whities of Cyrus in the ‘accomplishments’ department? Hell, he lists his ‘accomplishments’ like its a damn LinkdIn bio. He’s obviously quite proud. I bet he’s secretly disappointed about being dragged down by a gutter butt like you. He’d never tell you, but he is. You rely on him to be your rock, your safe place, your meal ticket. He relies on you to be his DNA dumpster. Nothing more, nothing less. You aren’t capable of being anything more.
Cyrus don’t think that because I am focused on Kim that I don’t have you in my scope. Locked, loaded. 6’3” 230 pounds. Five foot nothing and weigh less than most large dog breeds. The advantage should go to you, right?
Wrong.
You may be a hulking brute, but you don’t know what goes on in this pretty little skull.
As dark and brooding as you try to be, I see through it. I see a tatted up hot-topic employee who wrestlers on his days off to make a buck. I don’t view you as a god, I view you as toilet fodder. Bad strategy? Perhaps. But if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it! So far, it’s worked for me.
To go into every match without a sense of danger, to not care how badly you hurt me because I plan to give it back two fold, if not more. I am ready to die inside that ring, if that's what it takes. Can you get that kinda dedication from wifey?
I bet she doesn’t even reciprocate oral.
Lazy bitch.
We know you already have a history with Amber, so awkwardness aside there, I want you to take notes. I want you to study me. I want you to know everything about me so that when I take that title from your wife, furthering your disappointment, I want you to look her dead in her glazed over eyes and be able to say……..
I told you so.
There is a new era of WGWF, and it is rapidly approaching. A new game that nobody knows the rules yet.
Happy Anniversary, assholes."