Post by sportsentertainmentx on Sept 21, 2023 16:44:34 GMT -5
Stardate 20230920
Are you sure this is gonna be ok brother?
Terry Marshall was a bit apprehensive as the panel van Space Lord has procured for his earthly transportation device came to a stop in front of the small shop named "Butts Buds".
Of course, this will work Terry. Sixty percent of the time my plans work one hundred percent of the time.
Marshall scratched his bandana-covered head as he studied the oddly named Floral and Dispensary shop. Marshall thought it was an odd name, but then he looked at the passenger side mirror and read the words "S.E.X BUS" on the side of the panel van and decided "Butts Buds" wasn't the weirdest name ever. It also explained why their van had been stopped and searched so many times over the past few weeks.
Space Lord could tell his B.F.F.F.F.R (Best Fudgeing Friend Forever For Reals) wasn't bubbling over with confidence, so he felt the need to reassure him.
Terry, getting Major Helmet onboard is the key to getting the rest of the crew back. When you thought I died, who did the Desolator crew turn to? When we did the Nefarious Wrestling Outsiders heels turn in GCWA to refresh our stagnant careers, and create a whole new merch line of n.W.o shirts, who did the crew follow when he told them not to let the door hit them where the good Lord split them?
Kayfabe brother. Thizis Isizn't fizor thize smizart mizarks.
Space Lord stared at Marshall in confusion. I'm talking "Cletus the slack-jawed yokel" from the Simpsons confused. Marshall should have known better, Space Lord didn't come up old-school, and never listened to Snoop Dogg, so how would he know Carney? Marshall shook his head and threw his hands up in defeat.
HELMET! They always followed Helmet.Even with First Mate Kirk at the helm, if I wasn’t there the crew looked to Major Helmet for guidance. He was the warm, loving mother of the Desolator Crew, and we… I need him.
Marshall's confidence is boosted like Mario when he gets a star. Also, "Peaches" was the song of Summer 2023, don't @ me.
Let's get your man brother.
Marshall and Space Lord exit the “S.E.X Bus” and head into the floral shop. As they open the old wooden door it clangs into a bell that hangs above it, signaling the shopkeep that someone has entered. From the back the familiar shrill voice of Major Helmet rings out with, “I’ll be right with you.”.
Marshall notices that Space Lord is getting excited, and some may say that he is downright gitty. Space Lord’s smile grew wider and wider as the small man walked out of the back of the floral shop. Major Helmet’s head is down as he carries an armful of bouquets that he places on the empty counter. Helmet looks up and is shocked to see Space Lord standing in front of him with his arms wide open.
Major Helmet: I…. I…. I thought….
Dead. I know, I know. A lot of people thought I was, and I almost was. But, I’m back now, and getting the crew back. The first member I came for was my major.
That isn’t who I am anymore. It’s also not my name anymore.
Space Lord’s smile turns from right side up, to upside down, flipped into a frown. Space Lord is shocked by he news and more than a little bewildered. Marshall doesn’t want to be here all day and needs to get back to TPW business, so he steps in to move things along, asking “What is your name then brother?”.
The florist formerly known as “Major Helmet” opens his mouth to answer, but before words escape his mouth we hear a deep and aggressive female voice coming from the back of the shop.
SEYMOUR!!!
FEED ME SEYMOUR!!!
“I… I, uhhh… I’ll be right back”, Helmet says before darting into the back of the shop.
Space Lord tries to say something and even reaches for Helmet, but he disappears too quickly into the back. Marshall looks at his partner, the Space Save, the Supreme Intergalactic champion, and sees how sad he is. Like a kid who just lost his puppy sad. Marshall puts his arm around his partner to comfort him and then comes up with an idea to occupy his mind during the waiting.
Brother, why don’t we monologue while we wait on Helm… ugh, I mean Seymour?
Space Lord brushes Terry’s arm off and shakes his head as he steps forward toward the back door. With an air of uncertainty in his voice Space Lord says, “It’s been so long since I’ve monologued, I don’t know. This… this just isn’t going how I pictured it in my head.”.
Brother, you told me if I monologue they will come. Maybe the same thing is true for Helmet.
Monologue:
THE GUARDIANS! What do you guard? You are not guarding the WGWF Tag Team titles, you are trying to steal them. THE STEALERS… that should be your name. You want to guard space but do not even know the different species or genomes of the cosmic beings that dot space like the stars dot the Earth's sky. You dare call me an alien, do I look like a little green man? If anyone are little green men, it is you too. Green with envy over the Sports Entertainment Xpress winning the tag team titles and RUNNING THROUGH EVERYONE IN TURMOIL!
LITTLE… because you have little muscles. As for my tentacles, and how far they can stretch, just ask your mothers about them.
WHOA BROTHER! Let’s keep it family-friendly here, remember we move the most merch to children.
Terry is right, and to think you so-called Guardians took him for a fool and a pawn. You called Terry a fool, but at Summer Madness Terry out-smarted you Alex Richards. So, I must ask this question to you Alex. Are you a liar, or were you out-smarted by a fool?
Regardless of whether you are more foolish than a fool, or just dishonest, you will be known as one thing after Brawl, losers. The Sports Entertainment Xpress didn’t run through every team in WGWF, plus a few bonus teams just to lose in our first defense. All though, I think every match we won after beating Alliance of Ultra Violence should count as a defense, I Neil-DIGRESS-Tyson. Guardians your time in the hunt for the WGWF Tag Team titles comes to an end at Brawl, and for your guard duty, it will be an end of watch.
Your hopes and dreams of being champions come to an end with a bang. I’m not talking about that DDPY guy when I say you will feel the bang. NO! I’m talking about the level of bang your mothers feel from my tentacle… A BIG BANG!
Space Lord looks at Marshall with a massive smile while holding two thumbs up as if asking for Marshall’s approval. Marshall holds his hand sideways slowly twisting it from side to side, as if saying he’s heard better, but also heard worse. Space Lord throws his hands up in frustration, to which Marshall strokes his Tom Selleck-level mustache before spitting his own hot fire.
Ya know something dudes, when I entered tag team turmoil without a confirmed partner, people told me I was crazy. But, I had faith, brother. I believed that if I monologued, if I showed up, laced um up, and thundered up, that I'd do the darn thing dude. Ya know what made me believe that? Do ya know what kept me going in the first bout of turmoil, and in the middle of bout two when I was getting creamed? The same thing that makes me believe that Space Lord and I will run right through the Guardians.
FAITH!
I had faith that Space Lord was going to show up for Summer Madness , and I was right. I had faith that we would march through turmoil and become the WGWF tag team champions, and I was right. I have the same faith in the fact that at the one-year anniversary show, we are going to get our hands raised again. I have faith in S.E.X. I have faith in my partner. And, most importantly I have faith in all the Sexamaniacs that will be cheering us on to victory.
See dudes, as old George Michael said…
Space Lord jumps in interrupting Terry Marshall.
WHAT!?! No brother.
Space Lord looks a bit disappointed as he is ready to break out into a musical. Don't worry though, there will be a "S.E.X, the musical", just not right now.
I gotta have faith. Because I got to have faith, faith, faith, brother. I got the faith, which is the second most powerful tool the Sports Entertainment Xpress can have. Second only to the most powerful force in all of the world. The power of all the Sexamaniacs.
With the Sexamaniacs at the wheels of the S.E.X Express, we will be full throttle and wide open. The pedal will be to the metal, and the needle will be knocking in the red as we run through every team in the WGWF… AGAIN!
I've got faith that we can do it because, with the power of Sexamania, anything is possible.
Marshall looks at Space Lord with confidence and determination and says, "Even getting Major Helmet back.".
Suddenly, a crash and scream are heard from the back of the shop. Marshall and Space Lord run to the back where they see Major Helmet cowering in the corner while a giant Piranha Plant is snarling at him, with its teeth showing as it yells harshly at Helmet.
I TOLD YOU I’M HUNGRY SEYMOUR! NOW YOU’VE GONE AND MADE ME HANGRY!
“LEAVE HIM ALONE!” Space Lord shouts as he jumps between Helmet and the plant.
The plant pulls back and says, “Oh Seymour, you brought me two juicy snacks. They are definitely full of protein.”.
Space Lord snarls back at the Piranha Plant, ready for battle, but calms himself as he feels Helmet’s hand on his shoulder. Helmet steps in front of Space Lord.
Audrey my dear, this is Space Lord.
Space Lord? You told me he was dead Seymour.
His name isn’t Seymour, it is Major Helmet.
No, I’m not Major Helmet anymore. Major Helmet died along with Space Lord, or, well, died when I thought you had died. Adopted an Earth name when I was cleaning out the footlockers we had at homebase, and in Bug Girls I found a bag of seeds. So, I planted them and as they grew people would ask to buy them, so I started this floral shop. Most of the plants were absolutely beautiful and just like regular flowers you’d find here on Earth, but Audrey, while still beautiful is a bit more dangerous.
But, why are you named Seymour now? Why is this shop named Butts Buds.
I had to adopt an Earth name, and since I wanted to see more of the Earth, I went with the name Seymour. As for the last name, well, like Sir-Mix-A Lot, I like big butts and I cannot lie, so I adopted that as my last name.
Wait brother, your name is now Seymour Butts?
Yeah.
Terry Marshall begins to laugh uncontrollably, even holding his stomach as he bends over laughing. Everyone, including Audrey, the killer plant looks at Marshall, confused as to why he is laughing.
Hmm… Seymour Butts, I like that.
“You would like to Seymour Butts dude”, Marshall says between laughs.
YO! I’M STILL HUNGRY HERE! We’ve lost the plot here with you fools reconnecting and having a laugh at Seymour's name. NOW, FEED ME!!!
Audrey lunges forward at Space Lord, her giant mouth open ready to swallow him whole. “NO!” Seymour Butts shouts as he shoves Space Lord out of harm's way at the last second.
Audrey’s jaws close, and Seymour is locked inside of her giant plant head. Audrey lifts her head up and begins trying to swallow Seymour whole. Space Lungs forward, presumably going for the Big Bang (spear), but Audrey swings her giant head around smacking Space Lord back against the wall. A giant lump goes down Audrey’s throat, and one can only assume she had just swallowed Seymour. “YOU TITAN ARUM!”, Space Lord screams as he pushes himself up.
“WATCH OUT BROTHER!” Marshall shouts as he pulls Space Lord out of the way as Audrey spits a giant fireball at him.
The fireball hits the wall and blows a hole in the side of the floral shop.
I thought this looked like a Fire Piranha.
You’re right I am, and I like my muscle-bound idiots… WELL DONE!!!
Audrey spews another fireball and the two members of S.E.X jump apart to avoid the blazing ball. “Take this brother”, Marshall says as he throws a shining Super Star to Space Lord.
“NOOOOO!!!” Audrey screams, before taking a deep breath and blowing the most massive fireball yet.
The fireball big enough to engulf both members of S.E.X flies from Audrey's mouth, but this isn’t normal S.E.X, this is supercharged S.E.X. Mashall and Space Lord lower their shoulders and run through the fireball, coming out unsigned and unscathed. As they pass through the fire Space Lord lunges forward, hitting Audrey in her giant stem.
Audrey begins to gag and as she does she vomits, sending Seymour Butts, aka Major Helmet flying from her mouth and rolling across the floor. As Audrey gags, Marshall moves around behind her and wraps his massive arms around her pot. The pot is so large in circumference, that Marshall can hardly grip it.
Marshall lifts the pot, using a clean and jerk-like motion to get it over his head. As Mashall lifts Audrey above his head, Space Lord climbs to the top of a shelf and then leaps off with a big clothesline. S.E.X dropped the massive Piranha Plant with the S.E.X O’Matic (Doomsday Device). Audrey’s stigma bounces off the floor, and her petals go limp.
Space Lord is quick to his feet as his star boost wears off. Space Lord rushes to the side of Major Helmet. Space Lord scoops one hand under Helmet’s head and grabs his hand with the other hand. Space Lord lifts Helmet up, but he is unconscious. Marshall gets up rubbing his lower back with both hands, a little strained from lifting the massive plant, and feeling it as his star boost has worn off as well. Marshall looks over to see Space Lord holding Helmet.
Brother, is he…?
No, he’s still breathing, but he is injured.
“How bad?” Marshall asks as he walks over.
He’ll live, he’s just in shock and totally grossed out from being swallowed by a giant piranha plant.
Suddenly, Helmet begins coughing and gagging, sending clouds of pollen spewing from his mouth and nostrils. As Helmet begins to cough Space Lord pulls him into his chest and hugs him so tightly that Helmet stops coughing, because he can’t breathe.
Yo brother, let the brother breathe.
“Oh, sorry. Sorry”, Space Lord says as he releases his vice-like grip of a hug.
Helmet slowly stands up and looks around the rubble that was once his floral shop. Helmet seems sad at first as he places his hands on his hips, lets out a heavy sigh, and drops his head. “I’m sorry old friend”, Space Lord says as he puts his arm around Helmet’s shoulder.
Helmet immediately seems relieved though, perking right up and raising his head.
Well, guess I can always come back and be your Major again. That is… if you’ll have me back.
Space Lord pulls Helmet in for another back-cracking bear hug. Space Lord’s jacked and tan arms bulge as he squeezes Helmet tightly.
OF COURSE, I WILL!!!
Space Lord puts Helmet down, and the two men along with Terry Marshall begin to walk out of the floral shop when there is a loud noise behind them. The three men turn to see Audrey using her petals to push herself up. Audrey sees the Sports Entertainment Xpress and blows one last massive fireball at them.
LOOK OUT!!!
The three men leap apart, narrowly avoiding getting their gooses cooked. Marshall falls into a wall of shelves and a plant falls off the shelf into his lap.
Terry pulls a leaf off the plant and quickly swallows it. Suddenly Racoon Ears pop out of the top of Terry’s red “Thundermania” bandana that covers his head. Terry feels something plopping out of his pants, and Terry turns to see a giant tail sticking out from his backside. Harnessing his powerful knowledge of 80’s pop culture, Marshall sprang into action.
Marshall hops to his feet and then leaps into the air, spinning around like a helicopter. Instead of using his tail like the classic pizza-loving plumber, Marshall uses what he uses best his fist, and massive arms. Marshall clasps his fists together and uses the momentum of the Racoon spin to deliver a super Thunder Struck (Discuss Polish Hammer).
The force of the Thunder Struck done by the master of Thunder Striking rips the Stigma off of the style, sending Audrey falling in two separate pieces, effectively decapitating her. Racoon Terry Marshall stands over the fallen flower and is joined by Major Helmet to his left and Space Lord to his right.
WOW! I guess that is why The Guardians Protective Service has a move named Thunderstrike, to pay homage to your amazing move.
They what?
Monologue Part Deux:
YA know brothers, the Guardians are nothing but cheap S.E.X knockoffs dude. I get that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but when you are straight-up stealing our schtick, that’s a bit much. You’re the FUBU Men's Heritage Basketball High-Tops to S.E.X’s Air Force Ones. And like Nelly brother, Space Lord and I are going to go stomping in our Air Force Ones. You dudes are gonna have a dilemma, cause you wanted to ride with me, but all you did was flap your wings. Well guess what dudes, it’s getting hot in here, and you’re going to see who is number one.
You wanna play spacemen, but you dudes are looking at men who have battled Klingons. Men who have been beyond Thunderdome. Men who have battled the evil Jeff Bazos when he enslaved the elves at the Nort Pole (yep, all of these have been RP’s I’ve done). So we are far beyond space dudes. We have been more places, and done more things than you two could ever imagine, so when you try to play S.E.X, just know you come out looking exactly what you are, played.
THOSE ARE THE WORDS WE WILL SPEAK TO YOU GEE PEEPEE ESSAY. At the paper anniversary, the world will see that Global Positioning Systems are nothing more than a team of man-childs who want sex. I mean man-childs who want TO BE S.E.X. We are the real, and you are the no-good jabronis.
We ran through every team the WGWF has to offer once, including you, and we will do it again. Sin City loves S.E.X, the Velvet Rabbit loves S.E.X, and EVERYONE LOVES S.E.X! But at the paper anniversary of Brawl, you will learn that when you tangle with raw, and rough S.E.X, you can and will get hurt. After you get run through and experience the big bang S.E.X, you wont walk right for days.
Laying the innuendo on thick there aren’t you brother?
Whatever do you mean Terrance?
You know, just like everyone knows S.E.X is the top tag team in all of professional wrestling. The one-year anniversary will prove that S.E.X wins again. Only this time GPS, it’s not going to be a count out. No way dudes, we got something to prove to you. We are going to prove that we can beat you clean, and we are going to do it when we drop you and pin you for the whole world to see.
So whatcha gonna do GPS? Whatcha gonna dop when I lift you up on my shoulders, Space Lord climbs to the top rope and we drop yo with the S.E.X O’Matci? WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN S.E.X RUNS WILD ON YOU!?!
I’ll tell you exactly what they are going to do. Get pinned, one, two, three.
“Heck yeah brother,” Marshall says as he puts his arm around Major Helmet.
The three men walk out of a giant hole in the side of the floral shop wall. As they head for the S.E.X Bus the building collapses behind them, but they don’t even look back.
Are you sure this is gonna be ok brother?
Terry Marshall was a bit apprehensive as the panel van Space Lord has procured for his earthly transportation device came to a stop in front of the small shop named "Butts Buds".
Of course, this will work Terry. Sixty percent of the time my plans work one hundred percent of the time.
Marshall scratched his bandana-covered head as he studied the oddly named Floral and Dispensary shop. Marshall thought it was an odd name, but then he looked at the passenger side mirror and read the words "S.E.X BUS" on the side of the panel van and decided "Butts Buds" wasn't the weirdest name ever. It also explained why their van had been stopped and searched so many times over the past few weeks.
Space Lord could tell his B.F.F.F.F.R (Best Fudgeing Friend Forever For Reals) wasn't bubbling over with confidence, so he felt the need to reassure him.
Terry, getting Major Helmet onboard is the key to getting the rest of the crew back. When you thought I died, who did the Desolator crew turn to? When we did the Nefarious Wrestling Outsiders heels turn in GCWA to refresh our stagnant careers, and create a whole new merch line of n.W.o shirts, who did the crew follow when he told them not to let the door hit them where the good Lord split them?
Kayfabe brother. Thizis Isizn't fizor thize smizart mizarks.
Space Lord stared at Marshall in confusion. I'm talking "Cletus the slack-jawed yokel" from the Simpsons confused. Marshall should have known better, Space Lord didn't come up old-school, and never listened to Snoop Dogg, so how would he know Carney? Marshall shook his head and threw his hands up in defeat.
HELMET! They always followed Helmet.Even with First Mate Kirk at the helm, if I wasn’t there the crew looked to Major Helmet for guidance. He was the warm, loving mother of the Desolator Crew, and we… I need him.
Marshall's confidence is boosted like Mario when he gets a star. Also, "Peaches" was the song of Summer 2023, don't @ me.
Marshall and Space Lord exit the “S.E.X Bus” and head into the floral shop. As they open the old wooden door it clangs into a bell that hangs above it, signaling the shopkeep that someone has entered. From the back the familiar shrill voice of Major Helmet rings out with, “I’ll be right with you.”.
Marshall notices that Space Lord is getting excited, and some may say that he is downright gitty. Space Lord’s smile grew wider and wider as the small man walked out of the back of the floral shop. Major Helmet’s head is down as he carries an armful of bouquets that he places on the empty counter. Helmet looks up and is shocked to see Space Lord standing in front of him with his arms wide open.
Major Helmet: I…. I…. I thought….
Dead. I know, I know. A lot of people thought I was, and I almost was. But, I’m back now, and getting the crew back. The first member I came for was my major.
That isn’t who I am anymore. It’s also not my name anymore.
Space Lord’s smile turns from right side up, to upside down, flipped into a frown. Space Lord is shocked by he news and more than a little bewildered. Marshall doesn’t want to be here all day and needs to get back to TPW business, so he steps in to move things along, asking “What is your name then brother?”.
The florist formerly known as “Major Helmet” opens his mouth to answer, but before words escape his mouth we hear a deep and aggressive female voice coming from the back of the shop.
SEYMOUR!!!
FEED ME SEYMOUR!!!
“I… I, uhhh… I’ll be right back”, Helmet says before darting into the back of the shop.
Space Lord tries to say something and even reaches for Helmet, but he disappears too quickly into the back. Marshall looks at his partner, the Space Save, the Supreme Intergalactic champion, and sees how sad he is. Like a kid who just lost his puppy sad. Marshall puts his arm around his partner to comfort him and then comes up with an idea to occupy his mind during the waiting.
Brother, why don’t we monologue while we wait on Helm… ugh, I mean Seymour?
Space Lord brushes Terry’s arm off and shakes his head as he steps forward toward the back door. With an air of uncertainty in his voice Space Lord says, “It’s been so long since I’ve monologued, I don’t know. This… this just isn’t going how I pictured it in my head.”.
Brother, you told me if I monologue they will come. Maybe the same thing is true for Helmet.
Space Lord snaps around faster than Sycho Sid’s head snapped around when you called him psycho. His eyes seemed to glow with energy and his voice rang out with power.
THE GUARDIANS! What do you guard? You are not guarding the WGWF Tag Team titles, you are trying to steal them. THE STEALERS… that should be your name. You want to guard space but do not even know the different species or genomes of the cosmic beings that dot space like the stars dot the Earth's sky. You dare call me an alien, do I look like a little green man? If anyone are little green men, it is you too. Green with envy over the Sports Entertainment Xpress winning the tag team titles and RUNNING THROUGH EVERYONE IN TURMOIL!
LITTLE… because you have little muscles. As for my tentacles, and how far they can stretch, just ask your mothers about them.
WHOA BROTHER! Let’s keep it family-friendly here, remember we move the most merch to children.
Terry is right, and to think you so-called Guardians took him for a fool and a pawn. You called Terry a fool, but at Summer Madness Terry out-smarted you Alex Richards. So, I must ask this question to you Alex. Are you a liar, or were you out-smarted by a fool?
Regardless of whether you are more foolish than a fool, or just dishonest, you will be known as one thing after Brawl, losers. The Sports Entertainment Xpress didn’t run through every team in WGWF, plus a few bonus teams just to lose in our first defense. All though, I think every match we won after beating Alliance of Ultra Violence should count as a defense, I Neil-DIGRESS-Tyson. Guardians your time in the hunt for the WGWF Tag Team titles comes to an end at Brawl, and for your guard duty, it will be an end of watch.
Your hopes and dreams of being champions come to an end with a bang. I’m not talking about that DDPY guy when I say you will feel the bang. NO! I’m talking about the level of bang your mothers feel from my tentacle… A BIG BANG!
Space Lord looks at Marshall with a massive smile while holding two thumbs up as if asking for Marshall’s approval. Marshall holds his hand sideways slowly twisting it from side to side, as if saying he’s heard better, but also heard worse. Space Lord throws his hands up in frustration, to which Marshall strokes his Tom Selleck-level mustache before spitting his own hot fire.
Ya know something dudes, when I entered tag team turmoil without a confirmed partner, people told me I was crazy. But, I had faith, brother. I believed that if I monologued, if I showed up, laced um up, and thundered up, that I'd do the darn thing dude. Ya know what made me believe that? Do ya know what kept me going in the first bout of turmoil, and in the middle of bout two when I was getting creamed? The same thing that makes me believe that Space Lord and I will run right through the Guardians.
FAITH!
I had faith that Space Lord was going to show up for Summer Madness , and I was right. I had faith that we would march through turmoil and become the WGWF tag team champions, and I was right. I have the same faith in the fact that at the one-year anniversary show, we are going to get our hands raised again. I have faith in S.E.X. I have faith in my partner. And, most importantly I have faith in all the Sexamaniacs that will be cheering us on to victory.
See dudes, as old George Michael said…
Space Lord jumps in interrupting Terry Marshall.
Well, I guess it would be nice if I could touch your body. I know not everybody has got a body like you, OH! But I gotta think twice before I give my heart away. And I know all the games you play because I play them too.
Space Lord looks a bit disappointed as he is ready to break out into a musical. Don't worry though, there will be a "S.E.X, the musical", just not right now.
I gotta have faith. Because I got to have faith, faith, faith, brother. I got the faith, which is the second most powerful tool the Sports Entertainment Xpress can have. Second only to the most powerful force in all of the world. The power of all the Sexamaniacs.
With the Sexamaniacs at the wheels of the S.E.X Express, we will be full throttle and wide open. The pedal will be to the metal, and the needle will be knocking in the red as we run through every team in the WGWF… AGAIN!
I've got faith that we can do it because, with the power of Sexamania, anything is possible.
Marshall looks at Space Lord with confidence and determination and says, "Even getting Major Helmet back.".
Suddenly, a crash and scream are heard from the back of the shop. Marshall and Space Lord run to the back where they see Major Helmet cowering in the corner while a giant Piranha Plant is snarling at him, with its teeth showing as it yells harshly at Helmet.
I TOLD YOU I’M HUNGRY SEYMOUR! NOW YOU’VE GONE AND MADE ME HANGRY!
“LEAVE HIM ALONE!” Space Lord shouts as he jumps between Helmet and the plant.
The plant pulls back and says, “Oh Seymour, you brought me two juicy snacks. They are definitely full of protein.”.
Space Lord snarls back at the Piranha Plant, ready for battle, but calms himself as he feels Helmet’s hand on his shoulder. Helmet steps in front of Space Lord.
Space Lord? You told me he was dead Seymour.
His name isn’t Seymour, it is Major Helmet.
No, I’m not Major Helmet anymore. Major Helmet died along with Space Lord, or, well, died when I thought you had died. Adopted an Earth name when I was cleaning out the footlockers we had at homebase, and in Bug Girls I found a bag of seeds. So, I planted them and as they grew people would ask to buy them, so I started this floral shop. Most of the plants were absolutely beautiful and just like regular flowers you’d find here on Earth, but Audrey, while still beautiful is a bit more dangerous.
But, why are you named Seymour now? Why is this shop named Butts Buds.
I had to adopt an Earth name, and since I wanted to see more of the Earth, I went with the name Seymour. As for the last name, well, like Sir-Mix-A Lot, I like big butts and I cannot lie, so I adopted that as my last name.
Wait brother, your name is now Seymour Butts?
Yeah.
Terry Marshall begins to laugh uncontrollably, even holding his stomach as he bends over laughing. Everyone, including Audrey, the killer plant looks at Marshall, confused as to why he is laughing.
Hmm… Seymour Butts, I like that.
“You would like to Seymour Butts dude”, Marshall says between laughs.
YO! I’M STILL HUNGRY HERE! We’ve lost the plot here with you fools reconnecting and having a laugh at Seymour's name. NOW, FEED ME!!!
Audrey lunges forward at Space Lord, her giant mouth open ready to swallow him whole. “NO!” Seymour Butts shouts as he shoves Space Lord out of harm's way at the last second.
Audrey’s jaws close, and Seymour is locked inside of her giant plant head. Audrey lifts her head up and begins trying to swallow Seymour whole. Space Lungs forward, presumably going for the Big Bang (spear), but Audrey swings her giant head around smacking Space Lord back against the wall. A giant lump goes down Audrey’s throat, and one can only assume she had just swallowed Seymour. “YOU TITAN ARUM!”, Space Lord screams as he pushes himself up.
“WATCH OUT BROTHER!” Marshall shouts as he pulls Space Lord out of the way as Audrey spits a giant fireball at him.
The fireball hits the wall and blows a hole in the side of the floral shop.
I thought this looked like a Fire Piranha.
You’re right I am, and I like my muscle-bound idiots… WELL DONE!!!
Audrey spews another fireball and the two members of S.E.X jump apart to avoid the blazing ball. “Take this brother”, Marshall says as he throws a shining Super Star to Space Lord.
Space Lord catches the star and suddenly “Starman” by Koji Kondo begins to play as Space Lord begins to glisten. Space Lord looks over at Terry Marshall who has a star of his own and is shining.
The fireball big enough to engulf both members of S.E.X flies from Audrey's mouth, but this isn’t normal S.E.X, this is supercharged S.E.X. Mashall and Space Lord lower their shoulders and run through the fireball, coming out unsigned and unscathed. As they pass through the fire Space Lord lunges forward, hitting Audrey in her giant stem.
Audrey begins to gag and as she does she vomits, sending Seymour Butts, aka Major Helmet flying from her mouth and rolling across the floor. As Audrey gags, Marshall moves around behind her and wraps his massive arms around her pot. The pot is so large in circumference, that Marshall can hardly grip it.
Marshall lifts the pot, using a clean and jerk-like motion to get it over his head. As Mashall lifts Audrey above his head, Space Lord climbs to the top of a shelf and then leaps off with a big clothesline. S.E.X dropped the massive Piranha Plant with the S.E.X O’Matic (Doomsday Device). Audrey’s stigma bounces off the floor, and her petals go limp.
Space Lord is quick to his feet as his star boost wears off. Space Lord rushes to the side of Major Helmet. Space Lord scoops one hand under Helmet’s head and grabs his hand with the other hand. Space Lord lifts Helmet up, but he is unconscious. Marshall gets up rubbing his lower back with both hands, a little strained from lifting the massive plant, and feeling it as his star boost has worn off as well. Marshall looks over to see Space Lord holding Helmet.
Brother, is he…?
No, he’s still breathing, but he is injured.
“How bad?” Marshall asks as he walks over.
He’ll live, he’s just in shock and totally grossed out from being swallowed by a giant piranha plant.
Suddenly, Helmet begins coughing and gagging, sending clouds of pollen spewing from his mouth and nostrils. As Helmet begins to cough Space Lord pulls him into his chest and hugs him so tightly that Helmet stops coughing, because he can’t breathe.
Yo brother, let the brother breathe.
“Oh, sorry. Sorry”, Space Lord says as he releases his vice-like grip of a hug.
Helmet slowly stands up and looks around the rubble that was once his floral shop. Helmet seems sad at first as he places his hands on his hips, lets out a heavy sigh, and drops his head. “I’m sorry old friend”, Space Lord says as he puts his arm around Helmet’s shoulder.
Helmet immediately seems relieved though, perking right up and raising his head.
Well, guess I can always come back and be your Major again. That is… if you’ll have me back.
Space Lord pulls Helmet in for another back-cracking bear hug. Space Lord’s jacked and tan arms bulge as he squeezes Helmet tightly.
OF COURSE, I WILL!!!
Space Lord puts Helmet down, and the two men along with Terry Marshall begin to walk out of the floral shop when there is a loud noise behind them. The three men turn to see Audrey using her petals to push herself up. Audrey sees the Sports Entertainment Xpress and blows one last massive fireball at them.
LOOK OUT!!!
The three men leap apart, narrowly avoiding getting their gooses cooked. Marshall falls into a wall of shelves and a plant falls off the shelf into his lap.
Terry, that is a Super Leaf plant, USE IT!
Marshall hops to his feet and then leaps into the air, spinning around like a helicopter. Instead of using his tail like the classic pizza-loving plumber, Marshall uses what he uses best his fist, and massive arms. Marshall clasps his fists together and uses the momentum of the Racoon spin to deliver a super Thunder Struck (Discuss Polish Hammer).
The force of the Thunder Struck done by the master of Thunder Striking rips the Stigma off of the style, sending Audrey falling in two separate pieces, effectively decapitating her. Racoon Terry Marshall stands over the fallen flower and is joined by Major Helmet to his left and Space Lord to his right.
WOW! I guess that is why The Guardians Protective Service has a move named Thunderstrike, to pay homage to your amazing move.
They what?
Monologue Part Deux:
YA know brothers, the Guardians are nothing but cheap S.E.X knockoffs dude. I get that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but when you are straight-up stealing our schtick, that’s a bit much. You’re the FUBU Men's Heritage Basketball High-Tops to S.E.X’s Air Force Ones. And like Nelly brother, Space Lord and I are going to go stomping in our Air Force Ones. You dudes are gonna have a dilemma, cause you wanted to ride with me, but all you did was flap your wings. Well guess what dudes, it’s getting hot in here, and you’re going to see who is number one.
You wanna play spacemen, but you dudes are looking at men who have battled Klingons. Men who have been beyond Thunderdome. Men who have battled the evil Jeff Bazos when he enslaved the elves at the Nort Pole (yep, all of these have been RP’s I’ve done). So we are far beyond space dudes. We have been more places, and done more things than you two could ever imagine, so when you try to play S.E.X, just know you come out looking exactly what you are, played.
Congratulations, you played yourself.
We ran through every team the WGWF has to offer once, including you, and we will do it again. Sin City loves S.E.X, the Velvet Rabbit loves S.E.X, and EVERYONE LOVES S.E.X! But at the paper anniversary of Brawl, you will learn that when you tangle with raw, and rough S.E.X, you can and will get hurt. After you get run through and experience the big bang S.E.X, you wont walk right for days.
Laying the innuendo on thick there aren’t you brother?
Whatever do you mean Terrance?
Space Lord winks at Terry.
So whatcha gonna do GPS? Whatcha gonna dop when I lift you up on my shoulders, Space Lord climbs to the top rope and we drop yo with the S.E.X O’Matci? WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN S.E.X RUNS WILD ON YOU!?!
I’ll tell you exactly what they are going to do. Get pinned, one, two, three.
“Heck yeah brother,” Marshall says as he puts his arm around Major Helmet.
The three men walk out of a giant hole in the side of the floral shop wall. As they head for the S.E.X Bus the building collapses behind them, but they don’t even look back.