Post by jmonttwizted on Sept 9, 2023 19:25:43 GMT -5
“I’d rather eat garbage then listen to your tired ass rhymes.”
That quote was heard in the background and if you have no idea where that came from, then you really need to brush up on your comedy movies. Ronnie Rizzat was speaking as John Blade, i mean B-Rad was listening.
A familiar laugh can be heard from the couch and let me tell you something. Even the likes of Stevie Wonder, Ray Charles and Helen Keller could not miss seeing this movie. And you ask why? The movie, which I'm hoping you all figured out by now is “Malibu’s Most Wanted” and its being displayed on Samsung’s 1000 inch Micro Led in 8K, also known as THE WALL. Only a few people in the world have a TV like this. Elon Musk, Jeff Bezo, Bill Gates, Bernard Arnault and the man who is laughing on the couch.
And just like the movie, you should know who this is by now. With names mentioned like the ones above, it can only result in one man. If you said Chris Page, you are stuck in the 1920’s. If you said John Cable, put a mask on and run face first into a wall. If you said Sonya Benson, just kill yourself. We are talking about none other than the WGWF World Heavyweight Champ, J Mont.
Usually, when it comes this close to battle time, J Mont is in the gym working on his cardio and defense techniques, but it seems this time around, he is more focused on studying film. But is he really? Or is he just enjoying himself right now, as he is on top of the world after winning the World Title, helping CCPE win the US vs Them by taking down his friend, Justin York and in just a few days, about to win the TPW American Title to add to the collection.
As J Mont continues to watch the movie, and smirk, he notices that his red bull and vodka glass is empty. Instead of making the easy decision of getting up and pouring the drink himself, J Mont decides to use his Steven Tyler voice like he was singing “Janie’s Got a Gun” and yells for Mia.
And as J Mont waits, it should come as no shock to anyone that Mia has not responded yet. You can see J Mont is getting impatient and is debating about yelling one more time, or just getting up himself to handle this.
TIC
TOCK
TIC
TOCK
J Mont: Fuck It!!!
J Mont gets off the couch slowly, still feeling the effects of his Hell in a Cell match with Chris Page and this recent war with Justin York. With a slight limp, J Mont hobbles his way to the kitchen. Maybe resting is the best thing for him then overdoing it, but maybe cutting down on the drinks would be a wise decision. And when does J Mont make wise decisions? Maybe 10 percent of the time and right now, the decision he is making is pouring some more Vodka into his glass followed by some more red bull. And before he can make his way back towards the couch, here comes Mia. What a coincidence.
Mia: Hey boo, did you call for me?
J Mont: Like 5 minutes ago!
Mia: Ok good.
J Mont: Good?
Mia: Yes, good. Just making sure you know that, when you yell my name, I am not going to come running.
J Mont: What if I am really hurt or having a heart attack?
Mia: I can tell from your tone of voice and concern when I need to come right away.
J Mont: WOW, just wow!
Mia: If you say WOW 4 more times, you can tie Owen Wilson for the amount of times the word WOW was said, like in the movie, Wedding Crashers.
J Mont: You know what………I Love You! I love this wise ass side of you.
Mia: I need to have one dealing with you babe. But I Love You too.
Mia leans in and gives J Mont a kiss on the lips.
J Mont: One more thing babe.
Mia: WOW!
J Mont: Very funny. You said when I yell your name, you aren't going to come running. But, last time when you were screaming my name in the bedroom, you were cum………
Mia puts her fingers to J Mont’s mouth before he could finish spilling the beans.
Mia: OK…..I get it. We can both scream in the bedroom. But enough of this craziness. I'm going to check on our daughter.
J Mont: I know football season is coming up, but have you thought anymore about having another one?
Mia looks at J Mont, then down at his goods, then back at J Mont.
Mia: WOW!
Mia walks off laughing as J Mont stands there shaking his head. As Mia leaves the scene, J Mont takes a chug of his vodka and red bull, then heads back to the couch. The limp has gotten better, but it’s still there. And if John Blade was smart, which he isn't, that is the part of the body he would attack right away to get the advantage. But, even giving him a major clue he will choke just like B-Rad did on open mic night on stage.
“Traffic, Traffic, looking for my chapstick, feeling kinda car sick, there’s a Ford Maverick.”
B-Rad, on TV is spitting some of the worst rhymes, but J Mont is laughing as if he is sitting front row to a Kevin Hart show.
J Mont: I have no idea what Chris Page is thinking. Maybe i knocked him in the head once too many times, or maybe one of those JKO’s scrambled his brains like the All Star Special at the Waffle House. Either way, it’s a slap in the face to have the World Champion Main Eventing the Dark Show. And no disrespect to the Dark Show, but this is only the 2nd time in my whole WGWF career that I am not in the Main Event of Monday Night Brawl.
J Mont takes a big chug of his vodka and redbull. He better slow down, before he has to get up again himself to get another drink. We all know that Mia isn't going to make it for him.
J Mont: I know everyone is going to tell me to shut the fuck up and just do my job. But I am not just anyone. I am one of the biggest draws in the industry. Whenever there is a battle royal, J Mont is one of the first called. When there is a Super Show, same thing. When a fed is down on its luck and needs help, J Mont is called. When Chris Page needs help, I don't care what he says, he calls ME! So with all due respect to everyone, you can go FUCK OFF! I am the World Champion, and I deserve some respect. Chris Page is trying to throw his power around and piss me off by booking me on the Dark Show, but he has no idea what is really in store for him. Let’s just say that this might be the last time that Chris Page has any say in what I do in the WGWF. And that’s not a spoiler, that's a prediction.
As J Mont looks up at The Wall TV, he sees Sean and PJ appear with B-Rad. This is the part of the movie where B-Rad gets kidnapped by the wanna be gangsters and they take his second generation King Bling Escalade with Spinners on it.
J Mont: I swear to god, this movie is corny but funny. I can’t believe that Jamie Kennedy got the role of B-Rad over John Blade. If they would have casted John as the lead in this movie, it would have gone from 2.5 stars to 5 stars. John is one of the best wanna be gangsters i have ever seen. John has a better chance of starring in the movie Malibu’s Most Wanted 2 then beating me in that ring. And unfortunately for all the fans in attendance, I don't plan on working by the hour or minute. The second that John comes out of the back, and runs down the aisle, I will be waiting for him to slide underneath that bottom rope, and when he does……JKO outta nowhere. I will set the new record in the WGWF by getting the win in 3 seconds. Because if i am not mistaken, Jim Caedus has the record of 4 seconds over Coding Rhodes. Man, if Jim hates me for taking away his World Title chances, he is going to hate me even more when I steal his record too.
J Mont chugs the rest of his drink and places the empty glass on the custom Italian glass coffee table, straight from Italy. Mia would be pissed because J Mont did not use a coaster to keep the glass from getting a ring on it.
J Mont: Oh well. You didn't wanna help me get a drink, so I'm not using a coaster. More work for you later on Mia.
J Mont looks around to make sure Mia didn’t hear any of that statement.
INSANITY
J Mont looks over at his empty glass and wants more to drink but really doesn't want to get up to make another.
J Mont: I might be lazy right now John, but I promise you that you will not get the lazy version of J Mont in that ring. I have big plans and they do not involve you. You're just in the way right now and I will get rid of you just like I got rid of Sonya Benson from my hip. You think the world wants to see John Blade versus Peter Vaughn for the World Title at the one year show? That would result in the biggest amount of refund requests in the history of the wrestling industry. John, just be happy your big mouth got you this match and in the Main Event of dark. This match does nothing for me and everything for you. You are getting a bigger paycheck for this and I'm expecting a thank you after you deposit it into your negative account. This might be the first time in your career that your account will be in the positive. And I am 100 percent positive that I'm leaving with my World Title. And I see you're stealing a page out of my book when it comes to asking for a World Title match. You think by doing what I did to Peter Vaughn will work for you. It wont. There is a big difference with that. I not only challenged Vaughn, but he turned the challenge down. I had to keep beating him up mentally and even steal the world title and then some to get what i want. And when that big day came, I took advantage of that opportunity and won the World Title in what some say was a big upset. But don’t think for a minute that you're going to follow in my footsteps and do that to me in the Dark Main Event. There will be no Cinderella Story ending for you. No glass slippers. J Mont will do what he does best and WIN.
“My name is B-Rad. Not Robbie Van Winkle. I like my lattes non-fat and don't forget the sprinkles.”
J Mont: Oh shit, I almost forgot this movie was still on. But I will not forget the job that I need to do. It all starts with taking down the almighty John Blade.
J Mont busts out laughing on the couch thinking about the scary John Blade.
J Mont: OK, I'm sorry John, but you got a better chance of getting those 7 digits from Candice Page then beating me in that ring. WGWF Dark will have its highest ratings in history thanks to J Mont being in the Main Event but also have to give some credit as well to Amber Mansley as well. She is teaming up with Jenny Myst and I know the 2 of them will get the job done as well. Page is really thinking in his head that he is pissing off The Fortunate Ones by putting us on the Dark Show, but let me tell that stupid old man one thing…….We have a surprise for you come Monday Night Brawl. You did this to yourself Chris. But, getting back to the point I was on. I am leaving as the World Champion because I have a plan in place that I will not ruin. I dont give 2 flying fucks what stipulation Peter Vaughn picks. I will beat him again at the 1 year show then go on to face Goth for The World Title. Then I will do what I did at CCPE versus The World and beat Goth Again.
J Mont will end up 2-0 versus Peter Vaughn after the 1 Year Show
J Mont will end up 2-0 versus Goth after the Cannabis Cup.
John Blade will be 0-1 After the Main Event at the Dark Show
J Mont: There is a pattern here and it’s J Mont winning and winning and winning some more. Chris Page is going to say that I lost to him and that’s all fine and dandy. Even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while. But I will avenge that loss to Page once I get the masterplan accomplished and complete. And it starts with knocking John Blade all the way back to Malibu then get ready for the 1 Year show with Peter Vaughn who i have a gut feeling will make his new crush, Sonya Benson the special ref to fuck me over to get his World Title back. If Peter goes that route, then it looks like I will have Mia accompany me to the ring to watch every move that Sonya makes because this World Title is not leaving The Mont Family or The Fortunate ones.
As J Mont slowly gets up and decides he is about to make himself another drink, Mia comes from around the corner and heads toward the couch that J Mont has been chillin on. J Mont grabs the glass, and wipes the glass table before Mia could catch him not using the coaster.
J Mont: yes ove. Was about to get me another drink.
Mia: That’s good. And maybe when you're done making that drink, you can grab a COASTER and USE IT!!!!!
J Mont looks at Mia like “How did she know that?” Not knowing what to say this time, which is a rare thing for J Mont to be speechless.
J Mont: What are you talking about?
Mia points over to the Baby Monitor that was left on the end table which was on the whole time meaning Mia was with Baby G in her room with the other monitor on.
Mia: I heard everything you have said this whole time.
J Mont: WOW!
Mia: Keep it up Owen!
J Mont: We are going there now?
Mia: WOW!
J Mont: I love you baby. You know I was just being funny.
Mia: You want to know something funny?
J Mont: Of course!
Mia: There will be no screaming of the name Joe in the bedroom tonight!
J Mont: WOW!
Mia blows a kiss at J Mont and leaves the area. J Mont looks at his empty glass and decides after that comment, there is only one thing left to do.
J Mont: I have to drink on that. Mia got me good, but I will make sure that John Blade knows that nothing GOOD is coming out of this match for him.
J Mont might be making drinks non stop, but that doesn't mean he won't be ready for the Main Event of Dark. J Mont will be there and set the new WGWF RECORD and then show up at Monday Night Brawl with a shocker, that not even Chris Page will be ready for. The credits of the movie are running in the background as J Mont makes another drink for himself. He raises the glass and cheers himself on yet another Victory coming his way.
“SAVE WATER, DRINK VODKA!”