Post by jmonttwizted on Aug 7, 2023 15:17:48 GMT -5
WHAT A FUCKING NIGHT!
[From a one dollar bill to dealing with Atty all night, it was a wild adventure all thanks to Molly. The things seen that night are of ones that no one would ever believe. A Fat Man Rotten Lookalike. Candy striped elephant security guards. A Camel walking towards the stage. A Penguin stealing all the ones on the ground from the strippers. There was even an Ace Ventura sighting, ALLEGEDLY! Some Greek language was yelled, while Doogie Howser was riding a Unicorn to the VIP section. And if Fat Man Rotten was really there, he would have eaten Atty’s nose because it looked like a cannoli, ALLEGEDLY! Even Marlon Brando tried to get Atty to the VIP room only to get turned down. A night that only JMont and Atty will understand. No one else will believe all that went down.]
[And speaking of going down, JMont is going to have to really work his magic right about now.]
2:30 A.M.
[Somehow, JMont made it home, but he doesn't drive a Tesla with full self-driving capabilities. But I bet he sure wishes he did now. Sitting inside his 2023 Bugatti Chiron, JMont just wants to go to sleep, but his Alaskan size king bed is more comfortable than these sport seats inside the car. JMont grabs the door handle and pulls the scissor door to an upward position. As JMont steps out of the vehicle, he closes the door behind him. As the door closes, JMont realizes that there is going to be a problem in the morning.]
JMont: I really hope Mia doesn't notice this. I'm too tired and lazy right now to move my car.
[JMont is staring at his car and cannot believe what he has just done. Sure he made it home, but he did not park the Bugatti where it needed to go. Instead, he ran over Mia’s prized flower garden. All that hard work of growing sunflowers, dahlias, tulips, roses, hydrangea and many more are down the drain now. Run over by 4 Michelin Pilot Sport tires, these plants didn't stand a chance. Almost sounds like their SUMMER has come to an end which will be a familiar sight for Peter Vaughn and Jim Caedus.]
Peter Vaughn- Tulip
Jim Caedus- Hydrangea
JMont- 285/30 R20 and 355/25 R21
[And if you didn't get what those clues mean, then you are dumber than Micahel Kelso from That 70’s Show. But before JMont can think about anything else, he needs to get into the house and to bed. Then wake up in the morning and figure a way to kiss Mia’s ass about these flowers. As he slowly drags himself up the steps and to the front door, he is staring at the Lockly Vision Elite which is a smart lock with a video doorbell. JMont uses his finger code to unlock the door and he finally makes it in. He quietly closes the door and B lines for the stairs. Not wanting to wake up Baby G, he takes off his Gucci Loafers and starts to make his way up the steps. As he takes step by step, he realizes that his next house will not have like 50 steps to get to the next level. When he finally approaches the last step, JMont knows he is so close to the rest that he needs. He sees that his bedroom door is closed. Mia knows he was out tonight but, still feeling the effects of the Molly a little, JMont doesn't want anymore issues tonight. As he gets to the door, JMont grabs the handle and slowly opens the door. Seeing Mia sleeping like the angel she is brings a smile to his face. JMont makes his way around the bed to his side, and puts his keys, wallet and phone on the nightstand. Then he gently gets himself into the bed and under the cover. Turning towards Mia, JMont puts his arm around her and Mia brings herself right under her man. Things look to be good in the household now.
2:59 A.M.
[JMont and Mia cuddled up and sleeping. There is nothing that could ruin this relaxing night for them unless a Hurricane comes and puts a tree through their window. And the weatherman did not mention anything about a hurricane, so things should be good, right? Oh come on now, we all know that weathermen are always wrong and get to keep their job. And, we all know what that means, right? There is a hurricane coming.]
3:01 A.M.
[You can hear the cellphone of JMont ringing. The last time this happened, Mia got a hold of the phone and saw that it was Sonya Benson calling. That was a call that Sonya knows to never make again. But was Sonya being a smart ass this time around, because she is very well known for that? Mia told her to never call her man at 3 A.M. again. And this time, it's 1 minute after 3, so technically she is not calling at the time Mia said not too.]
HURRICANE MIA!
[Mia rolls over after hearing that 3rd ring, as she perches herself up, she slaps JMont right on the head. JMont quickly looks up at Mia like ‘What The Fuck?”]
Mia: I guess Sonya, didn't learn the first time around about calling you at 3 A.M.
[Mia leans over JMont and grabs the phone. Not even looking to see who it truly is and just assuming it's Sonya because of her anger, she hits the accept button.]
Mia: I told you last time not to call my man again at 3 A.M. We are in the middle of Round 3 over here. This is a big dick that you will never get. Find your own man and dick to ride.
Voice: Ummm, it’s 3:01 A.M. and I just wanted to make sure Joe got home OK from the Rabbit. It was a long night of team bonding and we had to deal with Molly, but nothing bad happened from that I don't think.
Mia: Atty? Is that you?
Atara Raven: Yes Mia…. who did you think was calling you? Sonya?
Mia: Yes, because she has done it once before and I could see her doing it again.
Atara Raven: Well, I'm not Sonya and I listen to you when we talk and text. So that is why I called at 3:01 A.M. to check on him.
[Mia and Atty start to laugh. JMont is laying there with a headache from that slap to the head.]
Mia: We can catch up tomorrow. He is good. He is laying right here next to me.
Atara Raven: I still cannot believe he drove his Bugatti home. Hope it’s in one piece.
Mia: He made it home safe and sound, so that's all that matters. Night Atty.
[As the call ends, Mia gives JMont a kiss on his head where she smacked him.]
Mia: Sorry about that babe. I know I overreacted, but there is just so much going on right now and I let my emotions get the best of me.
JMont: Let’s just go to sleep babe.
[As JMont lifts his head to give Mia a kiss, he pulls back for a minute.]
JMont: Why does your nose look like a cannoli babe?
[Mia finds no humor in this and turns the other way and grabs the sheet, leaving JMont with no covers. Still a better place to be than inside his Bugatti.]
8:59 A.M.
[JMont is still knocked out, which is probably an effect from the Molly. Mia is no longer in bed with him, which means that it's only a matter of time before Hurricane Mia, Round 2 comes out. As a few moments go by, Mia appears with Baby G. JMont is still out but is about to be awoken because Baby G is on the bed. She is pretending she is in her bounce house and is having the time of her life. Finally, she jumps on top of JMont and gives him a kiss on his cheek.]
JMont: Daddy’s little girl. Love you Gia.
[JMont starts to wake up, but his head is pounding badly.]
Mia: I left you some tylenol extra strength and a bottle of water on your nightstand. I need you to watch Gia for a little. I want to go outside and water my flowers and weed the garden.
JMont: You got it babe. She is safe with me, always!
[As Mia leaves, JMont gets up and is sitting on the edge of the bed. Gia, still in her playful mood, is trying to climb JMont’s back. He reaches over and grabs the 2 pills. Opening the bottle of water, he throws the pills in his mouth and takes a chug of the water. Hoping it kicks in right away because last night really took a toll on him. He turns around and picks up Gia.]
JMont: Just know Gia, I will never let anything happen to you. You and your mother are the 2 most important things to me in this world.
[JMont gets up from the bed and is now carrying Gia with him as he leaves the bedroom. As he starts to walk down those 50 steps again, the regret is still there.]
JMont: I can only imagine Fat Rotten trying to walk these steps.
[As he makes his way to the last step, he is happy that the walk is over. Proceeding to the kitchen now, this is where a weatherman would have been nice to warn JMont about another Hurricane coming his way.]
Hurricane Mia- Round 2
[Mia storms into the house and when she sees JMont, she flips the script on him. Not wanting Gia to hear a bunch of curse words, she changes her language.]
Mia: Come cazzo hai investito il mio giardino fiorito, fottuto idiota? E poi per non dirmi nemmeno un cazzo sapendo che stavo andando laggiù.
[JMont looks at Gia because he knows he's in deep shit with this one.]
JMont: When I pulled into the driveway, I swear I thought that was a parking spot.
Mia: How do you think that a flower garden with visible flags is a parking spot Joseph?
JMont: Joseph? You sound like Austin when he was pissed at me.
Mia: Joseph James Montuori, you are going to fix this and fix it before i……..
[Mia walks over and grabs Baby G from him.]
Mia: I love you but I need to go out and get some fresh air. I will be home later with the baby.
[As Mia leaves, JMont is standing there still dealing with the consequences of popping that Molly pill with Atty last night. The team bonding was great for their unity for the Tag Team Turmoil match, but the end result at home hasn't been good.]
JMont: Well shit, not the way I wanted to start my day off.
[As JMont takes a few steps…….]
JMont: Fuckkkkkkkkkk!
[JMont looks down on the ground as he steps on a plastic toy triangle.]
JMont: It’s great that Gia is learning her shapes and stuff, but someone needs to teach her to pick up after herself.
[She is about to turn 1 soon, so you can only ask so much of Gia. Maybe JMont is putting the blame on Mia, but that’s the least of his issues and worries right now.]
JMont: You know what, this TRIANGLE symbolizes the Main Event of Summer Madness on Night too.
TRIANGLE
PETER VAUGHN
JMONT
JIM CAEDUS
JMont: You have Peter Vaughn at the top of the triangle, and only because he is the World Champion for now. Then you have me and Jim at each corner of it at the bottom to complete the triangle. But, the places on this are going to change once that bell sounds. JMont will be at the top of the triangle as not only the Tag Team Champ, but also the NEW World Champion while Peter slips to the bottom where Jim is still stuck at.
[The thoughts going through J Mont’s head right now are crazy. Maybe it’s the Molly. Maybe it's the adrenaline. Maybe he is just ready to show the world that he is the best in the WGWF.]
JMont: As i think about this Triangle, it makes me think it's all about 3 people. Kind of like a TV Sitcom from the 70’s and 80’s that lasted 8 seasons.
Three’s Company
JMont- Jack Tripper
Peter Vaughn- Janet Wood
Jim Caedus- Chrissy Snow
JMont: 1 man and 2 bitches. I mean it makes complete sense to me. JMont is the man and all the ladies wanna live with him. Think about this for a minute. Vaughn is a little whiny bitch when he doesn't get his way. So he reminds me of Janet. The short haired, loud mouth bitch who thinks she is always right. Then you have Jim Caedus walking around sounding and talking dumber every day. If they come out with another sequel to Dumb and Dumber, they need to hire this man. But he truly fits the description of Chrissy. A blonde bitch that no one understands and is just dumb as a rock. And that leaves Jack who has both the bitches living with him, and has them cooking and cleaning. Totally sounds like JMont and after i show them both who is boss, they will always have a job working for me. Peter can be the cleaning bitch and Jim can be my landscaper. And you guys can live together in the pool house and act like you're Hilary Banks for a little.
[JMont laughs at the thought of this old school classic show. But that is not all.]
JMont: Oh shit, how could I forget. I know I was talking about a triangle and all, but this is really all about a SQUARE because Chris Page had to insert his old ass into this match because he wants to see justice served and doesn't want any outside interference to ruin the Main Event. He thinks I have something planned or up my sleeve to give me the advantage to win. Guess what Page, i dont give two flying fucks that you are the special ref. And since I already called Jim and Peter my 2 bitches, I can't leave you out.
Chris Page- Ralph Furley
JMont: You are the old man that walks around thinking you run things while wearing 10 dollar suits and smelling like cheap cologne from the gas station. Know your role Page and just count to 3 and raise my hand as the victor. Look at the bright side, at least the World Title stays in CCPE with me as the new Champion.
[JMont takes a deep breath. He is still recovering from that long night he had.]
JMont: This triple threat match has the makings to be one of the best matches of not only 2023, but all time. There have been so many triple threat matches when it comes to real life and the entertainment industry. You have Zach Morris, AC Slater and Kelly Copowsky. Everyone knows that Zach fought and won Kelly over while AC was left in the dust. And that is what I plan on doing as well. I am going to pin Peter Vaughn and leave Jim there to sit and cry like the bitch he is. But of course, all of this was mediated by the one and only Richard Belding who once again is another old bastard with a lot of likes and resemblance to Chris Page. Belding was their principle all through Junior High and High School. And we have Page reffing our triple threat match. Hmmmmmm.
Zach Morris- JMont
AC Slater- Jim Caedus
Kelly Copowsky- Peter Vaughn
Dick Belding- Chris Page
JMont: Now for you sick freaks out there, this is just a comparison and I would never wanna date or be with Peter Vaughn. All this shows is that Zach was the winner and I am going to be doing the same thing in the Main Event. Instead of holding Kelly high in the air, I will be holding that World Title in the air and end the reign of Peter Vaughn.
January 2nd, 2023 to August 14, 2023
JMont: 224 days that Peter Vaughn Was champion because on the night of August 14th, a new reign will start. A new countdown will begin. 224 days will be in the rearview mirror along with Jim Caedus. The reign of JMont will begin while the reign of Sonya Benson continues.
JMont as World Champion PLUS Sonya Benson as TV Champ EQUALS FUCK YOU FAT MAN ROTTEN!
JMont: As I think about some classic Sitcoms, I need to give a shout out to The Golden Girls. Because there are 3 of them that are going to be involved in this match. You have Jim who acts like Rose. All these long winded stories and just being naive. Then you have Peter who acts like Dorothy. The goodie tushie who has a smart ass mouth. And how can we forget about Page who is about as old as Sophia and tries to be as blunt as her. And ok, just for shits and giggles, I will include myself in this and say I'm Blanche because she is the most popular of the group and is a big attention whore and loves the spotlight. So, i will give her some credit for that, but at the end of the day, the only thing GOLDEN around here will be around my waist after Sophia, i mean Page counts to 3 and hands me that title.
[Maybe the Molly hasn't worn off yet, or maybe JMont is just tired after the night he had, but the thoughts are not stopping.]
JMont: It’s crazy how a kid’s toy has made all of this come to a full CIRCLE. From a Triangle, to a square, to finally getting to the circle of how all of this happened. From the beginning, all I had ever asked Peter for was a shot at the World Title. He declined of course. I even gave him the chance to pick the match, the special ref, the option to launch me from CCPE and even offered my career as well. He said I wasn't deserving of it which means he hasn't truly followed my success in this business. He is looking at a few matches I have had here in the WGWF that I lost and used that as an excuse. I have never been CLEANLY beaten here yet Peter. Mac needed Paul's help and yours. Austin got me DQed from the tag title match. So Peter, are you going to use Chris Page to defeat me because I know deep down you know you can't get the job done on your own. Maybe I need to take a syringe full of Fentanyl, heroin and cocaine and threaten to stab Jim with it so you can give up AGAIN and watch me leave as champion.
[JMont thinks about the drug comment for a moment.]
JMont: I can see Peter going up to Fat Man Rotten to get me drug tested before the match so I can be disqualified before it even begins. That's how much Peter Vaughn fears me. The last time I saw someone complain about a man using drugs, the man that did Cocaine WON the match. Jon Bones Jones beat Daniel Cormier, so if Peter wants to go that route, he just needs to know that the same thing is going to happen here. I love to live my life and party and have fun. I don’t need to sit home, and dress up a broom and pretend it's my date for the night. The party is over for you Peter.
[From the beginning to now, the full circle will become complete on Night 2 in the Main Event.]
[JMont knows that it's a big night for him because he has a chance to leave Night 1 as a tag team champion. And leave night 2 on the top of the mountain as World Champion. He has been a double champion in numerous companies and wants to duplicate that success again. But there is one thing in the back of his mind that he needs to control, and that's the fear of something happening to his family while he is at battle.]
JMont: The only want and I mean THE ONLY WAY that Jim or Peter will catch me off guard is if i mentally get side tracked with the thoughts of Mia or Baby G being harmed. I swear to go that this stalker guy is going to end up under a sidewalk in the streets of the Bronx and yes i can make that happen. I still have my connections. You fail to realize that I have the home field advantage when it comes to Summer Madness. New York City is my home and the people here love me. For once, it's going to be nice coming down to the ring hearing all the cheers and support. Not even a sold out Knicks championship game or a Rangers Stanley Cup will garner the cheers I'm about to receive. So with that said, I know Mia and Baby G are going to be safe because I have family and friends here that will watch them for me until I complete the task at hand. Peter, I'm going to knock that stupid smile off your face, that you are going to have to find a broom and dustpan to pick it up. Jim, I'm going to JKO you into another planet where all your gibberish will fit right in. And as for you Page, i cannot wait till you have to raise my hand as the winner and then watch just a short time later this month stand over you hold your Entity World Title.
IT’S ALL COMING FULL CIRCLE!
[JMont decides he needs to take a walk and goes towards the front door. As he opens the door and steps out, the first thing he notices is his Bugatti in the flower garden that Mia was truly upset about.]
JMont: How the fuck did i think that was a parking spot? Well, that was truly a fuck up on my part and i have to make this up to Mia. But one thing i wont be fucking up is my chance to become the new WGWF World Champion.
[JMont throws his hands up in the air, which is directed at the car and walks back into the house. Leaving the car there as a reminder that the competition is about to get run over and flattened by the JMont Express going 305 miles per hour.]
“Some people want it to happen (Vaughn). Some wish it would happen(Caedus). Others make it happen(JMONT).”
