If You Monolouge They Will Come
Jul 20, 2023 16:22:54 GMT -5
"Cholo" Giovanni Santana, Alex Richards, and 2 more like this
Post by terrymarshall on Jul 20, 2023 16:22:54 GMT -5
After all this time I still can't believe you're gone.
"Thundering" Terry Marshall looks up at the starry sky with a tear in his eye. His head drops as he is remembering his old friend and tag team partner, the Supreme Intergalactic champion, Space Lord.
Marshall sighs heavily as he stares down at his steaming cup of tea. Marshall looks back up to the stars from his deck and continues his musing as he takes another sip of his sleepy-time tea and tries to ease his mind.
I miss our whacky, out-of-this-world adventures. I tried a singles career, and it just wasn't for me. Not because I wasn't successful, I mean I'm Terry "Freaking" Marshall. It just wasn't as fun after everything we had done together. I even tried opening my own promotion, only to be swindled out of it by my younger brother. I’ve got a plan in store for him, but I’m still connecting all the pieces of that puzzle while training for the war I’ll eventually have to fight there.
Things haven't been the same for the Desolator crew either. Major Helmet no longer wears his massive helmet. Now he just looks like "Honey I shrunk the helmet", I heard he had been running some little shop of horrors with a giant man-eating plant, before going on to be the lackey for some ghost hunters.
Private Pizza lost a game of Domino's at Little Caesars Garden Casino to Papa John, and now has to work off his debt at a California Pizza Company. Private Bug Girl got killed in a raid while Guarding the Galaxy, or maybe it was killed by Raid, either way, it’s very sad.
Firstmate Kirk, well he is hosting some TV show on the History Channel, but just can't wrestle away the number one spot on the Network from American Pickers.
The Space Cowboy went back to farming. Raising Fat Jim's, or something like that. Some sort of spicy beef, guess he feeds the cows peppers or something. He also said he is planning a rap career under the name Bonesaw.
And me…
I just miss my old friend. I opened a Thundering Lake Shop, and a Karaoke Coffee House to pass the time, and that is how I wound up in this situation. I was high on my own supply, slamming shots of Espresso and chasing them with the B.W.G O.G, pumpkin spice latte. I was jacked dude, like two scoops of original recipe Jacked 3D pre, jacked. I was surfing the world wide web and saw that WGWF was doing an open tag team turmoil. and in my caffeinated state I signed up.
The problem is, I don't have a tag team partner. So, I'm kind of stuck. I mean I might be able to win the whole thing by myself, but my days of being a one-man Wolfpack are behind me. I need my partner. I need the crew…
I NEED S.E.X!!!
As Marshall screams "I NEED S.E.X!", his wife, the beautiful ginger Heather Marshall sticks her head out of the door to the back deck.
I TOLD YOU I HAVE A HEADACHE!
She then steps back inside and shuts the door with a hard thud. Marshall shakes his head and takes another sip of his tea as he looks to the sky. As he stares at the clear sky he sees a shooting star. Suddenly, the star stops in mid-air and begins to twinkle. Marshall stares at the twinkling star and as he does hears the voice of his old partner.
If you monologue, they will come.
Marshall looks confused at first, not believing his own ears. Marshall looks at his tea, wondering if it had been spiked with something. As he looks at the tea he hears the voice of Space Lord again.
IF YOU MONOLOGUE THEY WILL COME!!!
Marshall looks up at the twinkling star again. The star shines bright for a moment and then shoots across the sky and disappears. Marshall begins nodding his head up and down, he slowly stands to his feet and sits his tea on the railing of his deck. He feels reassured and begins to do what he does best….
Monologue:
WELL LET ME TELL YA, SOMETHING DUDES! Thundering Terry Marshall is back, and I don't mean spinal, I mean back in action brothers. I can’t come back to my home promotion, so why not make my come back to WGWF? Annoy some members of the Cabal, and take away the tag team titles from Mac Bane? What is Mac short for anyway? Macothy? I tell ya what Mac is short for DUDES! Minutes as champion, cause his and Bam Miller’s reign ends at Summer Madness when Thundering Terry Marshall, backed by the power of Thunderamania runs wild in the Big Apple brother.
Now I know I gotta go through a lot more than just the Alliance of Ultra Violence. I know we got the Cassette Collective who just suffered a big loss to another team in the turmoil of the Young Lions. These Cassette Collective girls are pretty awesome dudettes, and I’m not just talking in the ring. Those dudettes know when the best era of the world was, and it just so happens I was the man of that era. Thing is Sexamaniacs, I ain’t done being the man yet. Taking them tag titles through turmoil is one big step on the road to making Terry Marshall the man again brother.
KC and Pax, you can chill-ake. You are going to get the best version of Terry Marshall, but the angry old man who is like a caged and desperate animal won’t be the one you get. You’ll get the Terry Marshall who is all about training, taking your vitamins, and saying your prayers. THAT Terry Marshall can and will beat you. After the match, I’ll even sign some of your collectible swag for you and shoot the price up.
Now, when I say that the training, taking your vitamins, and saying your prayers Terry Marshall can and will beat the Cassette Collective, it isn’t a knock on them, because that Terry Marshall can beat anyone, any pace, at any time. But as I get deeper into the match and the numbers start stacking up on old Terry Marshall, I’m gonna get desperate, and I’m gonna get dangerous.
Those Young Lions, the dudes setting in the honey seat. You dudes get to be the last entry into the turmoil, big props to ya kiddos. That is a sweet spot, and you are gonna need it if you think ya got a shot at taken down Terry Marshall with all the power of the Thunderamaniacs at his back. You two young punks are nothing more than glory hogs and when the lights shine the brights in MSG, you’re going to find that all that glitters isn’t gold.
You’ll be seeing a lot of lights that night when you see the roof of the garden split open, and the skies part as your chest are struck by three hundred million volts of electricity when you are THUNDERSTRUCK!
Marshall has come out of his chair and is ripping his pajama shirt off, sending the buttons flying like buckshot. Marshall is pumped, both figuratively and literally as his chest and arms are looking like that of a bodybuilder half his age.
Don’t think for a second I’m forgetting about the former tag team champions either dudes. The Show Stealerz has been having some family issues lately, I try to stay out of those personal affairs, and I think the key word in that situation is AFFAIRS! They couldn’t keep their titles or their marriage together.
WHOA!
Sorry dudes, that was pretty heelish of me, giving me flashbacks to my “Too Sweet” Terry Marshall days. BUT STRAIGHT UP! The Show Stealerz have the talent and tools to win this turmoil, or any match against any team in the game at any time. A blend of speed and power not seen since Terry Marshall was in his twenties. THING IS DUDE, IT TAKES TWO! Two of you to equal Terry Marshall at his physical prime.
Clearly, I’m not in my physical prime now, but as a famous patriot once sang, “I’m not as good as I once was, but I’m as good once as I ever was.”. At Summer Madness I’m not going to be as good once as I ever was. No way dudes BUT, what I can say, and will PROMISE to all the Thunderamaniacs that support me either in person or watching at home is this.
At Summer Madness, I don’t know who will be at my side, or if anyone will be at my side. BUT, I know who will be at my back, all the Thunderamaniacs and all the SEXAMANIACS. With the energy from the two most powerful forces in the known universe pushing me I won’t be as good once as I ever was. NO WAY DUDE! Because Thundering Terry Marshall will be GREATER THAN I EVER WAS!!!
I got the power of Thunderamania and Sexamania driving me. I’m fighting to honor Space Lord. I’m fighting to honor the legacy of the Sports Entertainment Xpress. I’m fighting to stick it to Chris Page, and all the rest of the Cabal. I know what I’m fighting for, and I know with the maniacs at my back I know what I’m gonna do, and that is win this whole darn thing.
The only question left goes out to all the other teams in the turmoil. That question is short, but not simple, and it is this. What are you gonna do? WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WHEN TERRY MARSHALL, THUNDERAMANIA, AND SEXAMANIA RUN ROUGH SHOT AT SUMMER MADNESS TAG TEAM TURMOIL AND RUN WILD ON YOU!?!?!?!
TERRANCE CLARK MARSHALL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!
Marshall spins around to see his wife standing behind him. Her arms are folded across her chest tighter than the belt of her robe is tied. Marshall doesn't back down though, he's in the zone, and I don't mean the danger zone there Goose.
Honey, I'm monologuing. I know it's late, and I know you have a headache, but all the Sexamaniacs and all Thunderamaniacs are counting on me dudette. But I heard Space Lord's voice, and he told me if I monologue they will come.
Oh, Terry…
Her arms unfold, and then her robe unties.
I haven't heard you monologue in months. You know what hearing you ask some lame jabroni what they're gonna do, does to me.
Her robe hits the deck, and then Terry Marshall's jaw hits the deck.
But I thought you had a headache.
She gives a coy smile.
If you monologue, I will come.
Terry Marshall grabs his wife's hand and runs into the house. Just as the scene is about to fade out Thundering Terry Marshall sticks his head back out of the doorway and holds up a packet of Blue Chew.
Blue Chew… it's like a hot tag for your Weiner.
After a night of “intense” cardio and a few days of advertising for open auditions, Marshall is still on the hunt for a new partner.
NEXT!", Terry Marshall shouts before sighing to himself as he watches another candidate for Marshall's Maniacs shuffle off the stage. Marshall is recruiting a new crew, from whom he could select a partner to win the Tag Team turmoil with. Deep down Marshall knew this was a poor attempt to replace the Desolator Crew, but he couldn't just hire a new crew from Wrestling Lackeys R'Us.
Marshall sinks back into the wooden chair of the community center auditorium where he is holding open auditions. Marshall wants to keep auditions as professional as possible, instead of using a casting couch as Alexander Marshall did for The Cabal. Marshall pinches the bridge of his nose and closes his eyes tightly as he thinks about how much more of this he has to go, as people have lined up by the hundreds to join Marshall’s Maniacs.
Suddenly, the lights dim in the auditorium, and an old familiar tune begins to play over the PA system. The music cracks a bit as the system is old and outdated, but the fog machines and flashing lights bring Marshall to an upright position as no one has been entertaining thus far.
Marshall is drumming along with what is without a doubt Motley Crue’s best song. The curtains on the stage slide open and Marshall sees the outline of a figure covered by the fog but shining through the pink lights. The man has broad shoulders and looks to be pretty jacked, but not as jacked as Marshall, obviously.
The man spins around while pulling off his white leather jacket that he throws toward Marshall. The man dances forward and as he emerges from the fog, Marshall smiles as he sees one of his oldest and best friends, Harry “The Hairstyles” Hotcakes. Hotcakes hits a few poses, does some strutting, and obviously, he is ready to do some cutting.
Marshall is on his feet, clapping, and nodding his head. “HECK YEAH BROTHER!” Marshall says with a loud tone of approval. Hotcakes feels the momentum on his side but fails to realize the fog machines have not been turned off. Hotcakes begins to cough and gag as the fog builds up thickly around him. In his coughing fit Hotcakes is blinded by the fog, stumbles right off the stage, and falls to the ground with a thud, that somehow causes a giant record-scratching sound that immediately cuts the music off and brings the lights up.
Marshall runs to the bottom of the stage, and to his old friend's side. Hotcakes is laying flat on his back on the ground and seems to be a bit dazed, as Marshall kneels beside him.
Brother, are you ok?
I’m fine momma, I can still take my test today.
Brother, you’re talking crazier than normal.
In the words of the late, great, Colonel Sanders…. I’m too drunk to taste this chicken,
Yeah, Dude, I’m going to have to call an ambulance for you,
Marshall pulls out his Intelligent Phone and begins dialing 911, but pauses.
You signed the waiver, right dude?
I can taste the color purple.
Marshall shakes his head and dials the phone. Marshall walks outside to wait on the EMTs as other candidates for Marshall's Maniacs crowd around Hotcakes to check on him. As a cool night breeze bair blows on Marshall's tan skin, he looks up at the starry night again. Marshall can’t look to the stars without thinking of his old friend Space Lord. Marshall sighs and mumbles to himself, “If you monologue they will come”.
Marshall takes a deep breath and allows himself to get into “the zone”, you know like when Ken Shamrock would go all psycho before suplexing everyone in sight.
Monologue:
Ya know dudes, even Stevie Wonder can see that things are looking pretty dark for the future of Terry Marshall in the tag team turmoil. But when the night is darkest is when the fire of Sexamania burns the brightest. I know I’m in for a long night and the fight of my life, but honestly I can’t wait, brother.
I’ve been to the mountain top before, but right now I’m at the bottom and looking up. My own company was stolen from me. My partner is M.I.A and presumed dead. I’ve entered a tag team turmoil to honor his memory and the legacy of our team, and I can’t find someone to stand by my side. I’m definitely in a valley looking up at a mountain that might as well be Everest. But, honestly… I LOVE IT!
Yeah, I am dude, and people just don’t understand they just don’t get it. I’ve been in this sport for over thirty years and I ain’t done with it yet brother. At my age winning that tag team turmoil match at Summer Madness might seem it's an unwinnable battle, but really to me, it's not JUST about winning
It's the battle itself. It's the struggle! It's the test of myself, that's what life's about. Not just physically but mentally, getting that rock to the top of the mountain. My goal actually is pushing the rock, because pushing the rock isn't a punishment to me brother. See dudes, to me the struggle, the climb, it makes me harder mentally and physically. It gives me much more than I give it. I want to struggle. I want to have to claw and scratch to the top. I want to dig in and I want a push, and I don't want it to end. I’ve been to the top of the mountain and I rested and enjoyed the view, but now I’m back to climb again. When and if I ever get the rock to the top of the mountain again, I’ll push it back down myself.
I don’t want to rest, and I don't want to coast. Never again do I want to reach a point in my life, where I say, “That's it, I've done enough, I'm not going give any more. I’m not going to push anymore.”. That day will never come again, I’ll never stop pushing in this sport, and I will never let this sport stop pushing me.
I know my time of pushing in the ring is coming to an end, and while this tag turmoil isn‘t my first rodeo, it darn sure won’t be my last rodeo either. When my body finally taps out and says it can’t take anymore, I’ll keep pushing with a pen in my brain as I take back TPW and make it the worldwide leader in sports entertainment. For now, though, I’ve still got the ability and more importantly the will to keep fighting and brothers I’m gonna fight until I can’t.
It doesn’t matter where I come in during the turmoil because I’ll fight as long and as hard as it takes to win those tag team titles. I’ll do it with someone by my side, but more importantly, I’ll be doing it with all the Maniacs at my back. I’m ready for war, and war-ready dudes. There are only three things left for me to do. One, pick a partner, two make those fools feel THUNDERSTRUCK, AND THREE…. WIN THOSE TAG TEAM TITLES DUDE!!!
Marshall stops talking as the EMTs come rolling out of the auditorium with Hotcakes on a stretcher. Hotcakes gives Marshall a big thumbs up, and Marshall gives one back. Marshall marches back into the auditorium, picks up his clipboard, and marches onto the stage.
Alright, if I call your name come up onto the stage you have made the cut for Marshall’s Maniac. The rest of you, well, thank you for your time and I hope you all continue to support Thundermainia.
First, the privates. Boba Fat Tea.
The camo armor-clad man makes his way onto the stage. Slowly of course because the armor weighs a lot and slows him down.
Next, Private John Winger.
“THAT’S A FACT JACK!!” a man dressed in army clothes shouts from the crowd before joining the others on stage.
Next, my Sargent. SARGENT SAL!
Sal Vulcano of Impractical Jokers fame rushes on stage. Hey, he’s a big wrestling fan, why wouldn’t he want to be on Marshall’s Maniacs?
Next, my Major. This one may be controversial, but he has changed his ways since his Nefarious Wrestling Outsiders days… MAJOR FLAVOR!!!
Major Flavor, sporting his flame shit runs onto the stage.
Jimmy Fallon runs on stage, acting so shocked and humbled. The rest of the crowd begins clapping for the newly formed Marshall’s Maniacs. Marshall quiets the crowd and makes one last announcement.
What you are looking at is the crew that will be riding into battle with me as we take out every team that stands in our way. Make no mistake about it, this will be a war, but we will battle our way through the tag team turmoil match and walk out of Summer Madness as the new WGWF tag team champions.
Jimmy Fallon steps forward looking both puzzled and concerned.
Uhhh… hahaha, ah Terry. We are actually going to be fighting people? Uh, hahaha, uh, haha.
Yes, Jimmy, one of you will be my new tag team partner, and while the rest of you can’t be a part of Sports Entertainment Xpress, you all can be S.E.X aides.
Oh, Haha. Terry, I thought this was an audition for a movie.
The crowd and the rest of the Militia members begin mumbling and the general consensus is that they all thought it was a movie or play audition. The crowd begins to disperse and slowly dwindles until it is just Terry Marshall left standing on stage alone.
I don't need a partner for S.E.X. I can do S.E.X all by myself because I’ve got the power of all the THUNDERAMANIACS AND SEXAMANIACS ON MY SIDE! AT SUMMER MADNESS, IN THE MOST FAMOUS ARENA IN THE WORLD, S.E.X IS GONNA RUN WILD ON WGWF DUDES!!!
"Thundering" Terry Marshall looks up at the starry sky with a tear in his eye. His head drops as he is remembering his old friend and tag team partner, the Supreme Intergalactic champion, Space Lord.
Marshall sighs heavily as he stares down at his steaming cup of tea. Marshall looks back up to the stars from his deck and continues his musing as he takes another sip of his sleepy-time tea and tries to ease his mind.
I miss our whacky, out-of-this-world adventures. I tried a singles career, and it just wasn't for me. Not because I wasn't successful, I mean I'm Terry "Freaking" Marshall. It just wasn't as fun after everything we had done together. I even tried opening my own promotion, only to be swindled out of it by my younger brother. I’ve got a plan in store for him, but I’m still connecting all the pieces of that puzzle while training for the war I’ll eventually have to fight there.
Things haven't been the same for the Desolator crew either. Major Helmet no longer wears his massive helmet. Now he just looks like "Honey I shrunk the helmet", I heard he had been running some little shop of horrors with a giant man-eating plant, before going on to be the lackey for some ghost hunters.
Private Pizza lost a game of Domino's at Little Caesars Garden Casino to Papa John, and now has to work off his debt at a California Pizza Company. Private Bug Girl got killed in a raid while Guarding the Galaxy, or maybe it was killed by Raid, either way, it’s very sad.
Sargent Spot, well he went Wagons Ear on a Summer Rental in the Great Outdoors, then his sister had a baby, and now he's called Uncle Buck.
Firstmate Kirk, well he is hosting some TV show on the History Channel, but just can't wrestle away the number one spot on the Network from American Pickers.
The Space Cowboy went back to farming. Raising Fat Jim's, or something like that. Some sort of spicy beef, guess he feeds the cows peppers or something. He also said he is planning a rap career under the name Bonesaw.
I just miss my old friend. I opened a Thundering Lake Shop, and a Karaoke Coffee House to pass the time, and that is how I wound up in this situation. I was high on my own supply, slamming shots of Espresso and chasing them with the B.W.G O.G, pumpkin spice latte. I was jacked dude, like two scoops of original recipe Jacked 3D pre, jacked. I was surfing the world wide web and saw that WGWF was doing an open tag team turmoil. and in my caffeinated state I signed up.
The problem is, I don't have a tag team partner. So, I'm kind of stuck. I mean I might be able to win the whole thing by myself, but my days of being a one-man Wolfpack are behind me. I need my partner. I need the crew…
I NEED S.E.X!!!
As Marshall screams "I NEED S.E.X!", his wife, the beautiful ginger Heather Marshall sticks her head out of the door to the back deck.
I TOLD YOU I HAVE A HEADACHE!
She then steps back inside and shuts the door with a hard thud. Marshall shakes his head and takes another sip of his tea as he looks to the sky. As he stares at the clear sky he sees a shooting star. Suddenly, the star stops in mid-air and begins to twinkle. Marshall stares at the twinkling star and as he does hears the voice of his old partner.
If you monologue, they will come.
Marshall looks confused at first, not believing his own ears. Marshall looks at his tea, wondering if it had been spiked with something. As he looks at the tea he hears the voice of Space Lord again.
IF YOU MONOLOGUE THEY WILL COME!!!
Marshall looks up at the twinkling star again. The star shines bright for a moment and then shoots across the sky and disappears. Marshall begins nodding his head up and down, he slowly stands to his feet and sits his tea on the railing of his deck. He feels reassured and begins to do what he does best….
Monologue:
WELL LET ME TELL YA, SOMETHING DUDES! Thundering Terry Marshall is back, and I don't mean spinal, I mean back in action brothers. I can’t come back to my home promotion, so why not make my come back to WGWF? Annoy some members of the Cabal, and take away the tag team titles from Mac Bane? What is Mac short for anyway? Macothy? I tell ya what Mac is short for DUDES! Minutes as champion, cause his and Bam Miller’s reign ends at Summer Madness when Thundering Terry Marshall, backed by the power of Thunderamania runs wild in the Big Apple brother.
Now I know I gotta go through a lot more than just the Alliance of Ultra Violence. I know we got the Cassette Collective who just suffered a big loss to another team in the turmoil of the Young Lions. These Cassette Collective girls are pretty awesome dudettes, and I’m not just talking in the ring. Those dudettes know when the best era of the world was, and it just so happens I was the man of that era. Thing is Sexamaniacs, I ain’t done being the man yet. Taking them tag titles through turmoil is one big step on the road to making Terry Marshall the man again brother.
KC and Pax, you can chill-ake. You are going to get the best version of Terry Marshall, but the angry old man who is like a caged and desperate animal won’t be the one you get. You’ll get the Terry Marshall who is all about training, taking your vitamins, and saying your prayers. THAT Terry Marshall can and will beat you. After the match, I’ll even sign some of your collectible swag for you and shoot the price up.
Now, when I say that the training, taking your vitamins, and saying your prayers Terry Marshall can and will beat the Cassette Collective, it isn’t a knock on them, because that Terry Marshall can beat anyone, any pace, at any time. But as I get deeper into the match and the numbers start stacking up on old Terry Marshall, I’m gonna get desperate, and I’m gonna get dangerous.
Those Young Lions, the dudes setting in the honey seat. You dudes get to be the last entry into the turmoil, big props to ya kiddos. That is a sweet spot, and you are gonna need it if you think ya got a shot at taken down Terry Marshall with all the power of the Thunderamaniacs at his back. You two young punks are nothing more than glory hogs and when the lights shine the brights in MSG, you’re going to find that all that glitters isn’t gold.
You’ll be seeing a lot of lights that night when you see the roof of the garden split open, and the skies part as your chest are struck by three hundred million volts of electricity when you are THUNDERSTRUCK!
Marshall has come out of his chair and is ripping his pajama shirt off, sending the buttons flying like buckshot. Marshall is pumped, both figuratively and literally as his chest and arms are looking like that of a bodybuilder half his age.
Don’t think for a second I’m forgetting about the former tag team champions either dudes. The Show Stealerz has been having some family issues lately, I try to stay out of those personal affairs, and I think the key word in that situation is AFFAIRS! They couldn’t keep their titles or their marriage together.
WHOA!
Sorry dudes, that was pretty heelish of me, giving me flashbacks to my “Too Sweet” Terry Marshall days. BUT STRAIGHT UP! The Show Stealerz have the talent and tools to win this turmoil, or any match against any team in the game at any time. A blend of speed and power not seen since Terry Marshall was in his twenties. THING IS DUDE, IT TAKES TWO! Two of you to equal Terry Marshall at his physical prime.
Clearly, I’m not in my physical prime now, but as a famous patriot once sang, “I’m not as good as I once was, but I’m as good once as I ever was.”. At Summer Madness I’m not going to be as good once as I ever was. No way dudes BUT, what I can say, and will PROMISE to all the Thunderamaniacs that support me either in person or watching at home is this.
At Summer Madness, I don’t know who will be at my side, or if anyone will be at my side. BUT, I know who will be at my back, all the Thunderamaniacs and all the SEXAMANIACS. With the energy from the two most powerful forces in the known universe pushing me I won’t be as good once as I ever was. NO WAY DUDE! Because Thundering Terry Marshall will be GREATER THAN I EVER WAS!!!
I got the power of Thunderamania and Sexamania driving me. I’m fighting to honor Space Lord. I’m fighting to honor the legacy of the Sports Entertainment Xpress. I’m fighting to stick it to Chris Page, and all the rest of the Cabal. I know what I’m fighting for, and I know with the maniacs at my back I know what I’m gonna do, and that is win this whole darn thing.
The only question left goes out to all the other teams in the turmoil. That question is short, but not simple, and it is this. What are you gonna do? WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WHEN TERRY MARSHALL, THUNDERAMANIA, AND SEXAMANIA RUN ROUGH SHOT AT SUMMER MADNESS TAG TEAM TURMOIL AND RUN WILD ON YOU!?!?!?!
TERRANCE CLARK MARSHALL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!
Marshall spins around to see his wife standing behind him. Her arms are folded across her chest tighter than the belt of her robe is tied. Marshall doesn't back down though, he's in the zone, and I don't mean the danger zone there Goose.
Honey, I'm monologuing. I know it's late, and I know you have a headache, but all the Sexamaniacs and all Thunderamaniacs are counting on me dudette. But I heard Space Lord's voice, and he told me if I monologue they will come.
Oh, Terry…
Her arms unfold, and then her robe unties.
I haven't heard you monologue in months. You know what hearing you ask some lame jabroni what they're gonna do, does to me.
Her robe hits the deck, and then Terry Marshall's jaw hits the deck.
But I thought you had a headache.
She gives a coy smile.
If you monologue, I will come.
Terry Marshall grabs his wife's hand and runs into the house. Just as the scene is about to fade out Thundering Terry Marshall sticks his head back out of the doorway and holds up a packet of Blue Chew.
Blue Chew… it's like a hot tag for your Weiner.
Marshall winks and the scene fades to an ad for Blue Chew.
After a night of “intense” cardio and a few days of advertising for open auditions, Marshall is still on the hunt for a new partner.
NEXT!", Terry Marshall shouts before sighing to himself as he watches another candidate for Marshall's Maniacs shuffle off the stage. Marshall is recruiting a new crew, from whom he could select a partner to win the Tag Team turmoil with. Deep down Marshall knew this was a poor attempt to replace the Desolator Crew, but he couldn't just hire a new crew from Wrestling Lackeys R'Us.
Marshall sinks back into the wooden chair of the community center auditorium where he is holding open auditions. Marshall wants to keep auditions as professional as possible, instead of using a casting couch as Alexander Marshall did for The Cabal. Marshall pinches the bridge of his nose and closes his eyes tightly as he thinks about how much more of this he has to go, as people have lined up by the hundreds to join Marshall’s Maniacs.
Suddenly, the lights dim in the auditorium, and an old familiar tune begins to play over the PA system. The music cracks a bit as the system is old and outdated, but the fog machines and flashing lights bring Marshall to an upright position as no one has been entertaining thus far.
Marshall is drumming along with what is without a doubt Motley Crue’s best song. The curtains on the stage slide open and Marshall sees the outline of a figure covered by the fog but shining through the pink lights. The man has broad shoulders and looks to be pretty jacked, but not as jacked as Marshall, obviously.
The man spins around while pulling off his white leather jacket that he throws toward Marshall. The man dances forward and as he emerges from the fog, Marshall smiles as he sees one of his oldest and best friends, Harry “The Hairstyles” Hotcakes. Hotcakes hits a few poses, does some strutting, and obviously, he is ready to do some cutting.
Marshall is on his feet, clapping, and nodding his head. “HECK YEAH BROTHER!” Marshall says with a loud tone of approval. Hotcakes feels the momentum on his side but fails to realize the fog machines have not been turned off. Hotcakes begins to cough and gag as the fog builds up thickly around him. In his coughing fit Hotcakes is blinded by the fog, stumbles right off the stage, and falls to the ground with a thud, that somehow causes a giant record-scratching sound that immediately cuts the music off and brings the lights up.
Marshall runs to the bottom of the stage, and to his old friend's side. Hotcakes is laying flat on his back on the ground and seems to be a bit dazed, as Marshall kneels beside him.
Brother, are you ok?
I’m fine momma, I can still take my test today.
Brother, you’re talking crazier than normal.
In the words of the late, great, Colonel Sanders…. I’m too drunk to taste this chicken,
Yeah, Dude, I’m going to have to call an ambulance for you,
Marshall pulls out his Intelligent Phone and begins dialing 911, but pauses.
You signed the waiver, right dude?
I can taste the color purple.
Marshall shakes his head and dials the phone. Marshall walks outside to wait on the EMTs as other candidates for Marshall's Maniacs crowd around Hotcakes to check on him. As a cool night breeze bair blows on Marshall's tan skin, he looks up at the starry night again. Marshall can’t look to the stars without thinking of his old friend Space Lord. Marshall sighs and mumbles to himself, “If you monologue they will come”.
Marshall takes a deep breath and allows himself to get into “the zone”, you know like when Ken Shamrock would go all psycho before suplexing everyone in sight.
Monologue:
Ya know dudes, even Stevie Wonder can see that things are looking pretty dark for the future of Terry Marshall in the tag team turmoil. But when the night is darkest is when the fire of Sexamania burns the brightest. I know I’m in for a long night and the fight of my life, but honestly I can’t wait, brother.
I’ve been to the mountain top before, but right now I’m at the bottom and looking up. My own company was stolen from me. My partner is M.I.A and presumed dead. I’ve entered a tag team turmoil to honor his memory and the legacy of our team, and I can’t find someone to stand by my side. I’m definitely in a valley looking up at a mountain that might as well be Everest. But, honestly… I LOVE IT!
When Miley Cyrus said the journey is the part that you usually remember anyways, she wasn’t wrong brother.
See dudes, this journey, this climb has got me feeling like Sisyphus. NOT SYPHILLIS, that is for Mac and Bam. I’m talking about the mythological Greek Kiing dudes. In Greek mythology old king Sysiphus was punished by Zeus for cheating death. His punishment was to roll a boulder up a hill in the depths of Hades for all eternity. I’ve been waiting for someone to say, “Oh you’re making ANOOOOTTTHHHEERRR comeback? What is it, like your hundredth?”.
Yeah, I am dude, and people just don’t understand they just don’t get it. I’ve been in this sport for over thirty years and I ain’t done with it yet brother. At my age winning that tag team turmoil match at Summer Madness might seem it's an unwinnable battle, but really to me, it's not JUST about winning
It's the battle itself. It's the struggle! It's the test of myself, that's what life's about. Not just physically but mentally, getting that rock to the top of the mountain. My goal actually is pushing the rock, because pushing the rock isn't a punishment to me brother. See dudes, to me the struggle, the climb, it makes me harder mentally and physically. It gives me much more than I give it. I want to struggle. I want to have to claw and scratch to the top. I want to dig in and I want a push, and I don't want it to end. I’ve been to the top of the mountain and I rested and enjoyed the view, but now I’m back to climb again. When and if I ever get the rock to the top of the mountain again, I’ll push it back down myself.
I don’t want to rest, and I don't want to coast. Never again do I want to reach a point in my life, where I say, “That's it, I've done enough, I'm not going give any more. I’m not going to push anymore.”. That day will never come again, I’ll never stop pushing in this sport, and I will never let this sport stop pushing me.
I know my time of pushing in the ring is coming to an end, and while this tag turmoil isn‘t my first rodeo, it darn sure won’t be my last rodeo either. When my body finally taps out and says it can’t take anymore, I’ll keep pushing with a pen in my brain as I take back TPW and make it the worldwide leader in sports entertainment. For now, though, I’ve still got the ability and more importantly the will to keep fighting and brothers I’m gonna fight until I can’t.
It doesn’t matter where I come in during the turmoil because I’ll fight as long and as hard as it takes to win those tag team titles. I’ll do it with someone by my side, but more importantly, I’ll be doing it with all the Maniacs at my back. I’m ready for war, and war-ready dudes. There are only three things left for me to do. One, pick a partner, two make those fools feel THUNDERSTRUCK, AND THREE…. WIN THOSE TAG TEAM TITLES DUDE!!!
Marshall stops talking as the EMTs come rolling out of the auditorium with Hotcakes on a stretcher. Hotcakes gives Marshall a big thumbs up, and Marshall gives one back. Marshall marches back into the auditorium, picks up his clipboard, and marches onto the stage.
Alright, if I call your name come up onto the stage you have made the cut for Marshall’s Maniac. The rest of you, well, thank you for your time and I hope you all continue to support Thundermainia.
First, the privates. Boba Fat Tea.
The camo armor-clad man makes his way onto the stage. Slowly of course because the armor weighs a lot and slows him down.
Next, Private John Winger.
Next, my Sargent. SARGENT SAL!
Sal Vulcano of Impractical Jokers fame rushes on stage. Hey, he’s a big wrestling fan, why wouldn’t he want to be on Marshall’s Maniacs?
Next, my Major. This one may be controversial, but he has changed his ways since his Nefarious Wrestling Outsiders days… MAJOR FLAVOR!!!
Major Flavor, sporting his flame shit runs onto the stage.
And finally my newest first mate. FIRST MATE FALLON!!!
What you are looking at is the crew that will be riding into battle with me as we take out every team that stands in our way. Make no mistake about it, this will be a war, but we will battle our way through the tag team turmoil match and walk out of Summer Madness as the new WGWF tag team champions.
Jimmy Fallon steps forward looking both puzzled and concerned.
Uhhh… hahaha, ah Terry. We are actually going to be fighting people? Uh, hahaha, uh, haha.
Yes, Jimmy, one of you will be my new tag team partner, and while the rest of you can’t be a part of Sports Entertainment Xpress, you all can be S.E.X aides.
Oh, Haha. Terry, I thought this was an audition for a movie.
The crowd and the rest of the Militia members begin mumbling and the general consensus is that they all thought it was a movie or play audition. The crowd begins to disperse and slowly dwindles until it is just Terry Marshall left standing on stage alone.
I don't need a partner for S.E.X. I can do S.E.X all by myself because I’ve got the power of all the THUNDERAMANIACS AND SEXAMANIACS ON MY SIDE! AT SUMMER MADNESS, IN THE MOST FAMOUS ARENA IN THE WORLD, S.E.X IS GONNA RUN WILD ON WGWF DUDES!!!
Marshall throws the clipboard down and storms out of the auditorium, almost knocking the door off the hinges as he shoves it open. As Marshall heads to his jacked-up, custom-painted truck the view shifts upward to the clear night sky. A twinkling star is seen, and suddenly the twinkling star shoots across the sky and disappears across the horizon as the scene fades out.