The Old Ways: Invocation of the Ultimate Atty
Nov 5, 2022 2:20:15 GMT -5
Chris Page and "The Peoples GOAT" James Raven like this
Post by Atara Raven on Nov 5, 2022 2:20:15 GMT -5
Toronto, Ontario
After A Disappointing Week
Exhausted, sore, a little dehydrated, and just in an overall in a bleh mood, Atara Raven wasn't really ready to handle or hear any booker's bullshit. Maybe only one's bullshit but that, as we obviously know, is because that booker was her husband. While she understood things happened, it was just one of those days.
She had lost to Benson. She had lost to Fenix. She had lost her XWF Xtreme title.
She needed a win and a last minute card change wasn't exactly what she had in mind.
Her original opponent wasn't exactly ideal either, but an out of shape walking talking ass joke shitting out backwoods ignorance would have been an easy win. A win Atty desperately needed because the ole motivation tank was nearing empty, but providence was on her side.
On her side as far as keeping her from grappling with weeks of lingering Appalachian fat ass back sweat stink but on her side nonetheless. The guy flamed out and it was a mystery opponent.
Atara had looked at James incredulously when he told her. The inconvenience of the switch was one thing, but an unknown opponent on short notice. To top it off most of all, it was the insinuation he would keep a secret from her. The audacity to think that he could, that he should. At Page's request nonetheless…. contractually obligated NDA bullshit be damned. The game had been set in motion. Soooo much silent treatment was planned.
Days full of passive aggressive Atty-tude and snide comments. A war of attrition, of cold shoulder shield walls, the gates of Cooch had been closed and wouldn't be dropping…ok. Maybe they dropped for parlays but thats it. Jamed stood his ground however, but it would still take mediation and by mediation a lengthy phone call with Chris Page and a lecture on how it was nepotism if James skirted the stipulation.
Like Atty gave an eff….but they did so anywho…..
An accord was reached and Atara continued in complete oblivion as to this new opponent. While she had stopped pestering James about it, she hadn't stopped digging because at the end of day, this person was going to try and punch her in the face. Once again providence would side with Atty and she received a boon in the way of a phone call from an old friend.
….a very old friend.
Like…so old.
He's old.
A voice as synonymous with wrestling as her own was on the other end. Weaker than it had been in years past and a certain sadness weighing every word heavy.
"Atara, it's Jea…" he started before being cut off.
"I know who it is. Caller ID old man. How are you Dove? It's been a minute?" Atara chided. The ol interviewer cut off. Couldn't let this old geezer forget his place in these discussions.
"I know, and it would have been a minute more but I heard the news."
"What news?" Atara's interest was piqued.
"He's dead. It's finally over. Borden is dead."
"....wow. Really? How did he….it doesn't matter. I guess we're doing this then."
"We've all started heading out."
"I'll be there tomorrow."
That old man from the phone, Mean Jean Okraland, legendary wrasslin interviewer, stands center frame against a somber backdrop. His trademark professional stoicism is prevalent on a face well worn over the years in the business. He looks almost dead himself but then gets his que and life finds him.
![](https://i.imgur.com/OuDWgqk.png)
"Hello America, it's Mean Jean Okraland, and on behalf of the WGWF from the Ultimate Island in Parts Unknown. I'm here today to announce the passing of one of the greats. A legend, an icon of the sport, a man who left his mark everywhere he's been.
Americamania has run its last lap. Terry Borden is dead.
Reports are then rat bastard was wasting away in some rat infested gym in South Beach when WGWF called to give him one last hoorah and the chance at relevancy caused his heart to explode.
All the memories, all those instances in our sports history he made…we remember. Thank You Terry…….
Thank You, the biggest shovel our industry has ever seen finally buried himself.
And now we can finally tell you, Brother, what we are gonna do….
CELEBRATE!"
The camera cuts away to a DJ booth and pans a massive beach crowd. All of the Americamaniacs seemingly have changed from their normals frequency to that in the head of the Ultimate! Raucous Randy Pepper is there already riled up. He looks into the camera!
![](https://i.imgur.com/vwmbxSb.png)
"I'm the Reason Terry Borden Lost His Hair!" He screams, cutting his hair before yelling again.
"And the Best I drop Ain't Your Typical Fare!"
The camera cuts back to Mean Jean Okraland!
![](https://i.imgur.com/ld9sF87.png)
WTF! Quick wardrobe change Jean.
"Raucous Randy Pepper, Drop That Sick Mother******* Beat!"
![](https://i.imgur.com/TzqHdtw.png)
WTF! How is he…..
"It really overrides the smell of bullshit Terry! Yeah, ole Mean Jean knew he wasn't dead. We knew you were the guy! You see, while James Raven's hands were a little tied with telling Atty, the production guys kinda need to know and if they know. We all know and once I learned this cancer of the business was coming back I had to leave the retirement home and make sure the last person to put Terry Borden down wasn't walking into some kind of Not Old Earthly Organization situation!"
"I had to make sure, BROTHER, you weren't sneaking your way to a match with regular Atty in some vain attempt to erase that L and claim victory over the Ultimate One!"
"Borden Fears Atty, but above all else he fears Ultimate Atty but Ultimate Atty can't just be summoned on a whim Terry!"
"THE INTENSITY! THE POWER! THE PASSION! THE WARRIOR SPIRIT!
"It has to be invoked in the old ways Terry! Back when you had hair and were minus a Pfizer prescription, but I didn't stop there Terry!"
".....the old ways."
"To make sure me or no backstage personally ever have to smell the stench of that bootlicking breath ever again, I recruited veterans of the old days. Some of the greatest to make sure not only did you get the Ultimate of Attys, but the Ultimate ultimate of Atty's."
"Ooooh googly moogly. I can wait til you see this……"
![](https://i.imgur.com/pkdg2xE.png)
ITS NACHO MAN CANDY AVERAGE
"UNTZ UNTZ UNTZ BROTHER! Ultimate Atty is coming Borden! Americamania is gotta get American Bashed! Throwing elbows and low blows! SNAPPIN INTO brittle bones and kicking you in the scones! She ain't no Arquette, you already starting sweat….
Ooooh Yeah!
![](https://i.imgur.com/5fTcIMZ.png)
RICHARD FLIER!
"Let me tell ya something Borden! You two trick phonie. Skittles over M&Ms, Rolex and pokedecks, Suits and boots, Gucci coochie and Stanley Tucci….4 Guys cooks horsemeat and my daughter ruins everything…..
WOOOOOO!
![](https://i.imgur.com/2k5jE01.png)
The camera cuts abruptly away as the Bronze Sheet starts a series of obscene hand gestures closing on the camera seemingly intent on destroying something. The mere thought of Borden, like it does most, sends him into a blind rage these days.
![](https://i.imgur.com/BPvmn2K.png)
Whoa! Holy cut the cam.....
****CURRENTLY EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES****
****CURRENTLY EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES****
![](https://i.imgur.com/2ReH8lo.png)
![](https://i.imgur.com/2ReH8lo.png)
The camera cuts to an exasperated Mean Jean, hand on his shaking head. This thing had went off the script a while ago but there was hope. From the ice cold East. Surely Meloko Yakoff could get it back on track.
![](https://i.imgur.com/yItSTkX.png)
![](https://i.imgur.com/yItSTkX.png)
Son of a Bitch! They were suppose to the greatest! The toughest SOBs on the planet!
At one time! It was suppose to the Marvel team up of of the century, all given the singular goal of prepping the future to put the final nail in the past. To end Borden's death grip hold on the industry.....surely there was an enforcer. An intimidating presence that could whip them into shape. That could hand out judgement and pass sentence to this farce of a promo....an icon. A Phenom!
At one time! It was suppose to the Marvel team up of of the century, all given the singular goal of prepping the future to put the final nail in the past. To end Borden's death grip hold on the industry.....surely there was an enforcer. An intimidating presence that could whip them into shape. That could hand out judgement and pass sentence to this farce of a promo....an icon. A Phenom!
![](https://i.imgur.com/9quyb97.png)
"Was hoping for an autograph and donated these cool novelty cups. Man, shit glows and everything. Look if she gets here come find me. Gonna get my face painted....."
Later that evening, once Mean Jean had realized it was just him in this endeavor, he had finally found Atty and pulled herb reluctantly from a set of the most beautiful abs Jean had ever seen. They found s quiet spot and it was there he laid out the training plan. They did things the old way, they found the Warrior Intensity. That 80s Energy!
![](https://i.imgur.com/NhIDZEq.png)
No sooner had she trained, Atty felt the spirits of the Unknown. Her mind opened to the frequency beyond the normals! She was the chosen one!
She was the Running girl and Borden couldn't stop her. Ultimate Atty was coming and she wouldn't she wouldn't stop coming.
She would run wild all over Borden Brother!
She Would Run Forever!
![](https://i.imgur.com/9xv2tj3.gif)
Later that evening, once Mean Jean had realized it was just him in this endeavor, he had finally found Atty and pulled herb reluctantly from a set of the most beautiful abs Jean had ever seen. They found s quiet spot and it was there he laid out the training plan. They did things the old way, they found the Warrior Intensity. That 80s Energy!
![](https://i.imgur.com/NhIDZEq.png)
No sooner had she trained, Atty felt the spirits of the Unknown. Her mind opened to the frequency beyond the normals! She was the chosen one!
She was the Running girl and Borden couldn't stop her. Ultimate Atty was coming and she wouldn't she wouldn't stop coming.
She would run wild all over Borden Brother!
She Would Run Forever!
![](https://i.imgur.com/9xv2tj3.gif)