Post by Dorling on Jan 20, 2018 18:09:32 GMT -5
‘Wow, like three of these guys are called ‘Mystery Entrant.’’
Katy looked up from her book and sighed.
‘That’s not how names work, dumbass.’
‘Yeah I know.’
NARRATOR: He did not know.
Dorling closed the email and tucked his phone into his pocket.
‘At least California isn’t far to go.’
‘You didn’t take this gig for the distance.’
NARRATOR: She was correct. It was for attention. And money.
‘So what’s the deal?’
Dorling pointed at her.
‘Glad you asked. It’s WGWF. It’s the West Coast Rumble. Multi person match.’
‘You’ve never won one of those.’
‘I don’t remember competing in one.’
NARRATOR: He definitely did.
‘Can you hear that?’
‘Hear what?’
‘Never mind.’
‘So what’s the deal? You know anybody?’
‘Well…Black Death is there.’
‘I sense there is somebody else…’
‘Tenegra.’
‘Seriously? How many places are there you could wrestle? You two old farts just so happen to appear in the same place. Is this on purpose?’
‘Actually, no.’
‘Are you going to mess with him?’
‘Well…I might have to eventually.’
‘What does that even mean?’
‘He’s the World Heavyweight Champion.’
‘But of course he is.’
‘Hey, look – I’m rusty. Like, super rusty. I haven’t wrestled in bloody ages. I’m not anywhere near that level yet. Even if I was, I’m sure he’d be happy to see me.’
‘You stole SCW away from under his nose.’
‘Well yeah but…’
‘You conspired with Brian Edison. Who then screwed you too.’
‘I’m older and wiser now.’
NARRATOR: Hahahahahahaha.
‘Don’t laugh at me.’
‘I didn’t.’
‘I wasn’t talking to you.’
Katy mimed that Dorling was crazy before getting up.
‘Ok Looney Tunes, I’m going home. Let me know when we’re heading to LA.’
‘So you can let your boyfriend know?’
‘He’s not my boyfriend.’
‘Sure.’
‘Just do a promo or something and leave my love life to me, eh?’
‘Bye!’
And with that, Katy left Dorling’s apartment, and he was once again alone with his thoughts and a camera. Like old times. But with a new camera.
----------
Fade in, Dorling is sitting on his sofa – opulent as fuck, by the way – wearing a classic ‘There’s No I in Team Dorling’ t-shirt and some jeans. Bare feet though, because dammit that’s how he rolls in his own gaffe (that’s home, for the Americans).
‘Well, well, well. When I hid this camera away in the cupboard I fully expected to use it for nature photography and crime scene photography. This, though – this is a surprise.
I’ve been tempted back into the ring, so it seems. And just up the road – figuratively speaking – in California. Those of you watching this probably fall into one of 2 camps.
In camp 1 you’re wondering who the hell this 34 year old fella with his name on his shirt and an opulent sofa in what looks like a lovely Las Vegas apartment. I also have a Jeep, by the way, but that’s not important right now.
So to answer the question – I’m Dorling. I used to wrestle pretty good. Won some stuff. Ran a company, acted in some commercials, worked in CWC. Hell, I did a lot of stuff. Look on youtube, you’ll see it.
Now, camp 2 – this camp is probably a smaller camp but there’ll be a couple of tents pitched up there nonetheless.
If you’re in camp 2 you know who I am, and you’re wondering where I’ve been. Well, that’s not a simple question to answer but let’s just say I’ve been busy. Travelled the world, done some music stuff with Katy. Hell, I’ve even been out to Russia to see Petrov – the crazy guy is still in the ring. Dabbled with the acting scene, just like I used to. Got a couple of sweet commercials with that laxative company I worked with back in ’02. Filmed a superbowl ad spot for Jeep that never aired – it went live online though. Got a new Jeep out of that one.
And well, I’ve done a bit of gambling. Ok, a fair bit. A lot. But I still have money left. I promise. The gambling and my return to the ring are completely unrelated. Probably.
Anyway, that’s enough of a history lesson. We’re up to date. And we’re in WGWF. But why? Why am I here? It’s nothing to do with erroneous reports about debts, it’s all to do with being the best again.
Yes, some may say I never WAS the best in the first place but I was shiny, really shiny. And I miss being shiny. I figured, the pants still fit, so let’s give this thing a little go. A proper go, not like those one-off appearances against some joker from the bottom of the card. I’m not a museum piece, here to be rolled out to give some smarks a nostalgia boner. No, I’m still the real deal and I’m here to show everyone that.
So who exactly have I got to show? Well, that’s the tricky bit. I’ve come back at a time where I’m going to be in a 19-person match. That’s a lot of persons, if you know what I mean. Not ideal. But you roll with the punches in this game, so this is me rolling.
And it’s a good looking field, from what I know. I mean, we’ve got royalty in it! Royalty!
You know I’m from England, right? We have a real Royal family there. I’m no Royalist, hell no, but they do more good than harm. These guys in the match? The gravedigger, the jester, the executioner?! They don’t sound like Royal family cosplayers, if you know what I mean. One of them called me a midget too – that’s a tad unfair. But you gotta do what you gotta to psyche yourself up, haven’t you?
Aside from that, Black Death is here. He’s a beast, we all know that. Don’t think I’ve wrestled against him before, but there are 17 other people in there. No guarantee we’ll wrestle this time if I’m honest but the cookie will crumble in whichever way it chooses.
Andy Johnson – he’s my kinda guy. He looks like he’s wandered into the wrong building but somehow aced the job interview. I’m envisioning some kind of Laurel and Hardy wrestling from him but there’s no reason entertaining can’t be effective.
Chris Page is some kind of legend around here and I’ve got time for that – it’s good to build up a legacy man, more power to ya. Silence is golden, or so they say, and I swear John Gambino used to work on the door at the Luxor.
Look, I could do this all day, but let’s be honest – I’m not going to sit here and talk about somebody else am I. No, this is about me. It’s always about me.
And I’m here to make an impact. You see I’ve got the moves, I’ve got the skill and damn right I’ve got the desire. You stand in front of me? BOOM. DORbreaker. Beneath me? BANG. TrapDOR.
You can’t out talk me, you can’t out wrestle me, you can’t get away. I didn’t come here on a retirement tour to make up the numbers. I didn’t come here to enjoy some retirement cash and make up the numbers. I didn’t come here to be that guy that you maybe used to know. I didn’t come here to be a bloke that MDK knows. I came here to show each and every single person – inside and outside of the ring – that Dorling is back and he is the real deal, just like he always was. You’d do well to listen. I won’t be held responsible for those that get caught out because they’re not paying attention.
But then again, when it comes down to it, you’ll have no choice but to pay attention, will you?
And hey, if it doesn’t work out I can always bounce back into those commercials, right?
But that ain’t gonna happen. Sleep tight pretties. It’s going to get SUPER shiny from now on.
Dorling out.’
Katy looked up from her book and sighed.
‘That’s not how names work, dumbass.’
‘Yeah I know.’
NARRATOR: He did not know.
Dorling closed the email and tucked his phone into his pocket.
‘At least California isn’t far to go.’
‘You didn’t take this gig for the distance.’
NARRATOR: She was correct. It was for attention. And money.
‘So what’s the deal?’
Dorling pointed at her.
‘Glad you asked. It’s WGWF. It’s the West Coast Rumble. Multi person match.’
‘You’ve never won one of those.’
‘I don’t remember competing in one.’
NARRATOR: He definitely did.
‘Can you hear that?’
‘Hear what?’
‘Never mind.’
‘So what’s the deal? You know anybody?’
‘Well…Black Death is there.’
‘I sense there is somebody else…’
‘Tenegra.’
‘Seriously? How many places are there you could wrestle? You two old farts just so happen to appear in the same place. Is this on purpose?’
‘Actually, no.’
‘Are you going to mess with him?’
‘Well…I might have to eventually.’
‘What does that even mean?’
‘He’s the World Heavyweight Champion.’
‘But of course he is.’
‘Hey, look – I’m rusty. Like, super rusty. I haven’t wrestled in bloody ages. I’m not anywhere near that level yet. Even if I was, I’m sure he’d be happy to see me.’
‘You stole SCW away from under his nose.’
‘Well yeah but…’
‘You conspired with Brian Edison. Who then screwed you too.’
‘I’m older and wiser now.’
NARRATOR: Hahahahahahaha.
‘Don’t laugh at me.’
‘I didn’t.’
‘I wasn’t talking to you.’
Katy mimed that Dorling was crazy before getting up.
‘Ok Looney Tunes, I’m going home. Let me know when we’re heading to LA.’
‘So you can let your boyfriend know?’
‘He’s not my boyfriend.’
‘Sure.’
‘Just do a promo or something and leave my love life to me, eh?’
‘Bye!’
And with that, Katy left Dorling’s apartment, and he was once again alone with his thoughts and a camera. Like old times. But with a new camera.
----------
Fade in, Dorling is sitting on his sofa – opulent as fuck, by the way – wearing a classic ‘There’s No I in Team Dorling’ t-shirt and some jeans. Bare feet though, because dammit that’s how he rolls in his own gaffe (that’s home, for the Americans).
‘Well, well, well. When I hid this camera away in the cupboard I fully expected to use it for nature photography and crime scene photography. This, though – this is a surprise.
I’ve been tempted back into the ring, so it seems. And just up the road – figuratively speaking – in California. Those of you watching this probably fall into one of 2 camps.
In camp 1 you’re wondering who the hell this 34 year old fella with his name on his shirt and an opulent sofa in what looks like a lovely Las Vegas apartment. I also have a Jeep, by the way, but that’s not important right now.
So to answer the question – I’m Dorling. I used to wrestle pretty good. Won some stuff. Ran a company, acted in some commercials, worked in CWC. Hell, I did a lot of stuff. Look on youtube, you’ll see it.
Now, camp 2 – this camp is probably a smaller camp but there’ll be a couple of tents pitched up there nonetheless.
If you’re in camp 2 you know who I am, and you’re wondering where I’ve been. Well, that’s not a simple question to answer but let’s just say I’ve been busy. Travelled the world, done some music stuff with Katy. Hell, I’ve even been out to Russia to see Petrov – the crazy guy is still in the ring. Dabbled with the acting scene, just like I used to. Got a couple of sweet commercials with that laxative company I worked with back in ’02. Filmed a superbowl ad spot for Jeep that never aired – it went live online though. Got a new Jeep out of that one.
And well, I’ve done a bit of gambling. Ok, a fair bit. A lot. But I still have money left. I promise. The gambling and my return to the ring are completely unrelated. Probably.
Anyway, that’s enough of a history lesson. We’re up to date. And we’re in WGWF. But why? Why am I here? It’s nothing to do with erroneous reports about debts, it’s all to do with being the best again.
Yes, some may say I never WAS the best in the first place but I was shiny, really shiny. And I miss being shiny. I figured, the pants still fit, so let’s give this thing a little go. A proper go, not like those one-off appearances against some joker from the bottom of the card. I’m not a museum piece, here to be rolled out to give some smarks a nostalgia boner. No, I’m still the real deal and I’m here to show everyone that.
So who exactly have I got to show? Well, that’s the tricky bit. I’ve come back at a time where I’m going to be in a 19-person match. That’s a lot of persons, if you know what I mean. Not ideal. But you roll with the punches in this game, so this is me rolling.
And it’s a good looking field, from what I know. I mean, we’ve got royalty in it! Royalty!
You know I’m from England, right? We have a real Royal family there. I’m no Royalist, hell no, but they do more good than harm. These guys in the match? The gravedigger, the jester, the executioner?! They don’t sound like Royal family cosplayers, if you know what I mean. One of them called me a midget too – that’s a tad unfair. But you gotta do what you gotta to psyche yourself up, haven’t you?
Aside from that, Black Death is here. He’s a beast, we all know that. Don’t think I’ve wrestled against him before, but there are 17 other people in there. No guarantee we’ll wrestle this time if I’m honest but the cookie will crumble in whichever way it chooses.
Andy Johnson – he’s my kinda guy. He looks like he’s wandered into the wrong building but somehow aced the job interview. I’m envisioning some kind of Laurel and Hardy wrestling from him but there’s no reason entertaining can’t be effective.
Chris Page is some kind of legend around here and I’ve got time for that – it’s good to build up a legacy man, more power to ya. Silence is golden, or so they say, and I swear John Gambino used to work on the door at the Luxor.
Look, I could do this all day, but let’s be honest – I’m not going to sit here and talk about somebody else am I. No, this is about me. It’s always about me.
And I’m here to make an impact. You see I’ve got the moves, I’ve got the skill and damn right I’ve got the desire. You stand in front of me? BOOM. DORbreaker. Beneath me? BANG. TrapDOR.
You can’t out talk me, you can’t out wrestle me, you can’t get away. I didn’t come here on a retirement tour to make up the numbers. I didn’t come here to enjoy some retirement cash and make up the numbers. I didn’t come here to be that guy that you maybe used to know. I didn’t come here to be a bloke that MDK knows. I came here to show each and every single person – inside and outside of the ring – that Dorling is back and he is the real deal, just like he always was. You’d do well to listen. I won’t be held responsible for those that get caught out because they’re not paying attention.
But then again, when it comes down to it, you’ll have no choice but to pay attention, will you?
And hey, if it doesn’t work out I can always bounce back into those commercials, right?
But that ain’t gonna happen. Sleep tight pretties. It’s going to get SUPER shiny from now on.
Dorling out.’