Post by Jetta Tall-Tide on Sept 4, 2024 0:58:55 GMT -5
Orlando, Florida.
Being a wrestling pirate isn’t just about daring and physicality. There’s also cunning and psychological strategy baked into this adorable little bucket of pirate awesomeness known as Jetta Tall-Tide. That bilge rat Amber Mansley found out at Summer Madness exactly what a Pirate Lass can do when ye ruffle her feathers.
That drivelswigger Heather Harland will find out soon enough too, after she stole Jetta’s booty out from under her at Summer Madness.
And Romeo oh Romeo will find out the same thing come Smash because Jetta has crafted the ultimate most undefeatable plan to plunder Romeo’s dreams of a win and more suckle on Jmont’s teet.
Romeo, you say? Meet… Juliet!
“Hail to thee, loves!”
Jetta steps out from behind a curtain and for once we see her adorned in something other than her pirate attire. She’s wrapped herself in garments from the Baroque Period, the 1600s. Jetta looks so absolutely ridiculous that it can’t even be described. But what we do know is that Jetta is no longer Jetta. She is…. JULIET!
Our little Pirate Lass struts across the Phillips Center for Performance Arts stage with the same kind of ignorant confidence a flat earther might have and carries a comically large book with her. It’s just notes from a hasty script because she’s thrown this together quickly upon getting wind of the classic tale of Romeo and Juliet.
Captain Blackwater, the man who had raised her at sea, would be proud of her master plan.
Juliet/Jetta: Romeo o Romeo where art thou Romeo?
A stage actor resembling the likeness of WGWF’s Romeo emerges from behind the curtain.
“Romeo:” Here’eth I go, my love! But first!
He’s not alone. Joining him is a stage actor resembling the likeness of Jmont. From the chest up “Jmont” is actually a mannequin without a head. The stomach of “Jmont” is a sheet of glass and the actor’s head is inside it, smirking sinisterly as Jmont would. “Romeo” stops talking to Juliet and sucks on the mannequin nipple of “Jmont.”
Juliet/Jetta: Romeo! How dare-eth thee give suckle to Jmont’s teet! Do ye not see, with thine own eyes, how he hath his head so far up his own arse that he needs a glass stomach to see where he’s going?
“Romeo:” Indeed I see, dearest Juliet, but be not troubled for I have not given suckle to his tallywhacker yet!
Juliet gasps and yoinks him off of “Jmont’s” teet. Before anything else can happen a new figure makes themselves known. It’s a gorgeous stage actress resembling Amber Mansley.
Juliet/Jetta: Be gone, thot!
Juliet places herself between “Romeo” and the low life TFO members so that she can protect him from their evilness, but he gently pushes her aside and stands between them.
“Romeo:” Be not ill of tongue at them. Jmont bequeathed me a spot into WGWF and I must give suckle to him in the day and on the morrow as payment, and I must befriend Amber for she ride-eth upon Jmont’s coattail.
Juliet gasps again, more exaggerated.
Juliet/Jetta: Surely ye shall not give suckle to Amber’s teet nor her poisonous birthing chamber! For look at what she really is. Aye, look, Romeo, witness!
Juliet pulls a vial from her outlandish 1600s attire and tosses the contents onto “Amber Mansley.” Some stage prop smoke billows up from “Amber” and when it clears another stage actress appears and she looks hideous.
Juliet/Jetta: Behold, O Romeo, the real Amber Mansley is revealed! See with thine own eyes what she looks like on the inside. Her plastic armaments have been melted away. Her makeup has been vanquished. Never shall ye dare-eth give suckle to her!
“Romeo” drops to his knees in grand despair, ripping off his shirt and clawing at his eyes.
“Jmont:” Fuck-eth this! Stand, puppet! Gather your manhood for it flees from you.
“Amber” and “Jmont” march toward “Romeo” but Juliet spares them no space, leaping through the air and single leg dropkicking each one in the chest at the same time. “Jmont’s” mannequin top breaks off and the stage actor portraying him does a good job of running away just like Jmont really would. “Amber” doesn’t have her plastic chest fortifications any more thanks to Juliet melting them away, so the blow to her chest hits extra hard. The actress playing “Amber” does a fantastic job of selling it by rolling ass over head and crawling away screeching like a witch.
“Romeo” grows more distraught and lies down weeping.
“Romeo:” What now shall I do?
Juliet kneels next to him, wiping away his tears.
Juliet/Jetta: Ye shall descend upon the Center of Kia in the land of Orlando on the ninth day of our lord twenty twenty-four and commence battle with your one true love…. ME!
“Romeo” looks up at her with an expression wrought with shock.
“Romeo:” This musn’t be!
Juliet/Jetta: It is. Be not afraid, for surely ye dare not strike the cheek of your one true love.
“Romeo:” I am fussed, my moon and stars, because I yearn to strike your backside for your cheeks are round and fit for the striking!
Juliet almost breaks character with a giggle. “Romeo’s” line wasn’t part of the script. The actor whispers for her to go with it as he’s improvising.
Juliet/Jetta: Ease your loins, claimer of my heart. You must do a job for me!
“Romeo:” Job? What job?
Juliet/Jetta: Our battle amidst the arena of steel and canvas on Smash. You must job for me.
“Romeo’s” head lifts up and he looks out into the crowd, and Juliet also does the same. They each have a telling look on their faces, almost smirking because of the word play surrounding the term “job.”
“Romeo” abruptly bursts into tears.
“Romeo:” I shall cast my dreams aside for you, my love. No harm shall visit you from my hand upon the night of Smash.
They embrace in a loving hug.
Juliet/Jetta: Ye are the greatest man who ever lived, Romeo O Romeo. I love thee with all my heart, with all my being.
“Romeo” reaches up and gently pulls her head toward him for a kiss but it falls short.
Juliet/Jetta: And now, I rest. My bed calls to me. Be well, love.
She skips away leaving him kissless and the curtain falls, ending this stage play.
Ezra Gideon and his manager friend Uncle Dave, who’ve watched all this after being invited to the performance by Jetta, stand up and give a rousing ovation full of clapping and whistling. The Phillips Center for Performance Arts has a seating capacity of 2,700 but only a dozen came to see this “revisioned” Romeo and Juliet. They did so out of curiosity and some give their applause out of respect but it’s not exactly rousing.
Dave: 5 stars!
Ezra looks around and encourages them to be more enthusiastic about the performance as the curtain lifts and all the performers come back onto the stage bowing and waving. The dozen give a standing ovation urged by the X-Division Champion and from there they head for the exits.
TEN MINUTES LATER—--
Ezra hits up the backstage area of the theater, meeting the performers, taking selfies and videos with them until he hears a familiar voice.
Jetta: AHOY, EZRA!
The Pirate Lass barrels into him with a hug.
Jetta: Thank ya for comin’ to me performance, matey!
Ezra Gideon: Of course! How could I miss this?
Jetta beams the brightest smile ever. Ezra playfully blocks his eyes because of how bright her smile is.
Jetta: And guess what else?
Jetta’s grin widens and she bobs up and down on the balls of her little pirate feet barely able to contain her excitement.
Ezra Gideon: Oh I have no idea, little lass. Do tell.
Jetta retrieves a slip of paper from the outrageously layered 1600’s era attire she’s still wearing. She looks at the document that has WGWF’s logo on it again like she’s done a hundred times, and squeals before showing him, her finger pointing to a certain line on it.
Jetta: I’m royalty! I’m actually royalty. Me blood has regality in it. I’m a queen or maybe a princess. A REAL one! People are already paying booty and tribute to me. Lots of coins and duckets! I don’t know if I’m a queen or princess yet but I’ll find out soon. Surely!
Ezra follows her finger as she highlights the area solidifying her claim. It’s a WGWF paycheck stub and it indeed says royalty but it’s just for how much money Jetta has earned from merchandise sold at the shows and online.
Ezra Gideon: Jetta….
The X-Divison champion is about to give her the bad news that she’s not legitimate royalty, that this was a misunderstanding on her part given she’s still not used to the ways of land dwellers, but her eyes are so full of joy that he can’t bring himself to tell her.
Ezra Gideon: Or should I call you Queen Tall-Tide, first of her name? Where are my manners!
Gideon kneels as a knight would their queen.
Jetta: Rise, Ser Ezra of house Gideon, breaker of Amber’s reign, bringer of justice to X-Division! Ye are knighted and called to command me Queensguard!
He rises and salutes her Game of Thrones style and she mirrors the gesture with one of her own. Uncle Dave rolls his eyes and chuckles at these two kids being silly as hell. He already knows he’s gonna have to ensure Ezra doesn’t lay the pipe to the pretty little lass. An infectious, cute, naive girl like her might catch feelings if he does.
Ezra Gideon: So, my queen, what plans do you have to rule Romeo on Smash?
Jetta puffs her chest out and motions to her Shakespeare era garments.
Jetta: Tis me plan. They said I could keep this so I’ll wear it and Jmont’s milk drinker will be conflicted because he’ll think I’m Juliet. I’ll use it to me advantage and when the time’s right I’ll HOIST THE COLORS!
She belts a cheer that’s repeated by a group of performers assembling around them. Before Ezra can explain the silliness of her plan, that WGWF’s Romeo isn’t the classic Romeo, she whisks him away with the group who’ve invited the WGWF stars to eat with them at Orlando’s legendary Lazy Moon Pizza Palace.
Later That Night… 3AM
Our adorable wrestling pirate is fast asleep in her hotel room, a smile on her face even while resting. Her dreams kick in, reliving her fun night at the Lazy Moon Pizza Palace with Ezra, Dave, and the performers-turned-friends.
She recounts how Ezra and Dave counseled her on backup plans if her “Juliet” scheme fails. How she could use her eye-blinding speed and explosive strikes to tear away at Romeo’s legs, robbing him of his vertical base and thus his ability to fight, among other tactics.
Being a badass from New York himself, just like Romeo, Uncle Dave understood the hardass New York state of mind and was a fountain of knowledge on how to counter Romeo’s brawler style. It gave Jetta peace of mind knowing they had her back if Shaun Hart mettled in the match also.
Suddenly, she’s torn awake mid-dream, forcing her out of bed. A spine chilling feeling greets her but she doesn’t know why. A familiar scent hits her nose. The teepee incident with John Cable, when she helped expel the demon from him only to find out she’d made things worse. That sulphur, smokey smell. That demon smell!
The demon meter she’d been using to hunt the damn thing to no avail suddenly begins to ping, louder, louder. She pulls the device free from her bag and runs around the room waving it. The pings remain steady until she narrows it toward the mirror, where the pings go haywire.
And there she sees it behind her, dwarfing her.
”I will give you Amber………. Just let…me… in!”
End.