Post by The Wild Bunch on Aug 15, 2024 21:51:09 GMT -5
“But don't play with me,
'cause you're playing with fire.”
This, some might say, is the origin story of the group known as the Wild Bunch.
Not just the two you’re probably a little familiar with, ‘Meshuggeneh’ Mark Jones and Adam Ramsey, but this the entire Wild Bunch group we’re talking about. This takes place in the Summer of 2004, some would argue it to be the original “Summer Madness” but let’s not get into the copyrighted nightmare that could cause across the multiverse. There in the early evening hours, just as the Sun begins to set over the trees, four boys all around the age of seven or eight stand in sort of a half huddle looking at each other. The chubby kid, Rob, begins talking towards another one of the kids as he pushes his glasses up onto his face.
ROB: You know, you really shouldn’t light that on fire, Mark. Maybe we could play wiffle ball instead or pl-
MARK: Maybe you shouldn’t be such a pussy, Rob.
The other two kids begin laughing at the sudden and wild response from Mark. Rob just sort of scrunches up his nose, and takes the insult.
ROB: It hasn’t rained in like a week, you’re going to set all the trees on fire and our tree fort!
Just then a third kid, Stevie, chimes in.
STEVIE: Oh shit, my dad’s Playboy is still in the tree fort! If that gets burnt up, he’s going to kill me for sure.
MARK: You better hurry up Stevie, because I’m about to roast my sister’s Barbie doll. Adam, did you bring the M-80?
The final kid, who is probably Adam, holds up the small, but powerful firecracker and all the eyes of the three other boys get wide with both excitement and shock. There’s even a collective ‘ooo’ from them as they look upon it as if it were some sacred relic. Adam then bends down and places the firecracker right into the awaiting arms of the Barbie doll and as he stands back up he gives the thumbs up along with a smile.
MARK: Now remember, the one who stands still the longest without running is the winner. Ready?
Mark takes out the Zippo lighter, which he probably stole from someone else in his house, flicks it open and begins to try and light it a couple of times. As he goes for a third time, Stevie stands in front of him and stops him from completing his task. Stevie isn’t chickening out, rather he’s the lookout here and is doing his job.
STEVIE: Hold up everyone, Crazy Larry's coming.
Just then a rather strange looking man rides up to the boys on a bicycle, his ragged white hair sticking out from the sides of his blue winter cap which flows right into his wild beard. None of the kids run in terror of the man, letting us know they’re familiar with this guy. Adam seems to be the most comfortable with the guy as he steps forward.
LARRY: Get a load of this wild bunch. What criminal activities are you doing?
ADAM: What's up Larry, we’re about to play wiffle ball.
LARRY: That’s cool. Say, you weren't planning to do anything dangerous today with that M-80 you’ve got Barbie holding there on the ground, were you?
All four of them begin to look at the ground and fake give a shock that there is a Barbie doll near their feet that is holding a M-80. They then begin to shake their heads in disbelief, that is when Mark steps forward.
MARK: Here’s a dollar if you go away and say nothing.
LARRY: Oh cool, thanks. Say, you kids wanna go see a dead body?
ADAM: Uhhh, maybe not today.
LARRY: Suit yourselves.
Crazy Larry pockets the dollar quickly, then flips open the dirty blanket in the front basket of his bicycle and takes out a folded up magazine then drops into the hands of Stevie.
LARRY: Here you go, I borrowed your Playboy.
With that, Larry lights up a cigarette and prepares to ride off into the sunset with his brand new dollar.
MARK: Can I have a smoke?
LARRY: I would never give a kid one of my smokes. Do you know how expensive these things are?
And with that, Larry rides off into the sunset.
STEVIE: Where do you think Crazy Larry goes at night?
ADAM: I don’t know man, but I’m pretty sure he gave your dad’s Playboy AIDS.
Stevie drops the Playboy to the ground in disgust. Just then, Rob, the quiet chubby one once again chimes in.
ROB: I heard he lives in the trailer park down the street. That place is gross.
MARK: Dude you live in the trailer park down the street. Speaking of which, how do you know that Crazy Larry isn’t your dad?
Once again the other three share a laugh at the chubby kid’s expense. It’s at this time that Mark waves everyone quiet and takes out the Zippo lighter, the others hush up and all stand with a foot about equal distance from the Barbie doll that is still holding the M-80. It once again takes Mark a couple of tries to get the lighter to get going and he lowers it down to the long wick of the firecracker and sets it on fire. The wick begins to burn and nobody’s foot dares to move first as we fade to modern times.
How can you tell?
The hand holding the Zippo lighter is a lot bigger than that of a child, and the person gets the Zippo to light on the first try. That hand belongs to ‘Meshuggeneh’ Mark Jones as does the wry smile on his face, he gives a nice long look to the flame as it dances in the dark before he slams the top down snuffing it out.
“Needless to say, I never learned not to play with fire. Oh, don’t get me wrong about it, I’ve been burned plenty of times in my lifetime. But over and over, here I am wanting to play with fire once again. Maybe they’re right about me, maybe I am just a little too much meshuggeneh for my own good, but I tend to think that if you’re willing to come back to the same flame that burnt you once before you might be able to catch it off guard without getting burnt.
Case in point, Monday Night Smash. We took a risk, we played with fire and we didn’t get burnt. In a single night we went from having never wrestled a match in the WGWF to becoming the number one contenders to the tag team championship titles… but that’s not the only thing. Because we risked it all to dance with the flames, we caught one half of the tag team champions with their pants down around his ankles. Poor Johnny Stylez, it’s just a shame the better half of the duo showed up with that steel pipe before we could have ruined someone’s car rental agreement.”
Smoothly, he flicks open the top of the Zippo once again and in a single motion ignites the flame.
“Johnny or Jestyr… doesn’t matter because neither half of you were expecting that, I bet. For so long you and your tag team partner have just sat back and waited for teams to be fed to you like sacrificial goats. Sure you stalk your prey, but the goat’s not going anywhere it’s just tied up like Jurassic Park waiting to be a snack to the T-Rex stomping by and with minimal effort the two of you have moved on to the next goats. Adam and I made a promise to each other, once we got the chance we weren’t going to be tied down, we weren’t going to wait for you two to come to us… no, we promised to take the fight to you.
And we did, didn’t we?
Now here’s the next part of the promise. We’re not going to hold back ever, we’re going to keep coming at the two of you like a brush fire that’s burning out of control. Sure, there’s a big chance that we’re going to get burnt in all of this, but there’s an equal chance that we’re going to burn the two of you as well.”
Snuffing the flame once again with the top of that Zippo.
“And that’s the point. We brought the fight to you, there’s no shame in admitting it, the two of you have been such a dominant tag team in WGWF to the point where you two have run damn near every other tag team out of town. Oh yeah, Jestyr the King and Synn the Queen… so, if you don’t mind I’m going to paraphrase Omar from ‘The Wire’ here, when you come for the king and queen you better not miss. The Wild Bunch isn’t about to miss at Summer Madness, what you got at Smash is just the beginning of what’s coming for the both of you in the new WGWF tag team division. Face it, the time for jokes are over, there are no more punchlines to be had Jestyr… you’re going to have to take us seriously or you’re going to end up getting burned to a crisp.
So laugh at your own jokes, play with your toys and make all the smoking weed remarks that pop all the teenagers you possibly can… but just know, come August 25th at Summer Madness when you stand across the ring from the Wild Bunch we’re not going to back down or blink. And just to give you the inside information, Jestyr, I was the last to run from the M-80 back in the day.
Like I said, I have a nasty habit of playing with fire.”
With another flick of the wrist, the Zippo is flipped open and the flame is lit instantly. This time, however, the light reveals the other half of the Wild Bunch has appeared. Adam Ramsey, with his thick black beard and scowl on his face leans his head into the fire and lights the cigarette dangling from his lips. With a drag and a nod to his partner the Zippo is taken away as ‘Meshuggeneh’ walks off.
This is his time now.
“Well now, ain’t this something… but before we get going, I’ve just got to make sure and double check this on my end.”
And with that, he removes a folded up sheet of paper from his shirt pocket and begins to unfold, keeping it hidden from the view of the camera the whole time. He gives it a sharp glance as an old man would read before folding it up once again.
“You know you’d think by now I’d just learn to memorize this damn list of names instead of having to dramatically unfold it each and every time… now you can see why they don’t call me ‘the Thinker’ Adam Ramsey. Or maybe I could just show you all the list and you all could remember it for me, but the boss man was pretty clear about who was and was not allowed to lay eyes on this list.
This all brings me right to the other half of the tag team champions, Synn. See Jestyr, you could have probably guessed wasn’t on the list, he’s kind of the afterthought of Toxik when you really come down to it. He’s easy pickings, the weak link, and let’s face it, the Joker hasn’t been cool since Heath Ledger swallowed too much Unisom… but Synn? She’s something a little bit different to deal with entirely, the obvious heavy hitter of the group. The good girl gone homicidal maniac that might question your life’s decisions, you someone who you would consider to be important. Strangely enough Synn, your name is also not on the list… I thought it would be myself, but alas we get to go into Summer Madness doing this for ourselves and not business.
Which is good, because when we went after your partner on Smash it was most certainly pleasurable for us, that is until you showed up with a steel pipe and started swinging wildly. We’ve got to work on your technique some, though. Because if you’re going to bring the weapons against the Wild Bunch, we’re most certainly going to bring our own…”
Ramsey takes another long drag on the end of his cigarette before letting a cloud of smoke billow from his mouth and nostrils.
“Now, myself and Jonesy might not seem like the sort to have human skins hanging up in our closet like you, Synn. But don’t you worry, we’ve got plenty of skeletons to go around for all of us to play with. Whatever troubles you have, Synn? Don’t you worry, we’ve got troubles of our own plus plenty of sprinkles on top. So bring that steel pipe to Summer Madness, bring whatever else your twisted mind can think of and we’ll be waiting in that ring with smiles on our faces… cause we’ll cure whatever it is that ails you, darling. Let’s give the Miami crowd a reason to want to sign a NDA before they leave that night, let’s make the WGWF Network want to censor a match. Welcome to the jungle, we’ve got fun and games.
So, paint your face up nice and scary. Get Jestyr to put on his clown get-up, because it’s not going to matter when we peel skin and tear flesh from bone. Like I said, your name ain’t on my list and that means this is for our pleasure.
But you know, I get this feeling in the back of my mind. Over and over it keeps coming back to me, no matter how hard we do this you’re the type of chick that’s going to love every single minute of it. Covered in broken glass, smeared with blood, or even a little burnt from the flame… you’re the type that’s going to have a smile on her face the entire time. And you know what? That’s going to make this match all the more pleasurable for us, and that’s going to make the return match all much more bloody. Hell, we might only get a few of these to be honest before we’re all stretchered out in pieces, and that’s fine by us.”
Another long drag of the cigarette between his lips, he doesn’t even take it out and just lets the smoke pour from his mouth. After a deep sigh he takes what remains and tosses it to the side, before encouraging the camera to come closer.
“Make no mistake about it, Synn and Jestyr. August 25th, South Beach is going to be the most painful night of your careers. Hell, of all of our careers. But even if all that is left of us is just barely enough to feed the buzzards? The Wild Bunch will still have those pretty tag team title belts around our waist. I guess, there’s no arguing with you Synn… decay really does come from everyone.
I’ll be the one with the smile on his face when it does. Ain’t life grand?”
From his shirt pocket, the chain-smoker that he is grabs at another cigarette that’s already to go. With a flick of the wrist, the returning ‘Meshuggeneh’ Jones lights up the flame of his silver Zippo. The two share a look as the camera fades to black.
We take you back to 2004.
Back to where it all began, back to the origin of the Wild Bunch.
Two of the four boys are walking in the early evening, probably in the mid-to-late Fall judging by the yellow coloring of the leaves. Well, the one boy is walking normally as he walks along with his bike. The other boy has a walking boot on his leg and is hobbling along next to the other doing his best to keep up. The boy in the boot begins talking.
MARK: This is like what? The third or fourth time that Crazy Larry has asked us to go see a dead body with him. Do you think it’s the same body each time or are these different dead bodies?
ADAM: That’s a good question, I didn’t think of that. But, seriously by the time we get there the dude probably won’t be dead anymore. Could you walk any slower?
Mark throws his arms into the air and then points to his boot as for the reason that he’s progressing this slowly. Adam begins to chuckle.
ADAM: I still can’t believe that you outlasted Stevie, I didn’t think he’d ever move and then just as I looked back he took off while you stuck it out and paid the price. Boom.
MARK: I couldn’t let him win, we never would have heard the end of it. Could you imagine him telling the story of how he was the bravest at lunch? Christ, I would have rather just swallowed the thing at that point. Besides, I’m going to get out of gym class for like the next two months. Totally worth it. And considering everything? Stevie still got it worse than I did, he’s going to be grounded until he’s a hundred.
ADAM: Yeah, his dad must have really loved that Playboy. By the way, did you bring the lighter?
Without hesitation, Mark takes out the Zippo lighter and gives a smile and nod to his buddy. In response to this, Adam takes out another Barbie doll and another M-80. The duo begin to head off into the distant forest slowly. We fade to black finally.
“But don't play with me,
'cause you're playing with fire.”