Post by Bobby Ray Willis on Apr 9, 2024 17:07:27 GMT -5
There it sat written on the mobile whiteboard as it had sat for hours before. Written clearly in dry erase marker is the fraction of one third, one over three or just thirty-three percent. Simple enough, no? One over three, numerator and denominator all present and accounted for and just staring Bobby Ray Willis dead in the eyes.
And Bobby Ray stares back, not blinking at all. Like a deer in headlights, like a really really really really confused deer in headlights.
Just then his finger slowly goes up, indicating an ‘Eureka!’ moment perhaps?
“Okay, I think I got it now. This is one of those trick questions, isn’t it? The two of you have been trying to pull some sort of mind trick into getting me to relax and get ready for the match at WrestleWars. Is this some sort of new age psycho-babble technical thingy to get my mind ready for the match? Because I have to admit, it’s working one hundred percent. I’m totally confused about the whole fraction thing.”
Back to the whiteboard where Coop and his sister Doll E are standing. Coop is already rubbing his temples while Doll E is doing her best to just try and take deep breaths and relax. Probably some sort of new age psycho-babble technique thingy. Coop is going to be the one to take it this time.
COOP: “No Bobby Ray, once again the number one on the top is you and the number on the bottom is the total number of people in the TV title match. Therefore, you have less of a chance of winning this match than you did at First Dance. So, we’ve got to get you focused even more and that’s why we rented this gym today.”
DOLL E: “Which we’ve wasted two hours explaining the fractions already in.”
COOP: “I think he’s getting it this time.”
Bobby Ray nods for a couple of seconds as he processes all of that information, and then responds as an intellectual.
“First, my chances at First Dance were low because that was a rigged match… let’s be honest. And second my question is who is the fourth person in the match? Me, Goth and Jenny, that makes three and those numbers add up to four.”
DOLL E: “Holy…”
But before she can finish that thought, Coop is going to calm her down and change tactics here.
COOP: “Okay, maybe the numbers aren’t working, maybe what we need is a visual aid of sorts. Some of us learn in different ways, so let’s try this.”
Coop erases the whiteboard and quickly draws two circles side by side.
COOP: “So, let’s say this circle on the right was you against Jenny Myst at First Dance. Your odds of winning that match was fifty-fifty or if we draw a line down the middle one half of this circle. The circle on the left are your chances at winning at WrestleWars, since there are three of you we will cut the circle into three parts. Notice that the parts are smaller. Think of it like this, if these circles were cake which slice would want the most? The bigger piece.”
Coop caps the marker confidently.
“Coop, you know I don’t eat cake. My body is my temple and cake does not find its way into the temple. But, I see what you’re saying, I’ve got to work off the extra piece of cake on the left to make the cake whole again.”
DOLL E: “...shit.”
Doll E finally finishes her thought from earlier. Coop just rolls the whiteboard right on out of there which shows that the three are indeed in a training facility with a whole bunch of unused equipment at this point. Bobby Ray stands up, and while he isn’t naked he’s definitely wearing shorts that last were worn by white guys in the 1970s NBA. One sneeze here and balls will roll.
“Alright, what’s first, Coop? Arms, legs or perhaps some boxing to sharpen up the old soup bones?”
Oh, he’s talking about his hands. But, just as Bobby Ray removes his sleeveless shirt getting ready to get his sweat on Coop rolls in one of those TV/DVD combos on the cart you’d see from the high school AV club.
COOP: “Actually… I think we should start with a mental workout. First we need to put into your mind the idea that Jenny Myst can be beaten and that Goth can be beaten, we need you to see how it was done and how you can do it one more time. And there just so happens to be the perfect DVD out there, it’s called [BLEEP][BLEEP] and it just happened.”
Coop now joins Bobby Ray in the confused look department.
“Wait, did you say [BLEEP][BLEEP]?”
COOP: “Yeah, [BLEEP][BLEEP]. The one where Jenny is beaten by [BLEEP][BLEEP] with a simple turnbuckle exposure move. We’ve got to make sure you go for that, by the way.”
“I don’t think we’re allowed to mention [BLEEP][BLEEP] or [BLEEP][BLEEP] around here. I think you saying those words just brought back the WGWF Censors to bleep those words out.”
Both Bobby Ray and Coop turn their heads towards Doll E as it seems the two of them can hear the bleeps. She immediately waves this one off.
DOLL E: “Oh, you can’t blame me for this one this time. That was to get you to stop walking around everything you’ve got hanging out all the time, I’m fine with the ball hugging shorts. I even picked those out for you. I’m not the one doing the bleeping here now, promise.”
COOP: “Is it just [BLEEP][BLEEP] and [BLEEP][BLEEP] we can’t say? What if I say that the month of April was the start of the American Civil War and I once dated a girl named Andrea who had a great ass? Holy shit, that’s really specific. I guess WGWF really wants to remove any mentions of that event from ever happening. They should have just sent you, Bobby Ray.”
“Wait, hold up Coop… was that one of those women you met off of that foot finder website?”
Coop looks around, and now Coop and Doll E are confused as to what is going on.
DOLL E: “I wonder who could be behind this censorship now. So, let me get this one hundred percent clear. We can swear, like say shit or ass? But not [BLEEP][BLEEP] or mention [BLEEP][BLEEP] solely within that context? That’s just puzzling to me.”
“Just like throwing fractions at me, might I mention.”
Bobby Ray seems to be used to getting censored around here, while the other two are going to continue to ponder how exactly this is all going to work.
COOP: “I wonder what the WGWF Censors will do if we actually played the DVD of [BLEEP][BLEEP]. Let’s find out, shall we…”
Coop hits the play button the the remote control and the TV screen fires up as Bobby Ray puts his arm around Doll E as she makes sure that his chest is still really firm. The FBI warning pops up on the screen and as that goes black everything cuts to static.
Everything goes static.
There’s a face in the static.
Back to static.
A sweat covered Bobby Ray Willis sits slumped against a wall, he takes a long swig from a bottle of water before dumping what remains across the top of his head and down his forehead as a refresher.
“There’s one single thing that I keep coming back to over and over again… Goth telling me to stay out of your business. Do people really think that this Television title at WrestleWars was just supposed to be just another in the latest neverending saga Jenny versus Goth? Oh, I’ve seen it in person myself. Goth attacks Jenny during our match, then Jenny attacks Goth during another of our matches. Goth and Jenny attack each other during someone else’s match and I somehow end up there as well. Yeah, this shit has been going on between these two for years now, and will probably continue on for years to come. But, I have some bad news for everyone out there who think I’m just the side piece in all of this bullshit. Nah, I’m only here for the TV title and when I win that at WrestleWars, I’m leaving these two in the dust.
See, I’m the future and Jenny and Goth are the past.
Here’s the simple fact, I am the fastest rising superstar on the WGWF roster. Think about it, I have had a handful of professional wrestling matches in my career. In my first match ever on live television, I became the number one contender to the TV title. In my second ever match live on PPV, I had my first TV title match… I defeated a future tag team champion in my third ever match on TV and so on, and so on. Within this year, I promise you that I will be main eventing PPVs, I am flying up that card. Sure, sure the Jenny versus Goth thing will continue on and on but me? A side piece? Not at all, Jenny Myst and the Messiah of Pain are just rungs of the ladder that I keep on climbing.
Just as Clint said in ‘High Plains Drifter’, “about time this town had a new sheriff.” I know, I know ‘The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly’ would have been a more fitting choice in this case. You know the idea of myself, Goth and Jenny all having a stare down just as the Man with no Name, Tuco and Angel Eyes did would make sense. But, in this case, I’m going with ‘High Plains Drifter’... you know, I being the stranger who shows up out of the desert does his job taking out everyone in his path and then leaves. I find that more fitting. I’m putting the old out to pasture and I’m taking what I want and riding off into the sunset.”
Bobby Ray pulls himself up and off the wall he was slumped against and gets his face up into the camera. Like uncomfortably close to the camera.
“Now, I might not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, hell I still don’t understand the whole one over three fraction thing, and maybe I trust too easily, and I spin my head around too fast. I get it, I’m green in this business. Jenny Myst and Goth have taken advantage of those facts… I get it. When you’ve done this as long as they have, they know how to bend the rules to their advantage and play their little games. The only games I ever played involved shoulderpads, a helmet and a pigskin. Which might explain the fraction thing, come to think. But even though I’m no Albert Einstein, I’ll tell you what I am…
I’m the guy that falls down over and over again, but I keep on getting back up on my feet. Give me the ball coach, and let me run through that line as many times as it takes. That’s me, just too dumb to know when to ever quit. Jenny and Goth have knocked me around in their own ways, together and apart, but all I need is one moment… one chance… one opportunity and I’ll bust through that line and I’ll cross the goal line.
And when this one is all said and done at WrestleWar will be my crowning achievement. No more dancing, no more games, just me standing in the middle of the ring with that Television Title around my waist and my arm raised in victory in my own home state.
And Ms. Martin, my Junior High math teacher said I’d never amount to anything.”
Bobby Ray rolls his eyes as he trots off to get back to work in the gym, we fade to black.
And Bobby Ray stares back, not blinking at all. Like a deer in headlights, like a really really really really confused deer in headlights.
Just then his finger slowly goes up, indicating an ‘Eureka!’ moment perhaps?
“Okay, I think I got it now. This is one of those trick questions, isn’t it? The two of you have been trying to pull some sort of mind trick into getting me to relax and get ready for the match at WrestleWars. Is this some sort of new age psycho-babble technical thingy to get my mind ready for the match? Because I have to admit, it’s working one hundred percent. I’m totally confused about the whole fraction thing.”
Back to the whiteboard where Coop and his sister Doll E are standing. Coop is already rubbing his temples while Doll E is doing her best to just try and take deep breaths and relax. Probably some sort of new age psycho-babble technique thingy. Coop is going to be the one to take it this time.
COOP: “No Bobby Ray, once again the number one on the top is you and the number on the bottom is the total number of people in the TV title match. Therefore, you have less of a chance of winning this match than you did at First Dance. So, we’ve got to get you focused even more and that’s why we rented this gym today.”
DOLL E: “Which we’ve wasted two hours explaining the fractions already in.”
COOP: “I think he’s getting it this time.”
Bobby Ray nods for a couple of seconds as he processes all of that information, and then responds as an intellectual.
“First, my chances at First Dance were low because that was a rigged match… let’s be honest. And second my question is who is the fourth person in the match? Me, Goth and Jenny, that makes three and those numbers add up to four.”
DOLL E: “Holy…”
But before she can finish that thought, Coop is going to calm her down and change tactics here.
COOP: “Okay, maybe the numbers aren’t working, maybe what we need is a visual aid of sorts. Some of us learn in different ways, so let’s try this.”
Coop erases the whiteboard and quickly draws two circles side by side.
COOP: “So, let’s say this circle on the right was you against Jenny Myst at First Dance. Your odds of winning that match was fifty-fifty or if we draw a line down the middle one half of this circle. The circle on the left are your chances at winning at WrestleWars, since there are three of you we will cut the circle into three parts. Notice that the parts are smaller. Think of it like this, if these circles were cake which slice would want the most? The bigger piece.”
Coop caps the marker confidently.
“Coop, you know I don’t eat cake. My body is my temple and cake does not find its way into the temple. But, I see what you’re saying, I’ve got to work off the extra piece of cake on the left to make the cake whole again.”
DOLL E: “...shit.”
Doll E finally finishes her thought from earlier. Coop just rolls the whiteboard right on out of there which shows that the three are indeed in a training facility with a whole bunch of unused equipment at this point. Bobby Ray stands up, and while he isn’t naked he’s definitely wearing shorts that last were worn by white guys in the 1970s NBA. One sneeze here and balls will roll.
“Alright, what’s first, Coop? Arms, legs or perhaps some boxing to sharpen up the old soup bones?”
Oh, he’s talking about his hands. But, just as Bobby Ray removes his sleeveless shirt getting ready to get his sweat on Coop rolls in one of those TV/DVD combos on the cart you’d see from the high school AV club.
COOP: “Actually… I think we should start with a mental workout. First we need to put into your mind the idea that Jenny Myst can be beaten and that Goth can be beaten, we need you to see how it was done and how you can do it one more time. And there just so happens to be the perfect DVD out there, it’s called [BLEEP][BLEEP] and it just happened.”
Coop now joins Bobby Ray in the confused look department.
“Wait, did you say [BLEEP][BLEEP]?”
COOP: “Yeah, [BLEEP][BLEEP]. The one where Jenny is beaten by [BLEEP][BLEEP] with a simple turnbuckle exposure move. We’ve got to make sure you go for that, by the way.”
“I don’t think we’re allowed to mention [BLEEP][BLEEP] or [BLEEP][BLEEP] around here. I think you saying those words just brought back the WGWF Censors to bleep those words out.”
Both Bobby Ray and Coop turn their heads towards Doll E as it seems the two of them can hear the bleeps. She immediately waves this one off.
DOLL E: “Oh, you can’t blame me for this one this time. That was to get you to stop walking around everything you’ve got hanging out all the time, I’m fine with the ball hugging shorts. I even picked those out for you. I’m not the one doing the bleeping here now, promise.”
COOP: “Is it just [BLEEP][BLEEP] and [BLEEP][BLEEP] we can’t say? What if I say that the month of April was the start of the American Civil War and I once dated a girl named Andrea who had a great ass? Holy shit, that’s really specific. I guess WGWF really wants to remove any mentions of that event from ever happening. They should have just sent you, Bobby Ray.”
“Wait, hold up Coop… was that one of those women you met off of that foot finder website?”
Coop looks around, and now Coop and Doll E are confused as to what is going on.
DOLL E: “I wonder who could be behind this censorship now. So, let me get this one hundred percent clear. We can swear, like say shit or ass? But not [BLEEP][BLEEP] or mention [BLEEP][BLEEP] solely within that context? That’s just puzzling to me.”
“Just like throwing fractions at me, might I mention.”
Bobby Ray seems to be used to getting censored around here, while the other two are going to continue to ponder how exactly this is all going to work.
COOP: “I wonder what the WGWF Censors will do if we actually played the DVD of [BLEEP][BLEEP]. Let’s find out, shall we…”
Coop hits the play button the the remote control and the TV screen fires up as Bobby Ray puts his arm around Doll E as she makes sure that his chest is still really firm. The FBI warning pops up on the screen and as that goes black everything cuts to static.
Everything goes static.
There’s a face in the static.
Back to static.
A sweat covered Bobby Ray Willis sits slumped against a wall, he takes a long swig from a bottle of water before dumping what remains across the top of his head and down his forehead as a refresher.
“There’s one single thing that I keep coming back to over and over again… Goth telling me to stay out of your business. Do people really think that this Television title at WrestleWars was just supposed to be just another in the latest neverending saga Jenny versus Goth? Oh, I’ve seen it in person myself. Goth attacks Jenny during our match, then Jenny attacks Goth during another of our matches. Goth and Jenny attack each other during someone else’s match and I somehow end up there as well. Yeah, this shit has been going on between these two for years now, and will probably continue on for years to come. But, I have some bad news for everyone out there who think I’m just the side piece in all of this bullshit. Nah, I’m only here for the TV title and when I win that at WrestleWars, I’m leaving these two in the dust.
See, I’m the future and Jenny and Goth are the past.
Here’s the simple fact, I am the fastest rising superstar on the WGWF roster. Think about it, I have had a handful of professional wrestling matches in my career. In my first match ever on live television, I became the number one contender to the TV title. In my second ever match live on PPV, I had my first TV title match… I defeated a future tag team champion in my third ever match on TV and so on, and so on. Within this year, I promise you that I will be main eventing PPVs, I am flying up that card. Sure, sure the Jenny versus Goth thing will continue on and on but me? A side piece? Not at all, Jenny Myst and the Messiah of Pain are just rungs of the ladder that I keep on climbing.
Just as Clint said in ‘High Plains Drifter’, “about time this town had a new sheriff.” I know, I know ‘The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly’ would have been a more fitting choice in this case. You know the idea of myself, Goth and Jenny all having a stare down just as the Man with no Name, Tuco and Angel Eyes did would make sense. But, in this case, I’m going with ‘High Plains Drifter’... you know, I being the stranger who shows up out of the desert does his job taking out everyone in his path and then leaves. I find that more fitting. I’m putting the old out to pasture and I’m taking what I want and riding off into the sunset.”
Bobby Ray pulls himself up and off the wall he was slumped against and gets his face up into the camera. Like uncomfortably close to the camera.
“Now, I might not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, hell I still don’t understand the whole one over three fraction thing, and maybe I trust too easily, and I spin my head around too fast. I get it, I’m green in this business. Jenny Myst and Goth have taken advantage of those facts… I get it. When you’ve done this as long as they have, they know how to bend the rules to their advantage and play their little games. The only games I ever played involved shoulderpads, a helmet and a pigskin. Which might explain the fraction thing, come to think. But even though I’m no Albert Einstein, I’ll tell you what I am…
I’m the guy that falls down over and over again, but I keep on getting back up on my feet. Give me the ball coach, and let me run through that line as many times as it takes. That’s me, just too dumb to know when to ever quit. Jenny and Goth have knocked me around in their own ways, together and apart, but all I need is one moment… one chance… one opportunity and I’ll bust through that line and I’ll cross the goal line.
And when this one is all said and done at WrestleWar will be my crowning achievement. No more dancing, no more games, just me standing in the middle of the ring with that Television Title around my waist and my arm raised in victory in my own home state.
And Ms. Martin, my Junior High math teacher said I’d never amount to anything.”
Bobby Ray rolls his eyes as he trots off to get back to work in the gym, we fade to black.