Post by Bobby Ray Willis on Feb 1, 2024 21:08:42 GMT -5
Let’s take you back to ‘First Dance.’
Let’s take you backstage of the Sun Bowl.
It’s a chaotic scene, there are dozens of WGWF personnel walking about with their badges, but that scene is about to get even more chaotic as Cooper and his sister Doll E help carry Bobby Ray Willis through the area fresh from his match. Bobby Ray’s has a number of bruises across his body, his forehead still has a trickle of blood rolling down the bridge of his nose, and his nipples still have scorch marks that are still healing from the incident before the show. The WGWF announcers didn’t mention the burn marks on his nipples, but that’s probably because they were under orders from the WGWF Censors. More on that in the second half, fam.
That’s when the trio are confronted by WGWF backstage reporter, Denise Essex.
DENISE: “Bobby Ray? Bobby Ray, can I get a quick word with you about your match tonight?”
Bobby Ray picks his head off the shoulder of Doll E looking like he’s ready to give a nice answer to the question, but instead Cooper cuts everyone off taking charge like a good manager should.
COOP: “That was a farce of a match, totally rigged against Bobby Ray! In my nearly four months of professional wrestling I have never seen such foolishness or ridiculousness taking place inside that squared circle. And let me just ask you this question, just exactly what are the odds of the match becoming a first blood match the moment that Jenny Myst decides to use the brass knuckles?”
DENISE: “I don’t kno--”
COOP: “Exactly! If we could afford a lawyer, you’d be hearing from him… or her, because women can be lawyers too!”
Bobby Ray has a smile on his face ear to ear as Cooper finishes up his ranting and raving and with his free hand that isn’t hanging onto Cooper, he grips Cooper by the chin and shakes it about in a playful manner.
BRW: “This guy! I love this guy right here. I don’t know what he’s talking about right now, but I love this guy. And guess what? We’re going out for ice cream. Whoo-hoo, who wants some ice cream? This guy does, and I love him for that.”
Bobby Ray turns to the rest of the people walking about and yells towards them all.
BRW: “As far as the rest of you? What the hell, I love you all too! Take the rest of the night off, we’re going for ice cream with extra sprinkles and waffle cones on me. Maybe we’ll even stop by that one place we saw earlier with the karaoke… I call Danger Zone!
Let’s roll!”
With that Cooper shakes his head no as he drags a dazed Bobby Ray away before he can cause anymore damage. Doll E turns towards Denise and looking down at her while she speaks.
DOLL E: “That was a non-binding agreement, he’s clearly suffered head trauma. We’re not paying for ice cream or sprinkles or whatever.”
DENISE: “I think you’ve got a few people taking you up on that offer.”
Sure enough a couple of the WGWF staff wearing the badges begin to follow Bobby Ray and Coop. In her bitchiest tone possible, Doll E. responds one last time.
DOLL E: “Shouldn’t you be looking for John Blade to interview, or something Denise?”
With that Doll E storms off pushing past any of the staff that are in her way.
We now leave the backstage of the Sun Bowl.
We now return to normal time.
We now return to the trailer park.
Stomping angrily across the floor of the living room is Doll E who marches right towards her brother who is busy playing on his phone while being seated just outside of the closed door to the shrine of Clint Eastwood. Cooper stops his sister before she throws open the door by standing up and holding up his hands.
COOP: “Whoa, whoa. You don’t want to go in there right now.”
DOLL E: “And just why the hell not?”
Cooper seems hesitant about the whole thing, he nervously shuffles side to side as his sister just stares him down.
COOP: “You just don’t. It’s bad.”
DOLL E: “Bad? How bad? Have you seen this bill from his ice cream escapade? Is it as bad as this!?”
She shoves the receipt right into her brother's face, the camera doesn’t pick up the amount on screen but judging by Cooper’s reaction as he finally looks at the bottom line it’s pretty bad. He scratches his forehead as he weighs back and forth just how bad this is compared to the other thing. Slowly he hands back the receipt.
COOP: “Yeah, it’s worse in there. We’re talking conspiracies on top of conspiracies, assless chaps and your underwear for some reason.”
Doll E’s eyes grow wide. All she’s able to do is offer up a sheepish reply.
DOLL E: “Oh…that’s bad.”
And she decides not to disturb what’s going on the other side of that door.
And just what is going on? Well, the Clint Eastwood posters still exist, but have been moved off to the sides of the room overlapping and fighting for space. In their place there is a large hand-drawn picture of three people in white robes and masks with the words “WGWF Censors??” written underneath. That's pretty much the only sane part, the rest of it is a series of strings tacked and connected to various pictures of other WGWF roster members. Kneeling in front of all of this is Bobby Ray Willis. He is still sporting a bandage across his forehead, but most of the bruising has gone away. You’ve probably already guessed this, but he’s not wearing a shirt.
Holding up his hands outwards towards the posters of Eastwood on opposite walls he begins to speak.
“Come on, Clint. Give me your powers of logic, story structure, and misdirection as the greatest movie director of our time in order to solve this puzzle of just who were the masked men in the white robes that I saw. Or, maybe women… they could have been women too, I’m not trying to be sexist. Women can create conspiracies just as well as men are capable of doing. I just don’t remember seeing any breasts poking through those robes.
That’s all I’m saying.
So, that brings us to our first obvious conspirator…”
Bobby Ray stands up, the camera not daring to pan down, and walks over to the wall where he points to the picture of current TV champion, Jenny Myst. Sure enough he tracks the string thumbtacked to her photo back to the hand drawn masked people.
“...Jenny Myst. Also known as, the one who benefited the most from the fact that there is a conspiracy out there working against the Texarkana Kid, moi. It was incredibly fortunate that I just so happened to have lost my brass knuckles the exact moment when the match stipulation conveniently became a first blood match. Let’s face it, that’s the only way she could have beaten me on that night or any other night. And it is hard to see her boobs from more than a few feet away. However, just as we learned from the Dead Pool, those we suspect the most, most likely are not are ma… er… woman and could be blown up by a remote control car bomb in the near future. Plus, never had an original thought on her own, this seems way out of her capabilities.
Isn’t that right, Clint?”
There is no response from the posters. Not that there would be. However, with a quick flash of his chest, Bobby Ray can still be seen with singed nipples as he uses a Sharpie to cross Jenny Myst out.
“Next up, and possibly the most disappointing, Goth. My long-time tag team partner, we go back weeks now… could he be the one behind all of this? Could he have broken up the pin attempt in our tag match? Maybe. And according to Coop, he showed up at the conclusion of my defeat against Jenny Myst demanding and receiving the next television title shot. It’s as if he planned all of this once he flew too close and learned that my light was too powerful for him, and had to get me out of the way. A move made out of fear, just like the Romans.
Brutus did stab Caesar in the back. Et tu, Goth?
And the dude does have a thing for masks. I didn’t pay attention to why, but he did love that mask of his a lot. An obsession like that is a dangerously shameful thing too, isn’t that right Clint? But would he throw away our nearly month-long tag team just for a title shot, I don’t know. Perhaps we should just keep a close eye on him for now, Coop could do another one of those stalking things he does so well and gather intel.”
He steps forward and writes a question mark onto the photo of Goth and a sad face.
“And then there’s you. Just one of the many clowns this company seems to be employing these days. Stitches. An actual damn clown… and I’ll be the first to admit, I hate clowns. Can’t stand them and to me they are nothing but pure nightmare fuel. But why would you conspire against me? You don’t seem to want anything or would you gain from holding me down. But then again, clowns are just pure evil, ripping the arms off of kids for fun sort of evil. Oh sure, Stitches you have a smile on your face, play wacky jokes, sing funny songs and employ a midget or little person. But I see through that all. You’re on top of the list as one of the masked men, and come Brawl I’m going to beat the other names out of your mouth. And if you refuse to talk, well then I’m going to get my hands on your little friend Pogo and beat the names out of his mouth instead. Oh, we’re going to get the rest of these names and get some therapy for my inner child all at once!
Just like you said in Unforgiven, Clint. We all have it coming, kid. And up first is Stitches.”
Bobby Ray circles the picture of Stitches and Pogo. He taps his pen against the wall though.
“Who else could be involved though? Maybe, someone higher up in the company. Not Ted from accounting, because I bought that guy ice cream, but someone else behind the scenes. Someone who has been moving in the shadows this entire time and has yet to even begin to tip their hand to us, Clint. The biggest question that I have left is this, what do you think Detective Callahan would do?
That’s right, burn this whole mother[bleep]ing place to the ground.
But first, let me show you all the game is afoot.”
He drops the Sharpie marker to the ground and as the camera pans down to see where it went that is when Bobby Ray shows the WGWF Censors he has found a work around. Sure, he’s wearing his assless chaps, but to keep things from being blurred out he is wearing a pair of high cut American flag colored pair of Doll E’s panties. Oh yeah, that's certainly a nugget pouch that isn’t being blurred.
“And you can’t blur that out, not without being both sexist or un-American. Can you?
Your move, Censors.”
With that, we fade to black.
Let’s take you backstage of the Sun Bowl.
It’s a chaotic scene, there are dozens of WGWF personnel walking about with their badges, but that scene is about to get even more chaotic as Cooper and his sister Doll E help carry Bobby Ray Willis through the area fresh from his match. Bobby Ray’s has a number of bruises across his body, his forehead still has a trickle of blood rolling down the bridge of his nose, and his nipples still have scorch marks that are still healing from the incident before the show. The WGWF announcers didn’t mention the burn marks on his nipples, but that’s probably because they were under orders from the WGWF Censors. More on that in the second half, fam.
That’s when the trio are confronted by WGWF backstage reporter, Denise Essex.
DENISE: “Bobby Ray? Bobby Ray, can I get a quick word with you about your match tonight?”
Bobby Ray picks his head off the shoulder of Doll E looking like he’s ready to give a nice answer to the question, but instead Cooper cuts everyone off taking charge like a good manager should.
COOP: “That was a farce of a match, totally rigged against Bobby Ray! In my nearly four months of professional wrestling I have never seen such foolishness or ridiculousness taking place inside that squared circle. And let me just ask you this question, just exactly what are the odds of the match becoming a first blood match the moment that Jenny Myst decides to use the brass knuckles?”
DENISE: “I don’t kno--”
COOP: “Exactly! If we could afford a lawyer, you’d be hearing from him… or her, because women can be lawyers too!”
Bobby Ray has a smile on his face ear to ear as Cooper finishes up his ranting and raving and with his free hand that isn’t hanging onto Cooper, he grips Cooper by the chin and shakes it about in a playful manner.
BRW: “This guy! I love this guy right here. I don’t know what he’s talking about right now, but I love this guy. And guess what? We’re going out for ice cream. Whoo-hoo, who wants some ice cream? This guy does, and I love him for that.”
Bobby Ray turns to the rest of the people walking about and yells towards them all.
BRW: “As far as the rest of you? What the hell, I love you all too! Take the rest of the night off, we’re going for ice cream with extra sprinkles and waffle cones on me. Maybe we’ll even stop by that one place we saw earlier with the karaoke… I call Danger Zone!
Let’s roll!”
With that Cooper shakes his head no as he drags a dazed Bobby Ray away before he can cause anymore damage. Doll E turns towards Denise and looking down at her while she speaks.
DOLL E: “That was a non-binding agreement, he’s clearly suffered head trauma. We’re not paying for ice cream or sprinkles or whatever.”
DENISE: “I think you’ve got a few people taking you up on that offer.”
Sure enough a couple of the WGWF staff wearing the badges begin to follow Bobby Ray and Coop. In her bitchiest tone possible, Doll E. responds one last time.
DOLL E: “Shouldn’t you be looking for John Blade to interview, or something Denise?”
With that Doll E storms off pushing past any of the staff that are in her way.
We now leave the backstage of the Sun Bowl.
We now return to normal time.
We now return to the trailer park.
Stomping angrily across the floor of the living room is Doll E who marches right towards her brother who is busy playing on his phone while being seated just outside of the closed door to the shrine of Clint Eastwood. Cooper stops his sister before she throws open the door by standing up and holding up his hands.
COOP: “Whoa, whoa. You don’t want to go in there right now.”
DOLL E: “And just why the hell not?”
Cooper seems hesitant about the whole thing, he nervously shuffles side to side as his sister just stares him down.
COOP: “You just don’t. It’s bad.”
DOLL E: “Bad? How bad? Have you seen this bill from his ice cream escapade? Is it as bad as this!?”
She shoves the receipt right into her brother's face, the camera doesn’t pick up the amount on screen but judging by Cooper’s reaction as he finally looks at the bottom line it’s pretty bad. He scratches his forehead as he weighs back and forth just how bad this is compared to the other thing. Slowly he hands back the receipt.
COOP: “Yeah, it’s worse in there. We’re talking conspiracies on top of conspiracies, assless chaps and your underwear for some reason.”
Doll E’s eyes grow wide. All she’s able to do is offer up a sheepish reply.
DOLL E: “Oh…that’s bad.”
And she decides not to disturb what’s going on the other side of that door.
And just what is going on? Well, the Clint Eastwood posters still exist, but have been moved off to the sides of the room overlapping and fighting for space. In their place there is a large hand-drawn picture of three people in white robes and masks with the words “WGWF Censors??” written underneath. That's pretty much the only sane part, the rest of it is a series of strings tacked and connected to various pictures of other WGWF roster members. Kneeling in front of all of this is Bobby Ray Willis. He is still sporting a bandage across his forehead, but most of the bruising has gone away. You’ve probably already guessed this, but he’s not wearing a shirt.
Holding up his hands outwards towards the posters of Eastwood on opposite walls he begins to speak.
“Come on, Clint. Give me your powers of logic, story structure, and misdirection as the greatest movie director of our time in order to solve this puzzle of just who were the masked men in the white robes that I saw. Or, maybe women… they could have been women too, I’m not trying to be sexist. Women can create conspiracies just as well as men are capable of doing. I just don’t remember seeing any breasts poking through those robes.
That’s all I’m saying.
So, that brings us to our first obvious conspirator…”
Bobby Ray stands up, the camera not daring to pan down, and walks over to the wall where he points to the picture of current TV champion, Jenny Myst. Sure enough he tracks the string thumbtacked to her photo back to the hand drawn masked people.
“...Jenny Myst. Also known as, the one who benefited the most from the fact that there is a conspiracy out there working against the Texarkana Kid, moi. It was incredibly fortunate that I just so happened to have lost my brass knuckles the exact moment when the match stipulation conveniently became a first blood match. Let’s face it, that’s the only way she could have beaten me on that night or any other night. And it is hard to see her boobs from more than a few feet away. However, just as we learned from the Dead Pool, those we suspect the most, most likely are not are ma… er… woman and could be blown up by a remote control car bomb in the near future. Plus, never had an original thought on her own, this seems way out of her capabilities.
Isn’t that right, Clint?”
There is no response from the posters. Not that there would be. However, with a quick flash of his chest, Bobby Ray can still be seen with singed nipples as he uses a Sharpie to cross Jenny Myst out.
“Next up, and possibly the most disappointing, Goth. My long-time tag team partner, we go back weeks now… could he be the one behind all of this? Could he have broken up the pin attempt in our tag match? Maybe. And according to Coop, he showed up at the conclusion of my defeat against Jenny Myst demanding and receiving the next television title shot. It’s as if he planned all of this once he flew too close and learned that my light was too powerful for him, and had to get me out of the way. A move made out of fear, just like the Romans.
Brutus did stab Caesar in the back. Et tu, Goth?
And the dude does have a thing for masks. I didn’t pay attention to why, but he did love that mask of his a lot. An obsession like that is a dangerously shameful thing too, isn’t that right Clint? But would he throw away our nearly month-long tag team just for a title shot, I don’t know. Perhaps we should just keep a close eye on him for now, Coop could do another one of those stalking things he does so well and gather intel.”
He steps forward and writes a question mark onto the photo of Goth and a sad face.
“And then there’s you. Just one of the many clowns this company seems to be employing these days. Stitches. An actual damn clown… and I’ll be the first to admit, I hate clowns. Can’t stand them and to me they are nothing but pure nightmare fuel. But why would you conspire against me? You don’t seem to want anything or would you gain from holding me down. But then again, clowns are just pure evil, ripping the arms off of kids for fun sort of evil. Oh sure, Stitches you have a smile on your face, play wacky jokes, sing funny songs and employ a midget or little person. But I see through that all. You’re on top of the list as one of the masked men, and come Brawl I’m going to beat the other names out of your mouth. And if you refuse to talk, well then I’m going to get my hands on your little friend Pogo and beat the names out of his mouth instead. Oh, we’re going to get the rest of these names and get some therapy for my inner child all at once!
Just like you said in Unforgiven, Clint. We all have it coming, kid. And up first is Stitches.”
Bobby Ray circles the picture of Stitches and Pogo. He taps his pen against the wall though.
“Who else could be involved though? Maybe, someone higher up in the company. Not Ted from accounting, because I bought that guy ice cream, but someone else behind the scenes. Someone who has been moving in the shadows this entire time and has yet to even begin to tip their hand to us, Clint. The biggest question that I have left is this, what do you think Detective Callahan would do?
That’s right, burn this whole mother[bleep]ing place to the ground.
But first, let me show you all the game is afoot.”
He drops the Sharpie marker to the ground and as the camera pans down to see where it went that is when Bobby Ray shows the WGWF Censors he has found a work around. Sure, he’s wearing his assless chaps, but to keep things from being blurred out he is wearing a pair of high cut American flag colored pair of Doll E’s panties. Oh yeah, that's certainly a nugget pouch that isn’t being blurred.
“And you can’t blur that out, not without being both sexist or un-American. Can you?
Your move, Censors.”
With that, we fade to black.