No SUCH THING AZ HeRoEZ pt II CoNSoLiDaTiON
Jan 24, 2024 15:43:53 GMT -5
Ezra Gideon and Jonathan Barrows like this
Post by lajohnnystylez on Jan 24, 2024 15:43:53 GMT -5
Scene opens with us looking at the man who fancies himself the
Looking at himself in the mirror. His crystal baby blue’s peer into the reflective glass as you can practically see the countless thoughts and mental images running through his mind, as he mindlessly reaches over and turns the knob to his right turning the sink on. He slightly bends over cupping his hands underneath the running water, until eventually splashing it over his face. He turns the sink off and briefly pauses with his hand still on the knob.
The scene then for the briefest of moments quickly flash over many of the things we have watched unfold live on the superior brand of the World’s Greatest Wrestling Federation known as SMASH. We see images of him during his match against Seth Stevenz where he first donned the very persona he has used to begin a reign of terror across SMASH. We see Johnny leading Seth away from the ring, only to emerge with crude face paint and a slap jack he firmly slams into Seth Stevens stupid face!
His mental images then turn to that of the very man he is scheduled to face at the inaugural SMASH pay per view aptly named LAST CHANCE. His thoughts play through almost every one of their encounters, and then the scene quickly cuts back to Johnny Stylez still glaring at himself in the mirror as we see a smile slowly creep across his face that slowly but surely gives way to laughter. He then goes to reach for something off to his right, but is suddenly startled by adult film star and now his personal assistant Peyton Preselee who has seemingly adopted Johnny’s flair for theatrics and created a jestyr like persona of her own…MiSSeS BeHaVe she calls herself.
Ms. Behave: MR. J, your um guests have arrived!
Johnny wasn’t expecting her to barge in like that so the moment her words struck his eardrum it caused him to jump as is the typical response after being startled….
LA Johnny Stylez: FOR PHUCKS SAKE BEHAVE HOW ABOUT KNOCKING! You scared the fuggin BeJeZuS OUTTA ME!
Ms. Behave: Sorry Mr. J, but you told me to…
LA Johnny Stylez: I know what I told you! So they are all here you say?...All of them?
Ms. Behave: Yeah…well everyone except…
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah, yeah I mean except him of course, but we both know why he isn’t present! OK well tell those broken dildos I’ll be with them as soon as I’m finished putting my face on!
Ms. Behave: Sure thing Mr. J…You want me to come in there and give you a hand? Or a maybe a mouth?
LA Johnny Stylez: No that won’t be necessary dear, I’ll be up in just a bit!...And besides BeHaVe…NoT IN FRoNT oF THe KiDZ!!!
Johnny nods towards the camera which causes Ms. BeHaVe to turn and briefly look into the camera only to roll her eyes in frustration as she sticks her tongue out YOU through this now slightly damaged 4th WaLL, but yall aint footin the bill to repair it so what the phuck does it matter to you anyway?...Ms. Behave then turns and storms away but not before saying…
Ms. Behave: FINE…BE BORING!
LA Johnny Stylez: Ohhh knock it off BeHaVe! This is me we are talking about here, boring aint really in my bag of tricks as you very well know! Now go tend to our guests, let them know I’ll be down when I come down there!
Ms. BeHaVe: HUH?
LA Johnny Stylez: I do what I want, when I want more or less!
Ms. BeHaVe: Ohh yeah duh…OK Mr. J,anything else?
LA Johnny Stylez: Yes dear for the record you really do have an absolutely breathtaking HiNey!!! But I aint sittin here sayin shit you aint well aware of so no that’s all for now, run a long ya little TROUBLEMaKeR!!! I’ll be just a bit!
She nods and turns and closes the door behind her. Johnny turns the knob to the sink back on and bends over splashing water in his face and even running some of it through his blue hair. He then stands back up running his hands through his hair turning the sink off while grabbing a towel off the top of the toilet seat to his far left. He runs the towel over his face drying it off as much as he can as he then drops the towel onto the counter and then takes one last look at his uhhh GoVeRNMeNT FACE?
He then reaches to his right where we see his face paint kit. He quickly opens it dips his hands in the white paint and rubs it over the tops of his fingers as he then turns to the mirror and crudely applies it to his face using both hands. He does it to where it is messily rubbed in close to the Heath Ledger version of the CLOWN PRINCE OF CRIME. Johnny then reaches over and removes a black makeup pencil and begins to outline the black painted on smile he has been sporting these last few weeks.
Only today Mr. SeRyOuS makes his smile a bit wider than usual. After a few moments he completes this tedious task and then proceeds to grab a soft sponge to apply and fill in the outline of his devious painted on grin. He then once more runs his hands through his blue hair and lets it messily hang over his eyes as he completes the look with a few marks over the eyes…You have to put emphasis on the eyes, those are the money makers, the ticket sellers as it were!
But anywhoo…He carefully checks himself in the mirror and begins to put his vest and suit, and he even remembered to straighten his tie, because he is headed to a very VERY important business meeting and it’s important to dress appropriately for the occasion, cause
He then reaches in his jacket pocket and removes a black plastic case holding his earpods. He pops them in his ear reaches for his phone pulls up spotify, scrolls to the playlist entitled “BoSS MoDE” presses it and goes right to the first song, yall know how it goes
EH, A, A AHHHHHHHHH
One last look and Johnny Stylez has officially taken the rest of the day off and has comfortably left his affairs in the more than capable hands of the one and thank GoD ONLy
We leave that one to the philosophers as Swae Lee and PoSTy MaLoNe serenade us as we then follow Mr. SeRyOu$ as he then begins to head towards the important meeting he is very late to!
Scene then immediately switches to the brand new and very elaborate penthouse suite that’s primary purpose was to host little fun get togethers just like the one we are about to be privy to. The camera is behind Je$TyR’s shoulder so we see all the faces of some very shady looking characters gathered around a large black marble table with a large silver fleur de lis perfectly crafted in the center of the table with the phrase
Engraved underneath it. The various groups sitting at various places around the table all have drinks in front of them, their douchey pink vapes that are now very illegal in the state of LoUiSiANA, and aggravated looks on their faces. JeSTyR of course notices this immediately and allows himself to be seen chuckling to himself, which in all likelihood pushes the level of aggravation up at least a full notch or five? He walks directly towards what we assume is his seat at the head of the table, but aren’t sure on account of it being covered by a blanket that the SALVATION ARMY will later say they cannot in good conscience accept it on account of them not having the amount of bleach it would require to clean it. Je$TyR walks over casually like he isn’t somewhere in the neighborhood of 30 minutes late to a business meeting in his nearly rebuilt strip club OUTLAWZ…At the very front of BOURBON STREET.
The song comes to it’s unfortunate end as Je$TyR holds his hands out as Ms. BeHaVe immediately attends to her employers silent ques as she hands him a tray holding his platinum cigarette case with 4 1 9 engraved in it, that has nor will ever contain cigarettes. He pops one open and removes one of the short blunts he rolled and pops one in his mouth. He then grabs the brand new zippo he just got from TEMU that has white HA HA HA’s crudely painted on a black zippo lighter, he pops the top open and goes to light it but catches himself, because well…MANNERS HELLLLOOOO!!!!
Je$TyR SeRyOu$: None of you GReaSy TWaTS mind if I actually smoke do you?...OHH wait, this is my place, so I don’t care….Ohh and gentlemen I would like to sincerely let you all know that I would sincerely apologise about making you all wait, but then that would imply that I was or am
But thank you all for coming because as you all know we have some very
So thank you to the esteemed members of the Olano family as well as the few other remaining owners and operators of the few strip clubs able to remain afloat here on the GREATEST SiNFUL street in these here UNiTeD STaTES! As you can see for yourselves gentlemen I am only a few short weeks maybe a month away from being able to reopen, we’re aiming to be open just in time for Mardi Gras!
Voice: Ohhh for FUCKS SAKES!!!
A look of utter shock shoots across Jestyr’s face as he can’t believe someone had the audacity to interrupt him in his own club, his eyes dart around the room until his eyes fall on the man who insists on every one knowing for certain who the biggest FOOL in the room was. Jestyr’s eyes fixate on a man at the far left corner of the table sitting next to young Benny Olano who is the son of the head of the family that once upon a time controlled most of the ADULT Entertainment racket on Bourbon Street and still to this day own various business and restaurants all over New Orleans. But the man speaking sitting to Benny’s right is a young man with slicked back black hair and a suit it looks like he bought at the BURLINGTON COAT FACTORY garage sale.
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: Benny? The phuck man, you got something to say?...Surely your father taught you better! Sa’MaTTeR? I find it hard to believe they didn’t teach your boy here some got damn manners at whatever fancy pantz school your daddies sent you to!
Benny Olano: It wasn’t me Johnny, it was my friend Jeff…
Jestyr whom was about to take a seat instead decides to continue standing…Well walking really as he almost skips over to where Benny and his pal “Jeff” are sitting. Jestyr’s presence looms as he stands over the man who was all balls a few minutes ago and now is looking all over the place for something to say…
Jestyr Seryous: HEY PHUCK MOOK, you aint got nothin to say now?
Benny Olano: Come on Johnny he didn’t know, and he damn sure didn’t mean it…
Jestyr Seryous: Take it easy LiL BeNNy, I really just want to find out who he is. I mean the man did show some initiative, I mean sure it was rude…But phuck I’m rude! I just want to meet this young man…How ya doin there slick, my name is SeRyOuS!
Jeff The Lawyer: I thought your name was Joh…
Benny elbows Jeff in the side. Jestyr shoots a quick look in Benny’s direction and winks at him before continuing their conversation…
JesTyR SeRyOu$: …SERyOu$ IS MY NAME…I won’t say it again, nod if you understand me Jeff…
Jeff nods
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: Now maybe you could help me with something there bud. See everyone in this room is here at my personal invitation, everyonnnneeee a-ccept FoR YOU!..SO Jeff in addition to why you feel as though this is the type of place your two cents is worth even that I would first like to know very much what the phuck you are even doing here?
Benny nods at his friend to answer the question.
Jeff The Lawyer: I’m…I’m uh Be…Im uh, Ben
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: Benny’s…?
Jeff The Lawyer: LAWYER! I’m his lawyer!
Jestyr’s grin grows even wider as do his eyes as he pokes his head up and looks around the room in almost disbelief.
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: Well see there is the problem right there JEFF! But look bud I can see there is a great number things you don’t understand about your present set of circumstances and if it’s alright with you I’d like to get back to my meeting now cause I’m a very important DooD with even more important shit to get to…So if you could do us all a favor and keep that knob polisher of yours closed unless someone speaks to you directly I would appreciate itr. Because I brought everyone here today to talk about new beginnings and a very profitable future and they can’t hear me which means they can’t make the right choice with you over here singing YANKEE DOODLE ya feel me?...Again NOD IF YOU UNDERSTAND ME!
Jeff once again nods as his 15 different kinds of fear are turning him three different shades of white no yellow…Meh yall see this MOOK! Jestyr then pats him on the shoulder and then grabs it yanking him out of his seat and right up to his feet. Jestyr then holds his hand out for a handshake as Jeff hesitently looks around the room and finds no one is even trying to look him in the eye. SO Jeff sighs a deep sigh and then extends his hand and grips Jestyr’s extended hand. He pulls away and pulls Jestyr’s hand off with it. Jeff looks down and notices he is now holding a fake hand and by the time he looks up to see where Jestyr’s real hand was it was WAY F’N PASSED TOO LATE
AS JeSTyR SeRyOu$ SLAMS A Scott Hall esq cattle prod into Jeff’s ribcage and mashes down on the little red button as hard as he can. Jeff falls back in the chair as Jestyr waits for Jeff’s head to lean back and his mouth gaping open as Jestyr walks up takes the cattle prod and presses it to poor Jeff’s nut sack and presses the button once more.
Jestyr’s body jerks as he emulates poor Jeff writhing like a fish…that’s been electrocuted (twice ). Jestyr then waves his hand and two of his girls with their faces painted come and grab Jeff’s chair and wheel him away. Young Benny Olano is absolutely beside himself, yet he just like all the others elects not to say anything cause well who wants to get electrocuted…SeRyOu$Ly?
Jestyr goes to hand the cattle prod to Ms. Behave, but looks around the table and elects to keep it with him. He then turns to everyone at the table and offers a quaint soft smile before asking…
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: Ya shoulda told em Benny…We don’t really need lawyers at this particular meeting because that is kind of the point I brought you all here to make today! Why don’t we need lawyers you ask? I mean after all this is a business meeting is it not? Well to answer your obvious questions, first yes this is a business meeting…
SO I ask the phuck do we need lawyers for? SO now that we got that shit squared unless any of you have anything you’d like to add perhaps we can proceed?
Jestyr pauses to give anyone else who wants to speak up their chance…He lingers for a moment before making his way to his seat. He sits and gives a look around the room before pretending to go through the papers in front of him. He eventually looks up over at Ava Adams and beckons her to bring something over. She walks over and hands him a folded up newspaper. Jestyr crudely unfolds it and then slams it on the table for everyone to see.
This particular edition of the Time-Picayune is from November 12th 2015. The headline reads
Jestyr looks around especially at ole Benny Olano who’s family is the family…Well yall read the headline. Jestyr waits for Benny’s eyes to meet his as he once again winks at him and then stands up once more and begins to walk around the table as he begins his uh…BuSiNeSS PRoPoSaL.
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: I know it was eight years ago, but surely all of you remember this right? There are some people that should be here presently that aren’t because of this shit! But like I said I mean this was eight years ago right?...Surely all of you have been able to fully recover from the heat this shit brought down on all of you right? I…
Benny Olano: HOW DARE YOU MY FATHER WOULDN’T STAND HERE AND…
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: YOU! PHUCKIN ZIP IT BEFORE I HAVE BEHAVE STAPLE YOUR NUTS TO YOUR CHAIR!!! I’m not hurling insults, believe me most people know when I do that! IT’S A FACT BENNY! So sit down and shut the phuck up before I phucking pistle whip you so hard my hollow points will be your new teeth! Because yes while your father is very much to blame for the rat infestation that brought this historic and very proud street known for catering to the adult appetites that make being an adult bearable to it’s knees. Well gentlemen I sought to put that to an end a few years ago when I almost put you all out of business
…And well you all saw the construction for yourselves when you were shown in. The construction is nearing completion and as you can see for yourselves I really spared no expense…Because that was the point then just as it is right phucking now fellas…Sometimes in order to build a new kingdom you must tear down the old one.
Jack Sage (Hustler Club): Look Clown Boy, if you came in here to rub our noses in this bullshit I think you’ve wasted enough of our time, so unless you have a point you are almost immediately about to arrive to, I think I’ve heard enough!
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: Keep your pants on Jack, I know you like your little boys as young as possible, but I promise you it won’t really matter if they are say thirty minutes older than they are now! NOW ZIP IT OR ILL BREAK YOUR PHUCKING HIP!!! Gentlemen THE
He is the man responsible for this huge headline…It’s one of the main reasons he is where he is today! Of course I’m talking about that liberal, do gooding pocket pussy who just so also happens to be the New Orleans DISTRICT ATTORNEY Brian TRAHAN!
Jack Sage: Ohhh you think we haven’t tried? The people fuckin love him, and his men are loyal! What’s your plan Mr. Pro Wrestler you gunna suplex him off the top rope?
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: Well Jack, I mean I understand how accustomed you and a few of these other asshats in here have grown to the good ole bend over and grab your ankles approach, but I’m sitting here telling ALL OF YOU that it doesn’t have to be this way! Not only can I promise you that Mr. Trahan’s days of being an enormous pain in our asses are
What’s my plan for Mr. Trahan? Well honestly for now the focus is humiliate him at any and every given opportunity…For those of you unaware the very face Mr. Trahan intended to use in his latest PHUCK Bourbon Street Campaign is none other than the NEW ORLEANS MAN OF THE YEAR Frank Patrick Venable…
Benny Olano: Ohhh I know him he’s a awesome guy, a really good dude!
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: Benny, you should never GIVE ME ACTUAL REASONS TO SHOOT YOU! Because I’ll phuckin do it, don’t think I won’t! Anymore nonsense like that falls out your mouth and I will staple your mouth shut, enough times to where it phucking
Good now again sit down and SHUT THE PHUCK UP! FPV New Orleans Super HERO…NO NO NO, the man at best is an imposter and I have proven that on live NATIONAL TELEVISION every other week for the last few months, and finally this very Sunday I put the nail in the coffin and torch and piss on every single torn shred of his “CLEAN UP THE FRENCH QUATER” campaign! After that it should be enough to batter the walls down, show the right people even this white knight has phucking chinks in his armor, then we infiltrate his office, undermine his policies, we aren’t going to just defeat him gentlemen we are going to
THe wheels have been set in motion for weeks now! As soon as the bell sounds and the ring announcer dude at this fuggin PPV informs the entire world that the winner was not the NEW ORLEANS MAN OF THE YEAR, the spark I…WE NEEDED to torch Mr. Trahan’s credibility will be lit and there won’t be putting any putting it out after that…So all yall gotta do is sit back and wait for the GOT DAMN
Because gentlemen this is PHUCKING BOURBON STREET! The longest standing establishment in the entire PHUCKING FRENCH QUATER IS A BAR THAT IS FAMOUS FOR BEING OWNED BY A GOT DAMN PIRATE!!! (A real pirate not like that dumb cunt who’s face I shitkicked into the CaNVaS @ the LaST SMASH!!!) This street has been run by the phuckin bad guys pretty much since its inception, and I will not stand by and let that legacy end on my watch…OVER MY DEAD PHUCKIN BODY!!!...OR YOURS! LADIES!!
Suddenly the room is filled with 18 big boobed porn stars with crude clown faces painted on their faces. They are all holding automatic machine guns as they have everyone in the room cornered. There is no where to go, all Mr. SeRyOuS has to do is nod and this place turns into a FUGGIN SLAUGHTER! Now naturally this upsets the herd, as they start reaching for their own weapons, but before things get, uhhh
Jestyr points around the room and even has his ladies lower their weapons. Jestyr waits until he can feel calm has swept the room, and then he begins again.
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: Now gentlemen…and ladies, if you recall I did say something about all of this being something of a profitable venture for all of us! And as your new BOSS…I can tell you with absolute certainty that it will be nothing less…Now…
Jack Sage: Wait hold up? BOSS? What are you fuckin nuts? Why the hell would we ever work for you?
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: Aside from me fixing to deal with your biggest phuckin problem FOR YOU? How about under my umbrella since I am going to be given a generous 40% of all of your business both legal and IL…But you will all be able to share in the rich BRAZZERS resources that our beautiful street has become infamous for. Ill allow my girls to work your clubs as well, because why wouldn’t I protect my investment? Ohh and after Trahan falls what are you phucks gunna sit around and wait for the next ambitious asshat like Benny’s boy Freddy or whatever his asshat name was? Or would you like a silent influence on the next mother phucker to occupy Mr. Trahan’s current position?
Jack Sage: Yeah but…
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: Yeah but NOTHIN JACK! I’ve seen all of your books and thank God I decided to torch this place otherwise you woulda been out on the street! A lot of your income vanished because of Mr. Trahan, I would see it restored, and well 60% is a shitload…A LIFETIME MORE THAN NOTHING JACK! I can get you a calculator if you need to do the math! NOW…With Trahan out of the way some of our more not so commercial ventures could resume and once again thrive…And gentlemen again I’m only charging you all a mere %40….Someone with as much leverage as I have over every one of you dildos in cheap suits would really press his advantage until you choked out your last pathetic breathe. But I don’t wanna do that. I am a pro wrestler and the owner of a porn company, it would be much easier if we worked with one another instead of against each other. THat way everyone can phuckin eat! And since all of this is possible because of me and my beautiful deadly divas behind ya, naturally that makes me the
Loyalty will be rewarded, but treachery…NOT SO MUCH!!!
DaNDyLioN: How in the hell did you get a look at our books? I for one KNOW I never showed you SHIT!
Ohh wait our BAD YALL..This little CHICK DUDE is DaNDyLioN don't let the fact that this skinny lil creole dude looks like Swae Lee's back up dancers he has ran the homosexual side of Bourbon Street for almost three decades, which is very impressive...ya know all things considered!
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: Well as it turns out I know wayyyyy more computer nerds than yall do, and well they may be nerds but they know how to do some pretty wicked shit with computers…Just sayin!
Benny Olano: I can’t believe you are all sitting here listening to this shit! My DAD would never agree to any of this bullshit! He’s never take orders from a greased up whack job who read way too many comic books!
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: How do you know?
Benny Olano: How do I know what?
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: What your PoP would or wouldn’t agree to?...Have you asked him?
Benny Olano: No I haven’t asked him, how damaged are you man? I haven’t had a chance to even tell him about this bogus plan, but rest assured when I do…
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: How about right now?
Benny Olano: WHAT? WHat in the hell are you talking about?
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: Would you like to ask your Pop what he thinks about all this?...Right here?...RIGHT NOW!!!
Benny Olano: We can’t, he’s in Vegas with my Mom…
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: Really?...THEN WHO THE PHUCK IS THIS DUDE???
Jestyr walks over to Benny Olano with his cell phone and shows him the very image that has taken over your screen presently. We see a man that Benny Olano definitely recognize as his father…Only he is out back of some shanty in the bayou hanging upside down with four alligators directly underneath him just waiting to jump up and get their next free meal. Until one of them decides he can’t wait any longer and lunges out of the water opens his jaws nice and wide and well…they say there’s no such thing as a
Benny looks at Jestyr who is arrogantly smirking at him like he just showed him some funny tiktook video. Benny plops down struggling to process all this information as Jestyr pats him on the back.
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: You know what Benny, now that I think about it…You were probably right your father’s arrogance and personal delusions would have prevented him from making the right call here..And well it only works if we are all in, and if he isn’t in then that means he is one of them…Which he has proven himself to be over the last decade. All those arrests, all those convictions, all those busts, and he doesn’t see a minute of time?...You know what we call those kinda people right Benny? Well and I guess now you know what we do to those people! So don’t look so glum asswipe you just inherited a fortune, if I were you I’d use this opportunity to make sure you aren’t uh…BuRIED underneath the sins and stupidity of your father. I have every faith you will prove to be much wiser than he EVeR WAS!…Ohh and I have no who idea who that bitch was we found him with but she definitely wasn’t your mother…THe
So what’s it gunna be gentlemen? Together and prosperity? Or you walk out of this room, gambling on me allowing you to even do that not withstanding, but resolved to continue trying it your way ALONE, and maybe still be open and three years?…BUT THEN AGAIN MAYBE NOT! Gentlemen what I am about to bring to BoURBoN STReeT is all but a guarantee of our genuine reversal of fortunes…So Benny, gentlemen…LaDy DUDES down there on the left, I see you over there GAY SECTION yall aren’t forgotten about!
DaNDyLioN: You had about seventeen seconds before we was about to get up and walk out. But now that you acknowledged us, because DUH, we are eager to hear more details about this proposal…You know the real ins and outs of it all…
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: Uhhh yeah…Well I’ll make sure you uh, get with my uh?...Ends and outs guy and yall can go NUTZ! K so gay section is in…How about the rest of you?...JACK?
Jack Sage: Tell you what Johnny, you take care of Trahan’s pretty boy and complete the first phase of your plan. You want us to be reasonable. I think even you can see it isn’t an unreasonable request for us to ask that you show us you are SERIOUS and I can tell you with every confidence we will be behind you. Especially given Mr. Olano’s recent unfortunate demise! That cut rate HACK Trahan sent three of my cousins up to Angola for the rest of their lives…Let’s ruin the bastard!
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: FAIR ENOUGH GENTLEMEN FAIR ENOUGH!!! Man thank God I for real thought my girls were gunna have to murder all of you! I’m like so glad that’s not the case! But it is a fair accord, you won’t regret this gentlemen just like I won’t
…No BUT SeRyOu$Ly…I’M ALWAYS
Now, WHO WANTS TO GO HAVE A DRINK WITH A BUNCH OF GIRLZ MOST OF YALL PAY ME TO JERK OFF TO HuH? And Benny for fucks sake man quit lookin like you just found out you were an ORPHAN go get some pussy or somethin PLEASE you are about to totally KILL THE VIBE BRUH!!! Now where were we?...Ohh yeah let’s go get SMASHED!!
And with that THe TiN$LeToWN TRoUBLe MaKeR stands to the side and motions towards a pair of double doors that suddenly swing open and on the otherside it was like going to the BRAZZERS website…But in real life! And as I’m sure you can all imagine at this point there is only one person in the room who’s smile needs to be painted onto his face, you know THe SeRyOuS ONE!!!
As the large line of gentlemen slowly but surely mingles with the large group of women is right where this particular part of the party comes to a close fading us out to
Scene slowly fades into the balcony of the nearly rebuilt and restored OUTLAWZ strip club overlooking Bourbon Street. Je$TyR SeRyoU$ sits with a smug satisfied smile on his face as he sits in his chair kicked back watching the tourists wander the street looking for their thin slice of sin. He reaches over onto the black metal table and grabs his pack of LUCKY STRIKES. He pops one into his mouth and flicks the top of his zippo. The flame jumps up and smoke then comes pouring from the mouth of JeSTyR as he stands up and tilts his neck to the side forcing it to make a loud popping sound as he shakes his head before he takes another long drag from his cigarette. He then leans against the rail of the balcony, takes another quick drag of his smoke allowing the smoke to come flowing from his nostrils as he takes a deep breathe and starts doing that thing he does…So since it’s time for your daily dose of the truth you should prolly close your mouths and pay attention!
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: Ya know what Frankie? Man Ima be real wit ya and tell ya I was beginning to think the day would never PHUCKING come! But LoW aND FuGGiN BeHoLD HERE WE ARE! Only a few more short days away from what will prove to be your very long and drawn out
Cause that chill you’ve been feeling Franklez aint just the BRiSK JaNuRaRy AIR! No sir-eehhh BoB that brutal breeze constantly crashing against the depths of your soul is nothing more than the cold, often cruel and inevitable
Cause look like I said in true ME fashion, Ima keep keepin it real wit ya Frankfruit! Between you and I, while I am still looking forward to stomping your head into the canvas like it was on fire I have to admit that there is this tiny yet insufferable nagging part of me that can not HELP BUT FEEL
I mean I was there FRANKIE! I remember it like it was a LONG TIME AGO!! You know, the night in that
And giving credit where it is definitely due I still recall the pop the sea of faceless morons made when you emerged from behind the curtain and started what would turn out to be your walk towards destiny, and I even phucking recall the even louder one you got when their Little Debbie SNACK CAKE of a ring announcer introduced you to them as the AND NEW ACTION WRESTLING CHAMPION OF THE WORLD…of THE WORLD FRANKIE!! I mean it’s almost as if you for a moment in time were their HERO that you so foolishly fancy yourself to be! SO suffice to say when it became clear to me that our courses were going to collide the mere prospect of SHIT KICKING a HERO of your caliber would have made me happier than a phucking wallet that never ran out of
Cause the more time that passes here on the superior brand of the WGWF the more it is literally
And with them days in the rearview we are then left with this SHOPPER’Z VaLUE VeRSiON of you that not only sucks all the balls, but well now watching and listening to you is probably the worst kind of depressing I have seen in quite some time. But again giving credit where it’s due HERO, I have to say that the one aspect of being a “GooD GuY” you’ve got quite literally
If it wasn't so sad it would in all likelihood be impressive, but it’s not…So it’s NOT ya digg? I mean sometimes I feel so bad for you once or twice I even considering maybe
Cause really Mr. PV, please understand that just like last week when I got rid of Devlin Knight’s PIRATE and HoBO problem for him I was left with little to no choice in the matter! When lies, bullshit, and then weakness threaten to spread to every corner of the globe like it’s doing now then REBELLION becomes
And that is a charge I take very seriously! SO don’t sit here and tell me you didn’t know what you were getting into either mother fucker! Sure your boy Trahan talked you up…You were going to be given an honor you didn’t deserve as a means to help him push his legal agenda that was going to make life very hard for Myself PERSONALLY and a few new friends of mine, and well we can’t have that! SO don’t sit there and tell me you didn’t know what he was up to…Even if he didn’t tell you, you may be an idiot but not even you can be that big of an
SO how do we cure this disease of seemingly incurable stupidity that you have not only had a heavy hand in infecting our chosen profession with, but also you tried to infect my HOME…MY CITY with the same brand of self righteous lies and bullshit so your boy can make headlines? And if you thought for even a moment I would allow such folly, then you my boy need to leave the thinking up to your lil
Cause look here asshole, in this business I have fought countless wars against countless shitkickerz JUST LIKE YOU, over what I was beginning to believe was every every reason in the book. But one reason I have never had to go to war over was home! And well if you recall anything from social studies you will know HOW PEOPLE FIGHT WHEN THEY ARE FIGHTING FOR THEIR HOMES! This is a cause I fully believe in. This aint about golden belts, accolades, or even about me just wanting to prove I am better than you! No unlike you shitstain I am actually a TRUE BORN SON OF THE CITY OF NEW ORLEANS! Whoever the cunt was that gave birth to me dropped me on the door step of the St. George orphanage in the Quater a few blocks from Jackson Square and I wasn’t adopted until I was twelve! SO I was literally raised by this phucking city and if you think I’m above snapping your neck while also putting all of us out of our collective misery then once again you Frankie haven’t been
Cause Frankie I aint saying nothing you yourself don’t know to be true as we speak. You thought you could probably easily dispatch me like you had done in the past. But now so close to the day where you choke to death on your own bullshit is probably the moment you realize you had bitten off way more than you can CHEW! You know you aren’t equipped to see this shit through. You aren’t prepared to fight this war physically or mentally…And more importantly you know you aint no got damn
Who has drinken wayyyyyy to much of his own phucking Kool-Aid! And it is this painful truth that is very soon going to become your reality my friend…And reality is something not even you can escape! Cause I heard ya on SMASH last week after I shit kicked CaPTaIN JeTTa JIZZ FACE, actually admitting than you have spent these past few months dancing to the tune I have played for you! WHich while it was very encouraging to hear you say that cause it proved that at least you aren’t a complete
…And this time when you go up against the DEVIL FROM NEW ORLEANZ I can all but phucking PROMISE YOU the outcome will be way different from the time that other phucking pussy went own to GEORGIA!!! So enjoy these last few sunsets because at LAST DANCE you will see it set for the final time my friend, and know no one will have deserved it more than you! But at least I know that you know THAT I KNOW! Err what I mean is, you have already showed your cards Frankie! I know you know whats coming and you know there aint no getting around it. Just like you know this whole thing isn’t over my jealousy of you being given that honor that sparked this little conflict between us, cause honestly buddy I’m over it..On the strength of the fact that even if I didn’t cause an entire city to rise up and reject your face as the one that represents them! But let’s just for fun say I was jealous. You were (briefly as it may have been)...But you were The New Orleans man of the year for 2023…But if you look around you Frankie you’ll notice we are over here big chillin in
So…HERE WE ARE! Table is set, time is running short, which means it won’t be long now until the answer to people’s question of what HAPPENED to former “Louisiana Pro Wrestler” FPV, will be that he wasn’t who he pretended to be, and right at the end he found himself with a VERY…VeRy SeRyOUS PROBLEM!!! So going forward I guess if anything you can take solace in the fact knowing that organizing, planning, and then ultimately carrying out your destruction has brought a warm smile back to my heart and has once again filled me with purpose! And wiping you from existence will be one of the greatest joys a guy like me could ever hope for…So for what it’s worth Franklez…THANK YOU! But outside of that you aint no different from the rest as you are about to join a long list of names THe DoN oF DI$Re$PECT has FORCED to
…And with that Je$TyR SeRyoU$ flicks his cigarette off the balcony and then rejoins the celebration of his consolidation inside of a party you can actually stream live on the BRAZZERS site, but if this is where you leave us, then we will see you all again on the first SMASH pay per view EVER…And that promises to be every bit the good time, just as every moment of this SeRyOuS experience
…HaS BeeN YoUR PLea$uRE!!!!
~$~ BoURBoN STReeT BaD Guy ~$~
LA Johnny Stylez…YOU KNOW LIKE THEEE LA JOHNNY STYLEZ!
Looking at himself in the mirror. His crystal baby blue’s peer into the reflective glass as you can practically see the countless thoughts and mental images running through his mind, as he mindlessly reaches over and turns the knob to his right turning the sink on. He slightly bends over cupping his hands underneath the running water, until eventually splashing it over his face. He turns the sink off and briefly pauses with his hand still on the knob.
The scene then for the briefest of moments quickly flash over many of the things we have watched unfold live on the superior brand of the World’s Greatest Wrestling Federation known as SMASH. We see images of him during his match against Seth Stevenz where he first donned the very persona he has used to begin a reign of terror across SMASH. We see Johnny leading Seth away from the ring, only to emerge with crude face paint and a slap jack he firmly slams into Seth Stevens stupid face!
His mental images then turn to that of the very man he is scheduled to face at the inaugural SMASH pay per view aptly named LAST CHANCE. His thoughts play through almost every one of their encounters, and then the scene quickly cuts back to Johnny Stylez still glaring at himself in the mirror as we see a smile slowly creep across his face that slowly but surely gives way to laughter. He then goes to reach for something off to his right, but is suddenly startled by adult film star and now his personal assistant Peyton Preselee who has seemingly adopted Johnny’s flair for theatrics and created a jestyr like persona of her own…MiSSeS BeHaVe she calls herself.
Ms. Behave: MR. J, your um guests have arrived!
Johnny wasn’t expecting her to barge in like that so the moment her words struck his eardrum it caused him to jump as is the typical response after being startled….
LA Johnny Stylez: FOR PHUCKS SAKE BEHAVE HOW ABOUT KNOCKING! You scared the fuggin BeJeZuS OUTTA ME!
Ms. Behave: Sorry Mr. J, but you told me to…
LA Johnny Stylez: I know what I told you! So they are all here you say?...All of them?
Ms. Behave: Yeah…well everyone except…
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah, yeah I mean except him of course, but we both know why he isn’t present! OK well tell those broken dildos I’ll be with them as soon as I’m finished putting my face on!
Ms. Behave: Sure thing Mr. J…You want me to come in there and give you a hand? Or a maybe a mouth?
LA Johnny Stylez: No that won’t be necessary dear, I’ll be up in just a bit!...And besides BeHaVe…NoT IN FRoNT oF THe KiDZ!!!
Johnny nods towards the camera which causes Ms. BeHaVe to turn and briefly look into the camera only to roll her eyes in frustration as she sticks her tongue out YOU through this now slightly damaged 4th WaLL, but yall aint footin the bill to repair it so what the phuck does it matter to you anyway?...Ms. Behave then turns and storms away but not before saying…
Ms. Behave: FINE…BE BORING!
LA Johnny Stylez: Ohhh knock it off BeHaVe! This is me we are talking about here, boring aint really in my bag of tricks as you very well know! Now go tend to our guests, let them know I’ll be down when I come down there!
Ms. BeHaVe: HUH?
LA Johnny Stylez: I do what I want, when I want more or less!
Ms. BeHaVe: Ohh yeah duh…OK Mr. J,anything else?
LA Johnny Stylez: Yes dear for the record you really do have an absolutely breathtaking HiNey!!! But I aint sittin here sayin shit you aint well aware of so no that’s all for now, run a long ya little TROUBLEMaKeR!!! I’ll be just a bit!
She nods and turns and closes the door behind her. Johnny turns the knob to the sink back on and bends over splashing water in his face and even running some of it through his blue hair. He then stands back up running his hands through his hair turning the sink off while grabbing a towel off the top of the toilet seat to his far left. He runs the towel over his face drying it off as much as he can as he then drops the towel onto the counter and then takes one last look at his uhhh GoVeRNMeNT FACE?
He then reaches to his right where we see his face paint kit. He quickly opens it dips his hands in the white paint and rubs it over the tops of his fingers as he then turns to the mirror and crudely applies it to his face using both hands. He does it to where it is messily rubbed in close to the Heath Ledger version of the CLOWN PRINCE OF CRIME. Johnny then reaches over and removes a black makeup pencil and begins to outline the black painted on smile he has been sporting these last few weeks.
Only today Mr. SeRyOuS makes his smile a bit wider than usual. After a few moments he completes this tedious task and then proceeds to grab a soft sponge to apply and fill in the outline of his devious painted on grin. He then once more runs his hands through his blue hair and lets it messily hang over his eyes as he completes the look with a few marks over the eyes…You have to put emphasis on the eyes, those are the money makers, the ticket sellers as it were!
But anywhoo…He carefully checks himself in the mirror and begins to put his vest and suit, and he even remembered to straighten his tie, because he is headed to a very VERY important business meeting and it’s important to dress appropriately for the occasion, cause
?DuH?
HoW THe PHuCK EL$e DO YoU SPeCT THeM 2 TaKe YoU SeRyOu$Ly?....SeRioUSLy???
He then reaches in his jacket pocket and removes a black plastic case holding his earpods. He pops them in his ear reaches for his phone pulls up spotify, scrolls to the playlist entitled “BoSS MoDE” presses it and goes right to the first song, yall know how it goes
EH, A, A AHHHHHHHHH
Ohhh OOOOOHH OHHH OHHHHHHHH
EHHH HEY
OHHH OHHHHHH Ohhhh OHHHHHH
NeeDLe$$ To SaY I KeeP A CHECK!!!
~$~ TiN$LeToWn TRoUBLeMaKeR ~$~
….Je$TyR SeRyOu$ ItS F’N KRaZy WHeN BaD LooX THiS GooD HuH???
We leave that one to the philosophers as Swae Lee and PoSTy MaLoNe serenade us as we then follow Mr. SeRyOu$ as he then begins to head towards the important meeting he is very late to!
Scene then immediately switches to the brand new and very elaborate penthouse suite that’s primary purpose was to host little fun get togethers just like the one we are about to be privy to. The camera is behind Je$TyR’s shoulder so we see all the faces of some very shady looking characters gathered around a large black marble table with a large silver fleur de lis perfectly crafted in the center of the table with the phrase
“HoNoR AMoNGST THiEVe$”
Engraved underneath it. The various groups sitting at various places around the table all have drinks in front of them, their douchey pink vapes that are now very illegal in the state of LoUiSiANA, and aggravated looks on their faces. JeSTyR of course notices this immediately and allows himself to be seen chuckling to himself, which in all likelihood pushes the level of aggravation up at least a full notch or five? He walks directly towards what we assume is his seat at the head of the table, but aren’t sure on account of it being covered by a blanket that the SALVATION ARMY will later say they cannot in good conscience accept it on account of them not having the amount of bleach it would require to clean it. Je$TyR walks over casually like he isn’t somewhere in the neighborhood of 30 minutes late to a business meeting in his nearly rebuilt strip club OUTLAWZ…At the very front of BOURBON STREET.
The song comes to it’s unfortunate end as Je$TyR holds his hands out as Ms. BeHaVe immediately attends to her employers silent ques as she hands him a tray holding his platinum cigarette case with 4 1 9 engraved in it, that has nor will ever contain cigarettes. He pops one open and removes one of the short blunts he rolled and pops one in his mouth. He then grabs the brand new zippo he just got from TEMU that has white HA HA HA’s crudely painted on a black zippo lighter, he pops the top open and goes to light it but catches himself, because well…MANNERS HELLLLOOOO!!!!
Je$TyR SeRyOu$: None of you GReaSy TWaTS mind if I actually smoke do you?...OHH wait, this is my place, so I don’t care….Ohh and gentlemen I would like to sincerely let you all know that I would sincerely apologise about making you all wait, but then that would imply that I was or am
!?!?! ACTuaLLy SoRRy ?!?!
…AND WeLL THaT WoULDN’T Be TRuE, SO WHY Wa$Te EVeRyOnES TiMe???
But thank you all for coming because as you all know we have some very
~!!$!!~ SeRyOu$ MaTTeRZ THaN NeeD SoRTIN ~!!$!!~
…AS QuICKLy AS F’N POSSIBLE, YoU KNoW If YaLL ARE STiLL InTeRESTeD iN MaKiNG MoNey AND PEDDLING SMUT!!!
Voice: Ohhh for FUCKS SAKES!!!
A look of utter shock shoots across Jestyr’s face as he can’t believe someone had the audacity to interrupt him in his own club, his eyes dart around the room until his eyes fall on the man who insists on every one knowing for certain who the biggest FOOL in the room was. Jestyr’s eyes fixate on a man at the far left corner of the table sitting next to young Benny Olano who is the son of the head of the family that once upon a time controlled most of the ADULT Entertainment racket on Bourbon Street and still to this day own various business and restaurants all over New Orleans. But the man speaking sitting to Benny’s right is a young man with slicked back black hair and a suit it looks like he bought at the BURLINGTON COAT FACTORY garage sale.
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: Benny? The phuck man, you got something to say?...Surely your father taught you better! Sa’MaTTeR? I find it hard to believe they didn’t teach your boy here some got damn manners at whatever fancy pantz school your daddies sent you to!
Benny Olano: It wasn’t me Johnny, it was my friend Jeff…
Jestyr whom was about to take a seat instead decides to continue standing…Well walking really as he almost skips over to where Benny and his pal “Jeff” are sitting. Jestyr’s presence looms as he stands over the man who was all balls a few minutes ago and now is looking all over the place for something to say…
Jestyr Seryous: HEY PHUCK MOOK, you aint got nothin to say now?
Benny Olano: Come on Johnny he didn’t know, and he damn sure didn’t mean it…
Jestyr Seryous: Take it easy LiL BeNNy, I really just want to find out who he is. I mean the man did show some initiative, I mean sure it was rude…But phuck I’m rude! I just want to meet this young man…How ya doin there slick, my name is SeRyOuS!
Jeff The Lawyer: I thought your name was Joh…
Benny elbows Jeff in the side. Jestyr shoots a quick look in Benny’s direction and winks at him before continuing their conversation…
JesTyR SeRyOu$: …SERyOu$ IS MY NAME…I won’t say it again, nod if you understand me Jeff…
Jeff nods
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: Now maybe you could help me with something there bud. See everyone in this room is here at my personal invitation, everyonnnneeee a-ccept FoR YOU!..SO Jeff in addition to why you feel as though this is the type of place your two cents is worth even that I would first like to know very much what the phuck you are even doing here?
Benny nods at his friend to answer the question.
Jeff The Lawyer: I’m…I’m uh Be…Im uh, Ben
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: Benny’s…?
Jeff The Lawyer: LAWYER! I’m his lawyer!
Jestyr’s grin grows even wider as do his eyes as he pokes his head up and looks around the room in almost disbelief.
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: Well see there is the problem right there JEFF! But look bud I can see there is a great number things you don’t understand about your present set of circumstances and if it’s alright with you I’d like to get back to my meeting now cause I’m a very important DooD with even more important shit to get to…So if you could do us all a favor and keep that knob polisher of yours closed unless someone speaks to you directly I would appreciate itr. Because I brought everyone here today to talk about new beginnings and a very profitable future and they can’t hear me which means they can’t make the right choice with you over here singing YANKEE DOODLE ya feel me?...Again NOD IF YOU UNDERSTAND ME!
Jeff once again nods as his 15 different kinds of fear are turning him three different shades of white no yellow…Meh yall see this MOOK! Jestyr then pats him on the shoulder and then grabs it yanking him out of his seat and right up to his feet. Jestyr then holds his hand out for a handshake as Jeff hesitently looks around the room and finds no one is even trying to look him in the eye. SO Jeff sighs a deep sigh and then extends his hand and grips Jestyr’s extended hand. He pulls away and pulls Jestyr’s hand off with it. Jeff looks down and notices he is now holding a fake hand and by the time he looks up to see where Jestyr’s real hand was it was WAY F’N PASSED TOO LATE
~!!!!! ZzZZzZZZZZTTTTTTTTT ~!!!!!~
AS JeSTyR SeRyOu$ SLAMS A Scott Hall esq cattle prod into Jeff’s ribcage and mashes down on the little red button as hard as he can. Jeff falls back in the chair as Jestyr waits for Jeff’s head to lean back and his mouth gaping open as Jestyr walks up takes the cattle prod and presses it to poor Jeff’s nut sack and presses the button once more.
~!!!!~ ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTTTTTTT ~!!!!~
Jestyr goes to hand the cattle prod to Ms. Behave, but looks around the table and elects to keep it with him. He then turns to everyone at the table and offers a quaint soft smile before asking…
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: Ya shoulda told em Benny…We don’t really need lawyers at this particular meeting because that is kind of the point I brought you all here to make today! Why don’t we need lawyers you ask? I mean after all this is a business meeting is it not? Well to answer your obvious questions, first yes this is a business meeting…
!!!!!HoWEVeR!!!!!
…THe ReA$oN We DoN’T NeeD LaWyeRZ iZ CaUsE THE LaW DONT GoVeRn SHIT ON THIS STREET!
SO I ask the phuck do we need lawyers for? SO now that we got that shit squared unless any of you have anything you’d like to add perhaps we can proceed?
Jestyr pauses to give anyone else who wants to speak up their chance…He lingers for a moment before making his way to his seat. He sits and gives a look around the room before pretending to go through the papers in front of him. He eventually looks up over at Ava Adams and beckons her to bring something over. She walks over and hands him a folded up newspaper. Jestyr crudely unfolds it and then slams it on the table for everyone to see.
This particular edition of the Time-Picayune is from November 12th 2015. The headline reads
!!!!CRACK DOWN ON BOURBON STREET STRIP CLUBS!!!
Four OWNED By FaMiLy w/ HiSToRy of VIOLATIONZ!
(https://www.nola.com/news/crime_police/in-bourbon-street-strip-clubs-crackdown-four-owned-by-family-with-history-of-violations/article_e2120184-73e6-5318-bfc3-83870cd79eec.html#:~:text=Not%20as%20well%20known%20is,addition%20to%20a%20fifth%2C%20Stiletto's.)
(https://www.nola.com/news/crime_police/in-bourbon-street-strip-clubs-crackdown-four-owned-by-family-with-history-of-violations/article_e2120184-73e6-5318-bfc3-83870cd79eec.html#:~:text=Not%20as%20well%20known%20is,addition%20to%20a%20fifth%2C%20Stiletto's.)
Jestyr looks around especially at ole Benny Olano who’s family is the family…Well yall read the headline. Jestyr waits for Benny’s eyes to meet his as he once again winks at him and then stands up once more and begins to walk around the table as he begins his uh…BuSiNeSS PRoPoSaL.
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: I know it was eight years ago, but surely all of you remember this right? There are some people that should be here presently that aren’t because of this shit! But like I said I mean this was eight years ago right?...Surely all of you have been able to fully recover from the heat this shit brought down on all of you right? I…
Benny Olano: HOW DARE YOU MY FATHER WOULDN’T STAND HERE AND…
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: YOU! PHUCKIN ZIP IT BEFORE I HAVE BEHAVE STAPLE YOUR NUTS TO YOUR CHAIR!!! I’m not hurling insults, believe me most people know when I do that! IT’S A FACT BENNY! So sit down and shut the phuck up before I phucking pistle whip you so hard my hollow points will be your new teeth! Because yes while your father is very much to blame for the rat infestation that brought this historic and very proud street known for catering to the adult appetites that make being an adult bearable to it’s knees. Well gentlemen I sought to put that to an end a few years ago when I almost put you all out of business
!!!!BY MY LoNeLy!!!!!
On THE STReNGTH I’M FRiENDZ WITH WAYYY MoRe PoRN STaRZ THeN ALL YoU DILDOZ CoMBiNED!!!!
…And well you all saw the construction for yourselves when you were shown in. The construction is nearing completion and as you can see for yourselves I really spared no expense…Because that was the point then just as it is right phucking now fellas…Sometimes in order to build a new kingdom you must tear down the old one.
Jack Sage (Hustler Club): Look Clown Boy, if you came in here to rub our noses in this bullshit I think you’ve wasted enough of our time, so unless you have a point you are almost immediately about to arrive to, I think I’ve heard enough!
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: Keep your pants on Jack, I know you like your little boys as young as possible, but I promise you it won’t really matter if they are say thirty minutes older than they are now! NOW ZIP IT OR ILL BREAK YOUR PHUCKING HIP!!! Gentlemen THE
!!!!MoTHeR F’N PoINT!!!!
IS YOU, ME…WE HAVE A PROBLEM THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN SORTED F’N YEARZ AGO!!!
He is the man responsible for this huge headline…It’s one of the main reasons he is where he is today! Of course I’m talking about that liberal, do gooding pocket pussy who just so also happens to be the New Orleans DISTRICT ATTORNEY Brian TRAHAN!
Jack Sage: Ohhh you think we haven’t tried? The people fuckin love him, and his men are loyal! What’s your plan Mr. Pro Wrestler you gunna suplex him off the top rope?
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: Well Jack, I mean I understand how accustomed you and a few of these other asshats in here have grown to the good ole bend over and grab your ankles approach, but I’m sitting here telling ALL OF YOU that it doesn’t have to be this way! Not only can I promise you that Mr. Trahan’s days of being an enormous pain in our asses are
!!!!F’N NuMBeReD!!!!
…BUT I AM ALSo GuNNa ENSuRe BuSiNeSS NoT ONLy ReTuRNZ BuT IMPRoVeZ!!!
What’s my plan for Mr. Trahan? Well honestly for now the focus is humiliate him at any and every given opportunity…For those of you unaware the very face Mr. Trahan intended to use in his latest PHUCK Bourbon Street Campaign is none other than the NEW ORLEANS MAN OF THE YEAR Frank Patrick Venable…
Benny Olano: Ohhh I know him he’s a awesome guy, a really good dude!
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: Benny, you should never GIVE ME ACTUAL REASONS TO SHOOT YOU! Because I’ll phuckin do it, don’t think I won’t! Anymore nonsense like that falls out your mouth and I will staple your mouth shut, enough times to where it phucking
!!!!!STAYZ THAT WAY!!!!!!
…SMeLLiN WHaT I’M STePPiN iN AMiGo???
Good now again sit down and SHUT THE PHUCK UP! FPV New Orleans Super HERO…NO NO NO, the man at best is an imposter and I have proven that on live NATIONAL TELEVISION every other week for the last few months, and finally this very Sunday I put the nail in the coffin and torch and piss on every single torn shred of his “CLEAN UP THE FRENCH QUATER” campaign! After that it should be enough to batter the walls down, show the right people even this white knight has phucking chinks in his armor, then we infiltrate his office, undermine his policies, we aren’t going to just defeat him gentlemen we are going to
!!!!!F’N RuIN HIM!!!!!
…And THEN PRoLLy KiLL HiM, BUT I HoNeSTLy HaVeN’T MADE IT THAT FAR YET!!!
THe wheels have been set in motion for weeks now! As soon as the bell sounds and the ring announcer dude at this fuggin PPV informs the entire world that the winner was not the NEW ORLEANS MAN OF THE YEAR, the spark I…WE NEEDED to torch Mr. Trahan’s credibility will be lit and there won’t be putting any putting it out after that…So all yall gotta do is sit back and wait for the GOT DAMN
!!!!!BooM!!!!!
…THeN BaM SuDDeNLy THe ViEW oF THe WORLD CHaNGEZ So MUCH IT ALMOST LOOX LIKE A DiFFeRENT F’N PLANET!!!
Because gentlemen this is PHUCKING BOURBON STREET! The longest standing establishment in the entire PHUCKING FRENCH QUATER IS A BAR THAT IS FAMOUS FOR BEING OWNED BY A GOT DAMN PIRATE!!! (A real pirate not like that dumb cunt who’s face I shitkicked into the CaNVaS @ the LaST SMASH!!!) This street has been run by the phuckin bad guys pretty much since its inception, and I will not stand by and let that legacy end on my watch…OVER MY DEAD PHUCKIN BODY!!!...OR YOURS! LADIES!!
Suddenly the room is filled with 18 big boobed porn stars with crude clown faces painted on their faces. They are all holding automatic machine guns as they have everyone in the room cornered. There is no where to go, all Mr. SeRyOuS has to do is nod and this place turns into a FUGGIN SLAUGHTER! Now naturally this upsets the herd, as they start reaching for their own weapons, but before things get, uhhh
!!!!UnCiViLiZED!!!!
JeSTyR CALLS FOR QUIET…AND SO THE CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD EXPLAIN THE SUDDEN SILENCE!!!
Jestyr points around the room and even has his ladies lower their weapons. Jestyr waits until he can feel calm has swept the room, and then he begins again.
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: Now gentlemen…and ladies, if you recall I did say something about all of this being something of a profitable venture for all of us! And as your new BOSS…I can tell you with absolute certainty that it will be nothing less…Now…
Jack Sage: Wait hold up? BOSS? What are you fuckin nuts? Why the hell would we ever work for you?
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: Aside from me fixing to deal with your biggest phuckin problem FOR YOU? How about under my umbrella since I am going to be given a generous 40% of all of your business both legal and IL…But you will all be able to share in the rich BRAZZERS resources that our beautiful street has become infamous for. Ill allow my girls to work your clubs as well, because why wouldn’t I protect my investment? Ohh and after Trahan falls what are you phucks gunna sit around and wait for the next ambitious asshat like Benny’s boy Freddy or whatever his asshat name was? Or would you like a silent influence on the next mother phucker to occupy Mr. Trahan’s current position?
Jack Sage: Yeah but…
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: Yeah but NOTHIN JACK! I’ve seen all of your books and thank God I decided to torch this place otherwise you woulda been out on the street! A lot of your income vanished because of Mr. Trahan, I would see it restored, and well 60% is a shitload…A LIFETIME MORE THAN NOTHING JACK! I can get you a calculator if you need to do the math! NOW…With Trahan out of the way some of our more not so commercial ventures could resume and once again thrive…And gentlemen again I’m only charging you all a mere %40….Someone with as much leverage as I have over every one of you dildos in cheap suits would really press his advantage until you choked out your last pathetic breathe. But I don’t wanna do that. I am a pro wrestler and the owner of a porn company, it would be much easier if we worked with one another instead of against each other. THat way everyone can phuckin eat! And since all of this is possible because of me and my beautiful deadly divas behind ya, naturally that makes me the
!!!!!GoT DaMN BoSS!!!!!
AND I WILL HAVE HONOR AMONGST THIEVES HERE ON BOURBON STREET!
Loyalty will be rewarded, but treachery…NOT SO MUCH!!!
DaNDyLioN: How in the hell did you get a look at our books? I for one KNOW I never showed you SHIT!
Ohh wait our BAD YALL..This little CHICK DUDE is DaNDyLioN don't let the fact that this skinny lil creole dude looks like Swae Lee's back up dancers he has ran the homosexual side of Bourbon Street for almost three decades, which is very impressive...ya know all things considered!
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: Well as it turns out I know wayyyyy more computer nerds than yall do, and well they may be nerds but they know how to do some pretty wicked shit with computers…Just sayin!
Benny Olano: I can’t believe you are all sitting here listening to this shit! My DAD would never agree to any of this bullshit! He’s never take orders from a greased up whack job who read way too many comic books!
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: How do you know?
Benny Olano: How do I know what?
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: What your PoP would or wouldn’t agree to?...Have you asked him?
Benny Olano: No I haven’t asked him, how damaged are you man? I haven’t had a chance to even tell him about this bogus plan, but rest assured when I do…
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: How about right now?
Benny Olano: WHAT? WHat in the hell are you talking about?
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: Would you like to ask your Pop what he thinks about all this?...Right here?...RIGHT NOW!!!
Benny Olano: We can’t, he’s in Vegas with my Mom…
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: Really?...THEN WHO THE PHUCK IS THIS DUDE???
Jestyr walks over to Benny Olano with his cell phone and shows him the very image that has taken over your screen presently. We see a man that Benny Olano definitely recognize as his father…Only he is out back of some shanty in the bayou hanging upside down with four alligators directly underneath him just waiting to jump up and get their next free meal. Until one of them decides he can’t wait any longer and lunges out of the water opens his jaws nice and wide and well…they say there’s no such thing as a
!!!!!FRee LuNCH!!!!!
…BUT THIS HERE IS NEW ORLEANS BoYZ AND GiRLZ!!!
Benny looks at Jestyr who is arrogantly smirking at him like he just showed him some funny tiktook video. Benny plops down struggling to process all this information as Jestyr pats him on the back.
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: You know what Benny, now that I think about it…You were probably right your father’s arrogance and personal delusions would have prevented him from making the right call here..And well it only works if we are all in, and if he isn’t in then that means he is one of them…Which he has proven himself to be over the last decade. All those arrests, all those convictions, all those busts, and he doesn’t see a minute of time?...You know what we call those kinda people right Benny? Well and I guess now you know what we do to those people! So don’t look so glum asswipe you just inherited a fortune, if I were you I’d use this opportunity to make sure you aren’t uh…BuRIED underneath the sins and stupidity of your father. I have every faith you will prove to be much wiser than he EVeR WAS!…Ohh and I have no who idea who that bitch was we found him with but she definitely wasn’t your mother…THe
!!!!!PeNIS!!!!!
TWeeN HeR LeGZ WAS A DEAD GIVE AWAY HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!!!!!
So what’s it gunna be gentlemen? Together and prosperity? Or you walk out of this room, gambling on me allowing you to even do that not withstanding, but resolved to continue trying it your way ALONE, and maybe still be open and three years?…BUT THEN AGAIN MAYBE NOT! Gentlemen what I am about to bring to BoURBoN STReeT is all but a guarantee of our genuine reversal of fortunes…So Benny, gentlemen…LaDy DUDES down there on the left, I see you over there GAY SECTION yall aren’t forgotten about!
DaNDyLioN: You had about seventeen seconds before we was about to get up and walk out. But now that you acknowledged us, because DUH, we are eager to hear more details about this proposal…You know the real ins and outs of it all…
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: Uhhh yeah…Well I’ll make sure you uh, get with my uh?...Ends and outs guy and yall can go NUTZ! K so gay section is in…How about the rest of you?...JACK?
Jack Sage: Tell you what Johnny, you take care of Trahan’s pretty boy and complete the first phase of your plan. You want us to be reasonable. I think even you can see it isn’t an unreasonable request for us to ask that you show us you are SERIOUS and I can tell you with every confidence we will be behind you. Especially given Mr. Olano’s recent unfortunate demise! That cut rate HACK Trahan sent three of my cousins up to Angola for the rest of their lives…Let’s ruin the bastard!
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: FAIR ENOUGH GENTLEMEN FAIR ENOUGH!!! Man thank God I for real thought my girls were gunna have to murder all of you! I’m like so glad that’s not the case! But it is a fair accord, you won’t regret this gentlemen just like I won’t
!!!!LoSE 2 THi$ F’N DiLDO!!!!
WHo CaLLZ HiMSeLF F…P…V on P-P-V!!!!
…No BUT SeRyOu$Ly…I’M ALWAYS
~$~ F’N SeRyOu$ ~$~
…BuT iF YoU NeeD PRooF THaN So YoU SHaLL HaVE IT!!!
And with that THe TiN$LeToWN TRoUBLe MaKeR stands to the side and motions towards a pair of double doors that suddenly swing open and on the otherside it was like going to the BRAZZERS website…But in real life! And as I’m sure you can all imagine at this point there is only one person in the room who’s smile needs to be painted onto his face, you know THe SeRyOuS ONE!!!
As the large line of gentlemen slowly but surely mingles with the large group of women is right where this particular part of the party comes to a close fading us out to
…A LiL WHiLE LaTeR!!!
Je$TyR SeRyoU$: Ya know what Frankie? Man Ima be real wit ya and tell ya I was beginning to think the day would never PHUCKING come! But LoW aND FuGGiN BeHoLD HERE WE ARE! Only a few more short days away from what will prove to be your very long and drawn out
!!!!!PuBLiK EXeCuTiON!!!!
BuT FoR THe SaKe oF SWITChIN SHiT Up, I THoUGHT THiS TiMe WE BeGiN w/ THE EULoGy!!!
!!!!WiNDZ oF CHaNGe!!!!
…AND SPoILeR ALeRT, IT AINT THE GOOD KIND PHUCK BOY, WeLL NoT 4 YoU ANYWAZE!!
Cause look like I said in true ME fashion, Ima keep keepin it real wit ya Frankfruit! Between you and I, while I am still looking forward to stomping your head into the canvas like it was on fire I have to admit that there is this tiny yet insufferable nagging part of me that can not HELP BUT FEEL
!!!!! DiSaPPoiNTeD !!!!!
TO PuT IT as PLaiNLy As F’N PoSSiBLE MY DUDE!!!
I mean I was there FRANKIE! I remember it like it was a LONG TIME AGO!! You know, the night in that
~$~ PoLiTiCiANZ PaRaDISe ~$~
KNoWn AS ACTION WRESTLING WHeN YoU DeFeaTeD THaT WaLkIN MeNsTRuaL CyCLe LiSSiE HoPE 4 THe AW WORLD TITLE!!!
And giving credit where it is definitely due I still recall the pop the sea of faceless morons made when you emerged from behind the curtain and started what would turn out to be your walk towards destiny, and I even phucking recall the even louder one you got when their Little Debbie SNACK CAKE of a ring announcer introduced you to them as the AND NEW ACTION WRESTLING CHAMPION OF THE WORLD…of THE WORLD FRANKIE!! I mean it’s almost as if you for a moment in time were their HERO that you so foolishly fancy yourself to be! SO suffice to say when it became clear to me that our courses were going to collide the mere prospect of SHIT KICKING a HERO of your caliber would have made me happier than a phucking wallet that never ran out of
~!!$!!~ $$$$$$ ~!!$!!~
…AnD LeT’S JuS SaY NoW I KNoW WHy THey SAy NeVeR MeeT YoUR HEROES!!!
Cause the more time that passes here on the superior brand of the WGWF the more it is literally
!!!!PaINFuLLy F’N O.B.V.I.O.U.S.!!!!
THaT YoU AiNT THaT DuDE No MoRe AND HaVeNT BeeN FoR QuITE SoMe TiME NOW!!!
And with them days in the rearview we are then left with this SHOPPER’Z VaLUE VeRSiON of you that not only sucks all the balls, but well now watching and listening to you is probably the worst kind of depressing I have seen in quite some time. But again giving credit where it’s due HERO, I have to say that the one aspect of being a “GooD GuY” you’ve got quite literally
!!!!NaILeD DoWN!!!!
Is YoUR BRoW BeaTeN PooDLe oN THe MiDNiGHT PETA InFOMerCiaL ROUTINE!!!
If it wasn't so sad it would in all likelihood be impressive, but it’s not…So it’s NOT ya digg? I mean sometimes I feel so bad for you once or twice I even considering maybe
???APoLoGiZiNG???
…BuT THaT WOULD GIVe YoU THe IMPReSSioN THaT I’M SoRRy, WHICH I’M NOT…LiKe NOT EVEN A LITTLE!!!
Cause really Mr. PV, please understand that just like last week when I got rid of Devlin Knight’s PIRATE and HoBO problem for him I was left with little to no choice in the matter! When lies, bullshit, and then weakness threaten to spread to every corner of the globe like it’s doing now then REBELLION becomes
!!!!F’N DUTY!!!!
To PaRaPHRa$e a LiNe FRoM GeoRGe W…WASHINGTON NoT THaT OTHeR HaLF WiT!
!!!!!F’N IDIOT!!!!
SiDEZ, AFTeR ALL THaT TiME in AW YoU CaN’T TeLL Me YoU DoN’T KNoW THe PoWeR oF THe PoLiTiKaL AGeNDA!!!
SO how do we cure this disease of seemingly incurable stupidity that you have not only had a heavy hand in infecting our chosen profession with, but also you tried to infect my HOME…MY CITY with the same brand of self righteous lies and bullshit so your boy can make headlines? And if you thought for even a moment I would allow such folly, then you my boy need to leave the thinking up to your lil
!!!!!HoLLyWooD BLONDE PuR$E PuPPy!!!!
…I THiNK YoU CaLL HiM RaMoNE??
Cause look here asshole, in this business I have fought countless wars against countless shitkickerz JUST LIKE YOU, over what I was beginning to believe was every every reason in the book. But one reason I have never had to go to war over was home! And well if you recall anything from social studies you will know HOW PEOPLE FIGHT WHEN THEY ARE FIGHTING FOR THEIR HOMES! This is a cause I fully believe in. This aint about golden belts, accolades, or even about me just wanting to prove I am better than you! No unlike you shitstain I am actually a TRUE BORN SON OF THE CITY OF NEW ORLEANS! Whoever the cunt was that gave birth to me dropped me on the door step of the St. George orphanage in the Quater a few blocks from Jackson Square and I wasn’t adopted until I was twelve! SO I was literally raised by this phucking city and if you think I’m above snapping your neck while also putting all of us out of our collective misery then once again you Frankie haven’t been
~!$!~ PayInG ATTeNTiON ~!$!~
CaUsE AFTeR I KiLL YoU I WoNT EVeN ALLoW THeM To BuRy YoUR BoDy ANYWHERE IN LoUISIANA…Ill PROLLY HaVe YoU BuRiED IN ALABAMA w/ THE OTHER DOUCHE BAGZ!!!
Cause Frankie I aint saying nothing you yourself don’t know to be true as we speak. You thought you could probably easily dispatch me like you had done in the past. But now so close to the day where you choke to death on your own bullshit is probably the moment you realize you had bitten off way more than you can CHEW! You know you aren’t equipped to see this shit through. You aren’t prepared to fight this war physically or mentally…And more importantly you know you aint no got damn
!!!!!H.E.R.O.!!!!!
…CaUsE ASIDE FRoM THeRE BeING NO SUCH THING, YOU’RE JuS A SELF RIGHTEOUS ASSHOLE!!!
Who has drinken wayyyyyy to much of his own phucking Kool-Aid! And it is this painful truth that is very soon going to become your reality my friend…And reality is something not even you can escape! Cause I heard ya on SMASH last week after I shit kicked CaPTaIN JeTTa JIZZ FACE, actually admitting than you have spent these past few months dancing to the tune I have played for you! WHich while it was very encouraging to hear you say that cause it proved that at least you aren’t a complete
!!!!M.O.R.O.N.!!!!!
BuT DONT Go TaKiN oFF THeM DaNCIN SHoEZ YET BUSTER, I’M FiNNA PLAY MY BiGGeST HiT YET!!!
…And this time when you go up against the DEVIL FROM NEW ORLEANZ I can all but phucking PROMISE YOU the outcome will be way different from the time that other phucking pussy went own to GEORGIA!!! So enjoy these last few sunsets because at LAST DANCE you will see it set for the final time my friend, and know no one will have deserved it more than you! But at least I know that you know THAT I KNOW! Err what I mean is, you have already showed your cards Frankie! I know you know whats coming and you know there aint no getting around it. Just like you know this whole thing isn’t over my jealousy of you being given that honor that sparked this little conflict between us, cause honestly buddy I’m over it..On the strength of the fact that even if I didn’t cause an entire city to rise up and reject your face as the one that represents them! But let’s just for fun say I was jealous. You were (briefly as it may have been)...But you were The New Orleans man of the year for 2023…But if you look around you Frankie you’ll notice we are over here big chillin in
~$~ 2024 ~$~
…ANd EVEN THOUGH We’RE ONLY 15 MiNZ IN, 2024 DON’T LooK LiKE ITS GUNNA BE YOUR YEAR DOGGIE!!!
So…HERE WE ARE! Table is set, time is running short, which means it won’t be long now until the answer to people’s question of what HAPPENED to former “Louisiana Pro Wrestler” FPV, will be that he wasn’t who he pretended to be, and right at the end he found himself with a VERY…VeRy SeRyOUS PROBLEM!!! So going forward I guess if anything you can take solace in the fact knowing that organizing, planning, and then ultimately carrying out your destruction has brought a warm smile back to my heart and has once again filled me with purpose! And wiping you from existence will be one of the greatest joys a guy like me could ever hope for…So for what it’s worth Franklez…THANK YOU! But outside of that you aint no different from the rest as you are about to join a long list of names THe DoN oF DI$Re$PECT has FORCED to
!!!!!SoaK!!!!!
!!!!!SoMe!!!!
!!!!!!!UP!!!!!!
…SEE YA SUNDAY DiLDo!!!
…And with that Je$TyR SeRyoU$ flicks his cigarette off the balcony and then rejoins the celebration of his consolidation inside of a party you can actually stream live on the BRAZZERS site, but if this is where you leave us, then we will see you all again on the first SMASH pay per view EVER…And that promises to be every bit the good time, just as every moment of this SeRyOuS experience
…HaS BeeN YoUR PLea$uRE!!!!
4:19
GoT
-A-
??MiNuTe??