Post by Deleted on Dec 30, 2023 1:13:46 GMT -5
29th day
12th month
Year of Artiste 2023.
With the Elimination Chamber looming at First Dance the big question on everyone’s mind isn’t what Spencer Adams is gonna complain about next or what time loop Devlin will wind up in, nor is the query about which snake Dubois will molest or what new personality might surface in the manic mind of Austin Ramsey.
The question on everyone’s mind certainly isn’t anything regarding Pissed-in Slater. He’s old news. So 2003.
The question on everyone’s mind is what state of mind our heroic Interim Intercontinental Champion is in. Controversy has swirled since her huge upset victory over Devlin Knight to secure her envied position of the last entrant into the Chamber. J Mont did, after all, seal the deal for her despite the Artiste needing no help. At least in her mind.
There’s no better way to address the Elimination Chamber and the State of Her Mind than in the House of Representatives chamber of the United States Capitol, which is where every U.S. President has given their State of the Union address.
In place of politicians who would normally be in attendance for something like this, there are wrestling representatives from all walks of the ring: news, media, independent wrestlers, some of the who’s who mixed in with the who the hell is that guy. Denzel Porter is there. That shows you how important this is.
Not because the 3 vs 3 tag match showcase is important. It’s because Artemis is important. A new vessel to propel the IC division into the future.
The multitude murmurs, their voices bouncing off the chamber walls until a bugle is sounded by Donatello, bringing them all forthright standing.
Standing at the high post is Artemis’s muse, Donatello. He’s dressed in patriotic red, white, and blue flair.
Donatello: Ladies and Gentlemen of the chamber, introducing the WGWF Interim Intercontinental Champion…. ARTEMIS!
If only out of respect for the chamber and the prestige of the IC title the masses applaud. Our artistic genius saunters out, lobbying hard for praise with hand waves and blown kisses. As anyone would expect, she is dressed in utmost color and glory, the very hues and fabrics of her attire glowing and radiant like the nebulas scattered across the cosmos.
The applause ends as soon as reasonably possible and Artemis steps up to the podium, adjusting the microphone. For some reason, she puts on reading glasses even though her eyes are perfect like the bald eagle that embodies this great country. She has a speech prepared and places it on the podium.
Artemis: Dear peers, marks, smarks, and mud show enthusiasts, thank you for joining this State of My Mind address. I will not lie to you. We’re in perilous times. The Intercontinental Championship suffered under an uneventful reign by the current cowardly world champion. I’ve been oppressed by the ruling powers of the WGWF in my attempts to bring relevancy to this great and historic championship before it can fall into the hands of one of the five individuals who will compete in the 3 vs 3 tag team showcase on the very first day of this wonderful upcoming year of 2024.
She sets the Interim IC Championship neatly on the podium. It draws attention and many a camera flash from the chamber.
Artemis: First Dance will be a day of infamy. A day when one woman rose above all the schemes plotted against her and overcame five others to propel this great championship into the future. It will go down as a day that art was given unto the masses and even the doubters confessed they were washed and made clean from the mud of the mud shows. It will be a day I overcome near-impossible odds to cement myself as the champion and to progress the movement of my artistic revolution.
Grumbles break out over Artemis’s lack of spoken facts. If anyone has an advantage in the Elimination Chamber it’s her, since she will be the last entrant and fresh as a daisy.
Donatello pounds the gavel and shakes it at the room.
Donatello: ORDER IN THE CHAMBER! ORDER IN THE CHAMBER! DO NOT BREAK RANKS WITH THE RULES OF THE CHAMBER! SILENCE!
They seem amused at his theatrics but quiet down if only to get this over with.
Artemis: However, that will come to pass on January 21st. Before that, I will be forced, forced I tell you, forced to enter into a frivolous 3 vs 3 tag team match on this upcoming Brawl. The general manager, Candice Page, is about as much use as a condom machine in the Vatican. By putting this non-essential match together, she endangers all of us. Any of us can sustain an injury, especially in a chaotic 3 vs 3 ordeal where five out of the six are depraved. If she had a brain, she’d book some 1 vs 1 matches to further establish what entry order they will go in, or anything but this 3 vs 3, which will almost surely turn into a wild melee with no artistic value to it.
Our hero takes off the glasses and wipes her eyes.
Artemis: The pangs I endure to be your hero, your revolutionary. It’s so worth it because you’re worth it.
She looks out at the crowd and smiles before placing the completely unnecessary glasses back on.
Artemis: I’ll now address my partners. I’ll not do this at length because, frankly, they don’t deserve it. Let me first regard Dew-Bwah. He took it upon himself to overstep his role in this team by airing a vignette without me in it but using my name. I’m the current IC champion. I’m the team captain, not him. I won’t take directives from a weirdo with snake fetishes. I’d like to apologize on behalf of him for any uncomfortable scenes and utterances he displayed in that diabolical poison he aired. My name is attached to it and I am appalled, appalled I tell you, appalled!
Donatello pounds the gavel.
Donatello: APPALLED SHE DECLARES! APPALLED! LET IT BE HELD IN RECORD IN THIS CHAMBER! HEAR HEAR!
A collective groan rumbles across the chamber.
Artemis: Allow me to address my other partner, Austin Ramsey. He said some mean things about me on a recent Brawl. He’s ill about me defeating his wife in the qualifying match. They claimed I touched a nerve with them. Well, maybe they should get out from under the bubble they’re in and touch some grass. Get some fresh air. It’s not my fault none of the personalities Austin lives with has enough sense to realize how used and abused he is by everyone from his wife to the Pages to his children. I know the big question is how will we work together. Well, we won’t, which is by design from the GM. This is another ploy from Candice to screw me over.
Another collective groan comes from the chamber.
Artemis: That’s why she gave me the two most unhinged individuals in the chamber as partners. I’d gladly trade Austin for Spencer or Dew-Bwah for Devlin.
Some murmur about this because it’s absolutely not what one should be doing to court teamship. She’s oblivious to it though. Classic rookie mistake.
Artemis: But I have to deal with the cards dealt, and overcome them like I have time and time again because Candice isn’t Johnathan Barrows. While Candice is using First Dance to force us into an Elimination Chamber which has been done before in nearly every promotion, for the sole purpose of screwing me over, Jonathan Barrows is making Escape Cages and all sorts of creative stuff for his X Division qualifiers. He isn’t mixing personal grudges with matches.
Donatello leaves his post and whispers something into Artemis’s ear and traces his finger along some of the paperwork her speech is printed on. She smiles at him and then rips the speech up. Donatello is wide-mouthed in shock for a second then grins because he likes the rebelliousness of the woman he is hopelessly in love with.
Artemis: No, Muse, I will not remark on my opponents. I know I’m supposed to, but no, I won’t. Doing so will boost Candice’s ratings. Let it be heard in this chamber that I’m protesting this nonsense tag match. I will not remark on my opponents because this match shouldn’t even exist. This is Candice stacking the deck against me. She’s hoping my opponents and my partners will turn on me, 5 vs 1 me so she can pull another dustbag out of retirement and shove him in my place. So, I’m hereby……
A defiant look surfaces.
Artemis: No-selling my opponents.
The people collectively smack their foreheads!
They can’t believe she’s doing this.
Artemis: That’s the State of My Mind. Thank you and may God bless you, America, my muse, and most importantly, me.
Donatello plays the bugle and adjourns, sending the people into a panic for the audacity Artemis displayed.