The Good, the Bad and Bobby Ray. (Warning: Graphic nudity)
Oct 30, 2023 21:53:49 GMT -5
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Post by Bobby Ray Willis on Oct 30, 2023 21:53:49 GMT -5
Bifford Trailer Park
Just West of Texarkana, Texas.
"You see in this world there's two kinds of people, my friend.”
As we fade in the flowing mane of blonde hair of one of WGWF’s most recent signings Bobby Ray Willis is seen. It is an impressive amount of hair, curled and teased out to the absolute perfect limit before it would seem too ridiculous to be true or even CGI. The side of his mouth opens in a very cowboy Western way and continues on with the famous line from ‘The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.’
“Those with loaded guns and those who dig.”
Panning over, Bobby Ray doesn’t have a firearm in hand rather he flexes his biceps muscle to show off his well crafted, Greek god statue physique. Holding the pose long enough for the camera to pick up the other arm doing the same, it becomes clear now that Bobby Ray is not wearing a shirt at all. Doing his best Clint Eastwood voice impression, he finishes off the line.
“You dig."
Bobby Ray drops the flex with a satisfied look on his face, slapping his arms down to his thighs.
And with the far shot it is confirmed that he is standing completely buck ass naked in front of a wall covered in a variety of Clint Eastwood posters. There’s one for the aforementioned ‘The Good. the Bad and the Ugly.’ next to one from the ‘Outlaw Josey Wales’ next to a collage of Dirty Harry ones. Hell, there’s even one for Eastwood’s worst movie ‘Pink Cadillac’ there in the corner. Oh, but back to the whole naked thing. Yeah, he’s buck ass naked from the back, but you can bet the WGWF censors are going to blur out the crack part. Maybe not though, you never know who might be paying attention at work. Bobby Ray spreads his arms out wide taking in all the power from the surrounding posters as possible and just as it looks like he’s about to spin around to give everyone a frontal shot the camera cuts to the outside of that room.
Casually sitting there waiting on the other side of that door are Cooper Pardon and his sister, Doll E.
Doll E. has equally teased and curled blonde hair, cheap looking make-up and a pair of obviously enhanced chesticles that are almost spilling out the top of her shirt. Cooper is writing down something on a notepad trying his best not to look annoyed about something.
COOP: “I can’t believe you let him convert my bedroom in his Eastwoodium. He’s been in there soaking up Clint’s energy for the past thirty minutes now, and I swear to God if we’re late to the airport I’m not going to drive him all the way up to Seattle… It's thirty plus hours by car.”
Doll E. doesn’t even look up from her game of Best Fiends to respond.
DOLL:“First off, I believe that doing what’s best for your client’s needs is what you told Bobby Ray when you came up with the idea to his manager. Remember? Your whole speech about sacrificing for the greater good. Converting your side of the trailer into his Eastwood-La technically was your idea, Cooper. Because that was the greater good. Second, this is the biggest break we have ever gotten to finally get ourselves out of this godforsaken trailer park in the middle of nowhere, so if that means extra time to absorb the Eastwood energy, then you’re going to be driving us to Seattle with a smile on your face the whole time.
Wait… where have you been sleeping for the past week now?”
Cooper gives his sister a simple look, and she responds by giving him a grossed out look towards the fact that she’s sitting on the couch that he’s been sleeping on for the past week now. She picks up her hands from the couch and wipes them as if they were covered with sticky stuff.
But her horrors are not over just yet.
Because just at that moment the doors to the back part of the trailer to slide wide open and standing there still buck ass naked is Bobby Ray Willis. Thankfully, Cooper is able to get his hands up in time and the naughty bits have been covered from national television. Oh wait, Bobby Ray isn’t completely naked, he’s managed to get his cowboy boots on.
BRW: “Doll and Coo, I’ve conversed with Spirit Clint and we’re going to need to apply the magic stuff.”
Doll E rolls her eyes in disbelief before she responds.
DOLL:“You mean the baby oil, Bobby Ray? It’s not magic stuff. I buy it off of Amazon.”
BRW: “Yeah… the magic stuff. I think we’re going to need at least three coats of full coverage too, so bring along the latex gloves too.”
DOLL:“Really?”
BRW: “At least three.”
She rubs her eyes, completely disgusted with the thought of what she’s about to have to do here in the next couple of moments. Just then Cooper whispers loudly towards her, all the while still holding his hands up saving the world from seeing the whole beef enchilada.
COOP: “Sacrifice.”
This gets her to mouth “GFY” towards her brother before she stands up and heads to somewhere else, hopefully to get the latex gloves and baby oil. Bobby Ray nods in approval, still standing there naked and then turns his attention towards Cooper.
BRW: “Bad news Coop, we’re going to miss that flight so you might want to take Fat Amy and get her gassed up and checked out… also, you’re going to need to pick up the proper provisions because this is going to be a long drive.
For you.
Long drive for you, since I still don’t have my license back.”
There’s a deep sigh from Cooper, but he’s not about to make eye contact with Bobby Ray since he’s naked and Cooper’s hands are still shielding the world from everything.
BRW: “Think about it Coop. You, me and Doll E. we’re getting out of this town. Not only are we getting out of this town, but very soon we’re going to be moving up on the social ladder. Just think about it, you, me, Doll E. will all be sipping champagne from those fancy glasses and scooping up caviar with the King of France in no time.
We’ve got a prime time opportunity here, I will be a part of the first ever match in the brand new era of Brawl with a chance on my very first night in the company to become the number one contender to the television title. Me… Bobby Ray from Texarkana is rocketing to the top of the world of professional wrestling faster than any human has ever done so before. Someone let that kid and his grandpa know that they can stop looking through chocolate bars, because that last golden ticket has been found.
And it is me.”
Cooper looks like he has a lot to say to all of that, but he still is not making any eye contact due to the fact that Bobby Ray is still standing there wearing nothing but a pair of cowboy boots and an ear to ear grin. Just then Doll E. returns with a large gallon container of baby oil and box of latex gloves balanced on top.
BRW: “Is that enough for three coats?”
DOLL:“I don’t really know, but I think so.”
BRW: “Maybe you should get the spare gallon container from the master bathroom.”
DOLL:“You mean the only bathroom in this trailer? Fine. Whatever.”
She rolls her eyes and leaves the room once again after dropping the jug and box onto the couch and walking out.
Bobby Ray immediately turns his attention back towards Cooper, no let me rephrase that, naked Bobby Ray dives onto his knees right into the face of Cooper. All confidence drains from the face of Bobby Ray as he does so as well. Cooper does his best to avert his eyes, but Bobby Ray grabs him by the sides of his head holding him tight.
BRW: “You’ve got to listen to me Coop and you can’t say a word of this to your sister. I am so damned terrified that if I were wearing underwear of any kind I’d be turning them brown right now. My first damn match and it’s a chance to become the number one contender, do you know what this means if I blow it? I could choke in front of the entire country. Then you know what they’d say? They’d say JaMarcus Russell, Johnny Manziel, and Bobby Ray Wilis were the biggest busts in the history of drafts.
I need you Coop, I need your help out there more than I’ve ever needed anything before in my life. You are going to have to help me cheat like hell in order. That Enhantra has a guy who is built like a thumb called Manthing… Do you realize what happens if he gets his hands on me? He could rip my spine through my anus if he wanted. I don’t want that. I don’t want to be worn on his forearm like a sock puppet, Coop. I’m begging you please to help me out there, maybe even…
…and I don’t want to say it. Maybe have you take one for the team? I think I could handle Dawn and Latoya, I’ve done the two chicks thing before and while I finished within thirty seconds I figured out the trick is to let them work each other over for a bit first. But you Coop, you’re the key to all of this. I might be the golden ticket, but you’re going to be that little kid that disappears into the TV or whatever. You’re what I need in order to succeed.
Can you do that, Coop? Can you be a team player?”
Cooper shakes his head yeah slowly, still trying his best not to look at Bobby Ray’s dangling bits.
BRW: “Oh and you can’t say a word of this to your sister.”
Just then Doll E walks back into the room seeing her brother with a naked Bobby Ray at his feet groveling. She gives a strange look and that’s when Bobby Ray stands up suddenly giving an unsuspecting Cooper an eyeful of everything. Thankfully, the camera catches the horrified noise Cooper makes and not the sight of it.
BRW: “I… I was just giving money to Coop so he could go buy some road provisions while you lather me up with the baby oil. And don’t forget to get your sister some Skittles, right Coop?”
Cooper stands up and gets the heck out of the way.
COOP: “Yeah, Skittles. For when it’s Doll E’s turn to drive, right?”
BRW: “Oh no, she won’t be driving. She’s going to be too busy helping me prepare for my… our big break.”
Doll E. winks at her brother and before he departs she reminds him.
DOLL:“Sacrifice.”
Bobby Ray turns his attention towards Doll E the moment that Cooper leaves the trailer.
BRW: “Alright, you’ve got a lot of oiling up to do in the Eastwoodium. I’m thinking I am going to need to stand in front of the Clint Westerns while we do this for maximum power… which reminds me, we need to remember to pack my assless chaps for the show. You ready? Let’s do this!”
DOLL:“All chaps are assless, Bobby Ray.”
Bobby Ray doesn’t pay much attention to that, instead he’s walking back into the far bedroom already getting ready for maximum Clint absorption. Doll drops down the second gallon jug of baby oil down on the couch and picks up the box of latex gloves which she begins to pull onto each hand before carrying both gallon jugs of baby oil into the bedroom behind Bobby Ray.