MY STORY: THE UNTOLD TRUTH
Oct 21, 2023 12:58:00 GMT -5
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Post by Ragnarok on Oct 21, 2023 12:58:00 GMT -5
UNTOLD TRUTH
Ragnarรถk stood alone as the fire behind him slowly burned out. It was the only thing keeping him warm on this chilly evening. His heart had been cold for so long. All the stories of love and support from his family was a huge lie. The truth needed to be told but could others handle the truth? As he drinks a cup of hot cocoa, he looks up to the sky.
As a child I remember a family that enjoyed laughing, traveling and just having a good time. It truly was the best life a child could ask for at first. However, I slowly noticed the change within our dynamic. The family slowly started to fall apart, and the blame game was the only way of life for us kids. As a ten-year-old child I still looked up to all of you for guidance. I needed you to tell me what was right and wrong. Most importantly I wanted you to continue loving me but instead you chose the drugs.
He got up walking slowly into the darkness as he continued.
It wasn't just any drug it was all of time. I could accept Cannabis because it would calm everyone down. It would allow for us to have a conversation about how i felt. Instead, you prefer cocaine and Herion. It changed my opinion on you as a child and the first night you tried that I lost the one role-model I had in life. To make it worse it became the only thing you loved acting like I was an obstacle to you every day high instead of a responsibility. It's not what dads should do, and I felt alone not having the proper answers a son should about his dad and what made those things more important than me. Were you not happy with me? Did you never want to have me to begin with? This is how my brain processed everything. It truly fucked me up.
The crunching of the leaves beneath his feet echoes throughout the night. Taking a moment to light a joint and enjoying the calmness it brings.
This lasted over a year and yet your attitude continued to get worse. The abuse would escalate without warning. You put your hands on me and others without consequences because everyone swore you were a good guy. Yet I know the truth still to this day, but I forgive you regardless. I'm not sure at times why I did that, but I was told that bitterness can change your life and fill it with a darkness that is hard to escape. Perhaps that explains why I have the outlook on life that I do but I'm tired of living like that because it lot's you win every morning when I wake up. So, while I forgive you the rest of me is processing the change and trying to be a better person from this experience. So, reason number one I should win the Cannabis cup is because I fought and clawed my way to this industry with no support and no one wanting me to succeed.
As he finished smoking, he launched it into the nearby woods. A light drizzle started as the October air became more bitter. However, Ragnarรถk was not bothered by any of this as he told his story unfiltered.
Thinking I lost you for good I chose to find someone else who would appreciate me and love me as a son. All of us were close and looked out for each other. My uncle was the next man I trusted. He was the one I wanted to be like. Hard worker, provided for the family and never spoke ill of others. Sure, he had a drinking problem, but it could have been worse. Those words would come back to haunt me just a little while later. My world was turned upside down by the death of three family members within 6 months of each other. It was the first time in my life I had experienced death of someone I was really close too. I had friends and family friends pass on but nothing like this. I loved them with every part of my heart. I even wanted to give my life just so they could continue living and blessing others throughout their life. I had more questions than answers. I was in pain and just wanted family yet all I found was rejection as I lay down in my room alone trying to comprehend in my teenage mind what was going on.
There was a small light in the distance as he started to walk through the woods toward his destination. He could hear faint laughter.
I was a light sleeper so when someone entered my room I woke up. My young eyes adjusting as I saw you standing there. It made me smile seeing my uncle there. The smell of alcohol was normal by this time but what i was not aware of was that my life would be forever changed when you entered my room that night. I thought you were there to check on me and make sure I was doing okay. Especially when you gave me a hug and whispered. "I love you" it was words I had not heard for a while.
"I Love you two" I responded thinking that is what you wanted to hear but your next statement still haunts me.
"Show me" you stated. I looked at you with confusion as he gripped my throat. Kissed my lips and preceded to tell me that I was a good boy and that it was my job to make you happy. My very own uncle took my innocence that night. He gave me a distorted view of what love wasn't but, in my mind, it was normal to view love like this. I hated him. Using me like garbage and then telling me I asked for it and my emotional young self being used against me because I didn't know any better. It would continue for over two years, and I accepted what was being done to me as a way of passage into adulthood and that I deserved all of this somehow. All of that happened to me because I was weak and didn't know any better, but I deserve to win this tournament because I overcame those flaws. I built a strong foundation of fear and strength. I did all of this on my terms and no one to guide me or tell me what was right or wrong with my approach. Everyone has a story of how they got here and who supported them, but I've made it to the Elite Eight with NO ONE. I've never held a world title and yet I am two wins away from getting that opportunity with no one in my corner.
He went silent for a while as he continued navigating the woods. Eventually he came to a corn maze. It was on 45 Acres of land and families were enjoying themselves. He stepped out and blended in with everyone else as he finished the story.
Soon my uncle would pass away and although relieved I was sad because I still cared about him. I wanted him to be better and get help. I never wanted to displease family or friends. I even felt responsible for his death for some fucked up reason. I started popping pills and had a small drug phase. I was drinking myself to death but one day I woke up and realized I was becoming my dad. That is when the important aspect of my life happened. My son was born. I realized I needed to be a REAL dad to him unlike mine. I needed to love him the right way and not how my uncle claimed to love me. I also became a very dominant guy after this. I stood up for myself. I overcome addiction of my own because I refused to go down the same path as others. I certainly don't rape or abuse little kids taking advantage of them like it's just a fucking game. Instead, I'm thankful for the experience because in a way it changed me for the better. This is my story and all of us have a story to tell. If you're not a fan of what I have to say, then you have no heart because the Cannabis Cup is about putting yourself out there and doing something fucking incredible. It's about putting yourself out there and seeing what you have. I might not be the best. I might not even have enough to make the Final Four, but I deserve to win the whole damn thing because I didn't play it safe like the others. I truly opened myself up and I REFUSE to let these moments dictate my path in life.
DISCLAIMER: This was all written OOC which might DQ me and that's fine. This is the cold hard truth about my abuse, addiction and past. It is why I write each week to stay fucking sane. If anyone has an issue with what I wrote or the platform I used PM me on discord and we can chat. I realize they might be strong opinions about not using the entire 3k but we have all said to each other at one time or another to tell our story and that's what I did. The word count doesn't matter in moments like this. It's about making the word count and be powerful. EVERYONE GOOD LUCK AND LET"S KNOCK THIS PPV OUT OF THE PARK.