Cholo unedited, uncut, and some what formatted.
Apr 22, 2023 22:58:39 GMT -5
Ezra Gideon, Spencer Adams, and 1 more like this
Post by "Cholo" Giovanni Santana on Apr 22, 2023 22:58:39 GMT -5
Cholo: You are nothing but weeds! And not the kind that all these wonderful people love to enjoy… NO… You are useless mother F… grabbing weed that all it does is ruin everything around it! Bull Thistle, Yellow thisle, horseweed, common ragweed, it doesn’t matter… YOU ARE IT! And just like any common garden weed, you need to be ripped out of the ground, root and stem and thrown into the deepest fires of hell! And the ground you ruined, needs to be blocked off and be condemned as soil that will never, ever, again be useful… Fruitful… Where nothing good will ever grow because you ruined it… RUINED IT! Because that is what you do man, you ruin everything you touch or come around of!
Cholo is kneeling on a pile of dirt, that appears to have been dug out by hand, breathing heavily and with a crazed look on his face… He wears white pants which are ruined of course, a black unbutton dress shirt that has had its sleeves ripped off. The only thing that is still intact on him is his immaculate ‘fro. There are all kinds of plants around him, that have been ripped from the ground and thrown all over. In his hands, he holds bunches of those same plants… The people he referred to, are perhaps dozens of them, all dressed to the 9’s, holding either drinks or plates of food on their hands and sometimes both…. And most have looks of horror on their faces though are a couple of people who are nodding and smile… One even says: “cool”. The security guards, however don’t seem to feel that way and are approaching Cholo, to apprehend him. Helluva way to start huh? Let us backtrack, and see how we, or rather, Cholo, got himself into this predicament.
A few hours earlier….
Cholo finds himself today far away from Las Vegas, away from his home and the home of WGWF. It’s nighttime in the Chocolate City (Washington D.C., for those not in the know), and the national mall is very much alive with tourist who have come to enjoy the monuments, museums and everything else historical the city has to offer… Plus some alright food… Just don’t go to S.E., that corner of the district is still very much ****ed up. But we’re in N.W. where it is safe and for those not familiar with the National Mall, it’s where all the main monuments and museums are plus the U.S. Capitol… Cholo finds himself nearby this historic building, at the Botanical Gardens which is also near to the museum of the Native American. Cholo stands in front of the main entrance, dressed in a white tuxedo and is studying the invite he received to this special charity event to be held here tonight. The invite coming via Chris Page who, knowing Cholo is always looking for charity events in which to help grow his shelters, both financially and by building more across the nation, thought this one would be a good event for him to attend. Cholo didn’t understand why he was snickering when he gave him the invite, but he ignored it for a chance to do some fundraising. He heads towards the entrance where security guards are standing by, and one of them asks Cholo for his invite. He hands it over, the guard flips it over and scans a barcode in the back of it that Cholo had not noticed. The scanner lights up green and the guard says something into a headset and then two of the glass doors swing open slowly. The guard doesn’t hand back the invitation and just tells Cholo to proceed inside. Cholo thinks that’s a bit odd but just nods and goes inside, right unto the main terrace and Cholo is overwhelmed right away by all the greenery all around him. Right in front of him is a small-scale replica of the US Capitol, surrounded by colorful flowers, most of which Cholo had never seen before… Above it there is a banner that reads: “2023 4:20 Fundraiser” and he thinks it’s add that they would add the time… Did it start at 4:20? Was he that late? “nah” he thinks to himself as he looks around and sees there is plenty of people, though while some are dressed nicely like him, some are dressed very casual and others simply look like bums, there is no other way to describe them… He is greeted by a waiter who offers him a glass of champagne, which Cholo gladly takes. He takes two steps, and another waiter offers him some brownies and Cholo can’t help but laugh.
Cholo: Brownies and champagne? Really?
Waiter: Edibles…
Cholo: Edibles?
The waiter raises his eyebrows.
Cholo: OH, Edibles… No gracias, I’m trying to keep my body clean.
Waiter: Sir, you are at the botanical garden, everything you consume tonight, is 100% natural.
Cholo: Um, that’s great, but I know better than to try edibles, especially after that party at The Pages’… I’ll just stick to champagne, thanks again.
The waiter nods and moves on to the next guest, and then Cholo realizes what the 4:20 is referencing and why Page was snickering when he invited him to attend on behalf of WGWF… and his charity of course.
Cholo: Oh senor Page, you got me, well played.
Cholo takes a whiff of the champagne just to make sure and then takes a sip… Feeling confident he takes another and continues to walk on, admiring all the greenery and then noticing the buffet table with said edibles and quite frankly, there are a ton… The food all looks completely normal, but if the waiter is to be believed, all of it is infused with cannabis. Cholo realizing he hasn’t really had much to eat since arriving in D.C., stops a waiter who was heading towards the rose garden.
Cholo: Excuse me amigo, um, is there any food here that is safe to eat?
Waiter: Sir, all the food here is very safe to eat.
Cholo: No, I mean, well, it’s just that… I don’t partake..
The waiter looks offended.
Cholo: Don’t get me wrong, I don’t judge, if people love to do it, good for them, but uh, well I didn’t know what kind of charity event this was… and well, I have a big match coming up and I’m trying to keep my nose clean and well-
Waiter: Try the salad Niçoise, you’ll be okay.
Cholo: Gracias!
Cholo turns and begins to look for that salad and the waiter starts to walk away but then turns around.
Waiter: Sir, just don’t put any dressing on it.
But Cholo doesn’t hear him and the waiter simply shrugs, he’s got too many guest to take care of. Cholo finds the Niçoise salad and after grabbing a plate, serves himself a good amount, if that’s all he’s going to eat, might as well stuff himself. He gets to the dressings and looks around for the suggested dressing for his salad.
Cholo: Ah, here we go, fresh herb vinaigrette… This one should be safe…
He goes to pour some but then stops…
Cholo: Wait, herb?
He smells it but finds nothing odd about it, and so he pours a generous amount. He then looks around to where there are some tables and there really aren’t any to sit on, just those tall tables when you put your drink down while mingling. He finds an empty one as he chows down, another waiter brings him another glass of champagne. After about 10 minutes, when he is done wit his food, someone approaches him and Cholo smiles widely.
Cholo: Yo, B-Real? Is that you?
B-Real: Hey, my man Cholo! What’s up!
The Cypress Hill frontman, and #1 pot head in the world according to a list in E-news, greets Cholo like an old friend.
Cholo: Man, I’m a huge fan of yours, dating back to date one with ‘Latin Lingo’, that was my song back in the day… Though my favorite is Glock the Hammer…
B-Real: Oh for real? Well I appreciate it man. I’m a big fan of yours too, I follow the wrestling scene and well your uncle and I go way back… But I never thought you would be at one of these events.. Didn’t know you-
Cholo: I don’t! Yeah, even though my uncle has tried many times to get my high…
B-Real: Dude, he was your legal guardian wasn’t he?
Cholo: Um, yeah, not really parent material but he did try his best…
B-Real: Wait, so how did you end up in this party?
Cholo: My boss, Chris Page…
B-Real: Oh yeah, I know Chris… he’s been to these before, is he coming tonight?
Cholo: Nah, he gave me his invite and just forgot to mention the tidbit about the gangja.
B-Real: Ha, he gotcha didn’t he?
Cholo: Yeah he did.
B-Real: Yeah well don’t mind the weed man, we all here to have a good time, sure, but raise funds for any and all good causes… By the way, I appreciate what you do for them kids man, that’s huge of you.
Cholo: Thank you man, means a lot coming from you.
B-Real: So how much have you raised so far?
Cholo: Um, nothing actually… I just got here not too long ago, so I haven’t really started talking to people.
B-Real: Ah well, let me get you started man…
He reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a stack of envelopes… He puts one down on the table and then puts the rest back. He then opens that one envelop and pulls out a check already filled out except for the amount and the to.
B-Real: Who do I make it out to jefe?
Cholo: Man, this is beyond awesome, holy shit, thank you… Um, sorry, to Ena & Armando Homes for Children.
He writes it down and then writes the amount and hands it over to Cholo, who looks at and raises his eyebrows.
Cholo: 100K? Just like that? B, thank you man.
B-Real: Nah, thank you homie… You’re a good dude and we need more people like you… Now listen, how these donations work is, that they are good for a year, so you’re getting that monthly.
Cholo: Holy shit…
B-Real: Hey man, for as much weed as I grow, I need all the tax breaks I can get. So once you ready to leave for the night, find one of the party planners and hand them your stack of checks… They’ll do all the paperwork and make it happen, then send it to your office for one last final signature. Cool?
Cholo: So cool.
B-Real: Well it was good to see you man, tell Chris I said hi and let’s hang out sometimes. Finish that salad and get around, with that fucking smile of yours, you gonna make out like bandit tonight.
Cholo: Appreciate you man, truly.
They shake hands, ‘bro-hug’ and then B-Real is on his way. Cholo looks at the check and shakes his head, not believing that just like that, he got 100K from Cypress Hill… He grabs the envelop, puts the check in it and then inside one of his pants pockets. He then goes back to finishing his salad, and realizes the more he eats the hungrier he gets… Well that’s odd. He finishes his glass of champagne as well and then asks for another.. Once he has it, he begins to walk around in the National Garden…. Greeting people here and there, some famous, some not, or perhaps he simply doesn’t know them but what matters is that almost always he walks away with another check. Feeling hot, and a bit dizzy, he decides to take a detour, and walks into the conservatory where no one appears to be in… Cholo has to pause, as he is sweating more and he feels his eyes are going all over the place. He takes off his jacket and throws it on the floor… He then removes his ties and when he notices a fountain, he rushes over and begins to drink water and splash a lot of it on his face. Just then, someone checks on him from behind.
“Hey buddy, you feel alright?”
Cholo turns around but doesn’t see anyone… He goes back to splashing water on his face.
“Dude, you look like you’re tripping right now. Are you tripping?”
Cholo turns around again, but sees no one, nothing but plants but he then gasps as he sees that the plants have started to grow… He looks at the description plate of the plant that is growing to human size before his very eyes… “Black Eyed Susan... Baltimore, MD” and then realizes that it is what is taking to him. But what he also realizes is that the flower has the face of one his many opponents at the Battle Royal happening this Monday at Brawl: Big Pun.
Cholo: Big Pun? How did you become a flower?
The Black Eye Susan doesn’t answer and just sways back and forth in a fighting stance.
Cholo: Look man, I have no problems with you… You’re cool in my book, I mean, you did us all a solid by taking on that witch Sonya Benson… Yeah, Cholo knows things didn’t go your way, but still, good fight…
Cholo then pauses.
Cholo: Oh God, is Cholo talking to plants?
The black Eye Susan smiles.
Cholo: Okay, yes, to answer your question, Cholo is trippin’.
He walks off and every which way he looks all the plants and flowers are growing to human size.. all evolving to show the faces of his opponents… He passes by the Chrysanthemums who look very much like Spencer Adams… He stumbles away from the Bluebonnets which look both like Brooke Blakely and… Peter Vaughn? He does a double take and notices it is the national flower of Texas.
Cholo: Peter, didn’t picture you for a bluebonnet… Blakely? Sure, but you… honestly, thought you would be more of a dandelion. Man, what a ride we have been on huh Peter? We had the best of times in the Tara Fenix Charity Cruise didn’t we? That feels like forever ago man… We both have ended up in WGWF since it’s rebirth but we have yet to cross paths, not even in the West Coast Rumble did we interact… At least I don’t think we did, your memory has always been better than mine… But yeah, here we are, wrestling under the same banner and not as close as we once were… Could be that you went straight to the top like you always do and Cholo, well it took him a little longer to finally strike gold. So Cholo guesses we both have been pretty busy… But Cholo also guesses that the way you choose to carry yourself may have something to do with it… You’re the big bad wolf of this place while Cholo, he’s just out here to get along with everyone not named Mason and party with whoever wants to party with Cholo… Cholo guesses you and him are just cut from this clothes, but he hopes that the friendship is still there, somewhere, buried beneath all the hate you seem to have for the world right now… Of course Cholo understands you and him may end up being the last two, and if that’s the case… I guess we’re just going to have to throw all of that out the window huh?
Cholo looks at the bluebonnet as if expecting a response, then realizes how crazy it is that he is talking to plants and flowers and continues to move on, to another flower from Texas, the Oleander, from a different part of Texas…
Cholo: Port Arthur? Let Cholo guess…. Mac Bane?
The pinkish flower nods up and down.
Cholo: You ever tripped this bad that you talking to plants?
It shrugs with its long but skinny leaves.
Cholo: It says here you’re toxic to humans… A bare touch and you’re poison to the skin… Are the same way in the ring? Cholo has heard nothing but good things about you Mac, and you’re doing great things in singles competition… Even beat a buddy of mine, Xavier Lux in the XWF not so long ago…. Cholo remembers him saying you were one of his toughest opponents ever… Cholo guesses not much has changed between now and then… Except that you tried your hand in tag competition and it was going well until you came across my primos The Malvados… Cholo is sure that doesn’t sit well with you and you will be probably looking to make this Battle Royal your bounce back match… Well good luck to you Mac, you’re a tough hombre, and Cholo is looking to test himself against ya.
Cholo moves on, coming across The Birds of Paradise flowers, and these have the faces of his friend Lexi Gold and a man he doesn’t know at all, but that just returned to the WGWF: Jim Caedus.
Cholo: Let me guess, California?
It says something to him with a heavy accent Cholo can’t quite make out, but he just stares at the one that reminds him more of Lexi.
Cholo: You know friend, it’s no surprise you would be a Bird of Paradise, it is after all my favorite flower. Really hate that we’re going to have to face off in this thing, but just know, that just like the last time we faced in that fatal four way for the TV title, it’s nothing personal… Got nothing but love for you Lexi. Unlike with Peter, we didn’t get to know each other until joining WGWF… and Cholo is sure that you thought that he, much like many horndogs around this promotion, was only after one thing, so you kind of put up a wall… Well Cholo gets it, but he also hopes we have gotten past that and like the song says… You have a friend in me…
The other bird of paradise flower tries to launch at Cholo but he steps back.
Cholo: Now you Jim, Cholo got no love for you… He just met you… So, keep your leaves to yourself if you know what’s good for you cabron.
He winks at Lexi and then carries on, hoping to find the exit but the humidity here plus the effects of the salad dressing are really messing with him, causing him to twich and jump scared from time to time thinking something is there but it isn’t…
Cholo: Cholo thought this stuff was supposed to be fun, make Cholo have a good time and find everything and anything funny… But it’s like, it’s having the opposite effect on me… It’s creeping Cholo out man!
He finally finds a way out of the sanctuary, and is back outside… but only briefly as he smell the strongest of smells, one that can only be emitted by roses. He turns towards where the smell is coming from and there, sure enough, he sees the rose gardens… He stumbles his way over, fully expecting to see more faces in the flowers… Once he arrives there, he see roses of all kinds, but the ones that come at him, the ones the get a hold of him and pierce him with their thorns are red roses… and each has a different face… One that of Fred Debonair, and the other of the one called KROW.
Cholo: Let Cholo go you New Yawkers, you are hurting Cholo!
He manages to pull away from both, but the damage has been done as the sleeves of his shirt get torn off and his arms are severely cut multiple times…
Cholo: How can something so pretty be so dangerous? And that’s not to say Cholo thinks either of you are pretty, that is far from the truth… Cholo is only talking about the actual roses… But Cholo guess this is all about looks being deceiving… Can’t judge things by their appearance… Fred Debonair comes across as a pompous prick who thinks he is better than everyone, but when he steps in the ring, he can actually prove it… Now as far as Krow goes… Cholo doesn’t know him, but he will still not underestimate him… He doesn’t go by The Enforcer or The Manhattan Monster because he is a nice guy… Nah, just like these roses cut Cholo tonight, he is sure Krow can do the same… if not worse.
Cholo stumbles out of the Rose Garden and he is back outside, at the lawn terrace where a lot of people are and where a lot start to notice the mess that Cholo has become… He stumbles towards ‘the first ladies of water’ section, where there is a long but shallow pool and stumbles into it, hoping to refresh himself but then something catches his eyes on the lawn… Weeds… the whole lawn he sees that is full of weeds and Cholo stumbles out of the pool and screams…
Cholo: YOU?! Of course, you would be here! There is no where Cholo goes where you aren’t there to piss him off. It’s like Cholo can’t escape you… Well, he’s about had enough of you! He has to get rid of you once and for all… I’m going to destroy you right here, right now… All of you!
He charges at the lawn and begins to pull what he perceives as just bad weed, ruining the beautiful botanical garden. The crowd has begun to gather around him and watch him as security are the last to arrive…. Well, you know what happened next…
Present Time
We comeback to present time where the guards are escorting Cholo out of the conservatory, one at each arm. As he walks by a couple of women he has no idea who they are but the world knows them as Broad City’s Ilana Glazer & Abbi Jacobson (#5 rank potheads), they begin talking.
Illana: Who did he think the weeds were?
Abbi: Some dude named Milk Mayson? No, Mike Mason…
Illana: Who the fuck is that?
Abbi: I don’t know, some dude running for congressman or whatever…
Illana: Man, I know we always see people trip balls at these things, but I have never seen anything like that…
Abbi: Me either, apparently he’s supposed to be the nicest guy… I guess the sweet-sweet Mary Jane doesn’t have the same effect on all people.
Illana: Speaking, my buzz is wearing off thanks to this, let’s go hit a bong.
Abbi: Deal.
As they walk away, we catch up with Cholo and the guards as they arrive at the terrace, where they are stopped by a sharp dressed man, wearing Ray Ban Aviators… He is a famous start of the movie ‘Due Date’ along with those, Hangover movies: Zach Galifianakis, ranked number 20 of the top potheads in the world.
Zach:I’ll take it from here gentlemen.
Guard: Sir I’m afraid you can’t-
Zach:Either you hand him to me, or you hand in your resignations, what’s it going to be?
The guards look at each other and reluctantly release Cholo.
Zach:Hey buddy, how you feeling?
Cholo: Like I’m about to die… it’s so awesome.
Zach:I know, I remember the last time I first got high… Actually, no I don’t, ha! Anyway, don’t worry, I’ll take care of you and you’ll be fine and ready for Monday Night Brawl.
Cholo: Thank you Zach Galifianakis, you are the man.
Zach:You are very welcome Giovanni Santana… Hey you’re good with kids right?
Cholo: Um, sure…
Zach:Great, I have this baby and I have no idea where it from.
Cholo: What?!
Zach:Just messing with ya….
He laughs as they exit the Botanical Gardens, heading to Zach’s limo.
Cholo is kneeling on a pile of dirt, that appears to have been dug out by hand, breathing heavily and with a crazed look on his face… He wears white pants which are ruined of course, a black unbutton dress shirt that has had its sleeves ripped off. The only thing that is still intact on him is his immaculate ‘fro. There are all kinds of plants around him, that have been ripped from the ground and thrown all over. In his hands, he holds bunches of those same plants… The people he referred to, are perhaps dozens of them, all dressed to the 9’s, holding either drinks or plates of food on their hands and sometimes both…. And most have looks of horror on their faces though are a couple of people who are nodding and smile… One even says: “cool”. The security guards, however don’t seem to feel that way and are approaching Cholo, to apprehend him. Helluva way to start huh? Let us backtrack, and see how we, or rather, Cholo, got himself into this predicament.
A few hours earlier….
Cholo: Brownies and champagne? Really?
Waiter: Edibles…
Cholo: Edibles?
The waiter raises his eyebrows.
Cholo: OH, Edibles… No gracias, I’m trying to keep my body clean.
Waiter: Sir, you are at the botanical garden, everything you consume tonight, is 100% natural.
Cholo: Um, that’s great, but I know better than to try edibles, especially after that party at The Pages’… I’ll just stick to champagne, thanks again.
The waiter nods and moves on to the next guest, and then Cholo realizes what the 4:20 is referencing and why Page was snickering when he invited him to attend on behalf of WGWF… and his charity of course.
Cholo: Oh senor Page, you got me, well played.
Cholo takes a whiff of the champagne just to make sure and then takes a sip… Feeling confident he takes another and continues to walk on, admiring all the greenery and then noticing the buffet table with said edibles and quite frankly, there are a ton… The food all looks completely normal, but if the waiter is to be believed, all of it is infused with cannabis. Cholo realizing he hasn’t really had much to eat since arriving in D.C., stops a waiter who was heading towards the rose garden.
Cholo: Excuse me amigo, um, is there any food here that is safe to eat?
Waiter: Sir, all the food here is very safe to eat.
Cholo: No, I mean, well, it’s just that… I don’t partake..
The waiter looks offended.
Cholo: Don’t get me wrong, I don’t judge, if people love to do it, good for them, but uh, well I didn’t know what kind of charity event this was… and well, I have a big match coming up and I’m trying to keep my nose clean and well-
Waiter: Try the salad Niçoise, you’ll be okay.
Cholo: Gracias!
Cholo turns and begins to look for that salad and the waiter starts to walk away but then turns around.
Waiter: Sir, just don’t put any dressing on it.
But Cholo doesn’t hear him and the waiter simply shrugs, he’s got too many guest to take care of. Cholo finds the Niçoise salad and after grabbing a plate, serves himself a good amount, if that’s all he’s going to eat, might as well stuff himself. He gets to the dressings and looks around for the suggested dressing for his salad.
Cholo: Ah, here we go, fresh herb vinaigrette… This one should be safe…
He goes to pour some but then stops…
Cholo: Wait, herb?
He smells it but finds nothing odd about it, and so he pours a generous amount. He then looks around to where there are some tables and there really aren’t any to sit on, just those tall tables when you put your drink down while mingling. He finds an empty one as he chows down, another waiter brings him another glass of champagne. After about 10 minutes, when he is done wit his food, someone approaches him and Cholo smiles widely.
Cholo: Yo, B-Real? Is that you?
B-Real: Hey, my man Cholo! What’s up!
The Cypress Hill frontman, and #1 pot head in the world according to a list in E-news, greets Cholo like an old friend.
Cholo: Man, I’m a huge fan of yours, dating back to date one with ‘Latin Lingo’, that was my song back in the day… Though my favorite is Glock the Hammer…
B-Real: Oh for real? Well I appreciate it man. I’m a big fan of yours too, I follow the wrestling scene and well your uncle and I go way back… But I never thought you would be at one of these events.. Didn’t know you-
Cholo: I don’t! Yeah, even though my uncle has tried many times to get my high…
B-Real: Dude, he was your legal guardian wasn’t he?
Cholo: Um, yeah, not really parent material but he did try his best…
B-Real: Wait, so how did you end up in this party?
Cholo: My boss, Chris Page…
B-Real: Oh yeah, I know Chris… he’s been to these before, is he coming tonight?
Cholo: Nah, he gave me his invite and just forgot to mention the tidbit about the gangja.
B-Real: Ha, he gotcha didn’t he?
Cholo: Yeah he did.
B-Real: Yeah well don’t mind the weed man, we all here to have a good time, sure, but raise funds for any and all good causes… By the way, I appreciate what you do for them kids man, that’s huge of you.
Cholo: Thank you man, means a lot coming from you.
B-Real: So how much have you raised so far?
Cholo: Um, nothing actually… I just got here not too long ago, so I haven’t really started talking to people.
B-Real: Ah well, let me get you started man…
He reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a stack of envelopes… He puts one down on the table and then puts the rest back. He then opens that one envelop and pulls out a check already filled out except for the amount and the to.
B-Real: Who do I make it out to jefe?
Cholo: Man, this is beyond awesome, holy shit, thank you… Um, sorry, to Ena & Armando Homes for Children.
He writes it down and then writes the amount and hands it over to Cholo, who looks at and raises his eyebrows.
Cholo: 100K? Just like that? B, thank you man.
B-Real: Nah, thank you homie… You’re a good dude and we need more people like you… Now listen, how these donations work is, that they are good for a year, so you’re getting that monthly.
Cholo: Holy shit…
B-Real: Hey man, for as much weed as I grow, I need all the tax breaks I can get. So once you ready to leave for the night, find one of the party planners and hand them your stack of checks… They’ll do all the paperwork and make it happen, then send it to your office for one last final signature. Cool?
Cholo: So cool.
B-Real: Well it was good to see you man, tell Chris I said hi and let’s hang out sometimes. Finish that salad and get around, with that fucking smile of yours, you gonna make out like bandit tonight.
Cholo: Appreciate you man, truly.
They shake hands, ‘bro-hug’ and then B-Real is on his way. Cholo looks at the check and shakes his head, not believing that just like that, he got 100K from Cypress Hill… He grabs the envelop, puts the check in it and then inside one of his pants pockets. He then goes back to finishing his salad, and realizes the more he eats the hungrier he gets… Well that’s odd. He finishes his glass of champagne as well and then asks for another.. Once he has it, he begins to walk around in the National Garden…. Greeting people here and there, some famous, some not, or perhaps he simply doesn’t know them but what matters is that almost always he walks away with another check. Feeling hot, and a bit dizzy, he decides to take a detour, and walks into the conservatory where no one appears to be in… Cholo has to pause, as he is sweating more and he feels his eyes are going all over the place. He takes off his jacket and throws it on the floor… He then removes his ties and when he notices a fountain, he rushes over and begins to drink water and splash a lot of it on his face. Just then, someone checks on him from behind.
“Hey buddy, you feel alright?”
Cholo turns around but doesn’t see anyone… He goes back to splashing water on his face.
“Dude, you look like you’re tripping right now. Are you tripping?”
Cholo turns around again, but sees no one, nothing but plants but he then gasps as he sees that the plants have started to grow… He looks at the description plate of the plant that is growing to human size before his very eyes… “Black Eyed Susan... Baltimore, MD” and then realizes that it is what is taking to him. But what he also realizes is that the flower has the face of one his many opponents at the Battle Royal happening this Monday at Brawl: Big Pun.
Cholo: Big Pun? How did you become a flower?
The Black Eye Susan doesn’t answer and just sways back and forth in a fighting stance.
Cholo: Look man, I have no problems with you… You’re cool in my book, I mean, you did us all a solid by taking on that witch Sonya Benson… Yeah, Cholo knows things didn’t go your way, but still, good fight…
Cholo then pauses.
Cholo: Oh God, is Cholo talking to plants?
The black Eye Susan smiles.
Cholo: Okay, yes, to answer your question, Cholo is trippin’.
He walks off and every which way he looks all the plants and flowers are growing to human size.. all evolving to show the faces of his opponents… He passes by the Chrysanthemums who look very much like Spencer Adams… He stumbles away from the Bluebonnets which look both like Brooke Blakely and… Peter Vaughn? He does a double take and notices it is the national flower of Texas.
Cholo: Peter, didn’t picture you for a bluebonnet… Blakely? Sure, but you… honestly, thought you would be more of a dandelion. Man, what a ride we have been on huh Peter? We had the best of times in the Tara Fenix Charity Cruise didn’t we? That feels like forever ago man… We both have ended up in WGWF since it’s rebirth but we have yet to cross paths, not even in the West Coast Rumble did we interact… At least I don’t think we did, your memory has always been better than mine… But yeah, here we are, wrestling under the same banner and not as close as we once were… Could be that you went straight to the top like you always do and Cholo, well it took him a little longer to finally strike gold. So Cholo guesses we both have been pretty busy… But Cholo also guesses that the way you choose to carry yourself may have something to do with it… You’re the big bad wolf of this place while Cholo, he’s just out here to get along with everyone not named Mason and party with whoever wants to party with Cholo… Cholo guesses you and him are just cut from this clothes, but he hopes that the friendship is still there, somewhere, buried beneath all the hate you seem to have for the world right now… Of course Cholo understands you and him may end up being the last two, and if that’s the case… I guess we’re just going to have to throw all of that out the window huh?
Cholo looks at the bluebonnet as if expecting a response, then realizes how crazy it is that he is talking to plants and flowers and continues to move on, to another flower from Texas, the Oleander, from a different part of Texas…
Cholo: Port Arthur? Let Cholo guess…. Mac Bane?
The pinkish flower nods up and down.
Cholo: You ever tripped this bad that you talking to plants?
It shrugs with its long but skinny leaves.
Cholo: It says here you’re toxic to humans… A bare touch and you’re poison to the skin… Are the same way in the ring? Cholo has heard nothing but good things about you Mac, and you’re doing great things in singles competition… Even beat a buddy of mine, Xavier Lux in the XWF not so long ago…. Cholo remembers him saying you were one of his toughest opponents ever… Cholo guesses not much has changed between now and then… Except that you tried your hand in tag competition and it was going well until you came across my primos The Malvados… Cholo is sure that doesn’t sit well with you and you will be probably looking to make this Battle Royal your bounce back match… Well good luck to you Mac, you’re a tough hombre, and Cholo is looking to test himself against ya.
Cholo moves on, coming across The Birds of Paradise flowers, and these have the faces of his friend Lexi Gold and a man he doesn’t know at all, but that just returned to the WGWF: Jim Caedus.
Cholo: Let me guess, California?
It says something to him with a heavy accent Cholo can’t quite make out, but he just stares at the one that reminds him more of Lexi.
Cholo: You know friend, it’s no surprise you would be a Bird of Paradise, it is after all my favorite flower. Really hate that we’re going to have to face off in this thing, but just know, that just like the last time we faced in that fatal four way for the TV title, it’s nothing personal… Got nothing but love for you Lexi. Unlike with Peter, we didn’t get to know each other until joining WGWF… and Cholo is sure that you thought that he, much like many horndogs around this promotion, was only after one thing, so you kind of put up a wall… Well Cholo gets it, but he also hopes we have gotten past that and like the song says… You have a friend in me…
The other bird of paradise flower tries to launch at Cholo but he steps back.
Cholo: Now you Jim, Cholo got no love for you… He just met you… So, keep your leaves to yourself if you know what’s good for you cabron.
He winks at Lexi and then carries on, hoping to find the exit but the humidity here plus the effects of the salad dressing are really messing with him, causing him to twich and jump scared from time to time thinking something is there but it isn’t…
Cholo: Cholo thought this stuff was supposed to be fun, make Cholo have a good time and find everything and anything funny… But it’s like, it’s having the opposite effect on me… It’s creeping Cholo out man!
He finally finds a way out of the sanctuary, and is back outside… but only briefly as he smell the strongest of smells, one that can only be emitted by roses. He turns towards where the smell is coming from and there, sure enough, he sees the rose gardens… He stumbles his way over, fully expecting to see more faces in the flowers… Once he arrives there, he see roses of all kinds, but the ones that come at him, the ones the get a hold of him and pierce him with their thorns are red roses… and each has a different face… One that of Fred Debonair, and the other of the one called KROW.
Cholo: Let Cholo go you New Yawkers, you are hurting Cholo!
He manages to pull away from both, but the damage has been done as the sleeves of his shirt get torn off and his arms are severely cut multiple times…
Cholo: How can something so pretty be so dangerous? And that’s not to say Cholo thinks either of you are pretty, that is far from the truth… Cholo is only talking about the actual roses… But Cholo guess this is all about looks being deceiving… Can’t judge things by their appearance… Fred Debonair comes across as a pompous prick who thinks he is better than everyone, but when he steps in the ring, he can actually prove it… Now as far as Krow goes… Cholo doesn’t know him, but he will still not underestimate him… He doesn’t go by The Enforcer or The Manhattan Monster because he is a nice guy… Nah, just like these roses cut Cholo tonight, he is sure Krow can do the same… if not worse.
Cholo stumbles out of the Rose Garden and he is back outside, at the lawn terrace where a lot of people are and where a lot start to notice the mess that Cholo has become… He stumbles towards ‘the first ladies of water’ section, where there is a long but shallow pool and stumbles into it, hoping to refresh himself but then something catches his eyes on the lawn… Weeds… the whole lawn he sees that is full of weeds and Cholo stumbles out of the pool and screams…
Cholo: YOU?! Of course, you would be here! There is no where Cholo goes where you aren’t there to piss him off. It’s like Cholo can’t escape you… Well, he’s about had enough of you! He has to get rid of you once and for all… I’m going to destroy you right here, right now… All of you!
He charges at the lawn and begins to pull what he perceives as just bad weed, ruining the beautiful botanical garden. The crowd has begun to gather around him and watch him as security are the last to arrive…. Well, you know what happened next…
Present Time
Illana: Who did he think the weeds were?
Abbi: Some dude named Milk Mayson? No, Mike Mason…
Illana: Who the fuck is that?
Abbi: I don’t know, some dude running for congressman or whatever…
Illana: Man, I know we always see people trip balls at these things, but I have never seen anything like that…
Abbi: Me either, apparently he’s supposed to be the nicest guy… I guess the sweet-sweet Mary Jane doesn’t have the same effect on all people.
Illana: Speaking, my buzz is wearing off thanks to this, let’s go hit a bong.
Abbi: Deal.
As they walk away, we catch up with Cholo and the guards as they arrive at the terrace, where they are stopped by a sharp dressed man, wearing Ray Ban Aviators… He is a famous start of the movie ‘Due Date’ along with those, Hangover movies: Zach Galifianakis, ranked number 20 of the top potheads in the world.
Zach:I’ll take it from here gentlemen.
Guard: Sir I’m afraid you can’t-
Zach:Either you hand him to me, or you hand in your resignations, what’s it going to be?
The guards look at each other and reluctantly release Cholo.
Zach:Hey buddy, how you feeling?
Cholo: Like I’m about to die… it’s so awesome.
Zach:I know, I remember the last time I first got high… Actually, no I don’t, ha! Anyway, don’t worry, I’ll take care of you and you’ll be fine and ready for Monday Night Brawl.
Cholo: Thank you Zach Galifianakis, you are the man.
Zach:You are very welcome Giovanni Santana… Hey you’re good with kids right?
Cholo: Um, sure…
Zach:Great, I have this baby and I have no idea where it from.
Cholo: What?!
Zach:Just messing with ya….
He laughs as they exit the Botanical Gardens, heading to Zach’s limo.